Yes, there is too much of a good thing (petty)

[Nicsmom]

DH,

I know you like to cook fancy gourmet meals and have a glass of wine every night. But really, EVERY night?

First, because you cook all these complicated dishes, I have to clean up, and cleaning the kitchen after you takes a loong time and I'm exhausted at the end of the day. I want to have some time to relax or go to bed early.

Second, sometimes I just want to have something simple and go to bed early.

Third, because you are cooking this fancy stuff I am the one watching the kids for hours while they wonder why daddy is ignoring them again.

So today, trying to avoid these dynamics I went ahead and bought a quiche from Whole Foods for dinner. Well, it was a flop, NOBODY liked it. Agh.

[MamaMolly]

I'm sorry the quiche didn't work out. I'd have bought corn dogs and a bag of chips. If you are open to suggestions I'd think having to clean up his own huge mess once or twice a week would help him see the error of his sloppy ways.

[Nicsmom]

The thing is, it's a "I cook, you clean, kind of deal". And I know that I should not be complaining, it's great that he likes to cook. I am grateful for that. But playing Julia Child on school nights is not convenient for the family.

Plus, when I decide to cook something simple, he should be grateful instead of pining for a beef bourgignon. Geez.

[wellyes]

Originally Posted by Nicsmom

The thing is, it's a "I cook, you clean, kind of deal". And I know that I should not be complaining, it's great that he likes to cook. I am grateful for that. But playing Julia Child on school nights is not convenient for the family.

Plus, when I decide to cook something simple, he should be grateful instead of pining for a beef bourgignon. Geez.

You're being way too nice to him! It's not like he is doing you some great favor. He gets to indulge in a hobby he enjoys, experiment, make what HE wants to eat. All while being off childcare duty while he's doing it. And he gets to take his sweet time. All you get is to clean up after his fun. It's really not fair to you. I would ask for a more equitable distribution of duties.

[rin]

That is super annoying. Can you sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him about how dinner needs to fit into a certain time window on school nights, and that you just don't think it works with the family schedule to have more than 1 hour for dinner prep, since you need him to be there interacting with the family?

I know my DH has struggled with the idea that it's just as valuable for him to be interacting/hanging out with the family as it is for him to be doing things that "provide" for the family. (In his case, this was mostly doing yard work, home repairs/improvements etc; all things he was prioritizing over spending time with DD. We've had discussions about how yes, those things are absolutely important, but maybe we could ration out how much time he spends on those things each week vs. just being a present dad. It's definitely been a good thing.)

[TwinFoxes]

Originally Posted by wellyes

You're being way too nice to him! It's not like he is doing you some great favor. He gets to indulge in a hobby he enjoys, experiment, make what HE wants to eat. All while being off childcare duty while he's doing it. And he gets to take his sweet time. All you get is to clean up after his fun. It's really not fair to you. I would ask for a more equitable distribution of duties.

Feel free to ignore, because it's the BP, but I think you need to just tell him you just don't have the energy, and maybe he can save his Le Bernardin dishes for Saturday nights, and stick to simpler fare on work nights. I wouldn't do it right after or during his cooking, maybe on a weekend afternoon when he's not in the middle of one of his "creations" in order not to seem like you're taking the wind out of his sales, or that you're unappreciative.

[Nicsmom]

Thanks for your replies. I think you are all correct. This needs to stop, he's not doing me any favors. I'll tell him to leave the Le Bernardin dishes for Saturday night (I loved that comment and I'm going to use it!)