Is abstinence unhealthy for adults?

[kozachka]

I am embarrassed to call and ask my ob-gyn practice (they probably have more important things to do/ patients with real problems to attend to) and online search did not turn up anything useful (yes, I know that sex is good for your health as long as you are not getting exposed to STDs or doing anything dangerous) but I can't stop wondering if there are any health repercussions of abstinence for a healthy and willing adult. The best that I could find/infer that it's not a problem "in moderation". Not sure how to interpret that, e.g., once a year, once half a year, or say once a quarter.

H has been out of town for almost 7 weeks and immediately prior to that got in trouble for drinking and driving, so we were barely talking, let alone engaging in adult fun, and he was out of town for over a month before that. We both had very upset stomachs after New Year's vacation, so I had almost no action this year, and I think it's affecting my mental, if not physical state, especially around ovulation. So this is more than just curiosity, unfortunately. And given the state of our relationship and H business, things are not likely to get better any time soon. The only benefit is that I don't have to worry when my period is late.

[karstmama]

physically, i don't think it will hurt you. mentally, that's another thing. not to be all in your business, but my suggestion would be a bob - battery operated boyfriend. if you don't have a vibrator, get one to try. if it doesn't do things for you, try a different type. there's a large selection on drugstore.com, and it's not a sleazy site. no help for your relationship, but some release for you. also, 'girl porn' - books by lori foster, angela knight, johanna lindsey, books published by brava.

nothing wrong with taking care of needs without a guy. if i'm on the total wrong track for what you wanted to talk about, please forgive me.

[AnnieW625]

Physically no, but I think mentally, yes esp. if prior to your DH's problems with alcohol you had an active sex life.

I have never owned a B.O.B., but read a fair amount of romance novels, add Nora Roberts as an author to check out. Totally main stream, but her sex scenes are quite good.

[AshleyAnn]

I survived 8 months after my ex left. We had a horrible sex life so I didnt really miss it and when I started getting it again it was just like riding a bike (well not exactly ;-)) and I hadnt forgotten what to do.

[kozachka]

Originally Posted by karstmama

not to be all in your business, but my suggestion would be a bob - battery operated boyfriend. if you don't have a vibrator, get one to try.

nothing wrong with taking care of needs without a guy. if i'm on the total wrong track for what you wanted to talk about, please forgive me.

You are not on the wrong track at all. In fact I have been researching various B.O.B. options on and off for months now. Was not sure if I truly need one or whether it will help me (friend in somewhat similar situation says it does not for her), but am seriously considering this Ina vibrator by Lelo. It's getting great reviews on several sites and comes in purple, one of my favorite colors. Waiting for ILs to come and go, they'll be staying in our bedroom while H and I are taking vacation without DS (like that would help), and I don't want them to 'accidentally' stumble upon it.

[kozachka]

Originally Posted by AshleyAnn

I survived 8 months after my ex left. We had a horrible sex life so I didnt really miss it and when I started getting it again it was just like riding a bike (well not exactly ;-)) and I hadnt forgotten what to do.

I am not worried whether I'd forget what to do or not, I am sure I'd be just fine. But we've been living together-apart since DS and I moved back to the State in the summer of 2009, so for almost 3 years now, and I am wondering if this kind of on-and-off situation is healthy for me. We already were doing it not that often (twice a month, then not at all for the month that he is travelling, so on average once a month), now it's just almost never (as in once since Jan 1st, so in almost four months).

[Katigre]

Mentally/emotionally I think that the lack of endorphins from sexual activity can be detrimental - though I would think that a vibrator might help with that to an extent (though you obviously don't get the emotional/relational benefits of sex with that).

[Giantbear]

it's killing me

[Kymberley]

DH and I went over a year when he was bad in his alcoholism. I was also pregnant, so that was no fun AT ALL. It affected me mentally. Very much so I would say. But we were sleeping in the same bed most nights so I built up a lot of resentments. The past year has been much better. It's still not perfect and I still have hang-ups, but I try my best to ignore them and just go for it. I also have a BOB, just in case.

[edurnemk]

Physically, I'm sure it's not harmful. Mentally, it depends on your sex drive, mental state, personal circumstances, etc. My sex drive is super low, so I can easily go for months without (and I have).