Can you spend too much money on an outfit?

[ainwonderland]

Hi,

I'm trying to recover from a phone conversation I just has with my sister-in-law informing me of my niece's christening in a couple of weeks. She told me that she wanted to buy a Strasburg christening gown, so being excited about the event with her I went online as we were talking to see that the gowns she is looking at are $200-$250 !!!

http://www.strasburgchildren.com/chrisgow1.html

Is it just me, or is this absurd for a dress that she may wear for one hour? (she can't wear it in a carseat therefore will be dressed at the church) I jokingly, yet seriously meant it, said, "why don't you find a cute dress for $60 and put the other $120 in her college fund?" My brother works in an automotive plant and she cuts hair two days a week -- so I can't imagine they have alot of disposable income. She replied, "but its my baby girl" in a somewhat whine of a voice.

And I realize this is a sacred event so it should be special. But I'm sorry, I realize this is catty, but she hasn't been to church since their wedding, now she has had the baby and wants to have a christening and the whole "event"...it just rings of people who want a "wedding" and not realizing a marriage comes with it. It should be a special event, but does the clothing make that event? Doesn't there come a time when what we spend on kids clothes should be within reason?

Okay, I think I'm done...she asked me not to say anything to anyone in our family about it (because she doesn't want them to know how much it costs and how ridiculous people would think it is). So in order to be a good sister in law I didn't call anyone..I just posted here to vent :-)

Alice

[AvasMama]

Well, that is definitely more than I personally would spend, but I also get where your SIL is coming from (I spent $100+ on an outfit for Ava to wear to my mom's wedding last spring). No, the clothes don't make the event, and a less expensive gown would probably be just as pretty. But if the gown is important to her, and she can afford it, why not? It's her money, and -- I hope you won't take this the wrong way because I don't mean it as a flame! -- her business how she spends it. (And whether or not she can afford it is also her business!)

I know a lot of people think I way overspend on Ava's clothes, but it's my money, and if that's how I choose to spend it, so be it. Sure I would love her just as much and she would be just as gorgeous if she wore clothes from a thrift store, but dressing her in nice clothes is something that I enjoy. I know other people wouldn't choose to spend their money that way, but maybe they buy plasma TVs, SUVs, lottery tickets, or something else I think is utterly frivolous, you know?

And FWIW, we don't go to church either, but I still had Ava baptized because both DH's mom and mine are very religious and would have been disappointed had we not.

I really don't mean any of this as a criticism of you at all. I totally get your reaction and your desire to vent, but I wanted to offer up the other point of view as well :)

Robyn & Ava

[ainwonderland]

Robyn,

Oh I don't take it as a criticism at all! I always welcome another opinion to help me through a thought process and as a reminder to stay open minded.

Like you said, I do realize everyone does things differently and has the right to choose how they spend their money. We spend ours differently than our friends, for example, who balked that we would consider a preschool that cost $200 more than another yet are getting bids on a >$15K brick patio for their backyard.

I think what saddens me is that they likely can't afford to spend $250 on a dress she will wear one hour. My sister in law is an only child of a single mom whom has always provided everything she has ever wanted as she grew up. It's the here and now and impulse rather than long term goal that my sister in law sort of lacks. I honestly believe that it is more about THE dress now, rather than the future or the religous importance of the event that she's chosen. KWIM?

Oh and for what it's worth, I could see $100+ on an outfit at your mom's wedding probably....she would at least be wearing it all day and into the evening :-)

And as for our kids, we chose not to have them baptized/christened etc. We believe that God would never banish a child to hell for not being "christened" as some people believe. We've decided to expose her to all types of religon and then let her decide as she grows up. I honestly couldn't, without being hypocritical, stand up at an altar before God and promise to raise my child in ALL of that church's/religon's beliefs. And maybe that's where my problem with my sister in laws dress choice comes from? Who knows. But I do realize it is a sacred event and I just wish I had more of a feeling that they wanted the christening more than the absurdly expensive "cute dress".

Thanks for your thoughts and perspective...see it got me thinking :-)

[C99]

I think you can spend too much on an outfit, but what constitutes "too much" is so subjective. I looked at $250 christening outfits and loved them, but couldn't justify the expense. If someone else can, more power to him or her. I agree w/ much of what Robyn said but also wanted to point out that maybe your SIL thinks that the christening gown she buys for her daughter will be worn by subsequent children or even grandchildren. You are right that in theory the clothing does not or should not make the event. But some people are into kids clothing and want things to be perfect. Maybe your SIL dresses her daughter in the cheapest stuff from the second-hand store every other day of the year but wants this event to be special and worth the big dress.

In my own case, although I know that rationally, it's the act and the everyday actions that matter, what I wear to an event or even everyday is very important to me. I just can't break myself of the habit of thinking, "What am I going to wear?" whenever a big (or even a small) event comes up. I remember what I was wearing at almost every big and/or embarassing moment of my life. It may be weird, but it's just how I process and remember things.

[Tracey]

I'm going to go with no, you can't spend too much on one outfit. As long as I'm not being asked to pay for the outfit, cover their bills, fund their kid's college, or take care of them in their retirement, people can spend their money however they see fit Now if any of those things are happening---all bets are off.

I'm just speaking in general terms because I do understand your frustration. I can remember visiting one of those gymbo message boards and getting the vibe that a lot of these women were spending bill money they did not have and buying tons of clothes they didn't need. I found it kind of depressing and it helped me cut back on some of my own clothing expenditures. I'm totally with you that living within a budget, provinding a financially stable household, having savings and investments, and providing for your child's education are the top priorities.

[cinrein]

Considering that my daughter wore a $200 Strasburg gown for her baptism, I would say no. :)

I won't go into why I chose such an expensive gown because it is rather personal. Just understand that until you walked in someone's shoes, you can't know what certain events mean to them. I certainly hope to have more children wear that same gown and I hope my children's children wear the same gown someday. But even if I don't, I don't regret my purchase for a second.

And BTW, we are regular church goers and my daughter has a healthy college fund.

Cindy and Anna February 2003

[ktdid74]

I'm totally on the fence with this one- as is my usual :) Like PP's said, it's her money and she can do with it as she pleases. However, I wouldn't spend that much on one outift to be worn for 1 hour- even if it was going to be passed down or whatever. I won't even pay full price for a Hanna coat that I know DD will wear everyday for 6+ months (long winters in Maine :) ) Of course, I did spend a ton on strollers, diaper bags, etc. I see that as *slightly* more practical cause I use them everyday.
I say vent all you want here, then don't mention it anymore to her. She'll remember that day forever and the dress will be a very special memory!

[smilequeen]

I would say as long as her baby is not starving, freezing, otherwise going naked, without healthcare, etc. she can spend as much as she wants to on a special occasion.

I'm not particularly religious, but our son's baptism was very important. I had an expensive gown picked out just in case but our heirloom gown was able to be restored. I wanted a special gown that could be an heirloom if not.

I don't tell people what things I have cost b/c I don't want to be judged. My son's college and grad school tuition is already in the bank, but family and friends don't need to know that either. We are smart with our money, but it's our business what we do with it.

That said, I can still understand your shock. We all have different things we like to splurge on and sometimes it's hard not to be shocked at what someone else chooses for that. I know I have been shocked before. I'd just keep your shock to yourself (meaning around your family...shock away on here :))

[dowlinal]

You don't even want to know how much money I spent on Madeline's christening outfits. She had a $50.00 party dress that she wore to the church and for the first part of the ceremony. Then after the baptism she wore a traditional long gown that was $250 for the rest of the church ceremony and the begininng of the receptions. At the reception we changed he into a $275.00 walker length gown bc she was cruising at the time and couldn't move in the first gown.

In the greek orthodox church a christening is a huge deal. It is a private ceremony followed by a wedding like reception. In fact her reception was in the same place as our wedding and included a 5 course sit down meal for 120 people.

So - I guess I don't think she's spending too much money.

[HoneymoonBaby]

On the one hand, it's absurd. On the other hand, it's an heirloom. I think the rationalization behind the outrageously expensive Christening gowns is that you can hand it down for generations (not that you couldn't do that with a $29.99 gown, but most people wouldn't). Once upon a time, people were Christened in gowns their grandmothers spent hours stitching by hand. Those days are pretty much gone, so instead of having a tremendously precious gown made precious by the hours of loving work that went into it, people buy a tremendously precious gown made precious by its insanely high price tag.

[ainwonderland]

My girlfriend had I neat idea I thought to make her daughter's gown more "precious". She had her name and christening date embroidered on the dress with room for additional names to be added should the dress be passed down. (fwiw, her dress was $45 from Parisian). The other idea that I always thought was sweet was that the christening gowns were made from the train of the mother's wedding dress ...although this would alter the wedding dress if you wanted to hand THAT down :-)

[Mommyto3]

Well...I spend a lot, too much $$ on my kid's clothes for sure...just placed a $600 Hanna order! LOL!! BUT, I do draw the line, and personally couldn't see spending that much on a christening gown...I had a hard enough time spending the money on the dresses my daughter wore as a flower girl in FOUR...yes, FOUR weddings!! But, then again, it wasn't my wedding! It's funny what is important to some people and they are willing to spend their $$ on, while others would hang their mouths in horror at! I have a dear friend who just had her first baby girl...she used to think that I was crazy spending the $$ that I do on the kids clothes...well, now that she has that girl..she understands!!

Personally, I could care less about shoes...for me or my kids..but other people are crazy about them and own millions of pairs...I can't understand it!!!

Obviously, this dress is important to her...I don't understand spending that much myself, but who knows, your SIL would probably think that I am nuts dropping $600 at HA!!! Hopefully, she will pass this gown down...the christening gown that all my kids wore, was worn by all my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their children spanning 60 years!! So, it is really special..maybe that is her intention!

[ILoveLT]

When my daughter had her christening, her godmother/my SIL bought the dress and it cost about $250, plus $45 for the matching bib and $25 for the headband. It was absolutely gorgeous and the photos of the baby were beautiful. It was worth it to the godmother to do such a nice thing for her goddaughter. Doesn't the godmother usually buy the christening gown?

[ainwonderland]

Oooh I'd never heard of that...but it sounds like a very nice gesture. Also in some churches/religons there aren't specific god parents. In my friends church (presbyterian i think) the whole congregation is said to be responsible for the childs christian upbringing, there are no two people designated as godparents. And I cant' imagine getting the whole congregation deciding on a gown :-)

I just love learning about all these different ways of thinking about this or how these events are handled.

[lovin2shop]

I definitely get where you are coming from on this issue. For some, a gown of this expense is not a big deal. But, it sounds like it may be a stretch for your SIL. I have similar issues with a relative. They are constantly complaining about their finances, she wants to stay home, but can't, etc. But yet, they will spend foolishly in my opinion. It is really none of my business how they spend their money, but they make it my business by complaining. Not sure if that is the case with your SIL, but just wanted to say that I can see why you would be bothered by this purchase.

[C99]

>goddaughter. Doesn't the godmother usually buy the
>christening gown?

Are you from NY/NJ? The only other person I've heard say that was from NJ. My entire family is from NYC and I'd never heard of this before. So, my answer to your question is "no," because no one I know follows this and I couldn't find it in EP either.

[dowlinal]

I think this really depends on your religion. In my religion, and I think all of the orthodox religions, being a godparent is a big honor and the godparents are expected to buy the entire outfit, consisting of the gown, a new onsie, socks, shoes, and a hat, as well as an outfit for the child to wear to the church, a cross, favors for the guests, and several religious items. Like I said in my earlier post, christenings are a huge ceremony. The baby is baptized, receives first communion and is confirmed into the church in the one ceremony. Because of this the outfits tend to be very extravagent.

[jvorhis]

I am Catholic and this is what I always heard. My sister and her husband are the God Parents of my daughter and they bought her dress. I did see a beautiful one at a boutique for $250 that I loved but I would have never asked her to put out that kind of money. My Godson is Lutheran and my husband and I bought his outfit.

[ILoveLT]

I am from NYC and we are Catholic.

[C99]

>I am from NYC and we are Catholic.

My parents were also RC (and the rest of my extended family still is RC) and as I previously mentioned, from NYC. Maybe it's just a familial/social circle thing? I'd never heard of the custom until a friend from NJ had her baby baptized last year.

[Mommyto3]

I am from MA and catholic and have never heard of this before either! LOL! I have 3 children...and 4 godchildren and this subject has never up before!

[ILoveLT]

To tell you the truth, I am not too familiar with the Catholic religion. I just married into an Italian Catholic family and that was what I was told, that the godmother buys the christening gown. No complaints here!