View Full Version : Opinionated MILs

07-04-2003, 08:00 AM
Am I the only one who wants to ask these MILS about their MILs? You know, something along the lines of, "So, did it irritate you when your MIL kept butting in and complaining about the way you raised your kids?" I wonder if it would shut them up.

Stuff like this always makes me think of my Grandma, who had the most controlling MIL in the history of the world. (Planned her wedding, picked the bridesmaids, decorated her house, etc) Anyway, since she knows what it's like to get unwanted advice, she does an amazing job of keeping her mouth shut when she doesn't like something. I can literally see her striving heroically to keep from making comments when she thinks I'm doing something wrong with DS, and I love her all the more for it. I also reward her heroism with a "What do you think, Grandma?" and let her give me her opinion so she doesn't accidentally explode. :)

Is anyone else afraid of someday being an annoying MIL? I'm afraid I might be, since I'm already a little tiffed just thinking about some hussy stealing my baby away with her feminine wiles!

Mommy to Joshua
Feburary 2003

07-04-2003, 10:08 AM
I keep hoping that I will never be an MIL, and then I THINK about what that really means. :-)

My MIL lived with her in-laws when she first got married. Needless to say this didn't help the marriage and DH's parents got divorced when he was 2. Sometimes when I see my MIL she bashes her former MIL. The funny thing is I quite like her former MIL/DH's grandmother and we get along really well. Just goes to show you..... :-)

On a personal note, all I can do is try to remember how I feel right now when I start having grandkids. Hopefully I'll be able to do that!

07-04-2003, 12:16 PM
I had an annoying MIL
She drove me nuts with her endless opinions <mostly negative> and she really liked me.
She did not want her sons to like anyone better than her.Oh well.
She made it hard for them to like her.
Any way I am now a MIL and I think my experience has made me be very aware of what I say to my daughter in law whom I adore.
But we are two different people with different taste and different styles etc etc.
I really really try not to offer unasked for opinions and most of the time I am good.
However, I give unasked for opinions to my friends and my daughter all the time.I guess it is just my controlling nature yech so sometimes it creeps in with my daughter in law.
But I promise you if she wants to hang her baby upside down to feed them I WILL KEEP MY MOUtH SHUT. nad when I AM LUCKY ENOUGH TO BABYSIT I WILL FOLLOW HER INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER.
That said I have offered some decorating opinions.One regarding the crib which took me a day to tell her and another which would take too long to explain which is very frustrating to me and I have decided to COMPLETELY drop before she gets really annoyed with me.I never want to hurt her feelings.
Anyway tmalss, your experience as a daughter in law should teach you some hard learned lessons.

07-04-2003, 06:57 PM

It is so great to have you on these boards! Sometimes I forget as a mom how deeply DD affects the lives of my Mom and MIL too. Thanks so much for your honesty. (I just wish you could have a nice, long talk with my MIL ;) LOL!)

07-05-2003, 05:23 PM
Thank you for the positive comments and I would love to talk to your MIL
I am so glad you understand how I feel.
I absolutely live for my grandson and am constantly shopping for him and I plan on visiting once a month.
Unfortunately they are a plane ride away.
Anyway I once got some good advice for being a mil.
Here Goes
1.Keep your pocket book open.
2.Keep your mouth shut
3.Wear beige

I try to do them all but I am a bit of center stage kind of gal so the wear beige one is tough. I try to make up for that by being very entertaining and extremely good company. Lucky me they live in the same state!!!
I guess you would have to ask her if I have succeeded.
Also I always side with her,not my son.I actually usually agree with her so this is not difficult!!
I am sure your MIL is lucky to have you!

07-07-2003, 06:27 AM
That's a good question! I **know** that my MIL had a very difficult MIL herself, and I'm constantly wondering why that doesn't make her want to try harder to have an actual relationship with me. Maybe someday I'll ask her. sigh......

mommy to Joseph 12/29/01

07-07-2003, 08:49 AM

You sound like a wonderful MIL. I think your rules should be handed to every mom at the wedding.

I do have a difficult one. She has no problems with rule #1 but does not follow rules #2-#3. I know she wants the best for us but she drives me nuts.

Dr. Phil is on right now. Guess what the topic is. MILs!!

Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

07-07-2003, 12:11 PM
My MIL did mention that once her MIL gave my DH his first taste of sugared poi (they're from Hawaii)when he was a few months old, and then my DH refused to eat the healthier unsugared poi (that MIL preferred to feed him). To this day, DH drowns his poi with sugar, and it still makes my MIL cringe. Although, my MIL was lucky, she lived an ocean away from her MIL, so distance was a barrier, whereas, we live about 10 minutes away, and MIL is retired, with ZERO hobbies or outside interests. So, you can just imagine what she does with all her free time now! My own mother says to be understanding as MIL never had any daughters of her own. I know her heart is in the right place. However, life would be much more pleasant if she would just follow those 3 rules! I hope that I'll remember those 3 rules...they really should be passed down to ALL MILs (present and future)!!

mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

07-10-2003, 07:14 AM

Oh no, I feel for you w/ your MIL living so close with zero hobbies. How do you deal with this? My MIL has just informed us that she's going to spend her retirement visiting her grandchildren. Aaaahhhh!!!

Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

07-10-2003, 11:41 AM
Jeannie -
Do we have the same MIL? :) I don't know if this is the case with yours, but it amazes me that she can sit around the house all day, smoke and wallow in self-pity. How about some hobbies or getting out of the house and spending time with friends????

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

07-10-2003, 11:49 AM
Ha ha ha...it's good to know I'm definitely not alone. I'd love for MIL to get some hobbies, unfortunately so far, her only suggestion to that has been, "Oh, why don't you sign Kiki up for a class, and I'll take her for you." Okay, you know, these classes are called MOMMY and me. My one saving grace is that FIL is retired too, now and he likes to travel. So, they do leave the city once in a while.

mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

07-10-2003, 01:26 PM
My GF has a really cute sign in her kitchen it reads:

Friends are Welcome Anytime,
Family, by Appointment Only! :)

Maybe we could hire someone to make some of these up for us, at a BBB rate, to hang in our own kitchens!?! :) :) :)

gina, mom to 3

07-11-2003, 07:07 AM
I'll take two, one for my kitchen one for the guest room!

Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03