Nursing Strike... so sad : ( Anyone have experience? How long did it last...

[amyinNC]

Hi everyone,

I had a business trip out of town for 3 days last week and when I returned, my son started being really fussy while nursing. Over the last few of days, he's even refused, pushing me away.

He nursed fine during his 3 am feeding, but at other feedings, he's refused completely. It's so sad to feel rejected like this...

I've read some of the other posts on this topic and talked with a lactation consultant. My plan is to be patient, keep trying - but don't push, and pump to keep up my supply. I guess it's been 2 or 3 days now - and I'm wondering if he'll start to nurse again or if our nursing relationship is over? Has anyone had a nursing strike? Did it end? How long did it take? I know that when babies are older, often times it is the end. But at only 3 1/2 months, I don't want to stop breastfeeding.

I shared this with the staff my son's daycare (in tears, of course) and a couple friends. The comments were "good, now you can sleep at night and let your husband feed the baby". Not at all what I wanted to hear :(

Thanks in advance for your help,
Amy
mom to Andrew 7/9/2003

[Mayan]

I had a similar situation, just not involved with a business trip.
Here is the link for my post from back then and the wonderful words of encouragement I received.
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=11&topic_id=3209&mesg_id=3209&listing_type=search

After about 10 days of strike, in which DS would just scream and cry every feeding, And so would I), I decided that it must not be a temporary strike, but that DS was just weaning himself. I know most experts would tell you that this cannot be true, but after 10 days of feeling like I was torturing him, I stopped BFing. To add to this, I had to go back to work so I ended up pumping exclusively for another 3 months (so DS was fully breastfed for 6 months), after which my milk supply just dwindled and disappeared.

In hindsight, I think I did the right thing. Given the same situation today - I would do the same thing, minus the guilt and awful feeling of rejection. Sometimes it is just time to move along. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, but if it is torture for you and baby, then it's best to stop. Do I wish I could have breastfed for longer? sure. But not at the price of our sanity.

My bottom line is, do what feels right for you, not what people tell you.
Do get help from lactation consultants, just keep in mind that most of them quote the fact that babies are ready to wean only at 1 year of age. Well, I've talked to a few friends and many have said they felt their babies were ready to stop earlier. Every baby is different.

I know how hard this is, hope the strike ends soon.

Mayan
(mom to Adi, 12.04.02)

[stillplayswithbarbies]

there is some good information here:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/back-to-breast.html

and here is some information about self weaning:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03

[Piglet]

I could have written your post (minus the business trip) 2 years ago. My son refused, screamed, threw his head back, flailed, you name it. I was miserable and he was miserable. I guess my advice falls in two directions depending on whether you want to continue nursing or not.

If you truly want to continue nursing, please ignore my post and follow the links posted by Karen. I know that much of what I will write in the rest of this response probably won't be to your liking...

If you feel you have come to a point where Andrew is self-weaning, then I don't mean to be confrontational, but sites like the ones posted just seem to add to the incredible guilt and doubt we feel whenever things aren't working well in the nursing relationship. I don't think the arguments on the sites are off base, but at the same time, I remember when I was in your position, reading things like that just made me cry. I felt like a nursing failure and being reminded that things I did were jeopardising my son's nursing was just painful. Yes, he used his thumb for sucking and we wouldn't have it any other way, as he slept wonderfully; yes, we had introduced solids and he LOVED them; no, I was not feeding on demand as I couldn't bring myself to feed every minute of the day without feeling like nothing more than a cow. In retrospect, I was very comfortable with all the above choices, but at the time, I hated myself for having made them.

I am suggesting giving it a valiant effort. I put my energy into ensuring DS was nursed until he was 6 months old (for some feedings at least), even though the nursing strikes started around 3 1/2 months. I also came to terms with the fact the he WAS self-weaning. By whatever definition you wish to use, he was the one leading this move, not me. I now have a happy, healthy, well fed 2 year old. I am not a failure and neither is he.

Good luck with your decision.

[amyinNC]

Thanks so much for everyone's comment so far! Andrew nursed this morning at 7 am (hooray - this is a feeding he was refusing before) - I think in part because I pumped a bit to make sure milk was available immediately. He also nursed at 3:30 am. So, maybe it's getting better. We're still having trouble at the 5/6 pm feeding though. I really would like nursing to continue until he's at least 6 months.

I agree that some of the recommendations are really hard to implement. We don't co-sleep, I think all his little babbles would keep me up all night and we have to use bottles at day care. Also, with my work schedule, I can't stay in bed and try to nurse him all day.

I'm glad to hear it's not just the business trip that caused this trouble. But I do think I'm going to avoid any future trips for a while.

Thanks,
Amy

[COElizabeth]

t know what to tell you, but you have my sympathy! James went through a few periods of a few days when he would hardly nurse at all and often pushed me away. Somehow the actual act of his hand pushing me away was very upsetting! I wasn't working outside the home, and he had never taken a bottle well, so I didn't offer that as a choice (I don't think it would have worked anyway - even months later he still never drank more than an ounce or so from a bottle), and eventually he went back to eating normally. Also, we went through a LONG period of a couple of months or so when he would latch on, get a letdown, and then immediately pop off, leaving me to spray milk everywhere. He would usually go back to nursing, but often only a little bit. He always seemed to do much better at night, so I would continue to try to nurse as often as possible at night if you want to keep nursing. I honestly think that there were many weeks and probably months when James got 75% of his milk at night!

I think the comments you got from your friends and daycare staff are incredibly insensitive!

Best wishes!

Edited to add that I saw your post and am so glad that things went better last night. I just wanted to clarify that I don't co-sleep, either, but I did find that the nighttime nursings went better than daytime ones during the "rejection" periods. I hope things are back to normal for you soon!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[kaismom]

I think it also must vary between babies. I travel abroad a often for my job, and after a 10 day business trip, baby #1 decided he didn't want anything to do with nursing when I returned (he was about 6 or 7 months). I tried a bit, maybe not enough, and decided, fine that was it. For #2 it turned out I didn't have to travel until she was over 1 year and had already weaned. For #3, I have gone on 2 business trips so far, first trip was 1 week (he was 7 months) and second trip was 2 weeks (he was 9 months). Each time he went straight back to nursing like I never left, very unlike baby #1. So I wouldn't take it personally or anything, as they say, YMMV :).

I pumped 3-4 x day with my PIS Traveler. Yes it was a pain, but worth it to see how much DS wanted to keep nursing when I got back.