At what age do you start excluding siblings from parties?

[Oregonmother]

I was just wondering what you all do for birthday parties when the friend of you child has a older or younger sibling? My DD will be 2 and my DS is 4 and I have run into the issue of when it is appropriate to bring the sibling along or not. DD's 2nd birthday is next month and I would like to invite some of her friends, but the number of children quickly doubles once I factor in siblings. What do you all do to keep the numbers down at parties? Right now I have about 14 children of her age alone, but all have at least one sibling jumping the # to 28+.... YIKES!

I know the rule is # of children per age of child at parties, but that is just not going to happen. Fourteen is my bare minimum after cutting the guest list.

[KrisM]

Well, our parties are a lot smaller, since at age 2, DS only had 3 kids that he regularly played with. But, I always include siblings because I have it during the day (SAHMs) and I expect the mom to stay. I would not expect her to get a babysitter for the younger.

I think if I had it on a weekend when dad's were typically home, I would exclude siblings, even at age 2. I'd probably make exceptions on a case-by-case basis, if the dad works on Saturday, or it's a single mom or whatever.

Other than that, I am going with age 5 for drop-off parties and that will be no siblings.

[Pennylane]

I think it is perfectly o.k to not include siblings if you don't have the room. I can't imagine someone just assuming that it is o.k to bring more children than are invited. Especially if you are having the party somewhere that charges by person, or you are limited to the # of people you can have.

Do people ask you if they can bring siblings or just assume it's o.k? I would never think to take my other DC unless I asked first or it said "siblings welcome" on the invite.

Ann

[JustMe]

Hmmn, as long as it is a house party, I would include siblings...I tend to think of it as families I am inviting at least while dd is still young. She is turning 5, and that may be the last party I do that way. My feeling is that if the children are young enough to need their parent to stay, the siblings should be able to stay. The way I do dd's parties, is that I try to invite fewer families as opposed to fewer kids. Dd goes to preschool/childcare, and we do not invite any of her school friends to her home party. She gets a small party at school, and the home party is only for some of those who did not participate in that party.

[ThreeofUs]

For families we know, siblings are usually invited to parties at homes and at places where there are no age-appropriate guidelines. Siblings are excluded by common consent when the party-giving family is paying for participation (like at an amusement park) or where kids must be a certain age to participate.

So, parties at rooms in community centers usually involve all ages, but parties at a build-a-racecar store (which involves both money and age-appropriate activities) usually don't.

[MamaKath]

We don't typically include the sibs on an invite, but don't refuse them if asked. I know that my dh often works weekends and my children have been extended invites on numerous occassions to the other dc friend's party, usually when I call to rsvp. Most times I would otherwise have to drop and run, so this allows me to stay. If it is a drop and run party then I wouldn't bother with sibs. Last year ds wanted his party at Wendy's. Our anticipation was that we would provide for the kids nad adults even though only the kids were invited. I guess it depends on the party type too.

[bubbaray]

I just assume that siblings will come to a party I hold and plan accordingly.

I've never had anyone *not* invite DD#2. If siblings are excluded, DD#1 won't be going to many parties because I can't exactly leave her alone at home with the dog.... I don't have a babysitter and frankly, wouldn't be willing to pay one so that I could have the *pleasure* of going to a birthday party with DD#1 while leaving DD#2 with the babysitter.

[egfmba]

We just had this issue at DS1's last birthday. His teacher told me one of his classmates had siblings and then suggested this: "We would love to see (the invited child) at the party. We don't have room for (the siblings) unfortunately, but we're excited (invited child) can come!" When the issue arose with the parent, I said that, and the parent offered to pay for her other children to attend. Which was fine by me. Turned out that two of our other invitees called to say they wouldn't be able to attend so we had room for the siblings after all (which I told the mom in a phone call as soon as I knew). But, she wasn't offended at all. Good woman! She seemed to understand that we were limited to so many kids and that's all we were paying for.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

eva

[C99]

Hmmn, as long as it is a house party, I would include siblings...I tend to think of it as families I am inviting at least while dd is still young. She is turning 5, and that may be the last party I do that way. My feeling is that if the children are young enough to need their parent to stay, the siblings should be able to stay.

This is my take on it as well. Although, I really do not see it changing significantly in terms of total number next year because I try to follow the "invite the whole class or no one" philosophy.

P.S. DS1 was invited to a classmate's party at Chuck E. Cheese and when I called to RSVP, I just said that I'd be bringing my 2 younger-than-DS1 kids with me (the party was on a Friday morning), but I would pay for them separately.

[saschalicks]

OK so I might be a lone desenter here. I think that if it is a home party and you are very specific in your mind that you want it to be just the 2 year olds then you need to find a tactful way to convey that. However, home parties are harder to say "no" to.

As for outside the home I think that it's very inappropriate to bring a sibling to the party. DS1 had a party in Nov to go to and DH stayed home with DS2 b/c I didn't even ask to bring him. I thought the invite was for DS1 only. On top of that it was at a play gym place and I know they pay per child. However, 1 other mother who had a DD the same age as DS2 did bring her child and quickly realized she should've asked. I think in the end she offered to pay for her DD realizing that she was the only one who did bring the other child. If there is no other choice like spouse cannot watch the child I think it's OK to ask.

My aunt sent out invites that said "please no siblings" on it, and I didn't find it to be offensive, but maybe others did.

I guess my point is that while I totally understand at this age that it's a possibility it's still something that needs to be asked. I hope this makes sense. If you are really dead set against siblings then maybe a message like the one my aunt had on the invites is something you should think of. That way you won't be in the position to say no.

[o_mom]

I guess I figure until they are an age where they are dropped off for the party, siblings probably should be included. If you really don't want siblings, but expect parents to stay, you should probably be pretty specific and not get upset if people decline because of it. As Melissa said, I'm not going to pay a sitter $$$ to take DS1 or DS2 to a party, not to mention DS3 can't be left for more than 2-3 hours anyway.

[kijip]

I think it corresponds to if it is drop-off party or a parents stay with party. If the parents are dropping off the invited child and returning at a set time to pick up, then the invitation only includes the invited child. For parties where the parents are expected to stay and be with their kid, then I would tend to include siblings. I find it easier to deal with a lot of kids with a lot of parents on hand than to deal with fewer kids all by myself. :)

[spunkybaby]

My friend had a similar question recently. She wanted to have a "Mommy & Me" tea party for her 4-year-old's birthday at their home but was afraid that with all the siblings (almost all of the families have a younger sibling age 2 or under), the party would be get out of control, especially since her home is not very big.

The party will be on a Sunday afternoon, and she thought most of the dads would be able to care for the younger sibling during the party. I advised her to address the invitations to the mom & invited child only. There is one mom whose husband works on Sundays, so my friend will make an exception for her if she asks to bring her younger daughter.

I think in your case, you could do something similar if you don't want the older siblings to come, but if you have the party on a weekday, you should be prepared for some "regrets" since many moms may not be able to come without bringing all the kids.

Good luck with your party planning--14 guests are already quite a few, so I can understand your dilemma.

Mom to a spunky preschooler (3/04) and a spunky toddler (12/06)

[jk3]

I include the names of the children I invite on the invitation. We always include my good friends' children but siblings of our older DS's classmates are not invited to parties. At $20-25 per child, the going rate per child at local parties, it would be highly inappropriate for a parent to assume younger siblings are included.