View Full Version : MIL Rant- I don't think I am overreacting...but maybe I am????

06-20-2003, 11:15 PM
My MIL called me last Saturday to tell me that she is embarassed to say she threw out some cards with her recycling (she is a teacher and recycles white paper, etc..). She wasn't sure which cards made it out and which ones were recycled and asked if DH received his father's day card. I told her no and not to even worry about it. I just felt bad that she mistakingly threw out the cards...that sucks...

Fast forward to Thursday...I check the mail...there is a package for Matthew from my MIL and 2 cards addressed to DH. I know I sometimes call DS Patrick and get DH and DS mixed up. I thought she did the same. What possessed me, I don't know...but I opened the card. It was a Father's Day card but it was like a card from a child to a father. WHAT?? I open it up and it was written to DH from MY SON FROM MY MIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't know what to say. I purchased a card from DS and I also let DS pick a gift for DH (I held up two X Box games and let him grab one!). I felt infringed upon. The first thought in my head was "No you didn't!!" (with finger waving up and down).

I know she didn't mean anything by it, but I feel like she is questioning my skills as a good wife and mother, in a way. I am ALWAYS one to send thank you notes quickly, to send birthday cards and other holiday greetings in a timely manner, etc.. I always have been. She has even commented on this to other people in front of me, how thoughtful I am when it comes to things like that. So why would she do this?????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????

The other thing is this just intensified my feelings of "not feeling the love". I know she favors my nephew (the boys are 4 months apart) and she has never really given my son that much attention. But I don't dwell on that. But it infuriates me that she would take it upon herself to send a card from MY SON when she doesn't even show that muchg interest in him. It's like, what the f%[email protected]# !!!

Ok...I will stop now...I am just annoyed about the whole thing and I don't know what can be done to nip it in the bud without hurting feelings or causing trouble...

06-21-2003, 07:29 AM

Just throw the card in the garbage - she thinks she tossed it anyway. }> Next time she visits, be sure to put the card YOU bought from Matthew to his Daddy in plain sight so she is sure to notice it. Hopefully she'll get the hint.

My MIL sends ME birthday and Mother's Day cards from DS but she did not send one from DS to his Daddy for Father's Day. I guess she assumed I would do that, which was a correct assumption. I actually wondered if she would and thought how annoyed I would be if she did that so I can understand how you feel!

06-21-2003, 08:02 AM
Could it be that she just saw a cute card from son to father and couldnt resist?
I say forget about it.
There is nothing to be gained by bringing it up.
As far as her favoring the other grandchild over yours :HER LOSS not his or yours.

06-21-2003, 08:52 AM
Oh!! I completely understand where you are coming from. My MIL who for the most part is a nice lady, took it upon herself to actually get a gift for my DH and his Dad, from Audrey (my daughter). I was a little shocked by idea that she didn't think I could pick out a gift or what hell the thinking was behind it! She actually got these horrible personalized tshirts for them.
There wasn't anything I could do, she gave them to them without asking me or anything. I was pretty mad about it. But then again, this isn't the first time for crazy stuff like this. I just ignore it; I just don't have the energy to keep with her stunts.
I think sometimes they get so carried away...and sometimes I think deep down its a jealousy thing. (Just my opinion :) )

06-21-2003, 08:58 AM
I undertstand your frustration.

My Inlaws bought a pair of earings for Dh's grandmother for her birthday and handed them to her, from DS (he was 4 months old at the time). We had not sent anything; it isn't the custom in our family, but did call to wish her well. To find out after the fact about this was a little....frustrating because it felt like a less than subtle dig on our parenting. To date I have ignored it, but I can't promise I will have the same reaction a second time.


Paula, Mama to Dante 8/1/02

06-21-2003, 09:01 AM
Oooh...jealousy. I hadn't thought of that.

I always feel better if I can give some sort of reason to otherwise unexplicable behavior (I'm STILL trying to justify my FIL telling MY own mom, in respose to DH and my request that visits be no longer than a week, that DH understands family responsiblity and values and I do not.).

Paula, Mama to Dante 8/1/02

06-21-2003, 01:08 PM
Ouch! My ILs stay with us for 2-4 weeks. After about 3 days, I am ready to part! We visit them for 2 weeks TOPS at my insistence.

06-23-2003, 01:18 PM
IMHO, you have a right to rant and no I don't think you are overreacting.

I find your MIL sending a Father's day card from your child to your husband without consulting you to be rude and offensive.

When a child is too young to "speak" for themselves, only a parent/gaudian has the right to "speak" for them.

06-23-2003, 01:46 PM
I don't think you are overreacting. That would make me fume.
At least your in laws are far away (or so it seems from your post)
Sorry you have to go through this.

06-23-2003, 03:21 PM

I don't know if you are overreacting either, but I would be majorly PISSED off in your situation as well. My MIL always asks me on the phone how Nate is doing by saying, "How is our baby?" It irritates the bejeezus outta me. Well, MY baby is fine. Grrr.

06-23-2003, 07:07 PM
Yes, they do live far away. We live in North Carolina and they are in NY. I am just annoyed even more so because she shows minimal interest in Matthew and then sends a card from him??!! What the hell is that about, kwim?

I guess this is the breaks when it comes to in-laws...I don't know anyone that has a wonderful relationship...I guess they are hard to come by :(

Andrea S
06-23-2003, 08:25 PM
OOh my MIL always asks "How's my baby" drives me crazy.

mom to Andrew 8/14/02

06-27-2003, 01:07 PM
>Yes, they do live far away. We live in North Carolina and
>they are in NY. I am just annoyed even more so because she
>shows minimal interest in Matthew and then sends a card from
>him??!! What the hell is that about, kwim?
>I guess this is the breaks when it comes to in-laws...I
>don't know anyone that has a wonderful relationship...I
>guess they are hard to come by :(

Boy..we're pretty similar. My inlaws live 300 miles away and my mother-in-law did the EXACT same thing to me this year!! But, I guess I am a little unusual in that I really do have a good relationship with my MIL.

The cards arrived just before Father's day. My husband opened the card and it said, "To my Daddy on his first Father's Day." and she signed it from my son. My immediate reaction was, "Well, what if _I_ wanted to buy that card??" (I hadn't gone shopping yet...)

But, then I reasoned that my MIL works for a Hallmark store. She probably saw the card and just couldn't pass it up. She's like that, but it's usually outfits or toys!!

Yeah, it tweaked me a little bit. And I'm DEFINITELY thinking I would have felt differently if our relationship wasn't as good as it is....

Joanne M.
Mom to Nathan Edward - 9/28/02

07-14-2003, 07:31 PM
Why don't you just tell her it drives you crazy.
I am an MIL and my son and daughter in law are expecting in Sept.
I hope if I was doing something to annoy her, she would tell me and I would definitely stop!!!If you think that is too harsh, whenever she asks just pretend that you think she is referring to your husband and you could say oh he is just fine .He is at work and will probably be home late tonite due to a meeting or something like that. So whenever she asks you can respond as if she were asking about your husband.It is sort of tongue and cheek but I think she would get it.