I hesitate to post this

[kijip]

because I really don't want to discourage anyone from giving to others via charities this holiday season, but I am in need of a short whine on the topic...then I will move on and be merry, gash darn it.

The charity I manage had to cut a few families from our holiday gift sponsor list because cross checking with other charities revealed that they were already sponsored by 1 or more other places (one family was on FIVE lists). So, needing sponsors for families that do not have other resources, I sent the most diplomatic and kind letter possible (trust me on this, the letter was a masterpiece of hard letter writing!) letting them know that we were unable to assist them as previously planned this year. When we signed families up, they agreed to let us cross check and they were all asked to confirm they were not seeking sponsorships from other agencies. So essentially, all of these adults were caught is a lie. Some of them lied to me directly when we signed them up, so this is first hand knowledge not just what volunteers relayed to me. Now about 1/2 of the families are calling me, more than once each, and trying to talk their way back on to my list. NO freaking way dudes. NOT going to happen. Let it rest and stop calling and yelling at me is not really helping you. Not in the slightest. Its just making me cranky and unlikely to approve future requests for help, which is after all limited.

To say nothing of the parents that did not know their kids sizes, what their kids might like and who requested things like XBox and Playstation or violent games for them for toddlers age 2 or 3. I will admit to subbing it "blocks, books, art stuff, doll, trike" etc on to a few toddler's wish lists when it was clear the parents were using their kid's spot to request stuff that they wanted more than the kid.

Now the bulk of the families served are wonderful, some that were served last year and sponsoring this year, we have a new donor that remembered getting our help 40 years ago walk in off the street and sponsor a whole family generously, the families I am personally sponsoring are among the nicest people I have ever met etc. So the bad is FAR outweighed by the good.

[elektra]

Unfortunately I had a similar experience to yours. As part of a Christmas charity thing I did with my company about 7 years ago we sponsored a single family. I didn't have anything to do with organizing it myself, but the program sounds similar to what you are involved in.
So we went crazy, buying the 3 kids backpacks with their names embroidered, a microwave for the parents, toys and tons of other stuff. You name it we bought it. I think everyone really got into the giving spirit, and there was probably some guilt involved too, but after it was all said and done, this family was probably going to have the best Christmas ever.
So the family was really thankful after we dropped everything off and everyone felt warm and cozy.
THEN, sometime maybe a month later, either the mom or older sibling from the family started calling a girl at my work directly, saying they were in really bad shape and needed more stuff. So at first we felt bad and followed up with some more gifts. However the calls did not stop. The organization that set up the donations had to get involved and the whole thing just turned sour. The family was basically taking advantage of the situation and seeing how much stuff they could get.
The truth is they were in bad shape and probably did need some new stuff. And maybe we went too overboard with the complete showering of gifts. And maybe the family had good intentions and was just trying to get what they thought was there for the taking. But something that was supposed to be so great just got totally tainted all the way around.
Unfortunately it's situations like these that leave people so bitter and jaded. I do know that there are plenty of families with real needs and that don't work the system. I guess you just have to put up with the few of folks that lose their way a bit, in order to help the majority that really do need it.

[BeachBum]

In my small town, last year was the first year that lists between organizations was cross checked. They had always told people they could only do one, but hadn't checked.
Well imagine the surprise when my charity of choice found out that about 1/3 of the people were getting help from more than one organization. I don't mean and item or two. I mean full on parties, food, and gifts.

[asha]

Not exactly your experience, but a bitch never the less.

We are participating in the Family Giving tree at work. We have the chance to be "Santa" for a few less fortunate kids. It is a pleasure even though I am not Christian and do not celebrate the festival in a religious sense. I live in this country, so I will join in on the spirit of the season.

Anyways, we see requests from 17 year olds for Victoria secret lotions and get this, VS lingerie in specific styles and colors. Similar things from teenage boys too, just not VS stuff.

Now, I was never really poor, we could always afford two meals a day and the basic stuff. I am thankful for that. However, we were never rich either. We could not afford makeup and lotions and fancy lingerie. We considered that frivolous. Now, by the time I was 17, I knew very well, what we could afford and what was not affordable for us. I could not even think of spending money on such stuff, even if it were free. I realize that every "kid" has a right to receive nice gifts, but I am sorry I dont think 17 year old is a kid anymore, specially one that wants this.
I do not want to buy sexy lingerie that might remotely result in one more teenage pregnancy.

~Asha

[KBecks]

Good for your organization to cross check and work at making the most of your resources. Do you have enough sponsors?

I think it's so terrible that you're getting yelled at by people who lied to you!
It's a sad reality, I'd love to think everyone is honest, and it's always a bummer to be disappointed.

[urquie]

i'm assuming it's not too late to donate $$$ to sponsor a "deserving" family.




Now the bulk of the families served are wonderful, some that were served last year and sponsoring this year, we have a new donor that remembered getting our help 40 years ago walk in off the street and sponsor a whole family generously, the families I am personally sponsoring are among the nicest people I have ever met etc. So the bad is FAR outweighed by the good.

[kijip]

i'm assuming it's not too late to donate $$$ to sponsor a "deserving" family.

How sweet of you! I won't list my charity for 2 reasons-

First, we are truly covered this year- my assistant opened the mail just today to find a sizable chunk of change designated for holiday gifts and I have a lot of local connections that took the last few families we had. I am amazed by the depth of the generosity of all our sponsors this year. There are a lot of agencies that are not as broadly or deeply funded as we are and who are really hurting for donations to make sure all families are aided. I think there are agencies with pressing needs where the funds would be more important.

Second, I encourage people to either give to someone you know personally who could use a helping hand or to give locally to a charity in the city they live. Helping about at this time of year can help forge a connection between the generous helper and the local organization that can keep on enriching the life of the donor and those aided by the charity for years to come. Pretty much all of us can think of a kid from our child's school or a neighborhood family that could use a bit of holiday cheer. It is a lot of fun to get some gifts and make a surprise delivery, even if it is just leaving it on the doorstep and running away :) (I have done this a couple of times for people I knew would never accept it if they knew it was coming from me). And if not, so many local charities need assistance right now. I have a weak spot for organizations that help student families (where the parents are in college) and those that help women and girls dealing with DV.

When I was a child, there were a number of years that we received gifts from charities and it was such a joy...almost every year that I have been on my own (17-now), I have worked on at least 1 family holiday sponsorship and sometimes as many as 5 sponsorships with friends and relatives. the first year it was a 5 year old kid my brother and I saw leaving the Santa photo line at Macy's because it was too expensive with him mom. We approached them and asked if it was alright for us to pay for his picture. He was ecstatic and his mom and him had their picture taken. Then I got the name of the kid's school and called the social worker there and we delivered gifts to them with the finished photos a few days later. That is where my friend's pattern of no gifts, only holiday family help tradition started. It really is a tremendous amount of fun. We enjoy it a lot more than just about anything else we could do for each other.

The only exception was 2005 where I was separated and unemployed within a matter of weeks in November. Some wonderful BBB ladies sent me a number of wonderful gifts that year, organized by MarisaSF. It was hard to accept help after being used to giving it, but it was a real life saver. I still wear the gray wool winter coat I bought with part of the money I was sent and I think of where it came from every time it gets cold outside. :) Toby's school at the time bought him a number of nice gifts and I think of the relief I felt having that weight lifted that December pretty much every time I go shopping for either the families I am personally helping or the families I am responsible for buying for with agency funds. A big thank you to everyone that participated. Your generosity has been paid forward as many times over as I can manage. The joy I felt then has been put into brightening many other families lives.

Not an hour ago, I had a dancing for joy 8 year old boy at my office picking up gifts with his mom for him and his two siblings. No matter how loud the annoying, questionable ethics people yell, his joy is much, much louder. So if you (as in any reader!) are able to, please find some way to help a family this year. And if you are in a position where you need to get help, take it without shame and give back when you can. :)

[katydid1971]

The school I use to work for would collect food for holiday dinners for a few needy families. Keep in mind that most of my kids we "free lunch" kids they gave very generously. Most of the people who came were needy but one family came in a brand new Tahoe with the mom dressed better than most of the teachers. It really pissed us off. Glad you checked those families out because there are people who do need these gifts.

[kijip]

The school I use to work for would collect food for holiday dinners for a few needy families. Keep in mind that most of my kids we "free lunch" kids they gave very generously. Most of the people who came were needy but one family came in a brand new Tahoe with the mom dressed better than most of the teachers. It really pissed us off. Glad you checked those families out because there are people who do need these gifts.

I used to have a family whose parent drove up every week insisting they needed a food voucher for their 10 kids. The dad drove here in a new luxury make car he had leased...like half of this guy's meager monthly income went to the lease payments. I stopped giving him vouchers and directed him to various food agencies but he kept driving up week after week after week in the same car. I never said anything, it would have been terribly unprofessional for me to say anything specific about the car but I wanted to say dude, get rid of the vanity car that only 3 of your kids can fit in at a time and spend the money on food.

[JoyNChrist]

So if you (as in any reader!) are able to, please find some way to help a family this year. And if you are in a position where you need to get help, take it without shame and give back when you can. :)

Just wanted to echo Katie's message here...

I've mentioned several times that my mother is a detective with our local sheriff's department. Every year, she and I organize a holiday toy drive through her office. I do all of the leg work (advertisement, going around to businesses asking for donations, calling churches and schools to get names of needy families) and she accepts the donations and sorts them. We make the deliveries together on Christmas Eve.

I cannot tell you how much I look forward to this every year. We end up going to some pretty rough neighborhoods to make our deliveries, but seeing the joy and the appreciation is just unbelievable. I truly enjoy it more than I enjoy Christmas day (and I'm a total Christmas junkie, so that's saying a lot).

I think it means even more to me and my mom because after my parents divorced when I was 8, my dad basically stopped having any contact with us at all and didn't pay child support, so my mom was left to raise me alone on a patrol officer's salary (which is pretty much next-to-nothing). I know that there were several years when I would not have received any presents had it not been for the kind donations to local charities. My mom did all that she could (and more), but even so there were many times that I don't know how we would have made it without help.

And in that light, we love to give back now. Once he gets a little older, I plan to take Avery with us for some of our deliveries. I hope he grows up to enjoy playing Santa and grateful for what he has.