Is there a way to minimize "snacking" vs actual eating?

[etwahl]

Lauren is still doing the snacking thing a lot - eats for five minutes then falls asleep hard. Some people have suggested trying to get her to go longer periods of time (like two hours) before allowing her to feed again. I know this is like trying to schedule, but just wondering to what degree I should try this. I'm just getting frustrated, as I'm sure she is, with trying to feed her ALL day and ALL night long.

Just wondering to what degree I can prevent these 5 minute snacks all the time?

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[mamahill]

Ainsleigh would do this, and I know many people oppose what I finally ended up doing, but I did go on a type of schedule. If it was less than 2 hours since her recent feed, I wouldn't feed her again until it had been at least 2 hours, but I'd try to go for 2 1/2. Then I'd be sure she'd get a good solid amount. Sometimes even then it didn't seem like she was eating that much, though. If she fussed at other times, I knew it was because she was tired, gassy, or boredom (haha). She quickly adapted to this, and it made me feel a LOT better. I could begin to go out and not worry that I'd have to drop and hook her up :). Sometimes she'd go 3 hours, sometimes it was closer to 2. I wasn't completely strict about the schedule, but I did sort of have one in place. It made me feel more like a person and less like a feedbag.

I know some are opposed to this, and champion on-demand feeding. Whatever works for you and your baby, and makes the both of you happy is what works. A happy mommy = (more likely) a happy baby. It's amazing how they can really pick up on your stress.

Oh, and I should add that Ainsleigh was probably a month old before I really started spacing the feedings like this. Mostly because by then she was 8 pounds and I wasn't as worried about starving her :). Hope this helps. You're doing a GREAT job!

[Momof3Labs]

My opinion (and it is exactly that) is that a baby that is less than two weeks old should be fed on demand. Lauren is still a sleepy newborn - she will start to "wake up" around 3-4 weeks (and go through another growth spurt at 3 weeks) and then I would see how she is doing - chances are, she will start feeding more at a sitting and going longer (2-2.5 hours) between feeds on her own.

My opinion is that she is really too tiny to be put on a schedule - wait another 2-3 weeks at least; chances are she'll be doing so much better by then that you will be fine.

Bf'ing is tough! As a bf'ing mommy, your job for the first month is to feed your baby and build your supply - that's it. Let everything that isn't critical wait - or delegate it to anyone offering to help. As long as Lauren has enough wet and poopy diapers, and gaining adequate weight, you are doing your job well. The rest of this will fall into place in time.

[Rachels]

I agree with Lori. I know how hard it is. Abigail did exactly the same thing. She is working really hard to learn how to do things in this new environment, and it tires her out. She may not be ready for big long feeds, and she's almost certainly not ready to go a long time without feeding, at least during the day. Also, if you hold off, you can lower your supply. I know you're working hard to keep her awake for feeds. Try undressing her, even if she gets a little chilly, or patting her feet. Worst case scenario is just to hang in there. You won't believe the difference in another week or two. Sleepy babies DO wake up, and once she does that, she'll space out on her own.

Breastfeeding is a tough commitment in the beginning. It really, really will get easier. I know I keep saying that, but it will. I admire you so much for doing this for her. Hang in there, sweetie.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[etwahl]

Okay, well I'm glad to at least hear this is going to get better soemday. I guess I can wait several weeks to see it improve. I was just worried that she was unusual and was going to feed like this forever.

I think the hard part is being alone. Yes, I have friends that come over occasionally to help, but it's not the same at all.

I am the only one who can pay bills and sort out our finances. She won't let me put her down without crying, so even getting a shower in is a major task. Sleeping at night is next to impossible because of her erratic feeding pattern, which has me exhausted and irritable. My back ACHES like you wouldn't believe because of always feeding. Even trying to type on the computer, I have to put her in my lap, in a position that I know she won't fall out of and then arch my back just to lean up to the keyboard.

It's all SO hard, and then to top it off, I have to make sure I eat and drink, which is next to impossible.

And even worse, is that I can't stop watching the news - 24/7. The only time I'm not watching it is those very rare hours in the middle of the night when she's sleeping. Otherwise, it's ALWAYS on. It's scary, devastating and horrible.

The phone keeps ringing - people who want to see how I"m doing, etc. I just want to scream at them to leave me alone, because I'm sick of relating my story 300 times over each day.

I know you all keep teling me it will get better, and I hope it does, because I just keep feeling (especially at the end of the days) like I am the world's worst mother. I just can't imagine getting better at it and wonder how any of you do it all.

To top it all off, my breasts have started to get really hard. I read the breastfeeding book before I had Lauren, but of course can't remember a single word of it now. And trying to open a book with her is pretty much impossible, so I'm sitting her wondering what to do. Scared I'm going to get completely engorged, mastitis, whatever.

I'm just feeling at the end of my rope. I wish so much that Evan was here and cry because I know I have absolutely no control that he isn't or of when he will be back. I would kill for a backrub, have him tell me he loves me, or just to see his face.

Don't worry, I'm not in the state of mind to do something to myself or Lauren (as one LC asked if I were), but I'm just feeling very, very scared, vulnerable, and lost. And oh yeah, I've started leaking like crazy which has me, point blank, CRAZY.

PS: My mom and step-dad were here for a few days when I came home from the hospital. It was a nightmare. We got in a huge fight and I sent them home a day early. She cleaned the house the first day, but after that, nothing. They didn't cook a single meal for me, and the third day, I blew up and told her I thought she should leave. She started playing the victim "fine, we'll leave then..." and started crying. It was really a mess. MIL is arriving today until Wednesday. She knows what happened with my mom and is furious, but I can't help worrying that she may drive me crazy also. I so hope not, but I just hope I can handle her on my own. We get along fine, but I just hope I can stand up to her for my own parenting beliefs when I need to.

PPS: Did I also mention that I feel like I'm catching a cold? I hope not, because when I do, they knock me out. I'm hoping it's just feeling run-down.

I forget, you did tell me this would get better, didn't you all???????

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[egoldber]

Yikes!!! It really does get better, but I'm afraid that's really very small comfort right now. I answered your other post in the Lounge, but to just say again, having a newborn is incredibly HARD work. I don't think it's possible to realize how hard until you actually do it. And the fact that you are doing this alone, with all the added stress of your worry for Evan, I am in AWE of how WELL you are coping! Just know that all new parents have been where you are even in the BEST of circumstances. And it will get better.

Just a few thoughts that may make some things easier for you.

When at the computer, put her in the sling. That should free up your hands to type a bit.

Unplug the phone. Just for a few hours a day so that you know you will have some peace and quiet without having to make idle chit chat if you don't want to.

This may be hard for you, but turn off the TV. I know it is so hard right now because you want to see everything that is happening, but you might feel better if you didn't have the TV on all the time. I am not a psychologist of course, but I just feel like it can't be good for ANYONE, to watch those images over and over. I have actually NOT been watching much myself, because I don't want Sarah seeing these violent images over and over. I try to catch CNN for about 30 minutes a couple times a day when she is napping. They really tell you anything that is true news very quickly, as opposed to the same thing over and over again.

Hopefully your MIL will be able to make life a bit easier for you. Have a list of things ready that you would like her to do for you.

And truly, truly things do get better!!!

Hugs,

[COElizabeth]

Tammy,

I am so sorry! You are under an incredible amount of stress, and I am so sorry it didn't work out better with your parents. I do so hope your MIL is more helpful! Beth has given good advice as always, but I did want to add one note that your back will probably start feeling better. I think it's likely that the soreness is not just from feeding but still some from labor. I know my back was very sore for quite a while afterwards, and my labor was much shorter than yours. Try to minimize the leaning over while you are feeding, even if you have to pile her onto as many pillows as the princess and the pea used! And if you have any of that prescription-strength Motrin from the hospital, use it for your back! I do hope you start feeling better soon. I know I physically felt the worst the second week after James was born. I felt great right after and thought I had gotten off really easy, and then the second week hit! The recovery goes in waves and can be two steps forward, one step back, but you will start feeling better, and believe it or not, you will even get pretty used to the night wakings. Hang in there. You really are doing great. As I have said before, I know you are a perfectionist and are being hard on yourself. If you don't trust yourself, trust all these wonderful parents who know for a fact that you are doing a great job!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[sparkeze]

Having a newborn is tough!!! I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and then I'm expected to feed and care for a helpless baby, not to mention myself? I really hope that things get easier for you soon!

Tip: make a checkoff list of everything anyone can do for you. Write down everything that needs to be done (laundry, cooking, shopping, etc) and give it to anyone who offers to help you!

Tip: use a cold wet washcloth to rub on her head (forehead, hair) to continue waking her up until she nurses for at least 10-15 minutes. Blowing on the face can work too. Newborns are sleepy, so sleepy that they can't stay awake long enough to finish eating! Try to keep a bowl and washcloth where you nurse most frequently and you'll know when she's has a full tummy. This way she may sleep for over an hour and even if you only get an hour break here and there, you'd be surprised at how much you can accomplish in an hour! An hour long nap is incredibly sweet! A shower is wonderful! Eating is great too! :)

Tip: Use a sling! So your baby won't sleep if she's put down? Well, you don't have to! If she's sleeping right up against your chest and you walk or rock, I guarantee you that she'll sleep for a longtime! I used to carry my DS in a sling and pace back and forth in the living room while reading a book. That was the only way to get him to stay asleep for more than 20 minutes.

Last Tip: If your breasts are feeling hard nurse or pump. The combination of your breasts feeling hard and you feeling like you're getting sick could mean that you are in the early stages of mastitis or a plugged duct. I don't want to scare you, but the best way to help that situation is to stay in bed as much as possible (can you nurse sidelying?), drink lots of water, and try to prevent engorgement by nursing and/or pumping frequently. If the situation gets any worse, contact a LC! (a nice one!)

HTH! You sound like a great mother doing extraordinary things in extraordinary circumstances. Keep up the good work!!

[Rachels]

Oh, Tammy! Hang in there. It sounds SO hard. As for the phone, just don't answer it. It's fine to let it ring, or screen your calls, or tell people you just aren't up to talking right then. Don't feel any pressure to return calls, either. You have a new baby-- you're in charge of your phone time.

It sounds like you're getting engorged, which happens. Try warm compresses and then nursing a lot or pumping just enough to relieve the hardness. Your breasts will adjust to Lauren's demand over the next couple of weeks, and that part will get better. The leaking slows or stops, too.

As for your back hurting, it sounds like you're crouching toward Lauren when you nurse. I did that, too. Can you see your LC again, or have her come over? (Can't recommend that last one strongly enough-- it made a HUGE difference, immediately.) Mine helped me figure out positioning so that the pressure was relieved on my back. You need to get some help with that so that you're not creating more and more injury.

How did it go with the sling? Once you guys get the hang of that, you can use it to snuggle Lauren while still having your hands free to pay bills or sit at the computer or whatever. Also, have you tried swaddling her TIGHTLY during the day when you need to put her down? Tiny babies are used to cramped quarters, and feeling too loose may unnerve them.

Is there anything that feels like it would help? Do you need one of us to make a visit and help you?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02