WWYD no presents request--Long and maybe disjointed

[vludmilla]

My no gift request dilemma is that my aunt sent me a letter several years ago requesting no gifts for her family. It was not a personal letter, it had the feel of something she sent to many people. It was kind of a cutesy poem about how they (her, her husband and her son) had all they could ever need so please, no more presents. This letter arrived sometime in January and at the time I couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't too pleased with my gifts. At that time I was a full-time college student, living on my own, and working at a pretty low wage job so I guess my presents weren't too spectacular because of my budget. So, the complication is that no one else in my family received the letter. When the next Christmas came around, I didn't feel comfortable not giving any gifts so I brought a nice bottle of alcohol for my aunt and uncle and a giftcard for their son (he was under 10 years old at the time). I felt very uncomfortable because my aunt seemed to studiously ignore and not acknowledge my gift of the alcohol and then when we were opening presents (we are very small group and each person usually gets one present from each person) it was pretty obvious that I was the only one not giving my aunt and uncle a gift. Oh, and to add to my discomfort, she gave me and my husband a $50 gift certificate! My sister hadn't received the no gift memo so she gave a gift---apparently I was the only one in the family who had received the note.
Anyway, it has now been several years and every Christmas stinks in this way. I feel all weird not giving her a gift and she gives me one and there is no discussion of the note.
Do you think I should just start giving her more substantial gifts than the food/alcohol or continue to heed the "no gifts" request? By the way, you can probably tell that I'm not very close to this part of my family, she is my father's sister but I don't even think that they get along much. He says she's very moody and a little on the mean side.
So, what would you wise BBB mommies do?

[KBecks]

I'm so sorry you're in this tough situation. I would give whatever you feel like giving and just not worry about whether she likes it or not. Or if getting something is too stressful, then you can skip it without guilt. But I would probably get something for her knowing that everyone else does. I would probably include a gift receipt, unless I felt mean about it!!! ;)

I have similar gift dilemmas with a portion of our family, it sucks!

[Marisa6826]

For people like that, simply make a donation in their name. That way, they have absolutely *nothing* to bitch about. :)

Heifer International is always a good one. Or if you are feeling more inventive, kiva.org is an excellent option, where the recipient can choose where their 'money' goes. (OT; Karen {kbecks} - that would be a great gift for your nieces. There's no way that could tick off your DH's cousin's wife, btw.)

-m

[Tondi G]

How extremely rude of her! I can understand sending a note to all of your family stating that a gift is not necessary... but to you alone?! What crawled up her behind?

I would bring something that her husband would like and something for her son and call it a day. If SHE doesn't want gifts and can't see it fit to acknowledge a gift you do bring (the alcohol) then stick it to her and don't bring something for her grouchy self!!!!

Think her DH likes the movies? Maybe find theater near them and buy a movie gift pack. They are usually 25+ bucks and include popcorn & 2 drinks or a concession certificate. They can go out together or he can see a movie with his son!

I hate it when people are rude and ungrateful!

[JustMe]

Yuck, sorry you are in this situation. I think the above poster makes a great suggestion or you could just do whatever makes you feel best.

[kijip]

I agree with Marisa- donate in her name and call it good.

What an INSANELY rude letter to send. My head is spinning for you. It would be odd and a little self indulgent to send such a letter to all but to send it to some and not others like some are giving bad gifts is outrageous.

Maybe she was trying to let you off the hook since she knew you were a strapped student? Still, the letter is insane. She sounds like a total loon.

[niccig]

I would give them something and a gift for their son - and don't worry how she reacts, and give it with all the other family presents. I agree with the others that the letter was nasty and I would ignore it. I would also say, that she's probably this moody with most people about something and I would let it go, if you can - don't let her ruin your celebrations.

My grandmother never liked any gifts anyone gave her. She would visibly turn up her nose and say 'oh', and then a year later she would be cleaning up and give you the gift saying "someone gave me this and I've never used it/liked it etc". She did this to everyone. We all started buying her things that we knew some of us would like, as one of us would end up with it. I also included a bottle of port - that's the only thing she enjoyed getting.

[BeachBum]

I think I would just ask her about the letter.