Front facing infant (re: my new neighbors)

[tarynsmum]

*SIGH*

I don't know how to politely say this. We FINALLY got new neighbors this weekend (our adjoining townhouse, we share a wall). So far, all I know about them is that they are young(er) (says my landlord, who is in her sixties, lol. They're probably mid-twenties), and that they have a 7 month old daughter. I only spoke to the "mom" (I didn't catch her name. Either she didn't say it, or I have terrible mommybrain. Either is completely possible :)) for about a minute as I was running out the door with DD. So I definitely know that the baby is, in fact, relatively my daughter's age. And now the part where the Car Seat forum comes in: she's front facing in a convertible seat, a Graco something it looks like.

I really don't want to start off our neighbor relationship on a bad foot (especially since we'll be stuck in this place for at least another year and our walls are very thin, to say the least). I don't want to seem like the "better parent" (i.e. I don't want to seem like I'm talking down to her or anything). It just makes me cringe everytime I see her pull up (as they're moving in).

Please, some etiquette help (and maybe some websites I can direct her to? Although maybe she just doesn't care??? :()

[niccig]

Ohh, this is tough. As you don't know her, I don't think you can say anything without it sounding like a parenting lecture. Maybe wait and see if you get to know her better, then perhaps you can mention something.

I know, not much help. Maybe one of the other tactful and diplomatic mums will have some suggestions.

Nicci

[just_teachin]

Argh... so hard to see, isn't it? I was visiting my best friend from HS in July, and she's a very intellegent woman (we both graduated in the top 5 individuals of our HS class of 250), so she should know better! She had her 10 m.o. son forward facing. I said something like "Wow! I can't believe he's forward facing already! Corinne is still rear facing!" and she said that he was over 20 lbs already and the ped said he had good enough head control to be FF. Ugh.

So I sent her this email... (The subject was "At the risk of being preachy...."):




Here's some carseat info. I'd just feel sick if I didn't share it.... hope I'm not being too pushy! (These are gathered from a parenting message board I frequent.)

Heather

* * *
Rear Facing Car Seats- What You Need to Know (from http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bsafety/0,,9r5v-p,00.html)

by Kathleen Weber

Common Misunderstanding
There are many misunderstandings and misconceptions about the crash environment that lead even the best-intentioned parent or pediatrician to believe a child is "safe" facing forward when s/he is still very young. These come from obsolete ideas and advice that may still appear in older pamphlets and pediatric literature but that have been updated in recent years.

The most prevalent misunderstanding is the idea that muscle strength and control have anything to do with whether it is reasonable to face a child forward and subject his/her neck to the extreme forces pulling the head away from the body in a frontal crash.

* * *
From http://www.cpsafety.org/articles/stayrearfacing.aspx

Rear-facing is the safest position the child can ride in. It is strongly recommended that all children stay rear-facing beyond the minimum requirements of 1 year and 20 lbs. Children should not be turned forward-facing until they reach the maximum rear-facing limits of a convertible seat (that allows rear-facing to at least 30 lbs). These limits are either the maximum rear-facing weight limit or when the top of their head is within one inch of the top of the seat shell, whichever comes first. While most parents are aware that they must keep their children rear-facing "until they are AT LEAST 1 year old AND 20 lbs", very few are told that there are significant safety benefits when a child remains rear-facing as long as the seat allows. For most children, rear-facing can and should continue well into the second year of life.

(There's also some crash-test footage at the bottom of that page.)

* * *

Pics of babies' spinal development...

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=13&topic_id=44503&mesg_id=44503&page=2

* * *

http://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/rear-facing_seats_4.html

* * *
http://www.car-safety.org/rearface.html

* * *

This is the seat we have. I was a bit off on the weight- it's 33lbs for rear facing, not 35 like I said. We got it somewhere else online (can't remember where) for less than the $270 it lists for on this site.

http://www.britaxusa.com/products.cfm?actionfiltered=ShowProduct&pro_id=7C71C785-4FBA-422D-83DC419B3D5B8213


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope some of those sites may help!!

Hugs to you!

[tjham]

That's really good! Did she respond?

But poor OP can't do that with her new neighbor *sigh*. Hope the topic comes up in conversation!

[tarynsmum]

Wow, that is grat information! (if only I can get hr email...). Because it would be totally b!tchy to print that out and put it in the mailbox, right? yeah, I know... :(

I just think, "what if I didn't say anything and they were in an accident?" I would never be able to forgive myself.

[niccig]

I hope you can bring it up with your neighbour - it's just really tough call as you don't know her. I do hope you get the chance. Who knows, maybe she'll mention something if she sees your child rearfacing, especially if she knows they're the same age.

This happened to me today, I was leaving a parent/toddler class and one of the mums, who name I don't even know, asked me about car seat positions. She's due with no. 2 and didn't know where to put the infant seat or her daughter's convertible. I think she asked as she saw my DS RF outboard. I took the chance to tell her to keep her DD FF in the center as that's the most protected spot and FF is less protective than RF, so the infant RF can be outboard and everyone will be safe. She then asked me why is RF safer, and I briefly explained. The whole conversation was only 5 minutes. Maybe she'll ask me more questions next week, and maybe some of the other parents will hear. I don't know if she'll move her daughter back to RF, but she might keep baby no. 2 RF longer.
So sometimes opportunities arise.
Nicci

[rrkalina]

That's a tough situation!!

How about writing up a little info sheet and leaving it on her windshield? That way she gets the info, but it's anonymous?? I've thought about doing that myself when I see cars in parking lots with obvious car seat misuse. Just whip out a print-out with some basics and websites for more info and stick it on their windshield.

ETA: This would be a good "official" handout you could put on her windshield or slide into her mailbox:
http://www.carseat.org/Resources/633.pdf

~Kyle
Gavin 5/26/05

[tjham]

I might agree with the anonymous approach if she were never going to see this person again but since it is a neighbor, I would not try to be anonymous. The neighbor would probably figure it out and it would put a sour start to any relationship they might have in the future. I like the above 1 page note, but hope it could be handed to her in person with a tone of caring and concern, maybe after they have had one or two non-related conversations to establish a friendship.

[CiderLogan]

How about if you start a conversation acting like you are totally unsure about what to do yourself: "So, how did you decide to turn your daughter FF? I have been meaning to look at my carseat manual and figure it out...." or something that is as if you are asking her advice. Then see what she says.... And then a few days later, say "I was doing more research into the carseat thing and found that they now say you HAVE to keep them RF longer. I was so surprised! But I thought I would let you know since we were talking about it the other day." It's a bit passive-aggressive, but it's probably the sort of approach I'd take since I never want to be preachy.

Jenny
Julia, 8/03
Clara, 5/06

[crAbbymom]

I LOVE this idea. A bit sneaky! but if it does the trick...;-)

[youngmommy]

I love the suggestion the PP had about asking her advice.

I wanted to add a suggestion for you as well: see if you can get her name on an appropriate mailing list.

I get all kinds of mail about kid stuff and I have no idea how I got on these mailing lists. Catalogs, classes, events, etc. I guess just buying one or two things at BRU carries a high junk mail penalty.

Anyway, I know many people don't read everything they get in the mail, but it's another sneaky technique of getting a message across to anyone without being at all direct about it. I have used this technique with political stuff, religious stuff and just informational stuff.

I don't know of a good mailing list off hand, but maybe some of the CPS techs do.

HTH.

[Joolsplus2]

Hmmm... that's a good idea...I don't know of any besides the crapshoot of info we get in the free baby magazines... I'll keep an eye out for ways and means to get that implemented if it's not already :)
Julie CPS Tech and mom to 3 in seats
http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/RFAlbum/SarahMA.aspx