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View Full Version : I did a bad thing, please tell me they'll be okay



Splash
05-01-2006, 07:13 AM
My boss is a great guy. His wife is a complete idiot.
She NEVER uses her kids' carseats. They are 2.5 and 3.5. I'm DONE fighting with her about it and just accept that, most of the time, her children will be bopping around in the car unrestrained.
They have a Cosco Summit, and AO Elite, and two turbo boosters. The most she ever does on the two harness seats is buckle the chest clip. Almost never the entire harness. For the boosters, she sometimes buckles them in, but never correctly. She doesn't put the belt through the loop, and doesn't put it under the armrests. Then she tucks the shoulder portion behind their backs. So, basically, they are unrestrained.
They have an explorer and a mustang convertible.
Well, yesterday I moved the AOL Elite to the Mustang. I had them all weekend while the parents were in Chicago, so I could fiddle with their car seats.
I taught their older child how to buckle his booster. He can do it almost completely by himself. I have to hope that the mom will help him some, but I am not holding my breath. So the only hope of him being restrained in the car is him being able to buckle himself in. Hopefully he does it.
I installed the Summit for their daughter in the explorer and taught her how to AT LEAST buckle her chest clip. I know it will be pretty pointless in a crash, but... at least it will hold her back if her mom hits the brakes. I left the harness REALLY loose because sometimes she (mom) will try to do it and then give up if it's too hard. So if the harness is loose, she *might* be more inclined to buckle her daughter.
Now, onto the bad thing I did.
It was nearly impossible to get a seat into the Mustang. What was nice was being able to put the top down and STAND on the seat, but it didn't get me too far. The seat doesn't fit in the buckets. But, I did what I could.
I used a beach towel and folded it fairly thick (something I would NEVER do in real life) and used it to 'fill in' the bucket portion. Yes I know this is bad, but it was my only option.
Then I used both the belt AND LATCH to secure it. Again, bad. But it was the ONLY way I could get it even almost secure. I know you're not supposed to use both, but I had to weigh my options and decided that it was safer than not.
I worry about these kids every time their mother drives with them. She's an idiot and a horrible driver to boot. So she's in a convertible with the top down doing 70 and has two kids not in carseats in the back. She's been ticketed but just doesn't care. She says car seats take too much time and ruin upholstery and she didn't die in the car as a child, neither will her kids, and I worry too much.
They could afford the best seats on the market for these kids. I could put two regents in the explorer and two radians in the bucket seats of the Mustang and then probably teach the kids to buckle themselves in (at least their son) and the kids would be safe. But although mom gets a daily massage and has lunch with her friends every day and just had a boob job, "paying for car seats doesn't come at a good time right now. We just don't have the money for it" (spoken as she carries in 6 bags from bloomingdale's). My boss would buy them in a heartbeat, but he knows it will piss her off and she won't use them anyway.

Anyway.... is it better in the Mustang with the towel and the latch/seatbelt... or should I remove the towel and the seatbelt and just let it be extremely loose?

Joolsplus2
05-01-2006, 07:44 AM
Well...sometimes there's good misuse and bad misuse... I'm thinking the possibly increased chance of G-forces on the chest from using LATCH and seatbelt are such a minor concern in this case, it is probably something even I would do :).

sigh...why do some people HAVE children, anyway???? just to shop at gymboree?
Julie CPS Tech and mom to 3 in seats
http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/RFAlbum/SarahMA.aspx

MamaParis
05-01-2006, 08:52 AM
Julie .. sometimes I REALLY think so!


Someone I know with 7 kids (all 8 and under and only ONE of them in a car seat (the 8 year olds infant seat ...) told me the other day that she's not big on being a nervous "new mom type" and worrying about all of the safety stuff because the kids will figure out whats safest for them eventually.

And then she cracked the joke - " And if anything happens, I have some to spare anyway"


my jaw just about hit the floor!!

This came after I offered her my Eddie Bauer 3 in 1 seat (because my older two are too tall for it already) and a brand new Cosco Scenera I found laying around at my parents house (we bit the bullet and just bought them Britax's too ... I cound't stand it anymore!! ;) )

But anyway ... SPARES??? How could someone talk about their children that way? EVEN if it was a joke - she has a lot of knocking on wood to do!

super_grape
05-01-2006, 09:37 AM
"Some to spare", Holy Crow!!!!!

I hope she dosen't say things like that
in front of her kids :( .

jesseandgrace
05-02-2006, 08:20 PM
Wow, I just don't get that. It is really cool that you have tried to help those kids.

daniele_ut
05-02-2006, 09:25 PM
Paris - If she had made that "spares" comment in my general vicinity I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from letting her have it - and possibly slapping her. When my safety UNconscious SIL rails on about how I'm *too* safety minded about carseats, I just remind her that I've already lost one child, and I'm not about to lose another if I can help it in any way. That usually quiets her down in a hurry, but it doesn't make her strap her kids in appropriately either. If the 3 yo complains at all about getting buckled into the integrated child seat in their van, she just puts her in a seat belt. The 6yo has been riding in a seatbelt alone since the age of 3, unless they decide to use the woefully unsafe shield booster. The 8yo should still be in a booster for a few more months and the 14 yo thankfully is bigger than me now.

Splash - I'm sorry that you are aquainted with such a moron, but I hope that your good intentions will help keep those kids a bit safer. I've tried reasoning with my SIL to no avail because she thinks I am calling her a bad parent if I give her carseat advice, so I know how hard it is to tread that thin line.

noodle
05-02-2006, 09:38 PM
No real advice about the Mustang install, though I would have done what you did, too.

I really understand how sick this woman can make you feel.

Six months ago I put an almost 6-year-old Britax RA in my neighbor's car. She refused to let me put it in RF for her 27-lb 2 1/2 year-old (who is now 3 and still nowhere near 30 pounds -- and who I saw riding in the front seat of their car today, not even buckled in.), so I installed it FF. I had offered her a brand new Scenera (had it in hand!), but she didn't like the color of the cover, but she liked the Britax.

I know the RA is too old, but it was by far the lesser of two -- or more -- evils. I *HAD* to do something about this kid's seat. I don't know what brand it was, but the mom showed me that when she would step on the brakes, the seat would rock, the harness would unlatch, and the child would cry and complain that it hurt her tush. The thing was ANCIENT.

I've reported them to the highway patrol twice. After the second time, the had the windows tinted on both cars so nobody could see in and report them again. They TOLD me this!!

They just had baby number 4 and I gave them a new snugride (which they seemed to like -- it has a "nice" cover -- UGH!) and I'm going to try again with a Scenera when he outgrows it. I'm afraid they've saved that old piece of !@#$ or will just let him roam around in the back.

I will never understand people who won't treat their children like the precious (and even that word seems insufficient) cargo they are.

Jennifer

super_grape
05-03-2006, 06:32 AM
I have a SIL like that, too!
Drives me INSANE....and the kicker is that she'll ask me
for car seat advice and then completely ignore
what I tell her because it's not conveinant for her!
Basically, she just wants me to tell her that what she's
doing is ok.
A few months back she wanted to know if it was ok to do
just the chest clip on her harnessed booster, oh, and by the way
it was "installed" w/the tether ONLY because she thought that was safer?????!!!
She didn't want to have to buckle her 4 yr. old DD in w/her coat on.
I told her to take the coat off and she looked at me like I had
3 heads growing out my bum. Eventually they just started using a booster, Thank goodness!

I really have no use for people who put their own conveinance
over the safety of their children.

luvsviola
05-04-2006, 09:25 PM
Wow! The hoops we are going through to adopt and she's too busy to save their lives. Well...if she's got "spares", please send one my way!