"So when will *Mr.DH* be available???"

[lukkykatt]

I am in a home remodeling frenzy these days, and just got off the phone with a contractor who I wanted to come and give me an estimate for some work. So as I am trying to set up an appt., he starts asking me if I have a husband. Um, yeah. "Well I'd like to come out when he is available too, since he will be living with the finished product too".

After I made the appt. and got off the phone, I started getting madder and madder. I do everything for our house - it's just not DH's thing. He's not being rude or anything, he just doesn't care, and leaves it all up to me. So why does this guy need to meet DH too? Is he afraid I don't have the decision making power, or what?

So my question is: am I being oversensitive, or should I call back and cancel the appt. and make one with someone who will deal with ME? Should I give this guy the benefit of the doubt that he is just living in some old-school man-focused sales environment? Do I want to do business with someone like that, though?

I have been sick the past few days, or I would have nipped this in the bud right then and there. I've just not been at top form. Who knew I'd have to be, just to set up an appt?

So, what do you think?

[August Mom]

I'm not sure what the answer is, but it is not just that company. I had a similar thing happen with me. We went to a home and garden show and signed up for the various drawings. This sunroom place calls me and offers me a free estimate. We are adding something on the back of our house - most likely a patio, but I have thought about a sun room. DH is more into the patio. Anyway, I agree to the free estimate and then I'm asked when DH gets home. I say come during the work day, I'll be here. I was told that the company had some bad experiences and now have a policy that both homeowners be home to meet with the designer. Consequently, I told the company not to come out.

I think that this policy is to make sure the customer is serious, make sure that both homeowners are on board with the project and the cost and to avoid explaining things twice. However, it did bug me too, especially when the company wouldn't come out after DH got home from work so he would either have to take time off work or give up part of a Saturday.

[emilyf]

We just gutted and remodeled an old house, it took over 6 months and my dh never met the contractor. But, I think it could be a case of having both decision makers on hand not necessarily a sexist thing (although it could be, you never know). I'm not sure I would totally rule them out, you'll get a better sense when you meet them and with any home remodeling project the more estimates the better (imo). If he shows up and only talks to your dh, then you will know for sure!!
Emily
mom of Charlie born 11/02

[Marisa6826]

Well I'd be pretty ticked off too, considering that my husband is not exactly Bob Vila. In fact, I'm the one that usually does the home repairs.

However, being that I used to run a contractor's office and would set up appointments with potential customers, you have no idea how many clueless people are out there.

It would happen on a fairly regular basis that my boss would go to an appointment, explain everything, come back with an estimate, and then get a phone call saying, "Can you come back and explain everything to my SO/DH, etc." The majority of the time, they didn't have the work done, either...

I would just tell them that your DH is not involved in the decision making process. End of story. If they can't handle that response then you should move onto another contractor!

Feel better!

-m

[pritchettzoo]

The company might have had problems in the past with couples whose home is not in both of their names. If the wife orders the work but her name is not on the house deed, the company would have a more difficult time putting a lien on the property if the couple doesn't pay...

(Of course I am not saying you would do that; I am just offering a legal reason that they might not be condescending, chauvanistic jerks!)

[kathsmom]

Hi, Andrea!

I would probably go ahead and let him come out and give you an estimate. I think, like others have said, that he may have had troubles/misunderstanding in the past and wants to avoid those situations again. I don't think it's necessarily fair to you, but he might have gotten burned and just doesn't want to take any chances.

I had new ceramic tile put in my kitchen last summer. The contractor was great about working with just me, but when DH was asking me about what was going on, a lot of times, I had to say, "Call the contractor! I am getting confused!" (I am not an idiot, I was pregnant and we thought we were moving and were trying to get our house ready for market. So, between fatigue with the pregnancy and caring for DD, it just became too confusing!!LOL!).

Let us know what happens!

[CherylT]

This is exactly the reason I was given when I asked a contractor why he had to meet with my husband as well. Since both our names are on the house, we would both have to sign for a loan - thus the contractor wants to make sure both parties are okay with the construction. They just don't want to waste their time.

Cheryl
SAHM to Lilli 9/20/00 & Alec 10/21/02

[C99]

I wouldn't assume that their being sexist unless you know that they wouldn't act the same if the shoe were on the other foot -- i.e., if your husband called to make an appointment, would they insist that you be there?

[lukkykatt]

Thanks everyone! I guess I was being a little too touchY about the whole issue. DH is in sales, and when I told him about it that night, he just shrugged and said that he always makes sure that he has all of the people who handle the money available when he makes calls.

But, based on the last response, I just called him up because he called yesterday to change our appt. So I asked him if the guy asked if I would be home at the new appt. time and of course the answer was "NO"!

I will be keeping a very close eye on him at our meeting!