U people are probably sick of me ! Having a bad breastfeeding day

[TraciG]

I am trhinking about why I am doing this, I am thinking formula is so much easier, if the baby is on formula u can probably have some sort of a schedule and the baby can go for a longer time before eating again & just maybe u can have a life !!!!!!!!!!!! I am constantly breastfeeding, every 2 hours in the day & she nurses for an hour, sometimes longer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So hard when we have to go somewhere, we have my nephew's b-day prty next week if I nurse i'll be gone practically the whole time !!!!!!!!! I started pumping once in th enight & am hardly getting anything so for that day I might have to give her formula, I am not in a happy mood.

needed to vent BIGTIME

[C99]

I know it's really hard to breastfeed at first. But it does get easier, I swear! Unfortunately, you have to get through a few months of feeling like a giant udder to get to the good stuff. But whether you breastfeed or formula feed, one thing is true regardless: you WON'T have a life. You have a baby and not having a social life at first is just one of the side-effects of having a baby. :-) If you have a nephew, chances are that his parents remember the frenetic pace of early baby days and won't hold it against you if you skip the party or are nursing during it.

I specifically remember having my friends over for an early dinner one day when Nate was about 6 weeks old. They were over for about 3 hours and between their 2 kids and the TV and moving around, it felt like they were here for about 5 minutes. And I was nursing when they came in and nursing when they left. My friend said that I had been nursing for 45 minutes and I remember so clearly being surprised that we had been at it that long!

[deborah_r]

I totally agree with Caroline. Well, you will have A LIFE, but it's not going to be the same as it was. I can't even stop at the ATM or for a coffee without unstrapping DS, carrying him or slinging him, and then strapping him back into the carseat. Everything gets so much harder. Right now for you it is the breastfeeding. And it really should be getting easier soon - I still think you should see an LC or go to some sort of breastfeeding support group. You need to be around some other breastfeeding women so you can see that it really is possible to breastfeed and still get out and about. I didn't ask a lot of specific questions at my BFing support group, but it was so helpful to see people with babies just a little older than mine - it gave me confidence that I could keep on breastfeeding.

And you really should feel no obligation to go to social functions at this early stage unless you WANT to...You are still recovering and you and your baby are getting to know eachother. I know it seems like things should be getting back to normal already, but it really is so early and you really are just getting to know your daughter. I look back at the first couple months and think "What was I thinking trying to get so much done every day - caring for my DS and myself was a full time job at that stage!" Going out here and there is fine, of course, you don't want to be couped up all of the time, but you should only go to things that will provide a release for you, a time to relax a little - like a walk or a nice drive with no particular destination.

I get the feeling from your posts that you want BFing to work out. It sounds like you are doing a great job and if you made it this far I would hate for you to give it up. If you get through the day and you have fed and cared for your baby, and fed and cared for yourself, you have ACCOMPLISHED A LOT! Try setting simple goals like making sure you eat breakfast by a certain time, or maybe getting out for a walk at least once per day, and then you may feel better about your days. If you wake up thinking you want to mop the floor and clean the bathroom...that might be setting too many goals for the day at this stage!

[drsweetie]

Traci, I remember feeling the same way! At this age, though, Sydney is so young and her tummy is so small that she'll need to eat really frequently no matter what you give her. Plus, when you factor in the time it would take to clean bottles, mix up formula, heat it, etc., it would probably end up taking as much of your time in the long run (shortly after my DD was born she had to have surgery, and I wasn't able to nurse her for some time after that because her food intake had to be very closely monitored, so I pumped breast milk and fed it to her in bottles -- what a pain in the rear that was! By the time I got done washing the bottles, it was time to eat again!). Don't be discouraged at not getting much from the pumping -- it takes a while for your body to get used to the pump. The first time I pumped I barely got anything either.

Those first couple of months with a new baby are really challenging no matter how you feed her -- Sydney is really lucky to have a mom who wants to do what's best for her. Hang in there!

Ellen
Mom to Laura 6/9/03

[KGoes]

I've been where you are. It sounds cliche, but it does get better - and sooner rather than later. I was reading an article in a parenting magazine that described newborns as "relentlessly demanding" and that goes for breastfed or formula fed. If I could prescribe on thing, it would be sleep. Spend a day or two just napping when she naps and doing nothing else - maybe take a shower - but I mean nothing else. Once you have built up a little rest, things just seem easier. Sleep (and lots of water) also helps supply and may make it possible for you to pump more.
It really sounds as though you are doing everything right. Hope everything gets better!!
Kelley
DD born 7/03

[sadie427]

My baby is 3 1/2 months and I just have to echo what everyone said--it gets easier! I definitely think that at this point bf is way easier than formula for me--no bottles to fix, I can feed him as soon as he gets hungry, etc. The key for me was getting comfortable nursing in public so that I feel like Sammy and I can go anywhere. Also, I really did nurse on demand in those early days--every 1-2 hours, didn't even get a four hour stretch at night until 6 or 8 weeks.

But now the payoff is that I have a great milk supply, he nurses much faster because he gets a lot of milk at a time, and also I can pump and get 7 oz at a time, and so DH can give a bottle whenever I need a break. Sammy now goes 2-3 hours during the day, but only a total of 30 min or less of nursing, and I get a 6 and a three hour stretch at night (down at 8, up around 2:30, 5:30 and 7:30, up around 8:30.)

I know everyone's different, but would you feel comfortable just nursing at the birthday party? If you do a search on "nursing in public" or NIP on these boards, you'll get lots of tips.

Also, I don't remember how old your baby is--it may be too early for pumping, but for me the key with pumping was to do it in the morning--like right after one of his early morning feedings but before he gets up--you have a lot of milk at that point.

Good luck!

[amp]

Okay, deep breath Traci....
I am not breastfeeding, but wish I had suceeded at it. I know it's frustrating, and I've been following your posts. Please try not to give up so quickly and follow the advice of the ladies here. You will find, as you already have, a wealth of knowledge and support on this board.

As to your idea that formula feeding will allow you to have a schedule. Not necessarily true. In the early days, my son wanted to eat all the time. It kind of took over our lives. He would eat a little, sleep, eat a little, sleep, and so on and so on, ad nauseum. But that's what little babies do. Their bellies aren't big enough for them to eat more than that. And yes, some babies do go for a couple of hours before eating, but I think that depends more on the baby's style, and not on whether they are eating formula or breastmilk. I, too, had read that formula fed babies can go longer between feedings. Not true with my son. If you need to switch to formula, then you do it, but don't assume it will make feeding easier or less frequent.

Best of luck to you!

[toomanystrollers]

Vent away mama :) Like the others, it really gets so much easier. Check out the thread w/the poll on how long does your baby nurse - you'll see a lot of the older babies are nursing 5-10 mins. tops. I think it also gets easier with each additional baby - I've learned to just relax and go with the flow. I would hesitate to stop now with the winter cold and flu season ahead.

[TraciG]

I will be taking a nap as soon as I get off, Sydney is asleep in her swing. She is 5 weeks old, is that to early to be pumping ? I would like to try a support meeting for breasfeeding, I have to look into it, I think i'll feel strange even there to breasfeed Sydney in public, I still have to look down to make sure she's latched on so how would I cover myself ? Also she takes a lot of breaks to stretch, right now at home I just lift up my shirt but if I do that everyone will see my entire boob !!!!!!!!

[chlobo]

Traci I totally feel for you. Isabella just turned one month old and I do feel like a human cow. She eats constantly, especially at night. She suck a little, nap a little, suck a little, nap a little, scream a little, suck a little, scream a little, suck a little. When I add it all up I'm usually almost constantly breastfeeding from about 8-11pm, with small breaks while my husband tries to prove that he "can sooth our daughter".

I just pumped the first time this morning. I did one side and only got an ounce and a half but hey, its a start and I'm excited to let my husband try and feed the little one sometime tonight or tomorrow.

I hope she does get mroe efficient because personally, I think she's wearing my boobs out.

: ) Carren

[deborah_r]

Carren,

What a beauty she is - great picture! An ounce and a half is good for your first try!

Hang in there ladies - it gets so much easier...really, REALLY, it DOES!!

[22tango]

Everyone has given you such GREAT advice!! I'm not sure what more I can add...

Of course we aren't sick of you!! You are an echo of ourselves at that stage!! It does bring back memories...not all bad!

The best advice I could give -- which someone has already said so I'll just repeat it for emphasis -- is to scale back on all your expectations of what you can do in a day with a 5-week old baby!! At that stage it was a miracle if I got out of my PJs and got a shower and took a walk!! Focus on Sydney. You will have time later (I PROMISE) for other stuff -- like housework and social calls. You'll get used to it. And the good news is that soon (very SOON) your darling will really *SMILE* at you and make all this work WORTH IT!!!

As for breastfeeding in public, it takes practice. My first time was when Karenna was 6 days old and we were waiting in the ped's office for her first visit. I didn't even expect her to want to eat again so soon...but she did. I was forced to do it with a receiving blanket tented over me -- and I had it over her & even my head so I could latch her on! My DH was helping to hold it. I felt like a laughing-stock!! But I realized later on that I'd always be stuck at home if I didn't figure out a way to do it. It helped to buy a couple of nursing tops -- I felt like a big blanket over my shoulder called too much attention. I also realized that feeding her would cause less fuss and attention than NOT. Just a quick flash to latch and then she looks like she's sleeping. No loud crying to draw attention. Practice in front of a mirror. If you think you can't, then plan places you CAN -- ie. in the back seat of your car, dressing rooms at stores, etc.. When she does start eating on 2-3 hour schedule, you can tank her up right before you go out and usually make it back in time for her next feeding!

Once you get over that hurdle, life will be easier!! I was SOOO happy that I didn't have to bring a ton of formula & supplies whereever I went. My motto was "have boobs, will travel!" I think breastfeeding makes getting out of the house (esp. for longer periods or even spontaneously) much easier since all you need are some diapers & wipes, the rest is BUILT-IN!! :)

Edited to add: If you want to keep breastfeeding and need more reasons to stick to it, keep in mind the advice someone else said about it being cold & flu season!! You are really helping your daughter stay well by giving her all your antibodies thru breastfeeding! How incredible that you can feed, nurture, soothe, and protect your baby -- BE PROUD!

[kensjen]

Well, everyone has said about everything I could think to add! But I may repeat some of it, because it is sooo true!! :)

If you WANT to continue, try not to find reasons to quit. You may feel better at first, and get the rest and time for yourself that you want, but you will regret it. You are in the "trenches" now, as someone once said, but it gets sooo much better! Soon you will be whipping it out anywhere and everywhere, without a second thought. LOL

Try not to worry about ANYTHING else! I know how hard that is, I couldn't stand to not have the house clean, laundry done, etc....Luckily DH hired a housekeeper for me, but it's not a big deal anyway if things are a bit of a mess. The baby is the most important thing right now. Maybe your husband will have to do more around the house, since he can't help you feed her. Also, don't worry about social obligations, if you can't go, don't go, or be in the back feeding if necessary. You are building a wonderful nursing relationship right now.

I'm trying not to sound so....I don't know, bossy or whatever....this is just something I am really passionate about. I have had a really rough time with BF and mistakes I made when I was at your stage, have cost me dearly. I would do anything to be back where you are, so I just want to help you all I can!

If it's what you really want, you can do it! (If you don't want it, that is fine too, but from your posts, I really think you DO!)

Hang in there, vent anytime!

[TraciG]

I have something else i'm worried about, at the end of December we're having a baby naming for Sydney, big party at my mother-in-laws, not to thrilled, I would have rather have had the party when Sydney is a little older but my husbands family will be here from Ca. for a wedding the next day ( BIG weekend ) so he wanted it then. I am already thinking Sydney will probably be having formula the whole weekend, pumping once a day at night is not enough but when she finally sleeps in the day I dont want to pump & if I do I will be afraid there will be nothing for her to eat when she wakes up. Also that week we'll probably be going to relatives all week, YUK dreading it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I could go in another room but I'm telling u i'd be gone most of the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Momof3Labs]

Try not to worry about it now - that's another month away and a LOT can change by then!! 6 weeks (right after the growth spurt) is a HUGE turning point for a lot of nursing babies; they are getting more efficient at the breast and your milk supply is more established, so nursing becomes less of a full-time-with-overtime job! And you will probably find that just nursing Sydney will be a whole lot easier than bottle feeding and pumping all weekend long.

And please go to a bf'ing support group to learn how to nurse in public so you don't feel like you have to leave the room all the time. I NEVER NEVER in a million tears thought that I could do it, yet at 8 months, I was boarding a plane while Colin was nursing - with no blanket or whatever to cover up. I had come to terms with it "just" being a boob (as DH says, you've either got 'em or have seen 'em, so what's the big deal?) and have mastered keeping myself covered up by just maneuvering my shirt. Most people desperately try to look away as you are nursing (except, perhaps, teenage boys and dirty old men, but that's a post for another day) making it much easier to keep from flashing everyone.

[toomanystrollers]

Definitely try to get to a bf'ing support group. Check out the International La Leche League's site for groups in your area. I occasionally stop into a group run out of our local hospital - don't worry, at our group there are boobs popping out all over the place :)

HTH

[toomanystrollers]

Traci,
Check out www.motherwear.com - absolutely great tops for nursing.
You can do it mama - hang in there :)

[papal]

Hi Traci,
Leela is 7 weeks old today and even though bf is going well there are times during her midnight feed that i find myself in tears and want to give up and switch to formula. So I know how you must be feeling. But at 7 weeks I can tell you that things are a 100 times better than at 3 weeks! First, Leela feeds less often (every 3-4 hours during the day, and a 5-6 hour stretch at night) and faster. So things will improve..just hang in there and take one day at a time.
I will echo the thoughts of others in saying that DO go to a bf support group at your hospital. I went when Leela was 4 days old when I was ready to give up (bleeding scabby nipples.. OUCH!) and was reassured to see other moms there with similar experiences who had managed to stick with it (they had different issues like weaning and pumping).
Also, do see a LC. If your technique is not good she could train you properly.. when it hurts then every minute feels like an hour...also a good technique could make Sydney more efficient at getting the milk.
And if you were like me and had a bad back-ache, I would suggest the My Brest Friend Pillow. I got it at the hospital, and it is great because the baby lays on it, and you don't have to bother with positioning of pillows and holding her head and all that extra bothersome stuff... just a correct latch-on. And believe me, I really love that pillow.. now that Leela is 2 pnds heavier, its difficult to feed her without the pillow.

Anyway, do hang in there. And don't worry about flashing boobs in public.. I have done it twice already and other people seem more embarrased than I do!

Take care,
Rashmi

[calebsmama03]

Oh honey,

I've had family in town and have been away from the computer for a few days and feel bad I didn't respond to you sooner, but you've gotten good advice here. Please don't give up. My in-laws were here when DS was 10 days old and I was constantly leaving to BF and I felt like I was rude, but now at 9 mos we are still BFing and going strong, so I wouldn't have changed it for anything!! Trying to remember all the questions from each of your posts in this thread, so pardon if this is a bit jumbled...

5 weeks is NOT to early to pump. I was pumping daily at 2 weeks to help with supply issues and I think it helped us in the long run. Don't expect to get more than an ounce or so at this stage, though. Think of it as practice.

Please DO attend a LLL meeting or support group! Look here to find one
http://www.lalecheleague.org/WebUS.html
As for flashing everyone there, trust me, no one will care! :) We've all been there, and honestly I think it would be the BEST place to learn to NIP! Right now it seems daunting, but eventually you will find yourself not even caring where you are when it's time for DD to eat! You will also find it easier to "just do it" rather than worrying about covering up - I think that trying to cover up actually draws MORE attention to me than just nursing with no blanket. Have you considered a sling? They are a bit tough to get used to, but might really help increase your confidence to NIP. If you're interested, I have a homemade ring sling I could send to you. e-mail or PM me through the boards if you'd like to try it. That way you can check it out without investing a lot of money at first.

I understand your reluctance re: BFing during the naming party, but (not to sound pushy at all!) I REALLY wouldn't suggest formula feeding as a solution. Aside from messing up whatever schedule you are in by then (and you WILL have one by then!) and possibly causing tummy troubles for your little girl (if she isn't used to formula) you can do a good deal of damage to your milk supply if you're not pumping at her normal feeding times, which would defeat the purpose of bottle feeding anyway. I attended a namaing ceremony for a friend's baby when DS was about 3 mos old. The baby was 6 days old at the time and her mom was not comfortable NIP yet. She did "disappear" quite a bit, but no one cared. Everyone will (or SHOULD) be supportive of your need to feed your baby the best possible food for her, so don't feel bad if you're still uncomfortable BFing in front of others and you have to hide away for a while. Honestly, by the time my in-laws left (when DS was 2 weeks old) I was so tired of leaving the room all the time I just started feeding him wherever we were. My FIL saw my boob once, but he was far more embarassed and made a point there after about not looking when we were BFing ;)

Good luck - it WILL get easier and you WILL get into a "schedule" that fits you and your babe. Let me know if you're interested in trying out that sling, and be gentle with yourself!!
Best wishes!

Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03

[sntm]

traci,
oh, hope things are going better! trust me, things will improve soooo much in the next few weeks and they just keep getting easier! when we were first breastfeeding, it was so painful for me that i would sometimes dread jack's waking up and being hungry, would cry when i nursed (and then after when i though about giving up), and was exhausted all the time. by 8 weeks, we were sooo much better and it got easier and easier. now, when he wakes at night to eat, i can get upstairs, feed him, put him back to bed and be back downstairs in my bed in UNDER 10 MINUTES! and often half asleep!

definitely go to a BFing support group. i've always been pro-BFing, plus i am in medicine so I am used to other people's unclothed bodies, but I still used to get a little uncomfortable when women BFed in front of me (though I would never ever let on!) after going to a LLL meeting and seeing a woman BFed her toddler (and glimpsing <gasp> nipple!) i started to practice BFing in public and now it is like second nature! i used to go hide away when relatives were over to nurse -- now i've nursed in front of my FIL! this weekend, i nursed in the Spy Museum in DC (the sonar section has a chair!) in front of dozens of people!

i promise, it will become so natural that you will be defiant to anyone who might question you! and if your relatives make any comment on you either leaving to BFed or BFing in front of them, then you or DH should ask them point-blank if they would rather little Sydney goes hungry! ask them if they would be willing to make excuses and go into a back room every time they were hungry or thirsty!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03