HELP - 15-week old DS won't eat . . . (long)

[cthuynh91]

I'm getting very desperate and could really use some help. My 15 wk old DS has always been a fussy eater but it's gotten worse. I've been feeding him both EBM and formula since birth. Initially he wouldn't breastfeed so that was a major struggle and then when I needed to get him back on the bottle to go back to work he wouldn't take the bottle without a major struggle. He started with 3oz when he was born and has not graduated beyond that. If we really force him he may take 4 oz but he would scream, shake his head as if we were forcing some bitter medicine down his throat. Recently, he started taking less. Now he would take only 2 to 2.5 oz and go for four five hours like that. Some day he would take 4 oz for 8 hrs no matter how much we try to get him to take more. I have tried doing EBM exclusive, and then formula exclusively, and then mixing the two - nothing works. I don't know what to do at this point. I mentioned it to his ped but she just said he looks fine and as long as he's alert he should be ok. She said not to be concerned unless he's losing weight by his next appt. Easier said than done. BTW, he's only 12 lb 6 oz. He has been wearing size 2 diapers and now I think he needs to go back to size 1. When I read other women talking about their children taking 5 - 6 oz at at time every 3 - 4 hrs, I get so envious I just want to cry.

Has any one dealt with this? What did you do to get your child to eat more? Any words of wisdom or support will be much appreciated. I'm practically in tears every time I feed him because I feel like I'm hurting him but if I don't force him he'll just wither away. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Carina

[egoldber]

If your ped is not concerned, I would try not to be concerned. Some babies are just not big eaters. As long as he continues to gain weight, meet milestones and just generally thrive, then he's totally fine! There is nothing inherently healthier about a baby that weighs more or eats more or eats less often. Some babies prefer to eat lesser amounts more frequently. And it doesn't matter where your baby is on the percentile scale, as long as he generally maintain his place over time.

There are lots of studies that show that letting a baby determine how much and how frequently they eat is the best way to go. Hopefully, it will also make things a little stressful for you too.

Good luck!

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I just finished reading the book "How To Get Your Kid to Eat But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter. I think it would be very helpful to you right now.

It starts at birth and goes all the way up to teenagers, so it is a great reference to have on hand.

Don't compare him to other babies. He will eat and grow according to his schedule, not anyone else's. The book I mentioned will help calm your fears about this.

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03

[peanut4us]

Carina,

I so feel your pain. DD got jaundice (had to go to the hospital) when she was 5 days old and that almost ruined bfing. So we worked like the ####ens for weeks getting her to bf well, only to discover that she would NOT take a bottle.

So now I'm back at work and DH is at home with her. Yesterday she nursed in the AM before I left at 6:45... by noon DH finally got her to eat 4 ounces. At 4 she at 5.5 ounces. But in her whole life, she has never eaten that much from a bottle. Usually she eats, maybe 3 ounces (and screams the whole time).

Now, she is 23 weeks. And I gave up stressing over her eating. SHe got really sick around 13-20 weeks... yikes. She didn't lose weight but she literally did not gain an ounce. Our ped treated her for her health problems, but didn't screw with the eating. As long as she wasn't losing that was OK. So she was 13 pounds 3 ounces until she was 21 weeks. Don't sweat it. He might be a little lower than 50 percentile (I know the growth charts are in the back of What To Expect the First Year, if you've got it). It's not like he's falling off the charts.

It's hard to relax about that, but you'll know if things are going right. And 3-4 monhts is a big sleep/eating adjustment time for babies anyway. If you are really getting concerned, you can take him in for weight checks every week or two and just make sure he is gaining. I did that for a while and it did no end of good for my mental well-being. Hang in there. HTH

[ralu]

We had the same problem with DS --- at about 2 months he refused to breastfeed during the day, and then gradually he started to fight the EBM bottle too. We also used to spent hours to make him eat just a little bit, and he would scream and fight terribly.

We thought he might have reflux, so we started feeding him entirely on demand, for as long as he wished. So, if he would eat for 2 minutes at one breast, that was fine; we wouldn't force him to eat more. We offered the breast whenever we thought he might be hungry (i.e., whenever he fussed a little). He settled into a pattern of 5 minutes feedings, every 1:30-2hs. And he maintained on his growth curves.

I second the recommendation for Satter's book. Her idea is that your child knows how much he should eat and that you should not attempt to control him. Force-feeding him might negatively affect his actual intake. In your baby's case, it's possible that he now associates crying with the bottle.

In retrospect, although at that time I had not read her book, Satter's suggestion entirely worked for us. (And I am not sure that my baby really had reflux.)

Good luck,
Raluca & Matei (Feb 2003)

[nathansmom]

My baby was the same way. Even now at almost 7 months he rarely finishes a 4 ounce bottle. We have struggled to get him to gain and maintain his weight. My doctor and I decided that he's healthy and meeting his developmental milestones. Read the book Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter, it helped to make me feel better.
BTW Nathan weighed in at the doctors today at 15lbs. 7 ounces. Look at his pictures in the link and you'll see he looks healthy.

[cthuynh91]

Hi Ladies -

Thanks so much for your advice and encouragement. I was begining to feel like such an abject failure at my most important job. To think that with all the technology and research and information available, it was still so difficult to do something that millions of women have done for thousands of years.

I'm off to B&N tomorrow to get the book and try it out. You've definitely made me feel better. Thanks again.

Carina