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View Full Version : strangers NEED to know "are you breast or bottle feeding?" and other moronic episodes (very long rant)



zen_bliss
05-09-2003, 01:17 AM
like it's any of your &@!$%^ business! i'd thought of what my 'shut em down' reply on this was going to be, (polite smile and "what an inappropriate question." smile.) but i was still shocked today when i went out to get the mail, and everyone in my building (who i really do like -- most of them are related to each other and have lived here forever) swarmed us, and they EACH asked me "are you breast or bottle feeding?"! WTF?? i like them and they are friends, and they are supportive of BFing but it was just weird! if a total stranger asks me, i am going to go into excruciating detail about my right nipple and see how that goes over. the funny part is that the little 5 year old boy who loves visiting my dogs asked me how long my labor was. his grandma almost fell over and said 'the stork brought her!'

while i am at it, our first outing was an adventure. went to the ped for 1 wk jaundice check up. my ped said come in monday. well, when i finally get through the stupid phone system, the receptionist says she;s on vacation for several days. great! and gives me directions. well, she neglects to tell me that on this particular street, there are 2 of each address -- there is a 100 n. robertson for los angeles, and since beverly hills is the center of the universe, it has to have its own 100 n. robertson another half mile south. i am not making this up. i drive around and around looking and am almost in tears because when i call the ped's office for help, i have to wade trhough the BS voicemail menus again. through all of this including the ordeal below, i must say DD was a trooper, not a peep. so i get there late, and there is a room full of coughing sick kids. eeeek!! when i finally get in to see the substitute ped (a true bev hills doc -- blinding white teeth, george hamilton tan, casey kasem coiffure) gives me the lecture about no strangers for 2 mos b/c a fever will put her in the hosptial, he's appalled that nobody at the front desk told me they have a special 'safe' room for newborns to avoid the sick kids. #^#$%^#@#^

then, same day, I had to go to the OB to check on stitches because i hurt myself trying to jump out of bed around the cosleeper (which is retired until i fully heal), so on the way back to the car, I stopped in the little boutique that had the $25 san diego hat co bag i posted about a few weeks ago. i figure buying this bag will take tops 3 minutes. ha. the 3 ladies in the shop want to fuss and coo, which is fine. after swatting prying hands away (oh, and by the way, all the women who work in my OBs office were sticking their fingers at her, and they of all the farging people should know better. and my OB, for the 5th time, says 'we'll see how long you last with cloth diapering.' thanks for the support!) ok, so the first 60-somehting lady says, whoa did you just have that baby an hour ago? then throughout my ordeal in this little frigging shop, floats by and finds 6 different ways to say, rainman-like, how she can't believe that i would take one so young out into the car exhaust filled world. yeah, lady, i wasn't doing it for show, i thought my damn poonanny ripped in half, wanna see the blood? second lady puts her face close to mine and says conspiratorially, 'how was it? did it hurt? i don't know how you do it." she officially freaks me out when she seems disappointed that i didn't say it was horrible. the third person, who took my credit card under the guise of making it easy for me to get out of there, is now doing a hard sell on two browsers who are slinking out the door, instead of ringing me up. my skin is starting to crawl. then ms. 'give me gory details about how awful birth is cause i'm never going to do it' tells me about their baby shoe store just down the street. so, dumbass me, walks right into this one. i ask if they have non-leather shoes. then this crunt starts going on about 'don't feel bad, they don't kill the cows for it'. well, i've made my ethical choices years ago and i am absolutely certain i am far more educated on the topic than you, is what i am thinking, but i go with the ol' "don't try to teach a pig to sing, it frustrates you and annoys the pig" response and say "hmm, well that's not actually accurate nor the point, and i'm still not interested in the leather" and she starts going on about how baby's feet will be wrecked, how leather doesn't make your feet sweat... hello, do you WEAR shoes? in LA, everything makes your feet sweat. and, how dare you try to do a scare tactic -- hello, what do any of you know about kids other than there are moms with generous lines of credit on their Visas running around? aaaaaaaaguuuuuughh. good lordy lordy. i nearly lose a shoe sprinting back to my car. where i am assailed by the window cleaner guy in the parking lot, who i would usually happily give $2 to, but i just want to bust some arse out of there. he tells me he's letting me off because of the baby, then stands and wants to chat and blocks me from pulling out. aaaaauuuuugh!

i feel better when i can view these things as absurdist smorgasbord. thanks for letting me rant. i have another one about the whole delivery thing, but it's still a bit raw, and it's kind of serious. i'm still processing... stay tuned...

mama2be
05-09-2003, 06:07 AM
Oh girlie...I swear i wrote a very similiar thread at the same point post partum as you...about the lady serving cheese at Costco chasing me down the aisle "do you give breast???"...

and then one day I was at our local "shiny diner" for lunch Tristan was about a week old. My girlfriend and I were standing in line to check out and pay with construction worker MEN standing all around and a gal in her 70's came up and flat out said, "How old is he...are you breast feeding dear????"...

I have decided to tell folks that lecture me that I am a peditrician (while they are making a whopping $5 an hour displaying cheese)...that should shut them up if they know what one is!!!!

EDITED TO SAY THAT I AM NOT A PEDIATRICIAN!!!!

mcmorfit
05-09-2003, 07:28 AM
Oh I'm laughing near you.

I don't know why that is the first question everybody asks. In fact at the local coffee/cafe, there is this wingnut waitress who ALWAYS asks me that, despite the fact that she asked me three days ago, and two days before that, and a week before that I was actually breast feeding DD when she served me!

And the co-sleeper pain - Yikes! I had the snip too and with all the grunting I was doing getting out of bed I think I actually scared the wee one. Hopefully it will come out of retirement soon - the co-sleeper that is.

Ah,

nohomama
05-09-2003, 08:39 AM
I think your strategy of going into painstaking detail about the condition of your nipples, bits, etc. is brilliant. The brighter bulbs will realize that they shouldn't have asked a question about breastfeeding or labor if they didn't want to hear about blistered nips or bloody periniums. The dimmer bulbs will just scurry away upon being deluged with too much info. At least I HOPE those are the responses you'll get.

Hang in there. Not everyone in this world is an idiot. Some people do ask what they don't realize are irritating questions because they genuinely care. The people you encountered yesterday sound like complete imbeciles but intelligent, caring people do still exist. I hope you and Zazi (sp?) run into some of those on your next outing.

JMarie
05-09-2003, 08:53 AM
OMG - that is too funny! Where were these people raised? I cannot believe some of the questions people come up with to ask women with brand-new babies. It's as if you need to give everyone you come in contact with the same schpeal - maybe we should have shirts made up to avoid the questions. Honestly though, if one more person asks me if I had him circumcised... I mean, am I supposed to undo his diaper and show them? Please... I think by this point I've mastered the dirty look...

Jennifer
Mom to Aidan Christopher 01/28/03

stillplayswithbarbies
05-09-2003, 09:50 AM
Oh what a rant! I'm laughing with you at the absurdity.

The questions that get me are:

Is she a good baby?
"No, actually she has been sneaking out after curfew and I think she is robbing liquor stores." Sheesh. As if babies have the capability to be bad.

Does she sleep through the night?
"Yes, we have decided to just let her get dehydrated or starve to death so we let this newborn sleep all night instead of waking her to feed her every three hours"

That one gets me the most. Is my comfort and sleep the most important thing to these people, as opposed to my baby's very life? I usually get them by explaining (seriously) that she is too young to go more than 3 or 4 hours without eating but that it is no big deal since I am nursing her and she sleeps with me so I just latch her on and feed her in my sleep.

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel 2/27/91
Logan Elizabeth 3/25/03

C99
05-09-2003, 01:34 PM
Zen -- Very funny post and just what I needed! I mean, I'm sorry you had to go through all this crap, but your re-telling of it makes for an amusing read!

I have to admit that no one's ever asked me if I am BFing or bottlefeeding, or if I had Nate circumsized, 'though I get the "is he a good baby?" question from time to time. And lots of comments about how Nate is cute, which is nice, but what is an appropriate response? I usually just say "thank you," or "I think so."

newbelly2002
05-09-2003, 02:36 PM
Unfortunately, my FIL thrives on gory details. He's constantly asking for updates on how much Dante ate, from which side, when, and how long. He wants to know if I pumped milk, when and how much; if I have blisters, if the nipples are cracked. It's a little strange, no? He also would sit there and watch--in quiet, it's not as if we were merely continuing a conversation--while I bf during his last visit.

Oh, and he (as well as BOTH of DH's 2 brothers), upon hearing that DS has a new tooth, asked me: "so has he bit you yet. There?"

What is it with this family?

Paula, Mama to Dante 8/1/02
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b339c8d20516

gravymommy3
05-09-2003, 05:47 PM
I guess after having three kids, I have no shreds of dignity left. When people ask me if DD (or any of the kids for that matter) is BF'd, I answer proudly, "Yes!" Not that it is any of their business, but I am such an advocate of it, that I will share that tidbit. The question that torched my hiney the most was "How much weight did you gain?" I shut them up real quickly by saying, "Obviously, too much!" What the hell can you say after that?

nigele
05-09-2003, 07:33 PM
Okay, Paula - THAT is weird!! If my FIL asked me how much milk I pumped, I would be totally creeped out!

nathansmom
05-09-2003, 07:47 PM
This isn't from strangers but from people that know me:

"Boy, you sure can tell he was an IVF baby and not a normal baby"

I still don't know what they mean. Is Nathan funny looking? What am I missing?

I've taken to just ignoring the comment.

gravymommy3
05-09-2003, 09:04 PM
Like he has the imprint of a petri dish on him or something? Come on people. Cloning, maybe, IVF, no way!! People are so stooooooopid sometimes.

ddmarsh
05-09-2003, 10:55 PM
Ok I think Paula and Norah win the prizes on the most bizarre comments ever made to new mothers; although Paula's is more skin-crawling creepy and Norah's is along the lines of have-you-so-completely-taken-leave-of-your-senses-that-such-rubbish-just-pours-out-of-your-mouth?!
Acckk, people can be so frighteningly ignorant/rude/foolish!

I know I've said before that my worst comments come from people regarding the whole gender thing. I've actually realized that people *want* me to have been dying to have a girl - they often keep insisting that I really did want one and pretty much will keep hammering at it until I just finally say yes. I really have to stop saying it didnt' matter to me just to save myself the time and energy.

Debbie

MartiesMom2B
05-10-2003, 07:06 AM
Paula:

Very creepy. MIL asks about our contraceptive choices and flipped out when DH told her that he was going to get the big V after our 2nd child. "What if Sonia dies or you get divorced. Don't you want more kids". The last we want to do is discuss our sex life with her.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

MartiesMom2B
05-10-2003, 07:08 AM
Karen:

I hear you about these questions. Thanks for the snappy comebacks that I'll use.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

bethwl
05-12-2003, 02:39 PM
In response to Paula's FIL being overly interested in her breastfeeding issues--

I write book reviews and my editor gave me a book of essays on breastfeeding (more from a cultural standpoint than a how-to standpoint) and one was by a producer of "lactation porn." Apparently, this is a big specialty genre in the porn industry. So maybe ask him if he's ever heard of "lactation porn" and see if he shuts up.

--Beth

blnony
05-12-2003, 02:54 PM
OMG! You all are so funny.
I have one to add:
My boobs were so huge during pregnancy and BF -- its hard to hide them, you know. A stranger in line at Target actually said, " I bet you don't have any trouble breastfeeding with those...." (It was an older lady too!)I was speechless. I just laughed, and turned away. I really couldn't think of any come back, until I was in the car.
Now, people (all people, friends and strangers) say "your baby doesn't look like you or your husband." What does that mean? Even friends say it. They know I was pregnant, what did they expect, a clone? People can just be nuts.

lukkykatt
05-13-2003, 02:19 PM
So funny! Isn't it the truth? Just when you think you are past all of the horrible pregnancy questions, a whole new phase starts up post partum. When I went to my office after I had had my baby, I had one of my former co-workers (a guy), ask me if I was BF'ing. When I said yes, he said "So how is it going?" Now what kind of a question is that from a guy you work with? Of course, this was the same guy who used to tell me all of the labor horror stories when I was 8 months pg...

mama2be
05-13-2003, 08:28 PM
Andrea I certaintly am not defending the guy because I get the most angriest by these stupid idiots prodding in my business...but must say I have noticed such a great increase in men's pride with theri wives, labor, birth and raising children. I mean as I was pregnant more men just beamed with enthusiasm ove the "experience"...they seemed so quick to want to cheer you on and to educate. I like seeing men in this role...

So not defending this guy but it did make me think of that, I wondered if he had children while I read your post...

Melanie
05-20-2003, 01:33 AM
OMG! You poor mama! If it makes you feel better...I was asked by a stranger (with a baby) the same question, and told when we went to eat with Ds who was 5 weeks old (5 weeks is a LONG FREAKIN' TIME to be cooped up at home eating take out, btw) "You must have come straight from the hospital!"

I'm sorry it's so hot right now (I live near LA, too) otherwise you could put those little 'no scratch' mitts on her hands to keep everyone from touching her!

Melanie
05-20-2003, 01:35 AM
I hated that one: "IS he GOOD?" No, he's a rotten spoiled newborn who cries when he's hungry or lonely or cold or scared.

There's no GOOD babies or else there'd be BAD ones!

I would just respond (luckily), "He's an eeeasssy baby."



>I have to admit that no one's ever asked me if I am BFing or
>bottlefeeding, or if I had Nate circumsized, 'though I get
>the "is he a good baby?" question from time to time. And
>lots of comments about how Nate is cute, which is nice, but
>what is an appropriate response? I usually just say "thank
>you," or "I think so."

Mommy to Jonah

josephsmom
05-22-2003, 02:42 PM
Now, what the heck could that possibly mean? That might be one of the most ignorant ones yet!

Helene
mommy to Joseph 12/29/01

sarao
06-16-2003, 11:16 PM
My contribution to funny behavior of grandparents:

First, the whole family gets their acts together to go on vactation. Four grandparents, 2 aunts, 1 uncle, new parents, 6 month old baby, who has the burden of being the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Baby gets constipated. No big deal - we go buy "Baby Drano" (prune juice). While waiting for it to work, everyone (esp. MIL) is wondering about the poopy, where's the poopy?, when will it come?, what to do about the poopy? My in-laws are very religious, and when long-awaited poopy did arrive, MIL exclaims, "Praise the Lord!"

Fast forward to just a month ago. DD is now 16 mo, and still breast-feeding. (Just wait 'til the neighbors start asking you if you're STILL breastfeeding!) Anyways, DD and I nap together, and if I don't wake up fast enough for her liking, she'll sometimes give me a bite. Well, I tell DH, who tells his mom when she calls for her weekly update. FIL was not around for the update, so he calls back later, and asks me about my boob!!! (He phrased it more delicately.) Sooooo embarrassing! My only comment/request was that they not ask for a special prayer for my boob at church.

Just thought I would share.....
SAHM, Liliana 1/26/2002

4S Ranch
06-17-2003, 01:04 AM
Hmmm.... Lactation porn, huh? I had no idea - that explains it. I had an obscene phone call, if you can imagine, at the hospital the day after my daughter was born. I was really out of it and the room was chaotic when he called. He identified himself as "Pediatric Services" and my DH handed me the phone. He started asking me how BF was going, and then proceeded to walk me through a massage technique to get my milk to come in and keep me from getting engorged. He used a lot of medical jargon and BF terms so we think he worked at the hospital. I don't know where my brain was (he probably counts on that), but I didn't realize anything was up until he used the word "titty". I was so mad at myself for even talking to him - I mean why would a hospital employ a man to talk to new moms about BF? When I told the staff, they said it had happened before. Crazy! I wonder what makes people develop fetishes like that?

As for the unsolicited comments/advice... Lots of older women, including my grandmother, tell me I'm going to "spoil that baby" by carrying her in the sling. And my friend with twin infants said if someone blesses her heart one more time, she'll lose it!

Shelly