Does your dc have godparents?

[Pennylane]

And if so, do they have a role in your child's life? When my first DD was born, we named my best friend and my DH's best friend as her godparents. I guess I had in mind that a godparent would play a special role in my childs life, treat her special,be there for her, remember her birthday, things like that.

Well, for the first year her godmother kinda did that. I didn't expect as much from her godfather because, well, he's a guy. But over the past two years, they don't really do anything for her. Neither one of them even remembered her birthday this year.

So I'm just curious if this is the norm? I would love to "fire" them both!!

Ann

[almostamom]

DS' godparents are my sister and BIL and they are very involved in his life as we are in their sons' lives. I am also the godmother to two other children.

My goddaughter is 11. I have not seen her since the day I got married 5 years ago. She was my flower girl, and her mother was my matron of honor. Her mother was my best friend from college. We live about 60 miles apart. About 6 months after I got married, I realized that I was the only one initiating phone calls or trying to set up times that we could get together. I decided to let her make the next move. It took more than 6 months until I heard from her. We didn't have a falling out - I guess sometimes life just gets in the way. I still remember my goddauther at her birthday and Christmas with cards and a phone call (usually a message), but my friend and I agreed last year that we would no longer exchange gifts. My friend and I are in contact through email about once/month.

My godson is 13. I couldn't tell you the last time I saw him. His mother did "fire" me from being his godmother (she actually used those words). Long, long story, but basically our friendship was not a healthy one for me to be in and I had to make the decision to limit my contact with her. I do still remember my godson's birthday and send him gifts. He sends me a thank you card every year. For the first time in years his mother sent me a Christmas card this year.

Neither of these relationships are the way I would have thought they would be. I was very involved with both of these children when they were little. Whether we like it or not, life goes on and relationships change. Neither of these friends know my son at all. One has never seen him and the other has seen him once.

Do you include your DD's godparents in things you do with your DD? Were they invited to a bday party if you had one? I used to take my godchildren to the zoo or movies (with or without their parents). Maybe you could invite your friend on a trip to the park with your daughter? Perhaps that would be a first step for her toward building a relationship with your DD.

[Moneypenny]

DD does not have godparents but we are not active in any faith, and since I understand godparents to be people who will help you raise your child in your faith, we don't have a need for godparents per se.

DH and I do serve as godparents to our nephew, but my brother and SIL basically said they just needed us to stand up with them at his baptism and didn't expect us to really do anything, so I just make sure I get him a birthday card that says "To Our Godson" and leave it at that.

I don't really know any very active godparents unless the family and godparents are quite active in their faith. Otherwise, it seems to be a title of honor with little in the way of expectations for actions. But, that is my experience as a fairly non-religious person with lots of fairly non-religious acquaintenances.

[Ceepa]

One of my DC's godmother doesn't remember birthdays or Christmas. She doesn't even ask after DC. I'm extremely disappointed because when I asked her to be a Godmother she cried and told me how her Godmother had been such an important person in her life growing up.

Luckily, the other Godmother is awesome and picks up the slack and celebrates DC as if they were both her Godchildren.

Try to fill your DD's life with people who will love and celebrate her whether they have an official role or not.

[MamaKath]

I guess it depends on your definition of godparents. My children both have godparents. For us, these are the people who stood up at their baptism as their sponsors. They were specifically asked prior, thanked at the time, etc. My sisters are their godmothers and make a special effort with "their" godchild. Their godfathers are less involved. DD's godfather initiates no contact. DS's does. Now DS actually had my sister and her now-ex and BIL and his now-ex; so actually 4 godparents. The BIL's ex has nothing to do with him at all. My sister's ex still has extremely minor contact. So judging from us (6 godparents, 3 take minor to majorly active roles) it is a 50%.

I have godchildren also. A couple are people who asked prior to birth, then changed their minds about baptism or anything formal. I don't have much to do with those children but am not in my opinion or the parents their "godmother".

I have a god daughter that I haven't seen since my wedding at her mother's choice. I helped majorly with her for her first few years and miss her tremendously. I still hope and pray to be a part of her life someday. I also have a godson who is dh's nephew. Dh and I have started to try and make more of an effort with him, especially this last year. We always do something at Christmas, and try to send something at his birthday. This year he and I have started to write to each other. My other god-daughter is my sister's little girl. I do try to make a big effort with her. My sister and I have tried to foster our kids cousinship, our relationships with our godchildren has blossomed as a result. This year I will take her and her brother for a week the first time during the summer. I am so excited.

While I have not done lots financially for my godchildren in acknowledgements beyond other nieces or nephews, I am working on forging special memories with them. A dear friend told me last year that she started sending her far away godchildren a special care packageat a random time during the year rather than anything big at birthdays or Christmas for them. Then she just sends a card at birthdays and does something small for all nieces and nephews at Christmas. She said it eased much of her $ burden to do something special this way.

Interesting to read the responses though, Kath

[o_mom]

We have made a tradition of giving Advent gifts to our godchildren and their godmother does the same for our kids. It is usually a religious themed gift. This year was age appropiate bibles for all. Since we see them often in other settings, this is a way to reinforce the religious aspect of the relationship.

[HallsofVA]

My DC both have godparents (actually they have the same godparents - we don't know that many Greek Orthodox folks around us!) and they are positively awesome! Besides providing almost everything for the baptism (gown, cross, accessories, etc.) they remember the kids on their namedays, major religious holidays, and their actual birthdays. They both are very active in our church (which helps inspire us to attend more regularly!) Besides seeing each other on Sundays, we get together for dinner several times a year, and they've even babysat for us on occasion. Starting this year, my son's godmother is also his sunday school teacher.

Granted, both my kids are still young, so it's very possible that things could change as life happens, especially if one of us were to move out of the area. I know I used to have regular contact with my godmother when I was young, and I still remember her taking me Christmas shopping at the mall one day when I was 7 or so. But I don't remember her having much of a spiritual influence on me. Though I still send her a Christmas card every year, I haven't spoken with her since DS was born (almost 4 years ago) and I haven't seen her since her mother died in 2003. However she was going through a divorce the last time I spoke with her (which was the year after her mom died, so I think she's been going through a hard time.)

[maestramommy]

Neither of our dds have godparents. But we have named my sis and her dh as guardians "in the event of". I was under the impression that that is the real purpose of godparents. Besides, they get plenty of treats and love between various aunts and my ILs.

[elizabethkott]

J has godparents... DH's sister and my brother. It made sense - he has one sister, and I have one brother. Lord help us if we have another...
Neither would be guardian "in the event of" - just our choice. I wouldn't want to give my brother that responsibility - he's just turned 24, and DH's sister lives so far away that my parents wouldn't ever see him, which would make them horribly sad. So we have other choices for that. :)
They are pretty active in his life, so far, at least! Although DH's sister can't make it down for his first birthday, but she got him some lovely gifts for Christmas, and loves him to pieces. My brother actually has done suprisingly well for a 24 year old single guy... he was so proud of the presents he bought for J for Christmas and is really excited about his birthday- it's very sweet.
I still wouldn't trust him to change a diaper, tho... :)

[kijip]

We have godparents for Toby. One is religious, the other is not. I see it as being responsible to help raise him to have strong values and to be an ethical person. For some that extends to religion, but for us it only partially does. His godfather and his wife are involved in his life to a great degree, even though we see them less than once a week. Toby lists them off when asked who is in his family, they come over for a little bit on Christmas etc. They have always given him nice, well thought out gifts for Christmas and B-day (this Christmas is was a handmade scarf, and at his b-day it was a train engineer hat). They are Baptists of the most liberal sort and we are Catholics of the most liberal sort. My mother is listed as his Catholic godparent but that was only so we could have him baptized at our Catholic church.

Toby's godmother is not religious and sort of comes and goes from his life. In some ways, the godfather's wife is taking up her role a little.

While this is not necessarily the case, for us, Toby's godfather is pick #1 to assume custody of Toby if we were both to die. We affectionately call him Toby's Sirius.

Age was not an issue for us as we were 21 and 22 at marriage and 23 when he was born :), so the fact that the godfather is young was not a consideration when deciding who would have custody.

[o_mom]

Neither of our dds have godparents. But we have named my sis and her dh as guardians "in the event of". I was under the impression that that is the real purpose of godparents. Besides, they get plenty of treats and love between various aunts and my ILs.

In most Christian faiths godparents are the sponsors at the baptism and their role is to see that the child is raised in the faith. It is totally separate from the legal person/people who are name as guardians. Our children's godparents are not the guardians named in our will (though they could be if you wanted).

[Pennylane]

I should have said in my original post that we are not religious and when I named godparents I thought that they would be just extra close to my children since my DH and I thought of them as such good friends. I don't expect them to play any religious part in my DC' s life , just maybe treat them a little special. They are not the guardians of my DC should anything happen to us.

I am just disappointed that my oldest DD does not even know her godmother by name. I guess some of that is my fault though for not talking about her more though.

Ann