if you SAH and have no family in town...

[♥ms.pacman♥]

..do you & your DH ever get a break from the kids and find time for yourselves?? how do you get yourself thru the rough times (illness, etc) when you always have to be the one taking care of everybody, and there is no one to take care of you???

right now we are just going through a exhausting time...i have a 1yo and a 2yo...i recently had sinus surgery, am seeing drs for other issues...DH has to travel a ton..DD is still not walking, going thru a tantrum-y/clingy phase...it's exhausting. I am tired. DH is tired. I do have a nanny who comes 2 mornings a week to watch the kids but right now it's completely taken up by my doctor/physical therapy appointments. As it is we are already spending $100/week on babysitting, and with me not working that's a pretty penny.

after the kids are in bed we do spend time together but many nights it seems like the majority of it is taken up by dishes, laundry, cleaning up or other chores. it seems like we can NEVER get a break. In contrast so many other moms in my group with similarly-aged kiddos always talk about dropping the kids off at grandmas to go for a date night..or when one of their kid is sick, grandma takes the other one for the night and provides dinner (that would be HEAVENLY)...one mom is even going on a weeklong tropical vacation with her DH..um, this is the stuff i DREAM about...i'd be happy for ONE EVENING out alone with my DH where we weren't scrambling to get something done. it makes me so sad wondering when i'll have quality time to spend with my DH right now it just seems like we're always just busy schlepping the kids to this or that errand... always so tired and i can't remember the last time i went out with my DH alone.

[DietCokeLover]

You basically just described my life. Except, my inlaws are 1/2 mile away, but have never done crap to help us. They didn't even offer to watch the kids when DH went to ER in an ambulance in the middle of the night.

We have not had a night away from our kids EVER and they are now 4 and 5. The only time we get a date night is once a semester when the preschool holds a parents' night out.

It's tough. I know exactly how you feel. I thought I would lose my mind when my dc were your dc's ages. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you. In the mean time,

[Kira's Mommy]

OP, you're not alone! I have a 2yo and a 3 month old. Our parents live across the ocean. Until very recently, DH traveled 4 days a week every week. I could have written your post.

[Puddy73]

Our local YMCA has Mother's Morning Out programs and Date Night once a month. I think their cost is cheaper than a babysitter, even if you are not a member. That is about the only way that I ever get a break from the kids.

I know how tough it is to never have a moment to just relax.

[Babymakes3]

I have family in town and still have no one to watch DS...I never get any offers and the few times I inquired they were busy. DH works every other night and every other weekend and quite often ends up having to stay late on nights he's supposed to be off. It sucks. You are definitely not alone! DS seems to be stuck in a not listening phase and combined with IL issues I have had enough, for DH and I to have time to ourselves is apparently a pipe dream.
The last 2 weeks have been especially bad and this last week I was just d.o.n.e. with about everyone and everything...my house has seriously suffered and I honestly do not even care plus I have no idea where to even start with trying to put it back in order.
Oh and a vacation - whats that? We haven't had a vacation since our honeymoon almost 5 years ago and the only other vacay was just over 10 years ago! I'm pretty sure a DH and I only vacation is out of the question.

[waitingforgrace]

No advice but I can certainly commiserate.
For me I suppose I feel better about it since even if we were geographically close to family they still wouldn't be much help. I certainly get jealous when people talk about grandparents helping them out with the kids, that will never be a reality for us.

[ellies mom]

We didn't get a break. If one person was at the ER in the middle of the night we all were. If I was sick, I curled up on the couch and we watched TV and ate crappy food. We just muddled through. Now a days we go for lunch dates when DD2 is at preschool and we are both off. It is kind of nice.



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[twowhat?]

I was just thinking...would it help to have the sitter do one whole day a week vs 2 mornings a week? I know for me that would definitely be the better deal...a half day goes by much too quickly esp if you're trying to get some me time or couples time. One whole day a week could mean lunch with your DH every so often and the rest of the time for drs apps and something for yourself.

I am not in your shoes but we use vacation time from work to get couples time in...the last time we asked family to do it was 1.5 years ago. And when I use vacation time, I never accomplish anything if I take a half day but I always accomplish much more with a full day.

Anyway, just a thought, and a hug too.

[g-mama]

I understand completely. We are in your same situation, except now that our kids are older, it is much easier. But for many years, we lived exactly like you do. I will admit, I am very jealous of the MANY friends and acquaintances I have who can go out for an evening or away for a week while their in-laws happily take their kids.

All I can add is that now that our kids are all in school (I know, that feels a lifetime away), I meet my dh for lunch dates and have time for myself now. I'm about to go back to work full time, so I've enjoyed the last year while it has lasted.

I did put my kids in Mothers Day Out two mornings a week before they were eligible for preschool and that was a lot less expensive than a babysitter. Maybe you could see if that is an option for you?

[crl]

We don't get a ton of time together. And we spend a lot on babysitting some months. And I am lucky to have a really strong social network where I am so I get lots of incidental help--for example, I could not find a sitter for my younger dd for an important upcoming appointment for older ds and dh will be out of town. Neighbors are taking care of dd for me.

It's hard sometimes.

Catherine