Lending and Borrowing Baby Clothes

[DebbieJ]

What is the etiquette here?

My SIL brought me some of her son's baby clothes when they were here this spring. (She's in FL, I'm in CA). Since I know she's planning on having a second, I'm assuming she wants it back when the time comes.

For those of you who have "borrowed" clothes, how do you keep track of it so you know what belongs to whom?

Is this a common practice where you live?

~ deb
Mommy to my sweet boy
B born 12/03

[AvasMama]

This is very common where I live. Everyone I know has offered to lend me baby clothes. I have politely declined for a couple of reasons. First, shopping for Ava's clothes gives me a ton of enjoyment, second, my friends and relatives generally have very different tastes than I do (they would never buy their DDs Baby Lulu, Janie & Jack, Hanna and the other higher-end stuff I love) and last, because babies tend to be messy beings, I just don't want to be responsible for replacing (or paying for) any clothes that got stained or ruined.

I did borrow a lot of maternity clothes from about half a dozen different people and I kept track of whose was whose by writing on the back of the tags with a laundry marker. I used the first initial of the person's name and wrote really small. It was very inconspicuous. If you're only borrowing from one person, you could just put a dot.

HTH!
Robyn & Ava

[heidi_timms]

We were lent a huge amount of baby clothes from a friend that lives a few hours away. I accepted not knowing the condition or style of the items. I haven't used many of them because they have been around the block way too many times, plus I love to buy clothes for my DD myself! I marked the ones we did use with a black dot on the tag. Otherwise you will NEVER remember which ones were yours, hers, etc.

I also receive hand-me-downs from a niece and she was clear that she didn't want any of them back as she is not planning on having any more children anytime soon. Usually, the lender will be pretty specific whether they want them back or not.

We are very lucky to receive hand-me-downs to fill all necessities-onesies, pajamas, socks, etc. It's nice because I can afford to buy fun clothes-dresses, cute outfits, etc!
~Heidi
Mom to Kailey
4/03

[LucyG]

A friend of mine who has two DDs recently loaned me a huge bag full of baby and toddler clothes for my 16 month old. We will use some things, and others just aren't my style. My friend had written her initials on the tags of the outfits and inside the shoes with a black pen. Also, since I pretty much know what I've bought and what we've been given as gifts, I think I will probably remember the things that belong to my friend. I really appreciate anyone who is willing to loan children's clothes. I'm not sure I'll be able to let go of ours to return the favor!

[parkersmama]

It is also very common around here. I honestly do not like to borrow baby clothes. My tastes are different than a lot of our friends and/or the clothes they lend already look so worn that I don't want to use them. I hope that doesn't sound snotty! I am grateful that people are so eager to lend clothes but I think it can get to be a headache.

I have one friend who has given me lots of clothing and doesn't want them back. So, those, I go through, keep what we'll use and donate the rest or pass them on to another friend. Another friend, who does want her things back, has written her dd's initials on the tags so that it's easy to identify.

Unlike what others have said, I have a great memory for these things. I can tell you every piece that belongs to someone else, as well as who gave us what clothing as gifts. Therefore, it's really not too hard for me to identify which pieces didn't start out as mine when it's time to go through them.

I also do not lend out baby clothes. I only hand down things that I do not want back. I think it's too much trouble for the recipient to deal with as well as me having to remember where my clothes are! If I give it to you, it's truly a gift and I don't want it back! Of course, there are many outfits that I want to keep for sentimental reasons and I do not loan them to others. The most dreaded words I can hear at church are "Ooh! That's so cute! Save that for me for when ________ (insert child's name here) gets to be that size!" ;) ;) ;)

[C99]

This is also somewhat common here and, like Denise, I can always remember what is something I bought and what was lent to me and by whom.

I don't lend out Nate's clothes because (a) it's either stained from too much playing or (b) it's Hanna Andersson or something and I don't want it ruined.

[Joshuasmommy]

My friends write their initials on the tags with a black sharpie. Honestly though I have bags and bags of clothes that people have loaned me and I hardly use any of them. One friend just doesn't take very good care of her kids clothes and they are usually not in the best shape or not my style. Another has adorable clothes but most of them don't seem like they would be comfortable for a baby, her son was walking when he was in the same size. So I am using mainly clothes that my sister bought or I bought.

[vikivoly]

DD gets hand-me downs from a relative. She had originally told me she did not want them back and to do whatever I wanted with them when I was finished. Her Mom, however, convinced her to get them back since she is so young and likely to have more. I put a black dot on the tag to remember where they came from. I can remember which clothes I bought for DD, but I also get clothes from another relative who doesn't want them back. Sometimes I get them confused with the ones who need to go back. Most of the items are not my taste. I mostly use the things like sweatpants, sweatshirts, and basics. I keep a lot of them at my Mom's house so she has a small wardrobe for DD since she babysits for me.

Personally, I would never loan DD's clothes out to anyone. I would just give them away, because you do have to concern yourself with the whole returning, no staining, etc..

[amp]

Honestly, I have declined to "borrow" any clothes. I let my SIL and neighbor know that I don't feel comfortable with this, as things will inevitably be lost, stained, mixed in with my stuff, etc. I did indicate that if they wanted to send me stuff and it came out ok in the end, then I would be more than happy to re-lend/return it to them, but that I only felt comfortable with donations of clothes that I didn't have to worry about. I still ended up with a lot of clothes, but they didn't give me their favorites and so far have told me not to bother sending any back. They are all packed away with my son's stuff and if and when they ever want it back, I'll be happy to send some or all of them back, along with some of our stuff. Heck, I don't know if I'll remember what is from who! This was just the most comfortable way for me to do this and no one was offended. They seemed to understand my concern.

[khakismom]

I have friends with scads of cute baby girl clothes, and none of it was ever offered to me. Probably because they knew that they would have more kids and still needed them. I do have one friend with 2 boys who has given me a few unisex pieces (mainly sleepers and 0-3m stuff) and told me to keep them since she is done.

My SIL just found out she is having a boy, and I have to tell you that I breathed a tiny sigh of relief, because I know if it was a girl that she wanted to borrow my clothes. I too don't feel comfortable lending them and expecting them back. I don't want to be worried about the condition they will be returned in. But I have no problems giving them away if I am done with them, and have done this.

[Vajrastorm]

No one offered to "lend" me clothes, and I wouldn't have wanted to borrow. Too much stress about remembering what belonged to who, etc.

I have had a few outright gifts of used clothes, with the idea that I could use what I liked and donate the rest. That system works for me!

I have given all my outgrown unisex baby clothes to my sister/nephew, but I'm not planning on having anymore, and it was a gift rather than a loan. I'm also going to give her a few pieces of girl clothing (esp. those she bought us) as she hopes to have a girl herself someday.

[KYBelle1102]

My SIL gave me all of her DS (my nephew's) clothes that he outgrew when DS came along. HOwever, DN was born in March and DS was born in September, so we were a season off. DNephew has stayed on the small side. Even at age 2, some 18 mo things are huge on him. My 9 mo old DS is only 5 lbs less than his 2 yr old cousin.

Also, SIL had inherited a bunch of hand-me-downs from her SIL (her DB's wife) that she passed along to me. Some of those were pretty icky and I wouldn't pass them along to anyone else. SIL hasn't mentioned my returning anything, but if she and BIL adopt another DS then I'll pass them all back plus what I bought for my DS.

[suribear]

I loan and borrow stuff, all the time.

For stuff I loan out, I tell them whether I want it back. For people I don't see often, I only give stuff I don't want, with the assumption that it's gone. For a couple of close friends, I have asked for it back. But I've realized that they don't care for their clothes like I do (wash inside out, cold water, etc...) so they will look worn when I get them back. Therefore, I only give stuff I don't have a huge attachment to. It's less stressful for both parties. I love seeing their kids in my kid's old clothes. I plan to sell some of the best stuff (to finance the habit lol) and I give a lot to charity, too.

As for borrowing clothes, I find a lot is not stuff I would use, but I think most of us post here because we are picky ;) I do love to get basics, though, so I can focus on getting the cute stuff!

Kris

[Samraelanelevi]

My sister and I do this. I have a 3.5 year old girl while her 3.5 yer old is a boy. Then our youngest are the opposite so I give her all my girls things and she gives me her boy things. She gets the better end of the deal b/c I also have an older son that I give her things from and then I end up getting them back. She is also not the type to buy lots of clothes. She buys mostly GAP and Old Navy for her ds but he wears mostly tees, sweats and wind pants. I prefer Gymboree and Hanna for my son, but at least I get a few things passed down. Now for the girls I buy 90% Gymbo for my 3 year old with all the matching accessories-including home made hair bows and bracelets made to match. Plus I over buy for my girls so many of the items are barely worn and in perfect condition. My sister admits that she gets the better part of this arrangement and all her friends tell her how lucky she is! SO therefore she gives me all my girl items back-well all the Gymboree stuff and I then can sell it or do what I want with it. She also allows me to keep all her boys things that she passed down and I sell that too. She sys it helps me pay for more clothes for my girls which eventually will be hers! LOL. It was funny b/c she loved Whale Watching as did I and she only bought a couple pieces from it saying that she knows eventually she'll have lots-true.

Brenda

[sarsah]

I have 'loaned' my neighbor a ton of baby clothes. My DS#2 and her DS (she has a 2 year old DD) are 10 months apart.

I am not 100% sure, but probably won't have any more kids. Even so, I LOVE to bargain shop (clearance rack, consignment sale, thrift shop......), so if I get none of these clothes back, it would be no big deal. The things I really want to hold on to for another baby, I don't give her. We have similar tastes, and I see her quite a bit and we rave about how cute her DS is in the outfits and how my DS better not stain something (kidding, of course) so that her DS can wear it. When her DS grows out of the clothing, she is going to give it back to me to sell at a consignment sale. She's also received clothing from some other friends who do not want them back, so she's going to give me those to consign as well.

[macassi]

My friend loaned me all her baby clothes. She wants them back, but only in case her brother has another child and it happens to be a boy. She is done having kids. As such, I haven't been overly concerned with whether I stain anything since it's not going back to her and it'll only hypothetically be used again. I know she is just glad someone can use her stuff. I mostly use the basics and a few pieces I love. I mark the tags with her initial to know what goes back to her. It's great, because I probably would have bought some of the exact same pj's and it saved me money to spend on HA.

When I returned the first box, I sent along a pair of HA pj's for her oldest as a thank you. I'd gotten them on sale, but I thought it was a nice token to say thank you. I mentioned that I'd love more clothes.

I have another friend who gives me baby clothes to keep. It's a bit odd, because she dressed her daughters almost exclusively in baby gap and I have yet to receive a baby gap hand me down. But, I love not having to worry about it and a few of the pieces have been great items that suit my style.

A friend of my mother in laws sent me a huge bag when DD was born and I felt like a stuck up snob because everything went to good will. I actually made my mother review it for me, because I thought I was hormonal or something was wrong with me. She agreed that every item was very cheap and stained and to toss it all.

When I give stuff away, I don't want it back. We don't intend to have more and if it ever *gasp* happened, I figure buying new clothes would be the LEAST of my worries. A bigger house, college education, ability to keep up with 4 would all send me to an early grave first. In fact, I have been purposely giving baby stuff away to make it that much harder to ever consider a 4th. My mom worries that giving it away will cause pregnancy, but I guess I'm risky.

[Melanie]

No one really borrows here, just hands-down and does not expect it back. We do lend/borrow baby gear sometimes, though.