Informal Poll: Too many toys for Christmas?

[firsttimemommy]

I am sure like most people on here I worry that I am "spoiling" my kids with toys at Christmas. It is such a "fine line" between getting them enough "tools" (toys)to nurture all the necessary skills/areas of development and spoiling. It just seems like as Jenna gets older there is SO much to consider/buy!!!

And also like most people here I have a budget, and I won't go bananas money-wise b/c I can't - but even with spending what I CAN afford to spend, I worry that it still may be too much. I don't want my kids to eventually be obsessed with "how many" toys they get....or is the "how many" just a part of childhood and I need to stop stressing about it? (I remember counting my wrapped gifts and numbering them in the order I wanted to open them - geez, that explains my analistic tendencies now!!!! LOL)

Just wondering if anyone else worried about this and what are your thoughts?

Ronda
Proud Mommy to Jenna Leigh 1/03 and Jake 4/04

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you" ~ Winnie the Pooh

[vpalmer]

I too have the same worries. Here is how I justify it: I don't buy Eva toys except for holidays or special occasions. The only times I have ever bought her toys include: Christmas, her birthday, Easter (for her basket), and I bought a few small things before our vacation for traveling. If I see something I want to get buy for her I make myself wait for an upcoming holiday, which is somewhat easy for us since her birthday is in June. When she is old enough to ask for toys, I will also make her wait for a holiday. I figure even though she will probably get it at the next holiday, we are still teaching her delayed gratification. However, I do spend alot of money on toys at Christmas, mostly becasue I love the holidays and I just love giving gifts. I have a Christmas budget and stick to that budget every year, but like you I worry that it is too much and that I am spoiling Eva but I hope not!

Veronica
Mom to Eva
Born 6-03

[vikivoly]

I worry about this too. I buy a lot for DD#1 on both her birthday and Christmas. Being that her birthday is in November, I can't make her wait an entire year to get new toys. I end up buying something here and there throughout the year. I love watching her reaction when she gets something new, so right now I'm the one who's spoiled! Maybe when she starts acting like a spoiled, unappreciative brat it will give me the incentive to slow down on the gifts. I grew up in a large family without much money and I want them to have everything I didn't. I know that's wrong since I was very appreciative of every new toy or clothes I ever received as a child - even if the clothes were from Hills and GeeBees. :) Since I now have 2, I have to divide it up. I have saved DD#1's baby toys and don't plan to buy DD#2 much during her first year.

[brittone2]

As one of the PPs said, I don't plan to buy and haven't bought much for DS (9 months)other than holiday/birthday gifts. His birthday is in February, so I've been picking things up for that as well as I've done Christmas shopping.

Basically, I'm focusing on toys with long term play value, and buying things I'd want him to have for the coming year. So some of the things he gets for Christmas/Birthday won't even be played with for a few months, but again, I just want to spend the $$ on things he'll want/need for the coming year. For his first birthday, I bought him a small starter train set, which I'm sure he won't be ready for right away, daddy is making him a play kitchen (again, it probably won't get much use right away), I picked up some more advanced puzzles for him that he won't be ready for until 18-24 months most likely, etc.

I'd rather spend my $ on things that will have lasting play value like playsilks, really nice blocks, etc. Then I don't feel like I'm wasting money or "spoiling" DS with toys he'll only play with for a short period of time. I also figure if we buy nicer quality toys, it is that much less we'll have to buy for future children if we're fortunate enough to have more :)

[brubeck]

My DD has a November birthday too, and DS has a December birthday! What we have done in previous years is to immediately put away about half of the Christmas toys and hide them in the closet. This is generally easy: you take away the age inappropriate ones or the ones the kids don't gravitate to immediately.

Then throughout the year I dole out the presents as necessary. If the kids are getting bored or one toy is broken or isn't really stimulating anymore it gets replaced with a new one. Notice I said replaced. I usually take something away whenever I bring out something new.

If I find a good toy deal during the year I buy it and then hide it away too. Then it becomes a birthday/Christmas gift next time around.

All this being said, last year was RIDICULOUS! 2 kids with 2 birthdays and one giant birthday party and Christmas and in-laws visitng for the holidays with a giant suitcase full of toys equalled a deluge of stuff. I 'returned' a whole bunch to TRU (I got a gift card that actually ended up funding this year's gifts) and put the rest away. I resolved NOT to do that this year.

I stayed strong and for her birthday DD only got 2 medium-sized gifts (a toy ATM and a Disney Princess doll) plus some DVDs we were going to buy anyway (Aladdin & Shrek 2) and a book (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas). DS is getting about the same amount for his birthday. Then next June or so we are going to throw them a 'half birthday' party and get them a couple more things. That way we are spreading it out a bit better AND their friends/guests at the party will be giving gifts then too.

Of course that being said I am having a hard time not going overboard for Christmas. The good news is that many of the gifts I am getting are clothes (pjs and slippers), DVDs, computer games and books. The actual TOYS are much less this year than last. Now if only MIL can get herself under control!

[lerlerler]

"enough "tools" (toys)to nurture all the necessary skills/areas of development"

in my opinion that entire list includes:

posts,pans,wooden spoons, stuff alredy in your house and lots of outings and parent time....

and some wooden blocks...


buy the rest for fun... but not out of developmental need.

i learned the abcs without 'leap' anything and you did too!

[holliam]

I totally agree! The best book I've read in a long time was written by one of my favorite developmental psychologists (yes, I have favorite ones! In a former life, I was in a PhD program in psychology/neuroscience specializing in child language development) emphasizes that the most important things you can do for your kids is play with them and talk to them, and they do not need any fancy toys designed to help them developmentally.

I highly recommend this book: "Einstein Never Used Flash Cards : How Our Children Really Learn-- And Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less" by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Diane Eyer, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff. It's excellent.

I also love the Waldorf style of emphasis on imaginative play things, but I think the above book jives more with mainstream parenting perspective. Wooden blocks, playsilks, etc. are going to be the bulk of our playthings around here!

Holli

[Dcclerk]

I do worry about it. In fact, as you can see by my very long-winded answer, I worry about it a lot. Which is actually funny because I grew up in a family with over the top Christmases and I actually loved it that way. There is no such thing as less-is-more with my mom and it was always such a blast.

But I've been spending some time really thinking about what I want DS to think about when it comes to Christmas and I really don't want it to be about stuff. What my DH and I decided is that our children will get just 3 presents at each Christmas. (We're Christian, so I based it on the fact that Jesus got 3 gifts from the wise men when he was born, but I would think that any arbitrary number would work for anyone else.) If there are some cheapo things, they will probably be grouped together as one present, but that will be it. (Like I've probably bought DS 30 books and they will all go together as one present.) I also suspect that we will get bigger-ticket items at Christmas, so I doubt it will cut down on expenses greatly.

What I want to concentrate on for Christmas is the memories. I want us to bake cookies, and take a day trip to visit a Christmas tree farm. I want us to go crazy decking out our house however the kids see fit to make it festive. I want to volunteer at a homeless shelter and spend time picking toys for kids who don't have as much. I want us to make a production of opening an advent calendar every night and take turns making special meals. I want us to create treats for other people, just because we have the time to do it and the inclination. And frankly, with the way that I tend to do shopping, if I don't impose some limits, I know I will tend not to do the things that when I think about it, I really want to do. I remember very few presents from my childhood, but I remember DOING a lot. And honestly, I think that I HAD a lot more than I DID. So I want to concentrate on the things that make memories.

[heatherlynn]

I've been thinking about this since you posted it a few days ago. I am so tired of all the "stuff" we have, especially for DD who doesn't play with most of it! Most of it is cheapie junk, quite honestly (at least what I think of as junk). I've slowly been weeding out her stuff, but it seems as if I turn around and there's more. Sigh.

I've been trying to think of things that DD likes to DO. She always wants to go to the Children's Museum, but typically, when we have time, we don't have money and vice versa. So, I'm going to ask my dad to give her a membership to the museum (well, a family one, but it will be her gift to open). I am going to ask the ILs to get DS a GC for a Gymboree class.

The problem is that we have so many relatives who all live on the other coast that they said boxes of stuff at Christmas. I'm trying to tactfully think of a way to ask them to buy specific things for the kids, but I just can't quite come up with anything. I mean, there's a nice wood stacking toy I want for DS, but it's pretty pricey and I know they'll think, "why should I buy this one little toy when I can buy 3 bigger ones for the same price?"

I guess the bigger issue for me is that we didn't have much when I was a kid, but Christmas was always "good" for us because we had a large family and everybody always bought for the kids. It really was fun! But, I can really only remember one gift that I ever really got super excited about.

I don't know. It just seems that we're such a consumer-driven society these days and I feel that we're not teaching our kids the important things in life. But that being said, who am I to talk when I have 5 strollers plus one on the way and I only have 1 rider? Not setting a very good example, am I?

Anyway, thanks for bringing this up. It did help to remind me that I really want to scale back on things for Xmas.

H-
Heather
dd 3/98
ds 8/04

[firsttimemommy]

I agree that time together is the one thing that you cannot put a price on and pots and pans and spoons and blocks are awesome learning tools - but I am not sure I agree that the "rest" is just for fun and not a developmental need - like all aspects of our society we have advanced in so many ways since we were kids and what you are classifying as "the rest" can make learning more efficient. Aren't we always researching and trying to find ways to make children learn better/faster, etc? So the theory of "what we had as kids is just fine" may not be totally reliable... (ok, I am a teacher, so learning is my "game"!)

However, I am intrigued by the Einstein book and want to ck that out!!!!! Thanks to the OP for recommending that!

Ronda
Proud Mommy to Jenna Leigh 1/03 and Jake 4/04

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you" ~ Winnie the Pooh

[lynettefrancois]

Hey, it's not our fault that there's not an all-purpose stroller! :) If you aren't using some of the strollers, donate or sell them. Don't fret over it! I am getting rid of unused stuff quickly on ebay. I try to research everything now before buying, but that's not always possible due to time restraints. Any extra stuff is donated if it doesn't sell. I think that's an ok example for my DD to see. She's going to receive about 5 toys for Christmas, and about 5 for her birthday next tuesday. A few are bigger (Kettler, Laugh and Learn Home, Radio Flyer Walker Wagon) but the rest are $5 and $10 items. I'm sure it will be more of an issue when she's in school and "everyone else" got 30 presents, but for now we are going with just a few. I buy her a new toy every month or so, since she gets bored with them easily. My Mom is buying her the Kettler, and we talk about what she "should have" according to her development, so I don't get many unnecessary gifts (she's the biggest gift giver). She actually discusses every gift for her with me first- I'm so lucky that way! For DD's toddler/preschool years I will be looking for things with longevity. Even fewer, nicer toys.

[lerlerler]

while I TOTALLY agree that newer is often better...
sometimes it's just newer

And I really don't think there have been studies that show that playing with an electronic toy that plays the ABCs helps your child in the long run

Yup. maybe they can recite the ABCs earlier than I ever did, but aren't they also learning that they need lights and sounds to stimulate themselves?

I worry that the Leap Products and the equivilent are just early video games.

Educational video games, for sure.. and I bet if used judiciously, they bring no harm... but give me handpuppets and a mellow child anyday!

[firsttimemommy]

Maybe I should clarify - I wasn't defending musical, lights and electronic type toys at all!!!! ITA that kids are often over-stimulated and my "toy strategy" is "back to the basics" in a sense....

My original post was about the QUANTITY of toys that were appropriate, not the TYPE....

I read your reply as saying that you dont need to BUY much to have developmentally appropriate tools for your kids (you said all they really NEED is pots and pans, etc and the rest was just for fun). My reply to that was just pointing out that BUYING certain toys created for developmental needs is necessary as many of these recently developed toys are created after tons of research to make learning more efficient. I never stated (and didn't intend to imply) that there had been studies showing "electronic toys that play the ABC's" have helped......

Yes, I agree that Leap Frog products and other such things can be overdone. And I am a HUGE personal fan of handpuppets and other creative "use your own imagination" type play!! :)


Ronda
Proud Mommy to Jenna Leigh 1/03 and Jake 4/04

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you" ~ Winnie the Pooh

[lerlerler]

I realize it was a discussion of quantity.
And I really get where you are coming from..

But I must agree to disagree with at least part of your post

"My reply to that was just pointing out that BUYING certain toys created for developmental needs is necessary "

They may be necessary to you. Not to me.

(I don't think you are raising a seriel killer though!!)

I think we can all agree that there are kids with an overwhelming array of toys - and it's hard to know when to stop or how to stop the gifts. Motherhood. Guilt-central. We worry about too many toys. We worry that we are depriving them with too few. We worry that we are too focused on educational toys, we worry we aren't focused enough....

I have the answer to the Christmas issue though....

CONVERT.. ;) Hanuka is really mellow and not very toy-centric. Sure, some kids get 8 nights of gifts in a row. I did when I was little. But while I usually got 2 or 3 toys out of the whole holiday? The second night was "dental hygene night" where we got new toothbrushes and the fourth was "sock and underwear night"!!! I remember getting a right glove one night and the left one the next night!

[starrynight]

We do buy a lot at christmas but I know we still buy less than some people from what I have read on various boards about this stuff. Dh likes it to look full under the tree and is really into christmas. It's the only time of year I can "be a kid" again and pick out fun stuff and watch how it excites the kids when they open it so I sometimes get caught up in it too.

I do worry sometimes about expecting it, appreciating it and where I'm going to put it all!! Alex has a bad case of the "I wants" and I wonder now if that is from too many things in the past. Then again I remember being his age and wanting all the cool toys and we didn't get much at all growing up so maybe it's an age thing.

[firsttimemommy]

I really do understand where you are coming from too and I agree with most everything you said (and who knows, I may have misinterpreted the rest). I really liked your first post b/c it really made me THINK - even if I didn't agree w/ you 100%, thinking about what you said brought some clarity for me personally to my oriqinal query.

Maybe "necessary" is too strong of a word - when it boils down to it all we really NEED are food, clothes and shelter, right? LOL LOL
I think a better way to state my view is this: I think *some* commercially purchased toys are truly beneficial and are excellent tools to aid in learning IF you can afford them - but of course, not a NEED in the true meaning of the word :) I just didn't want anyone to feel guilty that they went out and purchased commercial toys vs just using whats in their home already (and I know that was NOT your intention (to induce guilt) in your 1st post - I was just worried it may trigger that feeling in some and wanted to defend the "commercial" toys since some are truly positive choices) Hope all that made sense!

- "I think we can all agree that there are kids with an overwhelming array of toys - and it's hard to know when to stop or how to stop the gifts. Motherhood. Guilt-central. We worry about too many toys. We worry that we are depriving them with too few. We worry that we are too focused on educational toys, we worry we aren't focused enough...."

That was my first post exactly - so ITA!!

Hmmmm, convert.....it's an idea! I love the sock and underwear night! And the glove idea is cute!

Ronda
Proud Mommy to Jenna Leigh 1/03 and Jake 4/04

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you" ~ Winnie the Pooh

[brubeck]

IKWYM about the tree looking 'full'! That's part of the fun for me too. But you can achieve this in different ways. You obviously can just buy lots of gifts. You can wrap up small things in big boxes . You can take accessories to gifts (such as batteries) and wrap them up in a separate box. You can give 'gifts' of things that you were going to have to buy anyway (as one PP suggested: socks, underwear, toothbrushes, etc.). You can also do the 'multitude of boxes' gift where you wrap one box inside another wrapped box inside another wrapped box..... it all prolongs the fun on Christmas Day. And all of this extra stuff generally only costs the price of an extra rfoll of wrapping paper.

[starrynight]

What I did this year was buy more small puzzles and books and wrap them all separately so it looks full under the tree but it's not "stuff" overload and it was easier on the bank account too!

I did still buy some toys but I focused on things they really like and play with a lot like lp sets, blocks etc. instead of just "stuff" and trendy toys. I think of all Alex's wants I only bought one on his list! So I don't think I did too bad this year about cutting back. It was still fun :). I'm glad to be done shopping already!

[pixelprincess]

Yep, I worry about it. I love, love cool stuff and am guilty of over-purchasing toys and stuff for Rowan...not just for holidays, but year round. The excess bugs me, at the same time I don't want him to miss out on an experience or toy that might aid his development. I take some comfort in the fact that at his age, he is blissfully unaware of the marterialism and I'd like to make sure that he grows up with those sensibilites.

We are quite lucky to have the resources at our fingertips to find the stuff we do (thanks BBB!). Our kids would turn out fine if we didn't most likely. MIL talks about how little they had when dh was growing up, and how they used their imagination with their limited toys. If we stayed away from these bbs...LOL.

I grew up in a different culture, where our holidays didn't seem as commercialized. Most often we'd get cash as gifts, which was promptly deposited into a savings account by our parents (much to our dismay!). There may be a part of me buying stuff to make up for what I didn't as a kid!

So back to the Xmas Q. I might get him a token gift...just for the pics. Or maybe, repackage the Kettler trike that we got him from the last coop. LOL.

[squimp]

I tend to buy toys when I feel it's "time", rather than birthdays or Xmas. Then I pack up, give away or sell the toys we outgrew or don't like. Our small house that could be easily overtaken by toys, so I try to think hard about what is taking up space. I find that I prefer simple wooden toys, a few good quality things. And DD just wants us to read her another book anyway.

We will probably get Sophia one toy for Xmas - maybe even wrap up those Legos I bought last week that she is now enjoying :P. The rest will just come, like the silly "educational" toys from our relatives. And the 10 individually wrapped 10 board books from our dear babysitter for DD's birthday! Now that's thinkin'

[C99]

You know... I don't really worry about it honestly. My BIL has 2 little girls (5 and almost 2) and his entire basement is stacked floor to ceiling all along the perimeter w/ toys. Now *that* is too many toys. For Christmas and every other occasion. I see friends online ask about what to get their 2-3-yr olds for Christmas and list off five or six different $100-200 items that they already have. We don't have *any* of it and haven't asked for it... so I guess I don't really worry that Nate's going to get a deluge of toys for Christmas. In my family, Christmas was never a free-for-all, get-everything-on-your-list kind of day. Like you, I have a budget so I *can't* give Nate that kind of holiday, but I am not sure that I would even if I could afford it. As a kid (and even in college), I remember feeling gipped that my friends got the entire outfit and I got 1 piece of it. But I don't know if I want to teach Nate that he should keep up with or aspire to keep up w/ the Joneses' kid. Do I really want to fuel consumerism so that my kid won't feel gipped? As others have said, I don't think that's what the holiday is really about.

But I do know what you mean about there being "so much to consider." I think it's one of the reasons that I try to stay out of this forum. ;-)

[lerlerler]

i bought the einstein book at your rec!

it's awesome! thank you so much

[holliam]

I really loved it. It struck so many chords with me as I could easily find myself getting caught up in wanting to get all the "educational" toys. I felt so much more grounded after reading that book!

Holli

[tigalig]

Kerry, I love your idea of limiting the number of gifts and hope that you can be disciplined to do that. We say we'll do that every year and we never do - it's a HUGE temptation every year and every year we cave in. Your post reminded me of a book I'm reading titled, "The ADVENTure of Christmas" by Lisa Whelchel. I think you would enjoy it and some of the ideas that she suggests for celebrating the entire season.

[icunurse]

We are just starting to experience Christmas toy overload. No matter how much I remind people that DS's birthday is close behind (February) and that he's not even one yet, *everyone* wants to buy toys. I've tried the clothes or savings bond routes to no avail. He is the first grandchild on one side, the first boy on the other, and he is the result of almost 5 years of a bumpy ride to start a family (hence, grandparents have been circling the toy stores for a while). I am finding that my husband is living vicariously through him (as much dragon, trucks, and castles as possible) and family members feel that he needs to have every piece of a set (ie. not just the Little People farm, but the 4-5 sets that go with it). I am trying to accept everyone's generosity, though a part of me cringes at having too many toys and too much clutter. I'm hoping for a great toy box/organizer for his birthday! :)
Traci
~Connor's Mom~
http://lilypie.com/baby1/050204/1/0/1/-6/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[pittsburghgirl]

This thread really struck a chord. The toys I remember from childhood were things like legos (not sets to build specific things, just a big box of pieces to make whatever) and dolls which my brother and I created incredible stories and scenarios with.

My MIL has bought every Fisher Price toy that is age-appropriate for DS, I think. I have been told to "not bother" to go shopping for anything like that myself. We have already decided that after this year (when DS really isn't going to "get it" much anyway) we will set a $$ limit on Christmas and birthday for toys. Anything above that should go into the college fund. I TRIED to organize MIL and my mom into buying one more expensive item each but MIL apparently has no self control and is buying out the stores. This is not the message we want to send to DS NOR do we have room in our house for every toy out there. It's very frustrating. DH agrees with me but no matter how many times he has talked to his mother, it doesn't change. DS is the only grandson so she insists it's her right to spoil him however she pleases.

My thought at this point is to select a few things to bring home after Christmas and his birthday and leave the rest of the toys at my inlaws house. DS is there at least every other week for a few hours for babysitting and we go often on Sundays for dinner. I'm not sure what else to do!

Marilee
mommy to James
http://lilypie.com/baby1/050120/1/0/1/-5/.png

[sarasprings]

We pretty much give our son (2 1/2 now) two or three things for his birthday and Christmas. The trick is.....make it yourself! There's no way to go overboard that way. Well, not all of his toys, but pretty much most of what we give him as a gift is homemade and half of what relatives give him are my old toys or handmade.

But, I give him other toys during the year (that I've picked up from garage sales) on rainy days. So, he does get some other toys. Pretty much he has puzzles, blocks, cars/trucks, instruments, silkies, tools, kitchen stuff, and books. I have a healthy stash of garage sale stuff in the basement and it's pretty much in line with this, just more advanced. I've picked up a few things for when he is older (I can't pass up a good deal!) from stores. They are mostly things he can build with plus a thomas train set that I got for a great deal.

He has one electronic toy (a leapfrog alphabet fridge thing) given by MIL last weekend that's in the "out box" to be returned.

We are really thinking about Christmas traditions now that DS is 2 1/2. I bought him a great book by Eve Bunting called Night Tree. It's about a family that decorates a tree for the animals on Christmas Eve. Then they sing carols and have hot cocoa. I thought that would be a nice thing to start doing this year.

As other people said, we go for toys that are long lasting and hopefully won't be tossed after a few minutes.

[KrisM]

We are asking everyone to limit what they buy for DS for Christmas. We are only buying 2 things for him. Our big problem is that we are the last on both sides to have kids and everyone else is done. I may never have to buy this kid clothes, I have so many hand-me-downs! We get toys that way, too. While I love getting the hand-me-downs, I do miss "needing" to shop for him. It's tough!

So, we are working on making traditions, too. He's getting new pajamas on Christmas Eve and I plan to do this every year so that he has new PJs to wear on Christmas morning. Next year, he'll be able to go to my mom's to paint cookies with his cousins. We'll have to come up with a few more.

For his birthday (when he's a bit older), I plan to make the entire day his birthday. We will decorate the house when he's in bed the night before. He can choose the meals for the day and probably have other priveleges. My aunt did this with her kids and it sounded pretty fun.

[hjdong]

I've felt the need to confess to this - so hopefully I'll find I'm not the only one. But, here goes, I saved some of the presents DS got for his b-day and am giving them for X-mas. It was his first b-day with us, and he was the first grandchild on both sides, so despite asking for no gifts for his b-day, we were deluged. Literally, my FILs friends that we don't even really know. So, I put about 1/2 of it away. Now, IMO, it will still be much too much stuff, but if I dole it out until he's 15, he won't get any use out of it. Although, someone gave him a leappad, which he won't be getting until next birthday (for one thing, I have to buy the books that go with it, and for another, it can wait).

However, I really think that this will be the last year like this. Most of the people who gave us gifts this year will not in future years. Most of our friend knew that we actually meant that we didn't want gifts and restrained. And, while DH and I have been very guilty over the years of taking X-mas WAY over the top with each other, suddenly, this year, none of that stuff seems to matter and we've planned lots of family outings. I think in future years, he'll get a stocking (always my favorite part ) and 2 main gifts from us, 1 from Santa and one from us.

Now, please don't tell me I'm a horrible person for gift recycling!

[redhookmom]

Oh yes, I worry about this too! Even though I love researching toys (and everything else) I don't want Christmas to be a toy opening party. I have limited myself which has made me really weigh the value and longevity of each gift.

My ds keeps asking "how many" gifts Santa brings. It is a hard question to answer. My answer to him is enough to play with for a WHOLE YEAR.