help: Black tie optional wedding: kids?

[shishamo]

Ok, so I just found out the wedding that we are going to attend in May is black tie optional. I have a 'vague' idea of what does that mean for me (and my DH), but what does that mean for kids????

From what I heard from the bride, the kids are welcome at the reception (it is not a no-kids wedding) but there is going to be a room for kids with kid-friendly foods, DVDs, and a babysitter, since it's a sit-down dinner thing and they probably won't be able to stand that. I assume my kids will spend some time there but I can't imagine they would be able to stay there for the entire wedding.

I just bought the cake fair dress for Mia and now I'm thinking it's not formal enough (I love the dress so I'll be so sad if that's the case). If so, what kind of things should 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy wear?

My DH, who is so not helpful, says since it's such a formal affair, the kids will never be dressed formal enough, so just put something that's not sweatpants and it's fine.

[iluvmy2boys]

I would put something dressy but comfortable on them.

They're kids after all and cute in whatever they wear!

[gisele]

For boys, proper wedding attire is an Eton suit or a sailor suit. An Eton suit is a jacket with no lapels, shorts (with suspenders), shirt with peter pan collar, and sometimes a little bow tie. I recently bought one for my son for a wedding.

I would think a nice dress would be fine for a girl.

[sntm]

ditto
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[HoneymoonBaby]

A suit for the boy, and a frilly party dress for the girl. No one expects them to be wearing tuxes and evening gowns, but khakis/polos and playdresses aren't really appropriate, either.

[khakismom]

I would be completely comfortable having my DD wear the Cake Fair dress at a formal wedding. For your son, I would think pants and a blazer (think navy or seersucker) would be perfect.

Have fun! :)

[julierobin]

Would you ever consider keeping the kids at home with a babysitter? It almost sounds like the bride is trying to *politely* say kids are not entirely welcome... not welcome at the wedding and then off in a separate room for dinner and the evening? It's almost like she doesn't want to be totally rude and say bluntly that kids are not welcome so she set up this other area for the kids.

Really just my two cents and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone reading this.


Julie, Mommy to Ben 8/7/03

[HoneymoonBaby]

No, I agree. Unless the children were named on the invitation, they should not be there at all. I was under the impression the kids had been invited somehow. But if the OP received an invitation for her and her DH only, then they should certainly hire a babysitter.

[shishamo]

Julie,

First of all, I'm not offended at all, so please don't be sorry! I do understand where you are coming from. I'm still trying to figure all this out myself.

Anyway, here is the story: My DH is the best man, and he actually asked the groom if kids are welcome at all or not, since it wasn't that clear, and that he would just like to know. He said he will ask his fiancee but that there will be no seats for the kids at the dinner table to cut down the costs. Then she emailed us saying kids are welcome and just to make them more comfortable, there will be this separate room set up for the kids. Kids are more than welcome to sit at the lap of the adults and join the dinner also.

I also know that the groom's brother have kids about the age of my kids.

So even though I am still not entirely convinced that kids are very welcome, I get the feeling that they are not unwelcome. It would be okay with me to leave the kids in the kid's room the entire time (hey maybe I can actually eat dinner!), but since I just 'know' that they will want to come out, I feel that, to honor the bride, I should dress them to fit in.

ALso, unfortunately, leaving the kids here is out of the question since my in-laws, who are the only people I would consider leaving the kids with, are going to be at the same wedding also. Plus, half the reason I'm flying to this wedding is because my father and my stepmother live in Chicago, and I want my kids to see them. I can't leave the kids with them since my kids really aren't that comfortable with them (we see them once a year for 2-3 days), and they aren't that comfortable with kids in general either.

Sorry this got long, and if you are still reading, thank you!

[julierobin]

Hi Sara,
Thanks for the message back -- and for clearing some things up. I did not realize the wedding was in another state and that you would have to fly -- I wouldn't want to leave my kids at home either. With guests coming in from out of town (the best man no less) the bride and groom should expect kids, and it is nice that the bride has set up a special area. OK it all makes more sense now. I agree with you that it seems as if kids are not unwelcome.

It is nice of you to be considerate of the bride and want to have your kids in formal dress. According to http://www.modernetiquette.com/dress%20code%20article/black_tie_preferred.htm; "If the invitation states,... Black Tie Optional...a traditional tuxedo is the preferred choice of attire for the gentleman. If he decides not to wear a tuxedo, he may wear a dark suit, white dress shirt and conservative tie, which is the next step down from Black Tie Preferred. ... The lady accompanying a gentleman who is wearing a suit instead of a tuxedo may wear either a short evening gown or a dinner suit. A dinner suit is a suit that is made of a finer material than a business-suit and may have embellishments on it such as fancy buttons." BTW this website TOTALLY cracks me up! The woman seems pretty stuffy. This info is not intended for how you should dress your kids, just something funny to preview.

Anyway
On Ebay, type in "Formal Boy" and click title and description box. You will see a bunch of ideas. As for your DD; IMHO I don't think the Cake Fair dress is formal enough. It will be great for an outdoor spring/summer party or wedding, but I don’t think it fits black tie optional – the color is too light. I would select a dress of a darker color as well as dark pants for your boy. All that said, I also agree with other postings that the outfits should be comfortable and easy to move around it. Nothing is worse than an uncomfortable child at a wedding J. Whatever you choose your kids will be adorable! Good luck – thanks for the corresponding. Being a SAHM I appreciate this kind of interacting.

Sorry so long. Glad you were not offended.

Need any advice on air travel with kids?

Julie

Julie, Mommy to Ben 8/7/03