She's SOOOO SMALL!!!!

[mmschneider]

I know it's bad for one of my first posts to be on this topic, but I am so tired of being told how small my baby is by complete strangers!
"What are you feeding her? Maybe you should start cereal now (forget what the ped says) to get some fat on her!"
"Are you breastfeeding?" (Yes.) "Maybe you don't have enough milk." (WHAT???)
"Wow, she's TINY, was she a Preemie?"
So if I say she's not a Preemie, it means I'm doing something wrong to make her small? Actually, she was born on her due date, 6lbs 8oz at birth, but she's always been really long with a small head (5th percentile) so she does look petite compared to other babies. The pediatrician says she's fine, she's growing at a normal rate, and she's a healthy, happy baby.

I'm sure moms with larger babies get even more insensitive comments, but it just drives me crazy sometimes!

[August Mom]

I can totally relate. I've heard that comment for 10 months now. DS has consistently been around the 10th percentile for everything. At first it really bothered me and made me monitor his weight really carefully. I've found now that, if you must answer, saying something like "Her head is proportionate to the rest of her body; that's what makes her so cute" usually works. Also, something like "She's very healthy and that's what's important" usually works. When DS was a newborn I used to joke that I wasn't complaining about his small head size because I had to give birth to him.

Good luck. Remember, you know your baby and as long as she's healthy, there's nothing wrong with being small. In fact, enjoy it! You'll be able to carry her more easily for longer and she'll wear her clothes for longer.

[Momof3Labs]

We get lots of comments too because Colin has never been a chubby baby - he was 50th percentile for weight at birth and 2 months, and dropped to 10th percentile for weight by 6 months. All the time, he's been 95th percentile for height. My ped feels that the percentile drop was because he was an early mover and was not worried.

Anyways, the best response I have come up with is a shrug and the comment "his pediatrician says that he is doing just great." If you get advice, just nod and shrug and say "well, maybe we'll try that." If you want to be smart-alecky, just add "wow, how come we never thought of that."

People make stupid comments all the time - I have two mommy friends with twins, and complete strangers are always telling them that there's no way that the babies are twins! How stupid is that??

And I have to agree with August Mom on these two points: you'll be grateful for a smaller baby as she gets bigger and you still have to carry her! And she'll be able to wear those tiny, adorable outfits so much longer!

[Roleysmom]

Missy, I was right there with you. It wasn't until her 15 month appointment that Roley moved up to the 10-25 percentile for weight. Before that she was in the 5-10 and then under the fifth percentile. I took every comment about her size so personally; I think especially because I was breastfeeding and thought if she was small I must be doing something wrong (somehow discounting the fact that my mother was and my SIL and MIL are teeny (around 5 ft and 100 lbs). It didn't help that while my ped was generally supportive and never suggested that we supplement the breastfeeding, he would end every visit by pointing at Roley and saying, "eat, eat, I want to see you be bigger next time." She always gained weight between appointments, just not enough to advance on the growth chart.

I think people forget that when you are a first-time parent you always feel on display (at least I did and still do sometimes) and can be constantly questioning what you are doing. Those clueless comments, regardless of how innocent or well-meaning, can really stick. Hey, but then sometimes we new parents do the same thing to each other. DD and I were on our front porch handing out candy at Halloween when a family came up with their little boy who was born a day before Roley. Instead of saying how cute she was in her skunk outfit, they went on and on (and I do mean on and on) about how much bigger he was, he was almost twice her size, etc. etc. I had to concentrate really hard not to say something terribly evil like "what are you doing that he's so fat." Bad, bad, bad. I said something like "we like her just the way she is." Other posters had much better responses, I'd go with theirs!

Just let it roll off your back. She's doing great, your doing great, and as my mother used to say, it will all even out in the wash.

Paula
-- mom to Roley Julia 01-04-02

[mharling]

I so hear you Missy!! In fact, I was going to post something similar myself. Ds was born one day past his due date at 6 lb, 15 oz. He's a perfectly happy and healthy little boy, but has been slow to gain weight.

The question that bothered me the most was, 'Is he..... (pause)..... OK?' Of course he is!!!!! Just look at his beautiful smiling face! And if he wasn't, do they really think I'd open up to a complete stranger????? The other one is 'Is he a good eater?'. Yep, would you like to come over and count his wet diapers?

ITA with Paula's comments above. I'm also very glad that he hasn't outgrown many outfits yet and is not super heavy to carry in his infant seat.

I am also breastfeeding and at first worried that I was doing something wrong. We do offer a supplement if he has been on both breasts and still appears hungry. Sometimes he takes it, sometimes he doesn't. I totally trust him to eat when he's hungry and refuse when he's not. Not all babies can be at the 60th percentile for weight!

Thanks for posting this. I like the suggested responses to people and will probably use them.

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

[Marisa6826]

Missy-

I can completely understand. Sophie's a little munchkin too. She's consistently in the 5th percentile for height and 25th for weight. Her noggin is 50th, though. She was 6 lbs. 1 oz and 19" when she was born, at her most recent visit (6m), she was 14 lbs. 4 oz. and 24".

People are always making comments. My response is that I think it's just great that she still can fit in her 0-3s and I can use her infant seat longer!

Sometimes I just explain that she was a twin (we lost her brother), and that usually freaks people out enough that they don't say anything else.

I think that Gwen is a real cutie just the way she is! :)

Chin up!

-m

[etwahl]

I haven't read all the replies, but I just wanted to say that my dd was in the 75th percentile at her 2 month apppointment, and people ALWAYS tell me how small she is... HUH????? She's chubby with rolls and double chins! But I honestly think people look at babies and forget that they were ever that small. Babies just look so tiny to everyone who doesn't have one of their own.

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003
www.evantammy.com

[Karenn]

Us too! Colin was in the 5-10th percentile for both height and weight at our visit on Wednesday. Lately, everyone's been trying to guess his age. They're usually guessing between 6-8 months. When I say he's a year, they're always shocked. It's also been funny when people who don't know his age see him get up and walk- they think he's a really early walker. :)

[josephsmom]

We get that all the time, too. In fact, we have a friend who always refers to DS as "Petite," and that drives my DH crazy! I never thought of a snappy comeback like those above, but I have to say that I've always thought DS was cuter than the big, roly-poly babies. Some of the babies we see look actually obese, and nobody says anything about that. Huh. What a double standard: babies are supposed to be chubby and bigger kids and adults are supposed to be skinny. What a warped world: why can't it be good enough that we're all healthy?

Helene
mommy to Joseph 12/29/01

[mmschneider]

Thanks, everyone, for the supportive comments! The suggested come-backs are great.

As a first-time mom, I know I'm overly sensitive to these remarks because they echo some of my own fears. But then I look at how active and happy she is, and I think, she's fine, she's just Gwen-sized!

Thanks again for letting me vent!

Missy, Mom to Gwen, 03/03

[mharling]

>she's just Gwen-sized!

I love that!!!! Thanks for the smile. :)

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

[starrynight]

With 2 kids I have heard all the comments too! My son was born 3 days past his due date at 8lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. So from day one I heard the "he's so big, does he eat steak and eggs?" Yeah sure I feed a 2 week old that or "he's gonna be a football player" actually I was hoping for rocket scientist :lol. He was always tall and quick to gain weight, at 6 months old he wore 18-24 month clothes and people always and sometimes still do think he is older than he was. I once was in the mall with him when he was 3 and someone thought he was 5! It's hard at times.

My daughter was born one day past her due date at 7lbs 14oz and 20 inches long.She has been slower to gain weight and generally imo petite compared to my son but I guess she would be considered average otherwise. She is now 16 months old and 21 lbs and 29 3/4 inches and wearing 12 month clothes. But since she is sorta shortish she looks chubby so people have said "oh what a fat baby" NO she is NOT fat , she is perfect height and weight and just has her weight not exactly evenly distributed so her legs are chubby. Funny some people also say "oh she is so petite" So I hear it both ways! I personally love chubby babies and I tell anyone that says so "I think she is just perfect and so does her doctor". I kinda like that she is slower to gain weight, she doesn't outgrow clothes and shoes every 2 weeks like my son did at this age! :)

I have found people's opinion varies depending on how big their own kids were, I have a friend who thinks both my kids are huge because her sons were 6lbs at birth and have always been slower to gain weight so even though her son is 6 months older than mine, my son is 12lbs heavier than hers. But I have another friend that had a 10lb baby so both of my kids seems small or average to her LOL. I just figure everyone has an opinion and yup it bothered me at first but I have learned to shrug it off. Sorry this got so long :o. :)

[C99]

Now that Nate is in the 5 months old and gaining weight like mad, I no longer get the comments, but I have a horrible complex about Nate being small -- and he was a preemie!

[Rachels]

Abigail is in the tenth percentile for height and the fifth for weight, so we get a bunch of comments, too. Personally, I love her cute little self and don't care too much if other people don't think she's big enough. My theory is that people get embarrassed when they're so far off the mark in their age-guessing, and then they blame the baby for their mistake. This happened while I was pregnant, too. I carried low and all in front, so everybody swore I was having a boy. One clerk at CVS actually said, when I told her that no, the baby was in fact a girl, "What's wrong with HER?!" And if you had been on the boards several months ago, you would remember my post about the old man in a restaurant who called me ugly and my baby beautiful in the same breath.

I am becoming less and less surprised by what people will say. I am vaguely starting to think that it's part of my purpose in life to encounter each of the world's rudest people for at least a few minutes. I don't know why.

Gwen looks perfect to me! She's beautiful. Don't let insensitive and crazy strangers bother you. She's just right for the person that she is.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Vajrastorm]

Someone actually had the nerve to say you didn't have enough milk? Whoa.

I would just come out with a big grin and say, "Gosh, I think I need to get my hearing checked! For a moment there I thought you were making a comment on my milk supply! Thats just too funny." And stare them straight in the eye with a cheerful smile.

If that doesn't make 'em squirm, then they are a piece of work indeed.

[mmschneider]

Yes, as has been commented on in other threads, people will ask and say the most amazing things regarding breastfeeding. I'm glad there's not the social pressure against it like there was when I was a baby, but it's weird to have strangers give you lactation advice! The best was a 14-year old girl who saw me breastfeeding and gave me a ten minute lecture on the benefits of getting a good latch-on! Did her mom work for the La Leche League?

Thanks again everyone for the encouraging comments. I love looking at the pictures everyone posts of their little darlings. Do we all have the most beautiful babies, or what??

Missy, Mom to Gwen, 03/03


(Edited to say that wasn't a slam on the LLL at all, I just thought it was funny that this girl was so well-informed.)

[bluej]

I actually received the opposite comments. At four months Caden weighed 22 pounds. He was a BIG boy! And yes, I probably got as many comments on his size as mom's of smaller babies get. Complete strangers would ask if I breastfed (what is the obsession of knowing how every single baby is fed? Do you think these people ask everyone they come across how their baby is fed?). Yes, he was exclusively breastfed. Then they would look at my chest and say 'wow, you must produce cream!' Why they felt the need to check out my chest is beyond me (thanfully I wasn't busty or it would have been even more awkward). And every single one of them thought they were being real original w/ the cream comment.

[alleyoop]

Oh Gosh, I got the 'cream' comment all the time, too! I have a very big boy also. How annoying that people even consider my breasts something to talk about in the supermarket!

One bad thing about being on the other side of the fence: I had a terrible experience with my MIL when she came to visit when DS was just 2 months old. Not only did we get all the comments about feeding him too much and being careful not to make him overweight for the rest of his life, but she handled him like a 6 month old! She was flinging him around, onto her knee, over her shoulder, etc. without supporting his head. His little noggin was going back and forth like a toy, and he would start to cry, and she would slap his back and toss him around more. It was horrifing! Then she would complain about how "fussy" he was, and how I was definately spoiling him because he didn't want to go to her. On top of it all, I had to suffer through the lecture on not shaking babies.

DH tried to explain to her that just because he was big didn't mean that he had head control yet...

I think people are just caddy about babies! They should keep thier comments to themselves

[strollerqueen]

I know exactly how you feel. My DD was on the small side, too. It's easy to be sensitive about these dumb comments when you're so hormonal, I know I sure was. There is a fascination in this country with "bigger is better", witness all the obese children waddling around. I knew that intellectually, but it was still hard.

FWIW, my "petite", and "she'll always be tiny" daughter just turned 5, and is now actually in the 60th percentile for height and weight! ABOVE average! LOL! The moral of the story is, children grow at their own rate, in their own good time.

[mamahill]

Ah yes, we get double takes all the time when people learn how old Ainsleigh is. Ah well, now when people ask how old she is, I say, "Almost 15 months... and yes, she's small for her age. But we prefer to call her "petite." Don't we all wish we could claim that!" That usually keeps people quiet. But yes, I got the "Isn't your mommy feeding you?!" comment directed toward DD. Ah well, luckily dd's flaming red hair is generally the topic of conversation (sparking all sorts of "Well, seeing her, we know YOUR hair is real" comments. great. otherwise you'd think it was fake? thanks). I guess I could find just about anything to get defensive over... *sheepish grin*

[kransden]

The more I read this thread, the funnier it is. Isn't it amazing what people will say to you? My dd is in the 75 percentile. I get both: "boy she sure is small" and "she is huge!". The big part originally didn't suprise me, but the small did. Now I just say to either "Yes she is, isn't she adorable, she looks just like her Dad." Very few people persue it past that.
Karin
Katie 10/24/02

[alkagift]

Ha! I get that too--one of my friends lifted my 11 pound boy and said, "he's light" while others call him a "chunker!" I've also gotten the "cream" remark--from my mother, of all people. I think Gwen is a beautiful little girl, and not too small at all--I agree with Tammy, I think people forget how small babies really are.

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[gour0]

Wow! I'm sorry. I did this to a woman just yesterday. :( It wasn't meant to be a negative comment, honest! I just love little babies and ds is getting bigger every day. Girls just seem smaller than boys to me. The woman told me that her dd is 24" which is how long ds was last ped visit. I guess this woman must get these comments a lot, too. I didn't even think it might be irritating. So, I apologize. She was just so cute!

[mharling]

I think the majority of people, like you, don't mean anything negative. Ds is on the small side and I have 'first-time mother paranoia' that people think he doesn't get enough to eat. That's my problem, not yours!

And, like Tammy said, I think people don't realize what size babies are in general. Just yesterday, someone said, 'He's BIG for 3 1/2 months'.

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

[missym]

Stacey, I agree with Mary. Don't worry about it! Everyone's comments have helped me realize that my upset is more to do with my own fears that Gwen is too small.

(And, FWIW, they're right! The ped now says she's "significantly underweight" with a height in the 87th percentile and weight in the 6th. We're taking drastic measures to get some pudge on the little beanpole!)

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03

[kohlbacher]

I agree - don't worry about other's ignorance. Though I have a huge baby - 97% for both height and weight compared to other males - I was a wee one growing up. BUT - my growth curve looked just like the other ones - only lower. My dr wasn't concerned since I was growing like a should, just on a smaller scale. What he didn't expect, was that I didn't stop fully growing until 22 years old!!