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View Full Version : My SIL is a troll....



mom2kandj
07-01-2003, 03:15 AM
I'm at my wits end!!! My SIL is driving my parents nuts and then I have to hear all about it, too!

I'm at my parents' house in Las Vegas for a 10 day visit. My SIL moved here a few months ago due to a new job for my brother. They chose Las Vegas over other potential locations due to my parents. She was against the move due to the heat, leaving her two friends, and the distance from her mom. She even used bugs( "you know they have cockroaches in Las Vegas..." ) as an excuse not to move, but my brother prevailed. Due to the low cost of living, they were able to buy a home twice the size of their previous home in San Jose and make some serious cash, too. Now, I hear that my brother and his wife have purchased two more houses in Vegas for rental property and that my SIL thinks that this is the way that they will be making $$$$$. All this of course without too much research and without making sure that their investments are diversified. They spend their days off looking at houses and dropping off their DS at my parents house for them to watch him. Every time, she hears that our realtor called us to evaluate a property(we, too have rental property in Vegas), she goes into a tizzy about how they are going to buy another. FWIW, her realtor has told them to slow down and get a feel for the rental business and if it is something that they are going to do long term. Now, she's whining about how small her house is and though she doesn't like moving, it just isn't big enough for the three of them. Something about not having a craft room! Puhllease!

Now, to the part that is driving my parents nuts! She is the biggest micromanager I've ever seen. I believe in schedules for kids as consistency makes for a well adjusted child who knows what is expected of him and what to expect from others. For her, everything is so incredibly rigid. DS wakes up @ 6:30am, breakfast @ 7am, nap @ 10am, lunch @ noon, nap @ 2pm, dinner @ 6pm, bath and bed by 7:30pm. Sounds like a normal schedule for a 16 month old right? Here's the catch: His schedule CANNOT be disturbed. If the family is planning to go to lunch, it must fit Brandon's schedule. For instance, we are planning to go outlet shopping while we are visiting. My mom loves to buy all three kids shoes and we make a special trip every three months to the Stride Rite outlet. SIL and mom made a date a few weeks ago for the 4th of July and the outlet sidewalk sale. We mentioned it on Sunday and how we(mom & I) thought it would be best for us to get an early start due to the crowds and the Vegas heat(about 105+). The first words out of my brother's mouth were "Brandon takes a nap at 10am." Keep in mind, the outlets are a good 30 minute drive and that the kids would probably fall asleep on the way there if we left around 9:30am. Now, I like my kids to have a pretty consistent schedule, but they're resilient enough to take a change in schedule every once in a while. It was to the point, that if their DS was asleep in the car after church, they would drive around for up to one hour so that he could get a full nap in even though my parents were waiting for them for lunch.

It just seems that everyone else is always accommodating these jerks. How do you tell them that they are being selfish and that they and their child need to learn about flexibility. We seem to be pandering to my SIL just to avoid confrontation. Her DS can't go swimming with his cousins, because his mom doesn't like the sun. We can't go to certain restaurants because she's so picky. She doesn't like going to restaurants with her DS, because the only table food he eats is toast and everything else she gives him is baby food or yogurt. I bet she thinks that I'm a bad mom because I do let DS eat with his hands and get messy at dinner time. She was horrified to hear that Jack has his grandma trained to sneak him an M&M if he points to the jar and smiles. We're pretty laidback and I think that bothers her. She reads a lot of books and is always quoting this book or that one. She complains that she's adjusting to life in her new home, but that she needs to make friends. How do you make friends if you spend your time complaining!?!?!?!

Since they moved to Vegas, some things have improved. They are no longer in their DS's face every minute of the day and he is slowly developing into his own personality. SIL is slowly learning that my parents may do things differently than she does, but that they do what they do with love for her child. I feel badly for my parents, because they are constantly comparing the two families. Because they live close by, I think it is magnified. Add this to differing parenting styles and you have major conflict. Everytime you mention SIL to my dad, he gets worked up and I'm afraid that he is going to say something that he'll regret.

It makes me mad that everytime the whole family gets together, we are catering to them. It makes me sad that this is even happening. I can't believe I wrote this all out. There is so much more, but I feel better just getting some of it out. Please let me know that I am not the only one out there who has family like this...




Rose
mom 2 Katie (31 months)
& Jack (14 months)
Rose
mom 2 Katie (31 months)
& Jack (14 months)

MartiesMom2B
07-01-2003, 07:33 AM
Rose:

I feel for you! Maybe you should just go do stuff with your parents alone and not contact SIL, tell her that you don't want to interupt her schedule. It must be tough that she's so inflexible and it really does sound like she needs some friends. Maybe if she sees that she'll be left out she'll be a little bit more flexible.

Good luck and enjoy the rest of your visit with your parents!

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

Melanie
07-01-2003, 05:10 PM
My suggestion is next time something like the outlet situation happens, just respond with, "Oh, I'm sorry you can't make it. You'll be missed." Don't accommodate them, just miss them.

chrissyhowie
07-01-2003, 10:40 PM
Gosh! Nobody should have to go through that! Your SIL sounds like a kind of painful person to be around! Good suggestions above to just not include her. Being accomodating is one thing, but after a while it is just her taking advantage of your family's good will. Do you think having a heart-to-heart talk with your brother might help? I hope it improves soon for you all.

mom2kandj
07-02-2003, 12:45 AM
Thanks for the feedback. My dad hit the limit today and sent my brother a rather curt email about how they are hurting my parents' feelings and impacting the family by being so inflexible with their schedule. My brother stopped by this evening to drop something off with mom. She answered the door with my two kids in her arms (dad and I had a dinner date) and he said, "Here's your stuff. I love you. I've got to go." He was so pissed he didn't even acknowledge my kids. Then my mom shut the door and started crying. Dad and I got home and she told us what had happened. She feels like a heel because of the tension, but we told her that she needed to let it go and that they have to learn. (My dad's been watching a lot of Dr. Phil and is trying the tough love approach!)

I feel bad, but I've got enough going on in my own life that I don't need to keep accommodating this ungrateful family. I don't know if a heart to heart would work with my brother as he consistently uses my SIL's broken childhood as an excuse. "You know she's a product of divorce and they never had money...blah, blah, blah." I know a lot of people who came from similar backgrounds and have overcome it by being positive. I'm going to lay low for the rest of my visit and just hang out with my parents. He said that they were going to be over here all weekend long. We'll see....


Rose
mom 2 Katie (31 months)
& Jack (14 months)