Bringing home baby #2.... looking for general advice!!!

[sophiesmom]

I'm due in May with baby #2. DD is 19 months old. She's a great toddler, very happy and can keep herself occupied pretty well. I'm not overly worried about her when the new baby comes home, but I was just wondering how others prepared a young toddler for a new baby. She has been playing with dolls and we carry them, feed them, burp them, etc. We even watch baby story and talk about babies. Any other advice would be great!

Also looking for any general advice for when the baby is home. Just any good tips and ideas for dealing with a toddler and newborn!!
Thanks!

[brubeck]

My daughter was 25 months old when my son was born.

Unfortunately she was just not aware enough to understand that a baby was actually COMING to our house to stay, so I was unable to prepare her in that sense. However I did as you have been doing by pointing out pictures of babies in magazines and on TV, talking about them, having her play with a doll, etc. I also got her some books. Although she was not ready for the text in these books, they had good pictures and I would describe the pictures to her. The best one I found was called Our New Baby and it's about $3. Another good one is called I'm A Big Sister (about $7). She still likes to read the books now, and looks especially hard at the photo of the Mom breastfeeding in the Our New Baby book. I just tell her, 'Babies eat from Mommy's chest.' and for the moment she is satisfied with that.

As I got bigger and bigger I was less active and so I didn't roughhouse with her as much and I started lying down more when we played on the floor. In addition to helping me out, this got her used to my being less directly involved in her playing. She also got used to my playing a more supervisory role at the playground.

When I was in the hospital, my husband stayed home with my daughter and spent extra time with her. He took her to visit every day, and called from his cellphone when they were in the parking lot. I made sure that the baby was in the bassinet and not in my arms or being breastfed. So when my daughter came into the room she just saw me in the bed, and was introduced to the baby slowly. She also was with us when we brought the baby home.

Well before my son was born, we had moved my daughter out of the crib and to a big girl bed, and into a new carseat. We put the old things away for awhile so she would forget about them, and then brought them out slowly later into the baby's room. We installed the old convertible carseat next to her carseat but in the rear-facing position. So when we came home from the hospital she was used to seeing the carseat there and wasn't that shocked when we put the baby into it.

I had also stockpiled a small stash of gifts at home. Whenever someone came by with a gift for the baby, or we got a package in the mail, I would pull out one of these small gifts for my daughter so that she got something too. None of these were anything big, most of them were small toys or items I got for $2 or less.

I know we did some other things too, but these are off the top of my head. Basically, we tried to change her routine as much as possible BEFORE the baby was born so that not too much was changed AFTER.

[sophiesmom]

Thanks a lot, you have a lot of good ideas. I printed out your posting and will definitely use your advice. :-)

[KM]

All the advice above is excellent.

My son was 22mos when my daughter was born (3 mos ago).

First, you're doing great playing with the baby dolls and such. Im a working mom, so my son was in daycare and had GREAT exposure to babies. I was worried the crying might upset him, but he wasn't phased in the least. Exposure to the idea of 'baby' is key.

We got a lift-the-flap type book for our son before the baby arried...It had Arthur as the main character (i guess hes some PBS show character i had never heard of). If you search on Amazon for Arthur and baby you should be able to find it. We also got the Im a Big Brother book like that mentioned above. He didnt like it as much (doesnt sit still for reading the words, just wants to flip pages and point to things)

We also have an Elmo video of Babies and Dogs. That might be good (we didnt get it for that purpose, but it does show kids interacting with babies...they are older babies that can sit in high chairs an exersaucers, but still get the idea)

We moved our son out of the nursery about 3 or 4 months before the baby was born. We made a big deal about his new room, and made an effort to have it fun for him (a nonbreakable mirror the full length of the bed so he could see himself jump and dance and such)

Having gifts ready for the big brother is great advice. We had one substantial 'big brother gift' when we brought the baby home. Other little gifts we opened when baby gifts arrived included bubbles (target has some great nonspill bubbles), tub crayons, elmo bubble bath, stickers, etc. Get things you might normally need anyway (a new sippy cup, a toddler spoon, etc). Put a few in big boxes with lots of tissue...we moms know sometimes the box matters more than the gift!

My son didnt visit at the hospital due to RSV restrictions, so the first time he met the baby was at home. It worked out well in that he didnt know where the baby came from and thus couldnt protest that we take it back to the hospital (i think they perceive the baby COMES FROM the hospital when they are that young..like groceries come from the grocery store).

Have tasks for the older child...they love to help and feel improtant. (get the babies blanket, etc).

It was also helpful to get my son to crawl up into the car by himself (sepends on how high up your vehicle is). He cant get into the carseat itself, but he's at least up on the regular seat with the door shut and not in the parking lot while I put the baby in, then come back to him and buckle him in. Its tough to juggle two little ones in a parking lot safely. (anyone have some better ideas on this topic?)

Also (solidifying my nominaton for bad parnt of the year) a few videos to occupy a toddler can be very useful!!

Thats about all i can think of right now. There wasnt much rebellion, but be understanding with little regressions (suddenly wanting a bottle or pacifier, etc)

[brubeck]

Glad to help! If you have any other questions email me! My daughter hasn't been too upset with the baby (so far) and he's 11 weeks old now. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

[brubeck]

When I take both kids out I have the baby in the Baby Bjorn and my daughter in the stroller or shopping cart. I unload only one at a time, and put that one in the carseat before the other is set free. If I let my daughter roam the car by herself she'd be in the driver's seat honking the horn and releasing the parking break before you could say 'Yikes!'.

It's a little cumbersome lifting a toddler into a carseat or shopping cart while wearing the Baby Bjorn, but no more so than it was doing this 8 months pregnant!

[cricketnmatt]

I am in due in August with our second, and my daughter will be 19 mos. A friend recommended a great book to me called "From One Child to Two" by Judy Dunn. From what I have read so far, it has given great advice on how to handle having two children and even has sections for age specific ranges (under one, one to two years old, etc.), emotions that are completely normal for you to have for you child to have, etc.

I plan on using all of the advice everyone here has left.

Crystal

[parkersmama]

I used to put the baby carrier on the ground next to the car and buckle in my toddler then go around and snap the baby carrier in or reverse if you're getting out. My other option was opening the baby's side and having the toddler get in the vehicle, snap the baby seat in, close the door and then head around to the other side to capture the toddler and put him in his seat! Suffice it to say that it's not easy no matter how you do it. Another helpful tip...I spent a lot of time saying "Keep one hand on the car!!". I figured if he always had a hand on the car at least he wasn't running off. This was my parking lot mantra for a year or more! Also, for those of you expecting your 2nd, if you don't have a minivan now's the time to consider one. I know they aren't the greatest to look at but I swear to you that you'll never regret giving up your hip status when you see how much easier they will make your life! I guess that SUVs are the same but I'm trying to be friendly to the environment and lost all hold on "coolness" when I was pregnant with #2. Now I can't imagine doing it every day with any other vehicle and have resigned myself to the minivan way of life until my kids are older (college???). Now, anyone with tips on how to handle 3?? :-)

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[atlbaby]

Well, I have a ways to go before #2 arrives, but I am already stressing about how the adjustment will go. (Very worried about knocking Arielle off her *high* pedestal:) )

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice!! I have bookmarked this topic and I'm sure I will be reading the suggestions often. I'm sure I'll have many many questions, and I am so glad there are people who are going through these transitions now, and can share what is working/what is not.

Thanks!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[sophiesmom]

Thanks again to everyone for such good advice. She got a basketball net for her bday last year that she hasn't seen yet, so that will be good to have for her as a 'big' gift when baby comes home. I'll have to work on collecting little gifts too. She is also very receptive to instructions and helping out, so I'll be sure to include her in helping with the baby.
One thing I did see about bringing baby home (on Regis and Kelly) was a recommendation to (if your toddler is at home when you bring baby home) have Mommy walk in first, empty handed to greet the toddler, then have the baby come in. Just thought I'd share that with everyone too, makes sense I think. ;-)
Sounds like this will be a big challenge, bringing baby home and getting into routines and getting out, but I know with time it will all become a bit 'easier' (I use quotes because I know it will never truly be easy!)
I do admit I have some guilt sometimes when I look at her, I feel bad her '#1' status will be changing somewhat, but I know in time having a brother or sister to play with and love will be the greatest thing for her!

Stephanie

mom to Sophie (8/4/01) and #2 - due 5/17/03

[parkersmama]

When we brought our 2nd baby home from the hospital, dh brought our son with him to pick me up. They let him ride down in a wagon (from the peds unit) along with the gifts and flowers and he had a blast. I think it made him feel more a part of what was going on. It was probably a little more trouble but I think it was worth it to include him.

I barely saw any change in my son when we brought his brother home. He seemed to go along pretty much as normal with 2 exceptions: he was about 2 1/2 and pretty quickly quit taking naps since when the baby slept was his only time alone with me (he figured this out on his own!) and he started waking at night some because their rooms were right next to each other and the baby crying woke him up the first few weeks. Other than that, he took it all in stride very well UNTIL the baby started crawling at about 7 mos!! Then it was a whole other story!!!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[brubeck]

Stephanie,

If you feel guilty about reducing Sophie's status, use that as an excuse to spend a lot of special time with her. I treasured those last 2 months or so with my daughter when it was 'just the two of us' and we did so many fun things.

After my son showed up I still spent solo time with her, but it was now even more special. I try to spend at least one 30 minute stretch each day where all we do is play together. Then when I am breastfeeding my son I ask her to bring me books and we read together. It works well.