New Board Update

[urbanmama]

The board is finally ready to go. After I created the board, I asked Maureen (khakismom) to join me as an administrator and Robyn (Avasmama) and Denise (parkersmama) to act as moderators. The four of us have spent the last several days discussing the structure and membership of the board.

We have decided that we will be limiting membership to those individuals who are active and regular posters on Reality Layette only. These people will receive an email shortly. Our intent is not to hurt anyone’s feelings, but we feel that we are creating a board that many of the “regulars� at RL have requested. The board will also be kept very small, by design.

For some, the new board might replace Reality Layette, but others will likely choose to post at both boards. The BBB is a great place and a “home� to many of us.

Best wishes,

Marie (urbanmama)
Maureen (khakismom)
Robyn (Avasmama)
Denise (parkersmama)

[brubeck]

Ummm, how about the regular lurkers who might not post as often as some? :)

How long should we wait to get an email vs. requesting to join?

[tribecamom]

I am a regular lurker :)

[holliam]

Holli

[goodnightmoon]

The pp brings up a good point - some of us have new babies and are very active but new.

Is there a time when you'll be adding more people, like those of us with young babies? (We're the ones who'll want to buy all of your old stuff! :) )

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[manda7_23]

Well i think that's a shame, b/c a lot of us don't post as much but do use the boards to see the new lines quite a lot. I know i for one just don't have the time to post as much as others.

Amanda

[darby24]

While I'm not a regular poster here and not even a regular lurker, I'm disappointed to see the turn the boards have taken in general.

I wish you well on your new board.

While a new board seems to suit your needs for now, another option for the future is a password protected photography only site that you keep small using the criteria of choice. If you give the option to post written conversations, people are going to post. With a picture only site everyone would post in the same spot (example; here), but only the select few get to view your pictures (there). I don't see many people posting in two identical forums for very long (at the beginning yes. 2 months from now? No.)

I could also see a lot less hurt feelings this way.

Just shelling out my opinion although I know it doesn't matter or will affect this in any way.

[momathome]

I really hope I am invited to join. I know I don't post a ton here but I read it daily, post occasionally, and really enjoy the pics and seeing what you ladies have to say. Please keep me in mind!

[iluvmy2boys]

thanks for getting this set up girls!!!!

I know it's a lot of work to set up a new board!

[vpalmer]

Marie,

Thanks for all your hard work! It is greatly appreciated.

Veronica
Mom to Eva
Born 6-03

[jwozy]

Oh, shucks...I'm a regular lurker and have been reading and getting lots of information on how to dress my twins. It's been really hectic the first year with the twins so that's why I haven't posted much and only have small window of times to check the postings (I've done this on a daily basis). I hope I get an invite :)

[tigalig]

Thank you for working on the "safe" board. I have always been leary of family websites just because you never know who is watching and I realized last week that I was posting to the entire world when I posted pictures in the past. I'm thankful to have a private board, controlled by shop-aholic moms. :)

[dules]

Thanks ladies for setting this up!

Best,
Mary

[Samraelanelevi]

Not sure what to think or say. I think a new board is great for those invited but for those of us that lurk a lot it's not so great. I myself lurk and read posts often but do not have the time to post everyday and since it's summer I am even busier with the kids schedules. I really hope that those going to the new board will frequent this one as well, but I know that is not likely since posting and reading two boards is time consuming and most of you have families and other obligations. I wish you the best

[anutalp]

I'm hoping for the same.
I was very active 1 year ago till I returned to work. Now I post less but check what's going on my favourite section of BBB daily and try to post as much as I can.
Would love to join.
Thanks,

[mykidsmom]

Hopefully this will pave the way for new people to start posting discussion and pics here on BBB so the RL board will continue to be informative, fun and interesting...

[highland]

My thoughts exactly. I'm going to make an effort to contribute more to the community.

[SJ mom]

As a full time working mother, I depend on you ladies to hear about different lines of clothes that I do not have easy access to. I am very sad that you have chosen to exclude many, especially the daily lurkers, whom I am one of. I occassionaly post but truly am too busy and shy to post. I usually do not have much to say mostly because I do not know about the clothes or deals. I do wish you luck, but I can not help but feel discriminated against in some way. I wish you tons of fun, luck, and happy clothes hunting.....

Diane

[indigo]

Thanks to the admins and moderators for your work in setting up the new board! I hope I will get an invite, but as I am more of a daily lurker and infrequent poster, I am not sure that I will meet the membership criterion. I would have liked to post more but as I rarely buy the new lines till they go on sale, I feel like people have moved on by the time DD gets her new clothes. Maybe that was an incorrect assumption on my part. Anyway, I hope at least some brave souls will stay on to keep RL fun and busy. Best of luck with the new board!


indigo
DD 7/04
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_garnet_6m.gif
twelve months and counting!

[DDowning]

I know that now I have a DD I've been posting more frequently. Do I count as a regular? If I'm not "regular" enough, I'll understand if I don't get accepted.

[LucyG]

Same feelings here. Though I don't post in RL all that often, I read it daily, and I enjoy contributing when I can. My hope is that the new board can make room for those of us who are faithful readers, though maybe not frequent posters of pictures, etc. Though I can completely understand the rationale of those of you who have set up the new board (and I know it's been a big job!), it makes me sad to think that I might not be invited to join, even though I have been a loyal BBB member for nearly 3 years. I contribute what I can to RL, but my DD's clothes are usually not the latest and most popular styles. I try to chime in on advice and opinions when I feel that I can! Still, I really enjoy this forum, and I hope to contribute more in the future, whether it be on the current RL, the new board, or both.


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]
2 years and counting!

[AvasMama]

I am speaking only for myself here and NOT as a mod on the new board, but I wanted to explain my personal feelings about this issue. Given that I work in the online world and have for years, I shouldn't have been so naive about this, but I was. I posted pics of Ava here all the time, as well as on another public board. I felt that in doing this, I was sharing my love of my daughter and my enjoyment of choosing her clothes with my friends.

The recent issues here have opened my eyes to the fact that it was not just my friends who were looking at these photos, but anyone out there with an Internet connection who wanted to see them. That turned out to include: a couple of people who don't like me; lots of people who just want to see the latest Naartjie/J&J/Hanna and don't care about me or my DD; possibly some perverts and god knows who else.

I am sympathetic to lurkers -- I started here as one myself. But this is first and foremost a community, and if you are not contributing, you can't really consider yourself a member of this community. You may be the nicest person in the world, you may have watched my daughter grow from a newborn to a toddler through my pics here over the past year and you may feel like you "know" me a little because of that. But if you don't post, *I* don't know *you*. So why should I feel comfortable posting pics of my child for a bunch of strangers to look at?

I don't mean to be harsh, but this is an important issue for me. For me, the new board is not about popularity or excluding people or hurting feelings. It is about knowing that the personal info and photos I share are being seen by people I know well and not out there on the Web for anyone to see. I owe that much to Ava; it is *her* privacy too.

Robyn & Ava

[papal]

Excellent work girls!
If there are any invites left, I would love to get one too! :)
Leela's wardrobe depends entirely on what Ava is wearing. heehee.

[tigalig]

I may be even more harsh here, but if I am lurking on the feeding board and they decide that for their own safety, they will begin a private board, I would accept that as a lurker with little time for one board, I don't need to be on yet another board. The whole lurking business is what gets people like me paranoid about who is looking. It's not just friendly mamas who can lurk here. . .

And I don't envision the new board making this board die in any way. I usually get and try to post sales/new lines news here first. Nothing will change that.

[kelly ann]

I don't consider myself a lurker, but I have been more active in the lounge lately rather than reality layette. Partly because I could not get excited about any of the clothes (I had a boy). But now that I have a newborn girl, I have wandered back to RL.

Maybe once you feel more comfortable with the setup, would you consider establishing different criteria related to one's activity on BBB (not just RL)? Just a thought...

Thanks for hearing me out and hope your new board provides more security and comfort for posting pics.

[deenass]

THe new board that you are creating is obviously "your" board and you have the right to determine who you will invite to participate.

With that said, I am wondering how you will determine the criteria for "regulars"? Will you do a search to see who has posted a lot? Or base it on who asks to be accepted (and then review their "stats").

An explanation of your "qualifications" would be appreciated.

[ehmom]

first, i want to say that i understand and appreciate all of the opinions discussed here so far. i have not been a picture poster for sereral reasons. the main one is that i would never want to do anything to jeopardize my child's safety or privacy. when the picture-stealing thing came up recently, i was more convinced than ever that i should not have ever posted pics. if that eliminates me from being invited to the group, than that is a price i am more than willing to pay. no amount of conversation, community or bargains is ever worth placing my children in harms way. i'm just saying this to encourage any posters who do not get invited. if you felt like you shouldn't have allowed posts to get too personal for this reason, don't feel bad for being left out. be encouraged that you were making the best decision for your family. and, also to say i understand why a smaller group would be formed by people who feel that they know each other well. anytime smaller groups splinter off, some feelings are going to be hurt. we can have a very active board without pictures of our kids.
jmho, em

[murpheyblue]

I love the scoop in RL. I'm an occasional picure poster. I participated in the photo "contests" (or whatever the name was) but as a WOHM I don't usually get to the stores to get the first crack at new lines so by the time DD gets them, they're old (at least by this boards standards). Hence, not a lot of photos of DD in her new outfits. I hope posting photos isn't the only criteria as I try to be active in other posts in RL.

I'll miss everyone if they leave but I hope that if I don't get an invite they'll be a group that continues to hang out here and keep RL a great place.

[squimp]

Thanks for doing this - I am really missing being able to post pics and see pics of other babies and get ideas for new clothes. I hope you guys will take a broad view of those folks who have posted, because it is a big community of really helpful folks.

And I also really really hope that people will still come here to post questions, new lines, wish lists, etc. I'll still be coming here and participating in this board. This is such a great place, and I've loved getting to know all of you!

[C99]

>another board. The whole lurking business is what gets people
>like me paranoid about who is looking. It's not just friendly
>mamas who can lurk here. . .

I've been involved in online communities since 1998 and I wholeheartedly agree w/ this. It's always bothered me.

[Tracey]

Robyn,
I totally agree with you about the lurking thing. In the original post about the new boards, there were a ton of requests from people with very few posts. I mean, that is the point of even creating a new board; making sure that not just *anyone* is looking at the pictures.

Here is the crux of the problem for me---“not just *anyone*" makes a new board inherently exclusive by nature. But who are you all going to exclude? Am I a lurker? To me I post a lot, but you may have never clicked on my posts. I have absolutely no idea who remembers me, my daughter, or my posts. I have no idea if I will be included in the invitations or not. Heck, I don’t even know if my correct email is linked to the site. I’ve been a member since my first pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. If I’m included, that’s great. If not, that’s ok too. I’ll still post here (sans pics).
If the only people who are going to be included are “friends�, then what is the point of even announcing it on this public board? If we are talking only a few people, why not just email each other pics and have private discussions. On the other hand, If you all are just trying to weed out lurkers, then why not set up specific criteria for membership---so many posts and a member so long, or whatever. I totally respect whatever decisions the creators of the new board make. I would just like to see some clarification as to what constitutes a “regular�.

Tracey

[swampus]

I just wanted to say that I thought your response was perfectly worded!

[darby24]

I understand what you're saying and agree re lurkers. I was a lurker for a bit and then wanted to take part in a co-op but I did not meet the criteria so I started posting so that I could take part next time. Now I’m almost up to 600 posts, and here all I wanted was a measly 50 (but boy were those first 50 hard to get!)

Surprisingly I do not want to be on the new board. :o With nephews there isn't much clothing choice and I have only shared a few pictures of my nephews specifically on this board. So there is no need for me (or wanting by my part) to be on a new board to see your pictures. (I know your children are beautiful, but there is no reason for me to be on a new board seeing as I'm *just* an aunt.)

I'm sorry to bring this up but I have to ask. Did anyone think of the same idea I had? Perhaps because it seems very cut and dry and it reminds me way, way too much about high school. It's weird, I'm taking this personal but I don't want part of the new group, I just feel bad for everyone posting that they can't join. :(

A Yahoo (or photobucket or something similar) group can be set up in minutes, then the address is only given out to certain people and you only accept your certain members. Everyone posts like regular here and at the end of your post you say; "those with access, check out our photos on our site." There now you have safe pictures, but the discussion stays put, the non-regulars and lurkers can read and contribute while your pictures are far, far away from harms reach. This even could be done in the background; us non-regulars and lurkers would never know.

I find it really ironic that not one week ago there were postings by regular’s here begging/wanting to get on Gymbojie. Now these exact regulars are being added to the new RL forum and all the non-regulars and lurkers are begging/wanting to get on the new RL.

I realize this is too late to start yet another board, I just wanted to get my idea out there. I see my first post doesn’t make total sense. I hope this post reads all right, I’m trying to be normal (which is hard sometimes :P !).

I'm betting by the morning I will regret posting this, but I had to get it off my chest. :-)

[lotsofjoy]

Well, I guess that leaves me out. I post a few times a month. But I read constantly. Oh well. Sounds like the "in group" clique from high school doesn't it? I'll just stay here with my posse :-)

-Renee
Chaya Joy (9/23/01)
Rhianne & Solana (5/24/04)

[Phoebe]

You said it perfectly, Robyn. As I was scrolling through the responses I was getting a little irritated, and you put my thoughts into words.

I am very leery of the people with just a few posts to their name. They haven't invested of themselves yet. Does that makes sense? In fact there is a relatively new member on the boards (not someone in this thread) who I think is a complete phony. I think they are just racking up a number of normal posts and then sticking a few looney ones in there to see how many people they can get to respond.

I was a lurker at GR and I have no reason to expect to be included on their spin-off board. I don't see how this is any different.

Mary
DD 4/01
DS 6/03

[heidi_timms]

Thanks Marie, Maureen, Denise and Robyn for all of your hard work!

Robyn,
I totally agree with everything you are saying. I have also been very "free" with my photos of Kailey as well! I have been a member of the boards for several years and am so sad to not feel "safe" here!


~Heidi
Mom to Kailey
4/03

[MeredithsMom]

I just wanted to say thanks again to Marie for her hard work, and to Maureen, Robyn, and Denise for stepping in as well.

I also wholeheartedly agree with Robyn's post. As you know, I have been a frequent picture poster and until recently I didn't really think about it as much as I should have. It's very easy to get a false sense of security when you feel like a board is "home," but what you don't realize is that there are also many, many people peeking into the window of that home, good and bad.

[Globetrotter]

I used to post here fairly often (used to be suribear, but that acct. was giving me problems).

I just hope that people continue to post clothing bargains/deals here! That would be my only concern.

I have never shared any pictures, nor been very forthcoming with other details, like name/location, etc.. because of the privacy issue. That's the downside of a public board. I would have been okay with posting pictures on a private board, however. OH WELL!!

Kris

[Saartje]

Just wanted to give my kudos to those of you who are working hard to make sure you can have the fun of sharing your children's photos while feeling safe. :)

To those asking about the criteria for joining, since this hasn't been addressed, I thought I'd add my thought on that subject (as someone not involved in any way): they would be unwise to post a strict set of criteria for joining, if they even have one. It's way too easy for someone who wants access to photos of kids to meet a given set of criteria if it's something like number of posts/length of membership; and really, you can't attach numbers to a sense of knowing and trusting someone, which is what they're after here.

To those complaining that this feels cliquish or high school-ish: really, it sounds like if anything, this will open up Reality Layette a bit more to some less frequent posters whose threads may have previously been bumped down the page by long threads of photos and responses to them. Wanting to exclude someone you do not know and have no reason to trust (not "is untrustworthy," but "have no reason to trust") from a private part of your life isn't cliquish, it's good sense. If you want to be included in what you seem to feel is an in-group, you have to give others a chance to get to know you. Post, don't lurk.

[JLiebCamm]

I really appreciate what you're all doing and hope this all passes without too many hurt feelings. I think people need to be understanding and realistic about the new board. To invite people who are not "known" would defeat the purpose of starting a new board. I am a lurker at Gymborebel and would never expect to be part of the spin-off boards there, and although I'll miss seeing those posts, I can't justify my inclusion in their boards.

As many of the PPs have said, the Layette forum will still be alive and well. There are so many people who participate on these boards daily, and new ones joining every day. It would be great to get to know some of the 'lurkers' or 'newbies'...it's up to you to keep things interesting here!

[melissaflorida]

I love this board to get ideas on new lines how they look etc. I hope people will still post on this board too as I doubt I have enough posts to be included on the private board.

~Melissa

[jk3]

I completely agree. I have always been leary about sharing pictures and I've only shared a few here and there. I will no longer share on a public board.

I'm sorry if some people feel excluded or if feelings are hurt but I think it's neccessary for members of the new board to be known entities.

Jenn
DS 6/3/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[jd11365]

>Marie (urbanmama)
>Maureen (khakismom)
>Robyn (Avasmama)
>Denise (parkersmama)


Just wanted to say, Maureen, you need to change your username to Khakismama now to make things more uniform! ;)

[LucyG]

I thought the same thing! :-)


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]
2 years and counting!

[Tracey]

"It's way too easy for someone who wants access to photos of kids to meet a given set of criteria if it's something like number of posts/length of membership; and really, you can't attach numbers to a sense of knowing and trusting someone, which is what they're after here."

Yeah, I guess you are right. There are a couple of new posters that I feel weird about and who's to say that they wouldn't stick around to meet a criteria. This is all really sad to me because it is such a lose lose situation. If the group is too big, it defeats it's purpose. If it's too small, what's the point. Just email your real friends. I hate change and I feel like our little community has been shaken and it has always felt like a little safe haven for me. The sad fact is that that safety is a (possibly dangerous) illusion.

[emmiem]

I would love to be a member of the new board. I am very into clothes for our kids! I do post regularly although I never post pics of my kids. I have been a member of this board since its beginning. Any luck of an invite?
Michele

[mykidzmom]

I really hope you will consider letting me join at some time. This is the first board I come to as soon as I get up in the morning while drinking my coffee. I have 3 older children...15, 13, and 11, and recently adopted a son and daughter from Guatemala.(who are both 2 yrs. old) I haven't been buying baby clothes for a long time, and come here to find out what's in style. I want my little ones dressing in the best! :) I had never heard of J&J until I came here, and now it's one of my favorites. I know I have never posted pics, but it's only because I don't know how. Yes, I have a digital camera...I'm just terrible with computers. I know you must be careful, and believe me, I totally understand. With 5 kids, and 2 teens on the computer quite a bit...I do know what can happen.

Thanks for listening....Renee

[dowlinal]

Robyn,

I think you said this perfectly. I also lurked for a while and it was so hard to make those first few posts, but I soon realized that I needed to post to become a part of the community. I hope to be invited to the new board since like Leela, Madeline's wardrobe is entirely dependant on Ava, but whether or not that happens I completely understand why there is a need for that board. This isn't about popularity, its about keeping our children safe.

A

[arcoe]

I would love to join as well! Thanks so much for setting this up :)

[nc_hope]

Erin - I agree w/ your post. My impression of the new board, was a place that posters here could put pictures that so that they would be in a "protected" place. My impression was NOT that it could be a very exclusive replacement for this board. I visit this forum every day and I'm sad to think that it may lose some of its activity to another board. :(

I certainly understand the need for privacy but was hoping this new "spot" was going to be a place to provide privacy to those who had proven themselves not to be harmful lurkers (which I think is done by a combination of length of membership and content of posts) and not a new spin-off board from an already pretty great place! I guess I miss understood the intentions...

Edited to fix my typos!

[Marisa6826]

Chris-

You should put in your sig line that you used to be Suribear so people 'know' who you are.

-m

[kirstensmom]

Well I'm sad that a lot of people will be leaving for a new board. I've been away for about a week and came back to read about a new board and photos being deleted. Quite a surprise. I understand the need for privacy but can see how feelings will be hurt. I wouldn't consider myself a "regular" but not quite a lurker either. Unfortunately for me the photo posts were my favorites. But I don't know if I will post any more photos on this board. I hope people continue to post on RL though.

Michelle
Mom to Kirsten 8/02
DS due 9/5/05

[momathome]

I have well over 2500 posts but I probably post in the lounge more than anywhere else. I have been a member of BBB longer than pretty much anyone else here with few exceptions but I am not a daily poster in RL. I am also not the least bit picture savvy so it is extremely rare that I post pictures of my girls. I read RL every day and contribute when I can. Where do I fit in between those who post daily and those with with 52 posts? And who exactly makes such a determination? Just curious...

[bricorssk]

This may be a completely dumb question but what in the world are you all worried about? I understand not wanting to give out you address or email, and definately not put any nakey baby photos up but millions of people see your baby every year, at the grocery store etc. Was there some sort of fake mommy chat going on? I must of completely missed it.

Anyways I think its the pits about everyone leaving certain boards. I had just started to get involved with the JJ chat at gymborebel then everyone left, now no one is there , maybe a few posts a day. I have been posting here off and on since I found it but with being a busy mom of 4 its hard to do. Plus I have to agree with what someone said earlier, what if you just happened to never have any interest in what I posted so you never read mine? That being said once again the bad guy wins and the good ones alter their life because of that. Hopefully you will take pitty on us and still posts here some with out photos so that I can get good info on finds etc;
Thanks for all the great info in the past!
Corina
SAHM to 4

[JBaxter]

I am just returning from vacation and reading about what has happened. I do have a question. I post regularly on other forums and read the layette is it my understanding ( we are ttc again) that since I have not posted here I will not be able to access the reality layette? Thanks for filling me in. Jeana

[deenass]

A few weeks ago it was brought tho the attention of the users of this board (and some others) that there is a fetish diaper site which had been culling pictures of children and babies in diapers and clothed and was being posted on that site.

It created obvious concern for those who had previously posted pics on this public board.

[amp]

Jeanna- RL will still exist. There is just an offshoot, private board that people are planning to post to also. It won't necessarily take the place of reality layette, but will give people a place to talk and post pics without fear of someone using pics of their kids elsewhere. That is my understanding at least. YOu'll still be able to come here, read and post as usual.

[JBaxter]

Andrea
Great... I just finished removing all Nathans diaper pics from the butt board. What a time to go on vacation!
Jeana

[dules]

<snip>
This may be a completely dumb question but what in the world are you all worried about? I understand not wanting to give out you address or email, and definately not put any nakey baby photos up but millions of people see your baby every year, at the grocery store etc. Was there some sort of fake mommy chat going on? I must of completely missed it.
</snip>

Corina, you know what? I totally agree with you and I will continue to post pics of my DD here. I never post anything that I consider overly personal (i.e. bathtub pictures or what have you) and I do keep all my photos on an image hosting site so that once I delete, move or change the names of them, they disappear from the links.

Yes, someone can still right-click on the image while it's there and save it. But as you said, someone can also see me and my DD at the grocery store, at the park, etc. and they could be lurking with a camera or just with creepy thoughts. Or, they might be wondering where I got that cute outfit for her!

If I allowed myself to be consumed by this I'd never step out the door without covering her head with a veil a la Michael Jackson. And I'd never go to new playgroups because I don't *know* the mamas there.

All that said, if invited I will go check out the new board because I'm sure I'll know a lot of the people there and I miss seeing pics of their kids and talking with them about mine. I don't anticipate leaving RL though, and I do hope that some people who are new or have previously lurked will start to post more to keep this an active, vibrant community.

Just my thoughts...

Best,
Mary

[lmladuke]

Just wanted to say thanks Marie, Denise, Maureen and Robyn for working on this. I know how hard it is to get anything done with kids - let alone take on something like this.

I do think its sad that people are feeling badly. I really have loved the vibe on this board, I posted rather infrequently on the J&J and Naartjie loops on GR but did not feel as "welcome" as I do here. I have learned so much from this board and seeing pics of many of the BBB kids has helped feed my J&J, Naartjie and Hanna obsessions since Katherine was born last July (much to my DH's dismay :)

Lately I have not posted as much first b/c I was having trouble posting pics once they did the new server, then I have been busy with work, my dad's cancer, we had a much needed vacation and last week my computer crashed - so I have really had limited time to post (sneaking it in at work - bad girl!). But I will say that I do hope I am asked to join the new board because the pics people post really are helpful and I have loved seeing all of the babies grow up into toddlers. I will still continue to post here at BBB also.

I think Robyn's comments were right on - I hope people understand why this is being done and not see it as a popularity contest. Unfortunately, in order for things to be effective and have a purpose, I think there need to be rules and regulations some times - not to hurt people, but to make them feel safe.


Lori

Mommy to Jonathan Matthew 7/27/01
and Katherine Olivia 7/28/04

http://lilypie.com/baby1/050728/2/13/3/-5/.png

[Samraelanelevi]

I think it's great that a group of friends are creating the "new" board, but everyone keeps saying they don't want people to feel bad. Well there would have been a way to avoid all of that by just not posting about creating a new board that is exclusive to only certain members. Honestly if you are planning to hav it invite only and not inviting all the members here then I say do it off of BBB. Now I personally do not care about going to a new board b/c I have several other boards I frequent more than this one and just do not have time for more, but I think that all the hurt feelings could have been avoided had the "new" board discussions been kept off the RL.

[AvasMama]

The new board was announced here because it stemmed from conversations we have had here and because several people had posted asking for an update. Also, I don't think I would categorize the membership list as "friends". It is made up of people who are regular, active posters here.

Robyn & Ava

[sumertime]

I just wanted to say that I completely understand your decisions. Good luck with everything!! :)

[AvasMama]

Brenda,
I appreciate your perspective on this, but given that the creation of this board was the result of conversations here (threads with more than 100 responses!), it would have been weird not to say anything. Plus, as I mentioned above, several people posted specifically asking about the new board. It would have been rude to just ignore those posts when the discussions about a new board were public to begin with.

Personally, I think it would have been very "high-school" to secretly invite everyone and not say anything to the board about it. I think it's always better to be upfront, but that's just my opinion.

Robyn & Ava

[Samraelanelevi]

Well I can see that too. Honesty is always best, but I just feel bad that people are getting their feelings hurt. I know that was not the intention but announcing it like it was has caused tension. I sure hope it all works out.

[patricksmom]

I understand why you are doing it...but I certainly will miss you as I know I will not get invited due to a sparcity of posts. I wish BBB was a more secure site in itself so people didn't feel that they had to branch off to find security. most other board require membership and a password before even getting to read posts...I am surprised that anyone can get on herre and read what we write, Has Denise and Alan ever discussed the issue of creating a more secure password protected board?

Good luck and please keep us updated with fahion finds and sales often :)

[mommd]

I guess I understand, but it still sucks. I don't post alot in RL because I don't feel comfortable posting pictures on a public site. I was hoping I would be able to share pictures of her with people on this board, who I "know" from BBB, some of which I've met in person.

Now, not only will I not get to do that, but all of the bargains, sales, codes etc., will be shared on another board. I agree that if it was going to be kept private, it should not have been mentioned here. What's the point? It just made a bunch of people feel bad.

[aliceinwonderland]

It's actually very simple: It is a private, "by invitation only" board, right? the people who put time into creating it have a say over who goes on and who does not. This is their right and prerogative. We are on these nice boards because the Fields took time to make them available, decide the format, etc.

It's just like any other private membership place, no? There's no natural right to layette board memberships, the owners can do what they want.

As a non-regular here, I know I won;t be invited and neither will I apply, because 1. I hate Hanna and the craziness escapes me, 2. I hate Gymboree, and 3. I can't afford Janie and Jack :)

Just my friendly 2 cents.

e.

[Mommy_Again]

I really don't have a dog in this fight, but I just wanted to say something in defense of lurkers. Just because someone doesn't have 700+ posts, doesn't mean they haven't invested time in these boards. I know when I first starting frequenting these boards, I posted very infrequently because I just didn't have anything to contribute. Now that I am learning more, I have more to offer. Also, if someone has already answered the question, I don't see the point in having 10 more posts saying the same thing.

I'm really not into the brands of clothes that people on these boards like (I have a DS who wears jon jons all the time), but I do come here to see what's new, gather information when needed, and provide input when I can. I just really hope that whatever spinoff is created focuses primarily on sharing pictures and that this board can continue to share information as Alan and Denise originally intended it to.

[goodnightmoon]

I might be wrong but the only post I saw with over 100 responses was Urbanmama's "OK, I'm going to attempt to set it up" post. Until then, there were only several people discussing a new board and those people (as the pp said) could have easily been e-mailed and notified of your board. I disagree that it was better to announce the board publicly and then pick and choose from over 100 people that have asked to join. That is by design going to cause hurt feelings.

I wouldn't think it weird at all if groups of people from RL were posting on other boards, e-mailing each other and meeting IRL without notifying me; in fact, I expect it to happen. I see posts often in which someone notifies another that they’ve been PM’d or e-mailed or that refers to a real life get-together I knew nothing about. No problem.

I certainly understand why you feel more comfortable “there� and why you choose not to take everyone that wants in, but I agree with the others that this new board should not have been announced to everyone if the majority of us never had a chance of getting in. :(

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

p.s. Sorry if this is a re-post. I hit post initially and nothing happened...

[goodnightmoon]

I might be wrong but the only post I saw with over 100 responses was Urbanmama's "OK, I'm going to attempt to set it up" post. Until then, there were only several people discussing a new board and those people (as the pp said) could have easily been e-mailed and notified of your board. I disagree that it was better to announce the board publicly and then pick and choose from over 100 people that have asked to join. That is by design going to cause hurt feelings.

I wouldn't think it weird at all if groups of people from RL were posting on other boards, e-mailing each other and meeting IRL without notifying me; in fact, I expect it to happen. I see posts often in which someone notifies another that they’ve been PM’d or e-mailed or that refers to a real life get-together I knew nothing about. No problem.

I certainly understand why you feel more comfortable “there� and why you choose not to take everyone that wants in, but I agree with the others that this new board should not have been announced to everyone if the majority of us never had a chance of getting in. :(

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

p.s. Sorry if this is a re-post. I hit post initially and nothing happened...

[urbanmama]

I do feel really badly that people are hurt by this situation, but it really is a no-win. If we invite everyone, including the admitted lurkers, then many of the people who want a more private board won't feel comfortable. Honestly, if you lurk, how do we really know anything about you? *You* might know that you are a good person, but how do we? You might feel like you know us, but we don't know you. I feel exactly like Robyn does about the lurker issue.

We are creating a board for people who have actively participated in conversations in the past. We are not excluding people who have never posted pics. We are just looking for the people who have actively contributed. Some of you get this and I really appreciate it!! (And Saartjie, your post was brilliant!)

And, like many of you pointed out, Reality Layette will still be here!! This is a great board!

Do I wish that there was a way to not hurt people's feelings? Absolutely. Unfortunately, this conversation started on this board and all of a sudden there were people that we never realized would be interested and that we didn't know at all who were asking to join. If I was predominantly a lurker, I would never expect an invitation to a private board, but that's just me.

Once we saw how many people wanted to join, we considered just inviting people quietly, but felt that would be deceitful and that is just not our style. So, we decided to be up-front and honest. Thanks to those of you who understand and appreciate it!

Some of you have said that it never should have been mentioned on RL in the first place. Maybe so, but I suspect that even if we had arranged the whole thing behind the scenes, it still would have gotten out (just like people on Gymborebel found out about Gymbojie a few months ago). And then there would still be a huge uproar, but we would also be accused of being deceitful on top of being exclusionary. It is just a no-win situation.

So, we are currently inviting people (still in process) who have been regular and active participants in RL that we feel like we *know*. However, some people have their user profiles disabled or the email address isn't correct. So, if you are an active member and haven't gotten an invite, please check to see if we have any way of contacting you.

[urbanmama]

I do feel really badly that people are hurt by this situation, but it really is a no-win. If we invite everyone, including the admitted lurkers, then many of the people who want a more private board won't feel comfortable. Honestly, if you lurk, how do we really know anything about you? *You* might know that you are a good person, but how do we? You might feel like you know us, but we don't know you. I feel exactly like Robyn does about the lurker issue.

We are creating a board for people who have actively participated in conversations in the past. We are not excluding people who have never posted pics. We are just looking for the people who have actively contributed. Some of you get this and I really appreciate it!! (And Saartjie, your post was brilliant!)

And, like many of you pointed out, Reality Layette will still be here!! This is a great board!

Do I wish that there was a way to not hurt people's feelings? Absolutely. Unfortunately, this conversation started on this board and all of a sudden there were people that we never realized would be interested and that we didn't know at all who were asking to join. If I was predominantly a lurker, I would never expect an invitation to a private board, but that's just me.

Once we saw how many people wanted to join, we considered just inviting people quietly, but felt that would be deceitful and that is just not our style. So, we decided to be up-front and honest. Thanks to those of you who understand and appreciate it!

Some of you have said that it never should have been mentioned on RL in the first place. Maybe so, but I suspect that even if we had arranged the whole thing behind the scenes, it still would have gotten out (just like people on Gymborebel found out about Gymbojie a few months ago). And then there would still be a huge uproar, but we would also be accused of being deceitful on top of being exclusionary. It is just a no-win situation.

So, we are currently inviting people (still in process) who have been regular and active participants in RL that we feel like we *know*. However, some people have their user profiles disabled or the email address isn't correct. So, if you are an active member and haven't gotten an invite, please check to see if we have any way of contacting you.

[amp]

>I wish BBB was a more secure site in itself so people
>didn't feel that they had to branch off to find security.
>most other board require membership and a password before even
>getting to read posts...I am surprised that anyone can get on
>herre and read what we write, Has Denise and Alan ever
>discussed the issue of creating a more secure password
>protected board?


This has been discussed by A&D in the past, and right now they dont' want to do that. This board is a free board, that they pay for the bandwidth on and don't allow advertising, and since it's an offshoot of their book, they don't want to close membership to people who might be looking for the same kind of info many of us initially came here seeking. So, for now, no protection. Anyone can read, but you have to sign up to post.

[amp]

I agree with this too, Eri. I know that there are lots of yahoo offshoots that got their start here, a group had a common interest and they took it elsewhere. But most of us still come back here for other stuff. I know I belong to several groups, but it doesn't keep me from coming here.

[bricorssk]

Now that everyone knows about the new group and how it is going to work why don't we all just drop the subject and deal with it privately. There are much more important things to discuss on here like fall clothes, what should I buy for my 9 month old!!!! I went to high school already and worked in a salon, enough drama! I don't feel like reliving all that again!
Corina
SAHM to 4

[tribecamom]

although I do have to add that high school seems like the right analogy ;)

Let's go back to regularly scheduled programming

[C99]

I have no idea who all got invited and who didn't. I rarely post photos of my son in new outfits, but I have in the past. I also don't think that I get very personal in the type of info I've shared here on RL. But I did get an invitation to the new board and I think I did simply because I am an *active* poster here on RL. I post about bargains at HA stores, respond to people's questions about sizing, comment on photos that other people post, etc. I think that's the kind of participation that the mods were looking for, but I suppose that I don't know this -- that's just my guess.

Edited to clarify.

[caridura]

I also post mostly on the lounge and diaper bags. In the last few months I started reading RL as my DD is now at an age where I can buy her alot of the fun clothes from JnJ etc. I've posted a few posts, but I imagine I'm not considered a 'regular' on RL even though I am a regular on BBB overall.

Where does that leave the rest of us BBB members? I'd love to keep active here on RL, but I have a feeling now that this new board is up and running there won't be much going on over here.

[vikivoly]

I'm not sure whether to keep this going or not, but just wanted to say that I think you have handled the situation correctly. I too was a Gymborebel lurker and took absolutely NO offense to their new board. As a matter of fact, I almost felt like I was stealing a part of their lives by not participating and posting. Yes, I was invited and am a part of the new group, but if I weren't, I wouldn't have been offended because I've not been very active here lately.

It is sad to see such a division among the RL crowd, because it's always been the friendliest and most personal forum on the BBB. Hopefully we will overcome this and everyone will still feel welcome here.

[manda7_23]

You took the words right out of my mouth! I would never, ever, post pics of my DD in a public forum, even before this incident happened. I do have a website set up for my family and friends but it is password protected. I do not feel upset or that i'm being left out, i'm just glad i didn't caught up in this whole mess in the first place!

Amanda

[lvales]

Well, I have to say I'm disappointed, but I understand the situation. I know I won't be "invited" to join the new board. I'm a lurker who is very shy in real life, and that tends to transfer over to the boards. I don't post unless I know an answer to a question, or unless I have a question. That said, this has been my favorite board, and I'm sure that most of my posts have been here.

I have really enjoyed seeing pics of lines I've never heard of before, and have been inspired to buy some Naartjie for the first time this fall, since dd has no fall clothes whatsoever.

As for having an available profile - I don't even know if there's anything on mine. I tend not to fill those things out for the very same reasons that a new board has been created - I'm scared of the nutjobs out there that might stalk me/my dd for whatever reason.

I'll continue to hang out here, and hopefully get up the nerve to post more. I hope there will still be some pics of new lines here!

Linda