View Full Version : The most offensive question asked me. . .

05-13-2003, 09:04 PM
How much weight did you gain? Along Zen's post with moronic questions, I am asked this a lot. I even refused to look at the scale at the end of my pregnancy and to be honest, I forgot how much I weighed in the first place. Why do people want to know this? Yuck. If someone has asked you this, how did you respond?

Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

05-13-2003, 09:17 PM
My MIL asked me this ALL the time, especially in the second pregnancy (probably because I gained a LOT with the first one). My standard answer would be, "Oh less than I had at this point with Amy!". In the first pregnancy it's harder. You can say, "About what my doctor thinks is okay." and leave it at that.

05-14-2003, 09:16 AM

The day I got home from the hospital, my stepmom said to me "you still have a big belly!" JUST what I needed to hear! To make it worse, the video camera was running and I'll have to hear that comment for years to come.

05-14-2003, 02:27 PM
I had a friend who freely admitted she gained 70 pounds, and assured me that I'd gain that much, and then have an extra 15 pounds hanging on 9 months after. I had the satisfaction of seeing her 3 months PP where she observed I looked smaller than pre-pg. I just shrugged and said I didn't keep track of such things (yeah right!).

My mom told me that my little brother (10 years old at the time), saw a woman whose baby was only a month old and observed that she still looked pregnant. My mom said, "Well the stomach doesn't shrink back to normal right away." He said, "Sarah's did. She looked normal leaving the hospital." Awwwww, how nice. He got a big birthday present. For the record, I was NOT "normal" and was retaining a large amount of fluids. But yay for the kids for saying that!

05-14-2003, 04:02 PM
My mother used to ride me hard about how much I gained with Grayson (she was very weight-obsessed and to be honest, I was fat when I got pregnant with Grayson - ok, let's be honest - was fat with all three and still am - but, hey, that's a diffent story for different day!) Anyway, she would hound me about how much weight I gained after each OB appointment. It got to the point where I refused to discuss it with her (and I only gained 15 lbs with each child - horrible morning sickness kept the gaining to a minimun but then I really could not afford to gain a bunch). She rode me hard about the weight with Avery also. After she died and I got pregnant with Hayden, my step-sister took up her battle. I would go over to her house and she would say, "My God you're big." I am just hoping that when I finally wean Hayden, I can lose some of the weight.

Oh well, at least DH does not comment on it... :)

05-14-2003, 05:36 PM
Ugh, I'm just dreading talking to my MIL after I have this baby. Thankfully I don't have to talk to her often now (I've seen her twice and talked to her on the phone twice in the past nine months) and so I don't have to deal w/ the weight question all that often. When I first told her I was pregnant she told me I should diet like she did when she was pregnant if I didn't want another big baby. My last one was 9 lbs 8 oz. I just know if I have another big baby (which I'm quite certain I will) she'll tell me that I should have taken her advice and dieted throughout the pregnancy. If for some reason I have a small or hey, even average baby, she'll think that I took her advice and dieted. She's a former nurse and I just cannot get over that she's more obsessed w/ how big of a baby I have than about the baby's health and my health. She drives me nuts. Thankfully DH realizes this and he handles most of her phone calls. Who knows what all she asks him and what he tells her. I'm just thankful that he leaves me out of it! Honestly, other than MIL, no one else asks about weight gain. I'm stunned that anyone would ask such a thing or that they would care. I have no real response other than maybe saying how much you gained (make up a number) and then ask them how much they've gained over the past year. I'm sure that would shut them up quickly. Then again, maybe not.


05-14-2003, 05:56 PM
You know, my mom was a nurse and she went on and on about how her doctor would not let her gain more than 15 lbs and how all her babies were small (well,duh!) blah, blah, blah. You would think those in the medical field would know better!

Caitlins Mommy
05-17-2003, 11:39 AM
Basicly I just feed up with people asking how much did I gain or telling me I still looked pregnant.So I just came back with a smartallic reply like "Oh I gained 100,000 lbs".Usually that would shut them up really quick.

And I can't belive that family members who were nurses told you to diet.Shame on them!They should know better that any doctor would tell you not to diet while pregnant.

Jennifer mommy to Caitlin Hope 9/28/96
Trying to give Caitlin a brother or sister

05-18-2003, 05:21 PM
Don't you hate it when people just ask that so bluntly? I always just told them honestly. And even though I gained a healthy amount of weight (19lbs, total) they still would gasp and make comments! So rude! I had this one lady who always said "Well, remember, *I* only gained 2 lbs with my son!" Um, ok, if that's true, I wouldn't brag about it. That's not exactly the healthiest thing during pregnancy.

Just let it roll off your back. There will be a whole slew of other rude things you're going to have to deal with (ie, unwanted parenting advice from TOTAL STRANGERS) so it's best to just learn to grit your teeth, paste on a fake smile and say something along the lines of "Just enough to nourish my little sweetie" It sucks but I guess it goes with the territory.

05-18-2003, 07:58 PM
I gained about 40 pounds with Logan, and about 60-70 with Jacob- so I got asked "How much have you gained?" all the time. It is offensive when you are sensitive to weight, especially when the next line they say is normally "you look so huge!" I wish people wouldn't think that pregnant women don't have feelings.

05-25-2003, 10:12 PM
I'm probably odd because that question didn't/doesn't bother me. Since no one knew how much I weighed beforehand or after, how would the amount I gained make any difference? I always figured that whoever was asking was doing so because she wanted to prepare herself for future pregnancies or compare notes.

05-28-2003, 08:59 PM
I will freely admit that I gained 55 lbs with Amira, and still have not lost 25 of it, which is very frusterating to me, and quite apparent to anyone who knew me before I got pregnant. I still feel, however, that is incredibly rude ask...and just to stand on my little soap box, it is just as bad (IMO) to congratulate someone on their pregnancy when they are not even pregnant! Someone asked me a couple of months ago when I was due...I responded "my baby is 15 months old, I am just fat" hopefully she will never do that to anyone else! :-) The good new is it sent me jogging off to weight watchers! :-)

blissful mom
05-30-2003, 08:38 AM
I hate the fact that if you are pregnant or have just had a baby that the common rules of courtesy are suspended. People even talk about you in 3rd person, as if you aren't there. I launched into my mom yesterday about doing that. She was telling everyone how I'd lost the curve in my back now that I'm 9 mos. along and that I had no waist line any more. My brothers were amused.

A coworker was telling me that my bust hasn't got any bigger since I got pregnant, so I might not be able to breastfeed. Guess what, people? We're pregnant, or we're new moms, not inanimate objects or cattle! Where do people get off?

I've gained 2 pounds this pregnancy. I lost 30 in the first trimester because of hyperemesis gravidarium. I'm tired of people talking about my weight, and how good it is that I haven't gained much. If they knew how torturous it was those months of being sick, and worrying about my baby getting adequate nourishment, they'd shut their pie-holes. They'd sure as h*&l shut them if they had to vomit 20 times a day to maintain a "nice size" during pregnancy. Yeah, I care about my weight, but I care about my baby more. Our culture really sucks in some ways I didn't realize before I got pregnant.

I'm not taking it any more. I'm on a rampage. This is my dare to the world; I'm 9 mos. pg, constipated, and my baby's foot is stuck in my xyphoid process. Go ahead, say something to me, I dare you. And for all you clacking old women out there in the grocery lines and consignment shops; I won't ask about your incontinence or your denture-breath if you won't ask about my weight.

Sorry for the manifesto.

Not-so-blissful mom

05-30-2003, 02:35 PM
Poor thing. It'll be over soon!

Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

05-30-2003, 02:57 PM
>I'm not taking it any more. I'm on a rampage. This is my
>dare to the world; I'm 9 mos. pg, constipated, and my baby's
>foot is stuck in my xyphoid process. Go ahead, say
>something to me, I dare you. And for all you clacking old
>women out there in the grocery lines and consignment shops;
>I won't ask about your incontinence or your denture-breath
>if you won't ask about my weight.

You are cracking me up!! And, uhm, how's that constipation holding up?:+

05-30-2003, 05:41 PM
Tell your MIL to read this weeks Newsweek.
There was an article about dieting during pregnancy and how it was bad for the baby.
I think it is odd that people ask.
They would never ask you how much you weighed if you were not pregnant.
Just tell them less than a hundred and more than ten.

05-30-2003, 07:08 PM
right on, sistah!

trying-to-conceive :)

06-02-2003, 09:59 AM
Blissful Mom, you rock!

I've been the butt (no pun intended) of a few of my boss' jokes lately--mostly regarding how I'm not "cut" anymore (um, was I ever?) and how I "waddle" into meetings lately. Now, I'm the first one to make fun of my new physical challenges but I have informed him that I cannot be responsible for the aftermath if he chooses to make similar comments. And I work in HR, if you can believe it! While his comments weren't malicious (and he's usually making fun of himself at the same time), give me a freaking break!

While I'd never ask another pregnant person about her weight gain, I guess I don't mind it too much but it depends entirely on who is doing the asking. If it's someone who is just nosey and petty versus a close friend who wants to compare notes, you can bet they get different answers.

06-02-2003, 10:10 AM
I think if someone asked me that question, I would simply reply, "I'm sorry, but that information has been classified by the United Sisterhood of it's None of Your Damn Business!"

The nerve of some people!ha!

Mom to Ellen (EDD 7/28/03)

blissful mom
06-02-2003, 04:04 PM
I think if someone asked me that question, I would simply reply, "I'm sorry, but that information has been classified by the United Sisterhood of it's None of Your Damn Business!"

That is great! I am so going to use that!

To the lady whose boss is bugging her; are men ever clueless? A guy at my church yesterday announced that I "looked ready to pop" and a lot of the women got angry with him--it was such a great moment of sisterhood to gang up on the clueless ninny!

I agree, when a friend asks, it's different. I've asked women before, so I could get some info on whether or not I was gaining enough. They really helped me out by answering me, but I was careful to ask only close friends and not out where other people could judge. Some people just think that we have no feelings, I guess the way some people think newborns have none.

Stand firm, sisters! Unite, pregnant women of the world, we have nothing to lose but our tempers!

06-11-2003, 04:47 PM
I told my MIL that my doctor said it is OK to gain 60 pounds.

06-12-2003, 10:08 AM
Ha ha ha, that's a great one! I love it!