I am so tired.

[Rachels]

That's all. Just sooooo tired. Abigail wakes up with her tummy hurting at least once an hour, often more. Did I mention how tired I am? Half the time I can't even feel my feet. :(

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[nohomama]

Rachel,

You have my sympathy. Sleep issues are absolute hell to cope with. Not only do you have a physically and emotionally strung out babe, but invariably the parent is physically and emotionally strung out too.

Lola has had her ups and downs with sleep during her 15 months but her lowest low was after we returned from a trip to Germany at the beginning of November. It was like having a year old newborn and both Daniel and I were so exhausted and angry that it made dealing with the issue in any kind of constructive way nearly impossible.

Things have gotten better around here in the last several weeks though. I CAN offer you that hope. This too shall pass. I know that hearing that through the haze of sleepless nights is no consolation in the here and now, but I'm telling you anyway.

Utimately what worked for us was to approach the situation with compassion but total resolve. I used many of Elizabeth Pantly's suggestions but did allow Lola to cry. We never left her alone though and in my mind that was of paramount importance. I didn't want Lola to feel abdandoned. I wanted her to realize she had the ability to fall asleep by herself. She's still waking in the night but I can't tell you what a HUGE difference it's made being able to put her in her crib when she's awake and have her fall asleep without a battle royale. In the last week she's even taken our hands and led us to her crib when she's felt sleepy, something that I couldn't even conceive of two weeks ago.

I hope Abigail's belly improves. Do you have a homeopath or natropathic physician you can consult? I wonder if a castor oil pack might help. Castor oil has some amazing properties when applied TOPICALLY but I'm a little hesitant to even suggest it since I have no idea whether it's appropriate for an infant. I imagine that a flannel pack soaked in warm sweet almond oil would be soothing to an upset belly too.

At any rate, I hope the universe smiles down on you and provides some relief. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

[mamahill]

Oh Rachel, I don't have any advice, but I wanted you to know that I feel for you. Ainsleigh didn't wake up every hour last night, but she did go to sleep until 1 am. Isn't it so sad how tired you know they are, but their little bodies seem to be working against themselves? Hang in there. I finally put Ainsleigh in her bouncy seat so her head could be elevated (she has had a stuffy nose). She's also teething, so went to get her teething tablets and as soon as I left her room she began to cry. By the time I had a chance to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, grab the tablets, and return to her room, she had fallen asleep. Go figure. So I think there is some truth to what Sarah said about letting them cry a little. But then there were nights that Ainsleigh would cry for an hour, so who knows what the right answer is? If there was one right answer, I suppose there wouldn't be so many books out there for us to read. Hope you get some rest soon and that Abigail begins feeling better...

[Rachels]

Thanks, you guys. Actually, it DOES help to be told that this will pass. I can't imagine that it will, but it feels unsurvivable sometimes, so your confidence that it's temporary is really, really helpful.

I don't know what the answer is about letting them cry. I agree that a baby shouldn't be left to cry alone, but I'm wondering how to stomach it if I'm standing there. Can you tell me more about what you did and how old your babies were and how long it lasted and when it got better? Sigh... I have to do something, sometime. I think I should wait until we clear up whatever hurts, though. I don't always know what's waking her until she's been up for a few minutes.

At the same time, I'm pretty clear that if she feels well, she can sleep. A few nights ago, she had a five hour stretch, which hasn't happened for months. I was so anxious that I was awake the whole time...grrrrr. But she wasn't gassy, so she just conked out. We've got to figure out what's causing this!

I don't have a naturopath, but that's my next step, I think. I'm not too sure how to find one, though. We've seen a homeopath once, but it didn't really help. On the other hand, the Boiron homeopathic remedies help tremendously, so maybe we just tried the wrong thing. But I do want to treat cause and not symptom. I am going to talk to Abigail's ped again tomorrow when we go in for shots (again, anxiety!), and we'll go from there. She was going to consult with some GI people for me. I've also thought about seeing somebody who does integrative medicine, but the only practitioner I can find who lists pediatrics among his specialties is over an hour from here.

Your support is truly a tremendous help. I don't have a huge community in Boston, and this would be impossible to navigate without some backup.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[nohomama]

Rachel,

I'd be happy to respond in more detail about what Daniel and I have done over the last several weeks (and 15 months for that matter) but right now I've got to sleep. Last night was long for me. Great, but long. It was the first night Lola stayed in her crib all night. A HUGE accomplishment especially considering that her crib is in our room. There were many encouraging words and lots of pats and hugs and each time she woke she was able to get herself back to sleep. Unfortunately, I wasn't (hence my post re:vaccines at 2:00 in the morning).

One thing I wanted to suggest before I drift off is cranio sacral therapy as a possibility for Abigail. Lola had serious problems with constipation when she was about 6 weeks old. Cranial sacral was tremendously helpful for that and I've taken her about once a month since then for well child care. I'm certain you could find a cranio sacral therapist who works with kids in the greater Boston area. Food for thought.

I hope we both get some rest tonight.

[Annette_C]

Rachel, you have my sympathy also and I know how you feel because I feel the same way. I was about to post a similar topic on the board but was too tired to type everything I wanted to say!
I too am having problems with Sabrina's sleeping. I don't know what's wrong with her and that makes me feel worse. I feel like I should know what the problem is (since I had kids before) but I don't and I feel like a failure. It's been such a long time since I've dealt with a baby that I feel lost! Sometimes, I feel that I'm too old for this...
Sabrina was a "surprise" so I was really unprepared. Now, for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do.
DH is so supportive and helpful but he never had a child before so he's looking to me for guidance. He said that since my kids turned out so wonderful, he totally trusts my judgement and decisions.
I hope that this is just "tired" me talking and things get better but, for now, I really don't know the answers.
Sabrina too wakes up every hour, not for tummy trouble but just fussiness. She takes very short naps during the day and it's a fight to get her to sleep sometimes. She used to be such a good sleeper! She slept through the night since birth (we had to wake her to feed her). At about 3 1/2 mo. she changed and has never gotten better! We tried the Healthy Sleep Habits advice but it doesn't seem to work. I hope it gets better soon since I'm beginning to look my age!
"Misery loves company" so, I hope that by knowing I'm going through this too, it will make you feel better that you're not alone.
Good luck tomorrow with the 6 mo. shots and I really hope Abigail will feel better soon so she can sleep (Have you tried very light chamomile tea? It's supposed to sooth the tummy....)
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[egoldber]

I really feel for you. We just returned from spending Thanksgiving/Hanukkah with my in-laws and Sarah slept and napped TERRIBLY when we were there. After the third night of being up several hours a night I was exhausted. I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling.

Every baby is different, but here are just a few comments on our experience. Unlike many others, I have found that Sarah actually sleeps better when she is not in our room. I have tried in the past to bring her into our bed (usually because I was desperate for sleep) and that invariably only makes things worse. It is also worse when I am in her room when she goes to sleep. If she wakes up and sees me, then she begins to really scream. If I am not in the room, "usually" she will fuss and then just go right to sleep. All of this makes travel terrible for us right now, since we are invariable sleeping in the same room as she is.

Does Abigail take naps during the day (sorry, I can't remember)? One thing that Weissbluth says that I have found to be true, is that babies who do not nap well have a harder time sleeping at night because they are over tired. One of the keys to better night sleep habits is to first improve the day sleep habits. His mantra is that "sleep begets sleep", i.e. a baby who sleeps well during the day will usually sleep well at night. It is also usually less stressful to work on improving naps than it is to work on night sleep.

If you have not read Weissbluth, I really recommend it. Even if the techniques don't work for you, I have found it helpful to better understand the science of sleep. I have not read the Pantley book, and I only use a modified Weissbluth.

Just some toher thoughts, does Abigail have a "sleep" object or a lovie? If not, you may want to work on cultivating one. I found that once Sarah developed a lovie (and she developed a preference for one at around 7 months), that sleep became much easier in general. Just a thought. Also, if you do decide to go this route, to the best of your ability make sure that the lovie is a readily available item. That way as soon as your baby attaches herself to a lovie, you can immediately go out and buy several as backup.

HTH!!!

[nigele]

You can call me - I'm up about every hour with Thomas! :-) Sorry you are so tired.