rude comments about breastfeeding

[spu]

help! how do you deal with rude comments about your decision to breastfeed esp. past the 1 year mark? I'm at 8 mos with my twin babies, and have no plans to stop, but haven't told anyone yet. I came up with a list of potential things people may say to me, and aside from 'it's none of your business" or lecturing them on the benefits of my decision, what kinds of things should I say?

Here's some remarks I'm anticipating, so I'd love your feedback on snappy or smart comebacks and if you have any other comments / comebacks to add, please do!! thanks!!

"are you STILL breastfeeding"?
"shouldn't they be drinking from a cup by now"
"that's gross (weird... etc)"
"once they're crawling and walking, shouldn't you stop?"
"can't they have cows milk now?"
"aren't they done getting all the antibodies?"
"aren't they strong enough to resist colds?"
"can't they get their nutrition from foods now?"

what other comments should I anticipate and how should I respond? People can be so opinionated so I want to be prepared!

thanks!!!
susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[egoldber]

Is this family you're anticipating rude remarks from or strangers? If strangers, I wouldn't waste my energy if I were you even dignifying their rudeness with a reply. If it's family, then I would give the shortest possible response. "Are you STILL breastfeeding" can be answered with a simple smile and a "yes". No, maybe and this works for us are all great replies. Many times people like this are DYING for a debate and I have always found it best not to give them the satisfaction. By engaging in debate, you are subtly implying that there is room for discussion and negotiation. Simple, matter of fact answers imply that the discussion is closed and there is no room for debate.

One of my friends is still breastfeeding her 20 month old, and she has never gotten any comments except admiring ones. You're doing a great thing for your girls.

Good luck,

[KathyO]

I agree with Beth about the futility of engaging strangers in debate. Or, as someone once said, "Never mud-wrestle with a pig. You only get dirty and the pig enjoys it."

If "yes" seems too short an answer, you could always smile and add "Doctor's orders". It'll be untrue, but it'll shut down debate, and save your energy for your lovely girls.

I breastfed until one and a half years, and like Beth, never got the least hassle about it.

Good luck!

KathyO

[stillplayswithbarbies]

>
>"are you STILL breastfeeding"?

"no, the girls are all the way over there, they have to be much closer to me to breastfeed them."

:)


Actually, I like the Ann Landers response to rude questions: "What would make you ask such a thing?" or "why on earth would you be interested in that?"

...Karen

[Rachels]

To people I know, I quote AAP and WHO recommendations as needed. I just am sort of matter-of-fact about the prospect of extended breastfeeding. To people I don't know (mostly, and most ridiculously, doctors), I either gape silently or express my gratitude at being able to give my daughter the best possible food. I find the hard thing is not responding in the moment, but dealing with how it makes me feel later. I tend to turn to nursing friends and the EBF forum on the mothering boards for support and a boost as needed.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[simplemama]

like some of the mommies who posted before me, i'm BFing my "already" 14 months-old son, and i've gotten only positive comments about it. i was worried, too, and had some snappy responses ready in my mind, but i've never had to use them. you may not have to worry too much, either.

that said, i would agree with the strategy of keeping the response short. don't waste your precious energy (whicn you NEED with twins!) reacting to people who don't understand or agree with your principles.

[cara1]

I'm also still nursing my 14 mo DS. Surprisingly, my in-laws haven't said anything negative at all. My mother, has had a few winners, like, "I still think he should be drinking from a cup." I answer, he does, all day long when I'm not home. Last week, I came home from work late, and DS had gone to sleep already, so I didn't get to nurse him. I mentioned to my Mom that night that I was really engorged, and she said, "well, maybe you should start to cut back, then." I explained that that had nothing to do with it, I just got home late one night, and had no plans to wean, because there was no reason to. She answered, "Okay, then, just keep going until he's 10." Once before she suggested that I was really just nursing him at this point for ME, not for him. That's prety much it, though. For a while before he learned how to master the sippy cup, she basically tried to tell me it was my fault because I kept giving him the breast. But in general, I answer her swiftly and briefly, and there isn't much NEGATIVE in what she says, really more just lack of knowledge and an older (?outdated) opinion. No one else has said much, but then again, not many other people know. I guess I'd feel self-conscious NIP now, whereas I wouldn't before, but it doesn't come up as much now since he's cut down. Good luck and stick to your guns.

[COElizabeth]

Oh, Karen - I love your response! I almost hope I get to use it!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[nigele]

Me too, me too!!

[MartiesMom2B]

Me three! Me three!

Tee Hee. I love this response.

Sonia
EDD 4/14/03

[parkersmama]

Chances are that you won't get many comments from strangers because older babies don't nurse that much in public. Therefore, people won't see you nursing very often. As babies get older, they are so distractable that unless you enjoy having your boob hanging out in the breeze when they turn away to check out what's going on you won't be nursing much in front of other people.

As for family, I think giving them the straight scoop but not justifying seemes to work well. I would say, "I'm going to nurse for as long as we both seem to be enjoying it" and leave it at that. No one ever challenged me on it but that may be because they knew I wouldn't tolerate their interference (just my personality). I did have friends that sort of "joked" about me nursing "forever" and "how long will you keep this up?" and these were breastfeeders themselves (just not as long as I did)! I felt like giving anyone a bunch of info about how great it was for me and the baby was just going to turn it into a debate, like someone else mentioned, so I pretty much just gave them "the look" and that shut most people up.

That being said, I applaud your conviction to keep nursing (especially with twins...you're amazing!!). I nursed both times until around 21 months and sometimes wish I'd done it longer. Nursing my toddlers was actually some of the most special times I had with my boys and I certainly don't regret a minute of it. I was sad to see the end of nursing. It was such a terrific bonding experience for me and the children and it certainly made the transition from babyhood into toddlerhood a lot easier. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the great work and don't let anyone's rude comments slow you down!!

[spu]

thank you all so much for your support. I want to do everything I can to have a healthy positive nursing experience with my babies. Your responses are great and help motivate me even more.

I was reading in the "attachment parenting" book about toddler nursing (they call nursing babies 'nurslings' - isn't that so precious!!!) and I get all warm and fuzzy inside with everything I read and all that you guys share with me. It's right up there with the top few moments in life.

I'm a little nervous about comments from my family so I think explaining it to them and telling them that I want their support the right approach. thanks for guiding me in this direction!

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[Rachels]

ITA about the nursling thing!!! Oh, it's so sweet!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[lisams]

At dinner the other night, my mother said with a disgusted look on her face "A woman at work is still nursing her 6 month old, can you believe it?". I replied, "I will be nursing dd for AT LEAST a year and the AAP and our pediatrician both support this." She just said "Oh". So I think sticking with the facts and allowing no room for a debate is the best way to go, especially with family who are more likely to comment on your decision.

Good Luck!!
Lisa

[gravymommy3]

I am nursing my almost 17 mo as I type. I have gotten so much flak about it. I have a "friend" who rides me everytime we talk (which is not often now) and she is convinced that it is perverted to nurse a baby longer than 6 months. Whaaat ever! If my dear mother were still alive, she would be riding me long and hard about still nursing (course, she would have given me hell for even having a third child.) And my children's pediatrician gave me a hard time about her still nursing.

But, then yesterday, at my oldest DD's 5 year check up, I got test results back from the allergy panels that were run on my DD5 and DD 16 mos. We know DD 5 is deathly allergic to eggs and peanuts. She also is highly sensitive to wheat and soy. But the real kicker is that DD 16 mos is allergic to all of the above and cow's milk.

If I have not nursed her at all, she would have been in serious trouble with both a milk and soy allergy. And if I had weaned her at 1 year and introduced cow's milk to her, we could have ended up at the ER or worse.

So, I will gladly suffer through any ignorant opinons on extended bf and let it roll off my back because I now know that I have done the right and best thing for the health of my precious child.

Keep nursing them as long as you can or want to , and if soneone has a problem with it, too damn bad! They can just get over it. Keep up the good work!

[suribear]

I nursed my dd for two years (she self weaned) and plan to do the same with ds.

If you want to bf and your pedi. says such ignorant nonsense, please change to another pedi.! you deserve someone who will support you.. did your pedi. change his or her mind after seeing the allergy history?

while we were in the hospital with ds (after my dreaded c/s) i chose a nursing friendly pedi. who came highly recommended. he was a DREAM, like Dr. sears come to life LOL and he saved us from pressure to supplement, etc... as soon as the nurses found out he was our pedi. they left us alone! So such pedis do exist. And let me tell you, i have plenty of milk for my "huge" 9.5 lber! I need to write him a thank you note :)

to the original poster, i think it's remarkable that you're nursing your twins! hooray for you :) just be confident that it's the best choice for all of you and that confidence will help to keep the ignoramuses at bay :) You can quote AAP, too, as that is seen as a mainstream credible group.

Kris