Supplementing questions....

[kensjen]

We've definitely had our BF issues, and it's looking like (at 3 months) it's just not going to work out. This has not been an easy decision, and I practically have tears in my eyes as I type. DS had a latching problem, then we had to supplement a bit for weight gain, then nipple confusion.....we have been to 3 different LC's but still he is not really BFing. He will latch on for a minute or 2, and then give up. So, I have been pumping to give him as much breast milk as possible, and then supplementing with formula 1-2 bottles a day. I still try to latch him on a few times each day, the LC said one day he may just go for it and not look back, but I also don't want to force it....feeding time has been so stressful most of his life. :( I really just want to enjoy my baby, and over the weekend I sort of let go of the "I have to BF" attitude I had, and I felt better. I guess I have just been under the stress of having to make it work, and maybe it just won't. I really don't want the debate on BF, I feel guilty enough, and believe me, if I could EBF, I would.

My question is, do I continue to pump and bottle feed him as much as I can? If he is getting some formula, but mostly BM, is that better for him? I know I have to pump to keep up my supply, and I know my supply will continue to go down....I'm just unsure how I should do this.

Any suggestions, advice would be appreciated. Thanks! -Jen

[stillplayswithbarbies]

If I were you, I would continue to pump and feed him. Some breastmilk is better than none at all. He will still get the benefits of breastmilk. As long as you keep pumping, you will keep making milk.

On the Pumpmoms group, there are women who pump and feed their babies exclusively pumped breastmilk. Some of them have babies who learned to latch on when they were older, and they were able to stop pumping.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pumpmoms

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03

[Jen841]

You have done a great job and have been very persistent!

I personally would give up the pumping for selfish reasons, I HATE it. I am doing it now b/c he is latching on fine. You could spend more QT with the little one if you did not have to pump. Formula is going to give him what he needs.

Give yourself some credit!

[amp]

Jen, I am so sorry you are experiencing such difficulty. I don't really have much in the way of advice other than to go with your heart. I have been in the same place as you and cried the same tears. I ended up giving up the pumping. I just wasn't generating enough by pumping to make much difference and I hated doing it. After many tears, we decided to move to bottles and formula, and while I wish it had worked out differently, for me it was a also a huge relief to just make the decision and do it. Now we happily formula feed. If you decide to continue on, you can get lots of support from women who had trouble and managed to continue on successfully. You can also get lots of support if you choose to stop. It is a huge weight to carry when you are having difficulty and don't know what to do. Best of luck making this decision. I know it is far from easy.

[egoldber]

I was in the same place as you when my DD was 5 months old. I also had to supplement from day one due to my DD's poor suck and weak latch. At 5 months she was still breastfeeding every 1 1/2 - 2 hours. And THEN I also had to give 2-3 bottles a day as well. I was miserable with breastfeeding, it was bringing me no joy, I was resenting it, and it stressed me out. So I decided to slowly wean and by 6 months we had weaned to formula. And I was SO HAPPY! For about 3 months. And then I regretted it. And I have bitterly regretted it ever since (not impairs my life type of regret, but regret nonetheless).

Part of my regret is that I was totally committed to EBF before DD was born. I wanted to EBF and also extended breastfeed. Once I was past the day to day stress, that commitment came back to me and I regretted not following through and trying harder.

If you had that type of commitement to breastfeeding before giving birth, then I would suggest for your own sake, try to find some more resources to help you. Find a 4th LC. Find a breastfeeding support group. Go to a LaLecheLeague meeting (or call a leader). In retrospect, I just wish I had done more to try and work through all the issues I was having.

In retrospect, I can also see that I put a lot of extra stress on myself. Every time I gave DD a bottle of formula, I was worried that I wasn't breatsfeeding her, rather than just enoying the time we did have breastfeeding. And I was not very comfortable nursing in public, so I was always having to struggle to schedule errands and activities around her feeding times. I wish I had given myself permission to relax more and not worry about so many things.

I am NOT trying to make you feel bad for wanting to give up breastfeeding and pumping. If that is the right decision for you, then do it. But make sure that it isn't a decision that you won't wish you didn't make in a few months.

Hugs,

[Rachels]

I agree with Beth. You've struggled and worked, and your grief is so obvious. If you CAN keep pumping, do-- it will be a boon to your baby for however long you keep it up. And it's not worth later regret. But also, you need to be gentle with yourself. You're to be commended for all the hard work you've done, regardless of what happens next. Be proud. You sound like a great mom to me.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[jennifer13]

I hardly ever respond on this board (I'm a "lurker" who reads), but I just had to respond to you. You have nothing to feel guilty about! You obviously love your baby very much and have made every effort to make breastfeeding work. As a mother that's the most you can do, and it's a lot! Your child will grow up healthy and loved. In addition, babies are so intuitive, I'm sure your baby will feel the difference of letting go of the stress the BFing was causing.

Anyway, any breastmilk is better than none- think of it as the presence of breastmilk opposed to its absence. I am pumping and giving formula and it comes out to about 2 bottles formula, 3 bottles BM. Pumping, though, is a big pain. I pump about 4 times a day and it really sucks. DD is 4 months and I am phasing out the pumping. She has adjusted well to formula and I, too, am letting go of the guilt. (My generation didn't receive any breast milk, after all.) However, you might also develop a sense of pride in your pumping prowess and continue on. If that's the case, Fenugreek is an herb that has been very helpful to me in maintaining my supply. You can get it in capsules at health food stores.

Good luck, and enjoy that baby. Feel good about yourself and that will spill over onto him - he just wants to be loved.

[kensjen]

You all don't know how much it means to me to have support from you! I'm almost in tears again, but this time it is because I am so touched by the comments of strangers. Thank you so much for telling me things I need to hear, mostly the encouragement, and the "you've been doing a great job" comments. I needed to hear that. I guess in some ways I feel like I have failed DS, even though it's been out of my control. And many close to me just say, give him formula, what's the big deal....instead of understanding. Thank you all so much!!

I hear you Beth, about regretting it later, that is why I have been trying not to totally quit. I am pumping to keep my supply in case by some miracle he decides he wants to BF again.

jennifer13, thank you for your comments too. I knew there would be many of you who have been in the same situation. You are right about my baby sensing the stress, that is one of the main reasons I have been slowing allowing myself to chill about this. I appreciate all of the nice things you said about me trying so hard, etc. Thanks!

Karen, I am checking out the pumpmom group, thanks. That may be the extra support I need! And Rachel, thanks for saying I sound like a great mom, I have been hard on myself about this, but I guess I have only wanted the best for my baby. I think you understand that too, Andrea. You are right about the relief of a decision. Thank you all!

[COElizabeth]

Jen,

I agree with the others that you sound like a wonderful mother who is absolutely devoted to her son, wants only what is best for him, and is willing to do anything in the world for him. I don't know if this will come out right, but I honestly think you have given of yourself more than many moms (myself included) who have nursed for much longer but not faced nearly the amount of difficulty. If you can and want to continue to pump and find the support you need in the pumpmom group (Karen is a pumping goddess and such a resource!), then I think you should, but only as long as it's rewarding for both you and your baby. If it doesn't work out to continue, know that you have given your child a wonderful gift with the breastmilk he has gotten to this point, and move forward knowing that the most important gift is your love. And FWIW, I have nursed only one baby, but I have bottle-fed many, and I honestly don't think the emotional connection is that different in the two types of feeding. Obviously one feels physically different, but I have actually had more eye contact with babies who were looking up at me while drinking from a bottle than I have usually had with James nursing. I know that probably varies from baby to baby, but I just want to say that I think the emotional aspects of feeding depend much more on the attitude of the feeder than the mode of delivery!

HTH.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[kensjen]

Oh Elizabeth, thank you so much! You worded that beautifuly, and you are probably right...I have given a lot more, I am so jealous of those who have BF with no problem. It's just hard to know when to "give up", there is always that glimmer of hope. I like what you said about the emotional aspect, and looking in the eye, etc. That was a great thing to think about, and you are absolutely right when you mention teh attitude of the feeder. I am probably a much better mom when I am bottle feeding, than when BF. Thanks for another point of view.
I am so overwhelmed ladies, and I am glad I posted here today.
-Jen

[LisaMom2Allie]

Jen,
I had the same problem from the beginning and actually started to supplement while still "trying" to BF. I took Fenugreek(sp?) to keep up my supply and pumped some. By supplementing I was able to be more relaxed while trying to get her to latch on because she wasn't as fussy and frustrated and it did work and I went on to BF until just recently when she started solids. Supplementing gave me a little time to rest and eat and I think that helped too.

I had to use a shield in the beginning and we did have some nipple confusion but in time with practice we got it together. Please do not feel guilty or bad just give him a bottle and when he is getting toward the end of his feeding just try again and like the LC said he may just go for it and if not let him finish the bottle.

I admire the commitment of those who exclusively pump but I personally do not think that I could keep that up very long and breast may be best but I do not think there is anything wrong with formula.

Lisa
Mom to Allie Nicole
3-10-03

[diekatze]

Have you tried nipple shield???

I know some people will tell me to get my DH to latch without it but I had so many problems at the begining and somehow with nipple shield, he's now BF 90%. So, I don't mind nipple shield at all as long as my DS can BF.


My DS is 8 weeks old and til couple weeks ago(still do time to time), I had(have still) low supply problem, latching problem, my DS rather sleep than eat, etc. I've cried so many time while watching my DS getting all fussy, watching him bottle fed, etc. I told my DH that I can't BF about 4 times... I told him that before my DS starved, I will go nuts.

But with nipple shield, he's doing okay...most of the time.

[megulis]

I want to put in my 2 cents. You are doing great and whatever you decide is what works for you in this situation at this point in your life.

That being said, I just want you to know that there are infinite possibilities to how you can handle this situation. You can give him pumped breast milk 0, 1, 2, or 3 times a day. You can bottle feed him to calm down and try to breast feed 0,1, 2, or 3 times a week. Just know that you will find a balance that is right for you and your baby.

I haven't gone through what you have gone through, but I did want a natural birth and instead got a c-section. I know I keep playing though my mind how I could've made it different, but life doesn't work that way. You do the best you can, and that is all you can ask of yourself.

Be good to yourself, and you and your baby will reap the benefits.

[jd11365]

First, stop right where you are and tell yourself what an incredible mother you are! You have provided the best you could for a long time...3 months is not chump change in the BF department. Quite frankly, your DS got the necessary colostrum plus 3 whole months of liquid gold...outstanding for both of you! Formula is not poison...your DS will thrive none the less...I promise! Don't beat yourself up.

I will tell you I was thinking of a nipple sheild too...turns your breast into a bottle! It's worth a shot...worked for us when Kayla wouldn't latch on for the first four days after being born. I thought I would never get to BF and felt horrible. She took to the breast immediately with the nipple sheild thanks to a friends suggestion just as I was out to buy formula.


Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
5/1/03