If you could choose the sex of your 2nd child...

[JoyNChrist]

...would you want the same sex as your first, or not?

DH and I are talking about trying for a second child sometime this year (DS will be 1 in March...we'll probably start TTC sometime this summer).

Anyway, we got to talking about whether we would want a boy or a girl next time (last time we both wanted a boy, and we got one). We were both surprised with each other's answer - DH said he wants a girl (I was sure he'd want another boy), and I said I wanted another boy!

I said boy because this hopefully won't be our last child (we want at least 4), and ideally I would like to have my sons close in age in order to be better playmates, then have girls last (something about little girls with big brothers seems cool to me...probably because I always wished I had a big brother, and also because SIL's big brothers spoil her shamelessly). DH said girl because, just in case we decided not to have more children (or couldn't), we'd at least have one of each. I guess I don't think this is a big deal because if we can't have more than 2 for some reason, I would want to adopt (in which case I could certainly choose the sex of our 3rd).

Anyway, this is all hypothetical, since we can't really choose anyway (I've read about the Shettles method of sex selection, but I don't think it's something we're really interested in and it's not definite anyway). But I thought it was an interesting discussion, and I'm interested in your opinions.

[ast96]

Before I had my second (and third) child, I would have said I had an opinion. But now I kind of feel like everything happens for a reason/works out in its own way. I have three children of the same gender, and that is hard for me, because I wanted at least one of each. But I have to admit that three of the same gender has its own advantages and special qualities. And I could never trade the children I have for the opposite gender -- I just can't imagine not having all three of them -- so it has worked out, in its own way.

[Tondi G]

We already have 2 children and I am actually quite happy with what we were blessed with! Initially DH and I wanted a girl... and we got our first DS. We were thrilled regardless since he was healthy and he was our first! Since my mom had only had girls she was thrilled to see what having little boys in her life was like! Between the boys I had 2 MC's and we were worried that we might not end up having another biological child. When we found out all was well the 3rd try we were just happy the pregnancy was sticking! When we found out it was another boy we again were so happy to find out that he was healthy! At first I was a little disappointed that we didn't get a girl but then realized that having two boys is fantastic and my boys are such good friends I can't imagine #2 having been a girl! We are still debating trying for another and crossing our fingers for a girl! We'll see. If I could choose would I sign up for a girl.... sure cause then I would get to experience both! My friend tried (shettles and diet) for a girl twice and got 2 boys. Then they had an oops with failed BC and had boy #3! She is now firmly convinced that you get what you get!!!!

[KrisM]

We'd been pretty much planning on having 3, but I was pretty sure I didn't want 3 boys. So, I was hoping our #2 was a girl just to make the decision for #3 a bit easier. Our #2 was a girl, so we got lucky!

[Melanie]

Well, we knew we wanted two. With Ds I hadn't really finished reading the book so though I knew about it, I can't really say we "tried" for one or the other. So with Dd we used the Shettles method (I read Taking Charge of your Fertility as well, but I think it pretty much overlaps in that area) to up our chances for a girl, and voila! A little girl. :)

So, that long-winded answer would end with "yes."

ETA: For you moms of boys hoping for a little girl, I'll tell you, this one has been WAY more challenging in her 2 years than Ds in his 6!! They are not EASY!

[JBaxter]

When I got pregnant with DS2 I thought for a few weeks I would like a girl but I KNEW he was a boy from very early. DS1 & 2 are 3 yrs apart and it worked so well. I couldnt imagin having 2 in diapers. When I got pregnant with DS3 I WANTED another boy. People didnt believe me Not that I could change things but 3 boys are so much fun.

[wencit]

Whenever DH and I would talk about kids, he always said he wanted 3, and I was fairly convinced that I wanted to stop at 2. Well, now we have one DS, and if we stick to my plan, I only have one more chance to have the daughter that I always wanted. I recently told DH that if we have another boy, I *might* be willing to consider the possibility of trying for a third. Of course, with my luck, that would automatically mean I'd end up with 3 boys, LOL!

We're probably going to start TTC later this year, and I might halfheartedly try the Shettles method, just to tip the odds a little more in my favor. DH is one of a gazillion boys in his generation, so I'm convinced he only knows how to make male spermies. :D I also think DS would probably prefer a brother to a sister, so I sometimes feel guilty about being selfish and wanting a daughter "just for me," KWIM? All things being equal, I'd prefer a girl -- but in the end, as long as the baby is healthy, I don't mind too much about the gender.

But DARN IT, those girls' clothes and shoes are soooooooo cute, and I have to admit I would be sad if I didn't get to put pink ballerina Mary Jane's on my kid someday. :D

[Emmas Mom]

Before we knew DD#2 was a girl I thought I wanted a boy. Now, I KNOW I would've loved a boy just the same but now I am really, really super glad that we ended up with two girls. We're going to try for #3 later this year & there is a part of me that would love to have a boy but another part of me who would be perfectly happy having another girl. A boy would be a lot different than what we're used to that's for sure. Still, the bottom line is that we would just want a happy, healthy baby. :)

[klwa]

I would love to have a girl to go along with DS (2). However, I'm about 99% sure that the little one we're going to have in August is another little boy. And I know I'll love it to pieces, just like DS. Oh, and the big brother logic, woooh nelly.... I have 2 older brothers, who regularly tried to murder me as a child. :) And I'm only slightly kidding. I wouldn't call their attitudes towards me even now as spoiling. Not to say we don't love each other, but, good grief, we all loved to fight WAY more than get along.

[sarahsthreads]

I'm happy for it to be chosen for me - I have a girl, and I would love, love, love to have another girl. We'd get to use all the adorable clothes I had a hard time putting away when DD outgrew them, DD would be beyond thrilled to have a little sister, and I think it would be very special to have two little girls - I always wished I had a sister myself and envied my cousins and friends who had that sisters bond (still do sometimes!)

But I also would be very, very happy to have a boy. It would be something new for us to learn about (not that every girl is the same, of course!) and all the little boys I know are so much fun. Even though I wished I had a sister, I do really love my brothers, and I think DH would be a fabulous role model for a son. (And the poor guy is feeling a little outnumbered between the hormonal pregnant woman and the psycho 3-year-old bundle of girl.)

So, I couldn't possibly choose even if I did have a choice!

Whether #2 turns out to be a boy or a girl I'm definitely leaving the door open to the possibility of #3, but considering that we've had to pursue IF treatments both times I think if we end up with one of each we might be less likely to go through all that again...

Sarah :)

[KBecks]

I would not want to have that choice and I think either way would be great.

[MelissaTC]

Well, we are lucky in that there is a 99% chance that our baby will be a girl. We both wanted a daughter and are thrilled with the prospect. Having said that, I would love another little boy. I never thought I could be a "boy mama" but I must say that I have loved having my son and would love another little boy!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Given the choice I knew I would want another boy. We chose not to find out the sex of the baby so the birth was a big surprise. I was so thrilled when I saw that we had another boy. I wonder how I would have reacted to a girl. :) ETA- I should say that I wouldn't have been at all disappointed if it was a girl b/c that would have been really cool. I know nothing about being a mom to a girl. I imagine it would be lots of fun. :)

My reasons? I get boys now, I think. I like boy world b/c it's pretty fun. I admit that girls scare me! One day I volunteered in ds' 4yo class and was stunned by how mean the little girls were to each other ("You're not my friend any more!")- teenage girls really scare me. Practically I thought it would be great to get to reuse ds' stuff.

I just always saw myself as a mom of boys. I love being the only girl in the family. I have "my boys" (dh included :)).

Beth

[Piglet]

After DS1, I really wanted a girl. When DS2 was shown to be a boy (the only one of my 3 that cooperated on an U/S), I was totally not surprised as DH comes from a very long line of boy families. By the time I got pregnant with #3, I just assumed it was a boy. Sure I wanted a girl, but didn't really think it was possible. We had read about Shettles, but had absolutely zero patience for it, so thinking back on the cycle we succeeded on, I realized we had done everything BOY... surprise surprise when out came DD. I genuinely was shocked! I didn't believe the doctor when she told me. The funny thing is that now everyone assumes we "tried" for a girl, which is why we have 3. We were totally not thinking of it that way, but that is what people say when they see 2 boys and a baby girl. I get a lot of "well I guess you can stop now" comments.

[rachelh]

Love the thread because I feel like I would be "consumed" with having a when we start TTC. Honestly, for the first child we really could not care either way but a couple of months after DD was born I would find myself looking at the little boys running around the neigbord and would say to DH, "Dont you wish you can see how DD would be as a boy." And even now I think that - she is just so adorable and sweet that I just think it would be a crackup to see how a boy would be.

About having older brothers to "take care of you" - it is kinda cool - my older brother and I werent always super close but being he was the oldest in the family and only boy, he was favored quite a bit and my parents really trusted him and I at times definitely used that to my advanatge. Also came in handy when I was dating this really controlling guy he happened to know...:11: (well thats not exactly what happened - my brother happens to be the sweetest calmest guy but his looks can be deceiving so all he has to do is look at them and give a little speech and they go running)

Girls are also very good to have on the older end of the family as well because they do help out quite a bit more than boys from what I see in multiple families I know.

When all is said and done though - as long as the baby is healthy thats the only thing that really counts.

[C99]

Before I had my second (and third) child, I would have said I had an opinion. But now I kind of feel like everything happens for a reason/works out in its own way. I have three children of the same gender, and that is hard for me, because I wanted at least one of each. And I could never trade the children I have for the opposite gender -- I just can't imagine not having all three of them -- so it has worked out, in its own way.

What Allison said, although I have 2 boys and 1 girl and always pictured myself as having all boys. I often think that God/karma wanted me to experience mothering a girl.

[kijip]

When we first started TTC a second child, we wanted a girl born in the summer and we were not interested in having any more biological children if they would be more than 2-3 years apart in age. Now, after 4 mc and 3+years and with an only son rapidly approaching 5 and who is freaking registered for kindergarten, I'd take any child, born anytime with joy in my heart. :) Having a little girl would be great, but having a little boy would be great too. We have started exploring our adoption options (something we had always planned on anyways) and I don't believe that we will have a choice of gender the route we are most likely to take. With the exception of adoptions from a few countries, most adoptive parents are pretty much in the dark as to gender. Even places like China where girls are expected, you can still get surprised. I have friends who specifically adopted from China because they wanted a girl... they had named her, shopped for her, decorated her room. Well, they have a son now. :)

I don't really believe anymore that I have a choice in any of it, except making the powerful decision to have a second child at all.

[momtoonegirl]

I have often thought about the sex of #2 as well.

We did not know beforehand (by choice) whether we were having a boy or girl, and for the first one, it was exciting, choosing boy or girl names, etc. DH had 2 dreams about it being a girl, and I had one boy dream and one girl dream, and we had a girl. We were both happy, mainly about her being healthy.

Now since we have been TTC, DH wants to be surprised again, but says he wants another girl, since he loves DD so much. I think that part of me wants another girl (I only have a brother, and wondered what it would be like with a sister), but part of me wants a boy. My mother also wants a grandson (she only has granddaughters).

The bottom line, as the PP have said, is you end up happy with what you end up with either way, and thats what I also believe. Although this time I want to know what we are having in advance (no matter what DH thinks ;) )

(edited for spelling)

[JoyNChrist]

Although this time I want to know what we are having in advance (no matter what DH thinks ;) )

That's funny - we found out with our first, and I definitely don't want to know next time (I really didn't want to know the first time, but DH whined long enough to make me change my mind). :)

And yes, having gone through one unexpected miscarriage and knowing so many people who can't have kids at all, I would certainly be happy with whatever I got.

[elephantmeg]

Wencit-we have a zillion boys in DH's family too and I'm having the first girl :) so there is hope! DH and I were actually thinking we'd have all boys and were OK with it so this "pink" is a total surprise!

[Clarity]

Truthfully, I'd be happy with a healthy baby of any gender, but if I had my choice, I'd have another girl. It's funny because I'm not a overly "girly" person and was quite the tomboy in my youth, but somehow I still want girls!

[HHCs Mom]

We have two boys and I'm glad that we do. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Did I ever want a girl? Heck yeah! I wanted a girl with both pregnancies but didn't get one and I'm glad I didn't. DS1 *loves, loves, loves* his little brother (aka "little buddy") and they are SO sweet to see together. Will they fight when they get older? I'm sure they will but the bond is already there and they are only 3.5 years and 7.5 months. In fact, I just pulled DS1 out of DS2's room --- he went in to take him some toys when the baby is supposed to be napping in his crib. Sweet but the baby needs to sleep! :D

That said, I'm also glad I don't get to pick because I could *never* make that decision. Never in a million years could I make that decision. I love my boys and would love a girl but would I love a 3rd boy?! Of course! I'm just glad I don't get to pick.

[Rachels]

I had a girl first and also grew up with a sister, so I always pictured having two girls. Also I was so rooted in my identity as the mother of a daughter that it just was hard to picture anything else. I was excited to be having a boy, and simultaneously sad to be losing that image of sisterhood that I'd had in my head.

Well. If I'd had two girls, while I know I would have loved that, I never would have realized how very much I wanted a son. I *always* knew I wanted a girl, even though you're not supposed to admit to those kinds of wishes, but a boy wasn't something I would have pined for. But having one, I could just drop over with gratitude. I can't believe my good fortune, getting to have a son as well as a daughter.