Falling apart and need to vent

[tnrnchick74]

Ok, this is my first venting post...

I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant. I feel fat, not "glowing" or with a beautiful baby bump...just fat and ugly.

Top that off with lots of stress at home & work. I'm currently living with my mother.

AND I'm moving into a new house Jan 3. My boyfriend is supposedly moving in with me from NC in Feb. I'm shelling out a lot of $$ to get moved into the house and he's complaining that I'm asking him for part of the $$ needed. We BOTH have lots of bills. We BOTH have $$ issues right now. Did I mention that I'm living with my mother currently?

So I get the nagging from my Mom (who doesn't like my boyfriend). And for the past 3 weeks my boyfriend and I haven't done much or anything but fight...about everything. And to hear him, its ALL my fault. *I* don't communicate well enough. *I* don't understand what HE'S going through being seperated from me. *I* don't do this or do that.

I'm tired of being the root of everyone's problems. I feel like me and this baby have ruined everyone's life and no one is excited about the baby except me. I'm SO tired of being blamed for every fight...but most of all I'm tired of all the fighting in general. I can't handle it anymore.

Some days I wonder if it wouldn't just be easier for everyone involved, for me to raise this baby by myself...to move out from here and isolate myself from everyone who is dragging me down. Have I mentioned that I currently live with my mother and she HATES my boyfriend?? Everday its another jab at him. I don't put up with it; I have set boundaries. So THEN she responds with limiting my "kitchen time". I'm currently allowed to store a limited number of items in the fridge/freezer...and ONLY use the microwave to cook foods. I have offered to pay additional $$ to cover the utilities I use, but that was turned down because it would be "too confusing to figure out". So I end up eating out a lot...and trying to give my baby the best nutrition, I try to stay away from fast food. Well tonight, the boyfriend starts arguing with me about how much $$ I spend on eating out when I'm supposedly so strapped for $$. So I guess I'm supposed to lock myself in my room and only eat protein bars and drink water??

I'm sorry that occassionally I want something HOT, something other than protein bars and other things that don't have to be cooked or stored in the fridge/freezer.

And tomorrow we are doing the "Family Christmas"...but I have been told that I am not invited to the gift swapping because they didn't buy anything for me (at my request because I can't afford to buy them gifts right now and pay all the moving expenses and medical bills). So I guess I will be spending the "family time" eating a plate of food (hopefully Christmas dinner of some sort) in my room while I listen to everyone else open their gifts.

Its a sad day when you just wish you were working an additional shift or 2 because people there actually treat you like a human being...and because the cafeteria food is actually really good.

Sorry this is so long and so depressing. Thanks for listening.

[elizabethkott]

(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I have no words of wisdom, but I hope that things get better for you.

[tiapam]

Your mom is not being very caring. It is horrible to not include you in the family Christmas! Can you go volunteer somewhere? Spend time with people who are less fortunate and MORE appreciative of you? I bet you will get lots of well wishes. Or go for a long walk or to a movie - all by yourself. You get to pick the time, the place, the movie.

And the food/kitchen thing is ridiculous. Can you buy an extra meal at the cafeteria and take it home for dinner?

Jan 3 is coming. Hang in there. *I* am excited about your baby. Do you know what you are having? Any names picked out?

[Melanie]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice, but I, too, would feel like high-tailing it out of there. I don't know if that's the right decision or not, but it would be tempting.

[sidmand]

Hugs to you. That doesn't sound like a very good Christmas! Hopefully it turns out better than you think, but if not, I don't see anything wrong with putting in your appearance and then leaving to go somewhere where you feel more appreciated and are having more fun.

That way you've kind of covered both. And you can just tell everyone that you're hormonal, so you had to leave (hey, sometimes pregnancy can make a good excuse too!).

[vludmilla]

I agree with the OP that your mother is really not being very caring. I don't understand why you couldn't be part of the gift swapping if only to observe it. I also don't understand why at least your mother couldn't get you a gift knowing you're financially strapped. So, I'm sorry for your stinky situation. I wouldn't run away just yet though. Even though your family and boyfriend don't sound too helpful, you may find they can/will help and you will need some help. Also, just a thought but can you buy Kashi brand frozen foods? They are very well-balanced nutritionally and you could store them in the freezer and reheat in the microwave to save money on eating out.
Good luck and hugs...

[tnrnchick74]

Thanks everyone for the support. I only have a little while longer in this hel before I move to my wonderful new place. The BF and I are still fighting, but I told him last night that I'm not MAKING him do anything. If he really doesn't want to be a part of this child's life and mine, then he can make that choice. I'm not going to force him into anything, but I'm also not going to live like this. I know its just a really stressful situation for both of us, but he's taking it out on me and I'm getting hit from all sides.

And for the suggestions about the food situaiton - I have been buying frozen dinners - but I have a limit of how many I can store at one time (no more than 4)...and I work so dang much that its hard to stop by the store every other day to get something to eat without going over my limit. UGH. Jan 3, I will be moving, have a wonderful large new kitchen, and will be cooking everyday! And stuff I buy will actually STAY in the fridge/freezer until *I* take them out..unlike the breakfast stuff I bought yesterday that have now dissappeared...