Leave my Nanny alone!!!

[McQ]

I just can’t believe the nerve of some people. I’m mad, upset and a nervous wreck all rolled into one. I need a beer, need to vent and want to yell “leave my nanny alone!”.

As I’ve posted before I used to share a nanny with my neighbor. This neighbor was gracious enough to offer the nanny share when I was pregnant. And for that I will always be grateful. But that only goes so far.

A couple months ago my neighbor decided to move many states away. And I say decided as she didn’t have to move. She had a job here that she liked but took a job there. Reasons be what they may she made the decision to move. She asked if I was could take on the nanny full time, duh yeah, you bet.

Then she changed her mind. Not about moving but said she couldn’t bear to lose the nanny and tried to get her to move down there with them. She really put a lot of pressure on her to go with them ~ twice. But fortunately my nanny said no. Whew! She said no!

So anyway the neighbor gets an au pair and moves a week an a half ago. After a few days she calls my nanny all frazzled, a what have I done type of call. Whatever. So then this weekend she calls my nanny and tells her the little girl just isn’t happy and begs my nanny to move down there, that she’d get rid of the au pair. So my nanny says no again. Double whew!

So tonight I run into her husband. Said he’s going to be here for a week. And I’m thinking with all the chaos down there what in the world is he doing up here! He doesn’t work during the week so he could be home with his 2 ½ year old helping her adjust. So we talk and he says things aren’t going well down there, that the au pair will just never stack up to the nanny, how they have met with the agency, taking it day by day yada yada yada. Then he drops the bomb on me that his wife and daughter are coming up for the weekend. WTF!!! I’m sure that they are going to try and see the nanny. And I know they are going to put all kinds of pressure on her to move. I’m so worried that my neighbor will make it too hard to for her to say no. I know this is out of my hands and I can’t force my nanny to stay if she doesn’t want to. But come on, give me a break.

I could go on for pages about how wonderful this nanny is but in a nutshell, she’s a gem. I’d be a basket case if I lost her so I can understand what my neighbor is going through. But she obviously made a decision that was best for her family, my nanny has already told her no numerous times, and this would really screw me. So suck it up, deal with your decision and leave my nanny alone!

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[bluej]

Some people just can't take no for an answer can they? I can't believe she would keep calling your nanny after she has repeatedly said no! I would get your nanny out of town for the weekend. Give her a trip somewhere, anywhere. Get her a new cell phone w/ a new number, make it impossible for your previous neighbor to get a hold of her! This is war! Okay, I'm kidding (sort of). Is there anyway you can talk to your neighbor about all of this? I'm not sure what you could say, but somehow get it across that the nanny has said no firmly several times now and she needs to stop trying to get her to move.

For your sake (and your nannie's) I hope the lady lays off. Or finds someone more than suitable VERY soon!

[ddmarsh]

Hopefully your neighbor's rather frenetic sounding behavior will serve as a complete turn-off to the nanny. Try with all of your might to appear completely calm, cool and collected to the nanny - hopefully that against an agitated, panicked opposition will clearly be more appealing to her. You might also throw in a casual statement such as "oh my it's unfortunate that Mrs. X seems to have he deep endgone off t, it seems fortunate you got out just in the nick of time."

Good luck!

[redhookmom]

That's right leave her alone. I feel sorry for you and your nanny. I can imagine that she must be flabbergasted that someone would ask her to uproot herself over and over after she declined.

[amp]

Yeah, I'd casually say something like, "Wow, she's really crazy about you, but I can't believe she'd expect you to uproot your whole, entire life for her. That's a little excessive and crazy! And we love having you here, so I sure hope you don't feel so guilty you actually start listening to her!" Yikes! Hope she stays strong in the face of the craziness! What is with people's sense of entitlement?! To expect someome to move with you/for you and to not take the first several "no's" for an answer is just crazy! Good luck!

[cinrein]

Allison,

Deep breaths sweetie. It's going to be OK. Your former neighbor is truly a piece of work!

I agree that for your own sake, maybe causally mention the situation to your Nanny and see what she says. Mention how much you value her. Do you really think she'd up and move? If she were so attached to the family, she would have moved the first time they asked her. If she has family and ties in this area, then I can't imagine anyone offering enough to make her want to move. She's probably amused and annoyed by the whole thing! And probably extremely flattered.

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[papal]

Poor nanny.. hope she does not cave under the pressure from the annoying ex-neighbours. Is there any way for her to take the weekend off or go into hiding and avoid them altogether? Why can't some people take a NO for a NO! So irritating!

[starrynight]

Oh man! I will keep my fingers crossed the nanny doesn't go.

[McQ]

My neighbor is a real piece of work. Oh the stories I could tell you. A lot of them leave DH & I shaking ours heads wondering how people can act like that. Don't get me wrong she can be nice and all but she does have a dark side.

I can only hope that my nanny stays strong and holds her ground. But I have to admit there's a part of me that's worried my neighbor will just beat her down. Especially if she shows up with her kid crying for the nanny. You should she her in action and I'm sure she'll pile on the guilt. The downside is that my nanny doesn't have family in the area but she does have a life, friends and takes night classes. And she obviously has said no before for a reason.

So I can only hope and hang in there. I'm really nice to the nanny all the time anyway but I did make a point to tell her this morning how very much I appreciate her and how glad I am that she's a part of our family. All true and it doesn't hurt to hear it.

edited to add a story on entitlement...the neighbor told me a while back that she's already asked the nanny to come work for her again when she moves back here in two years (and 20 miles south of us and the nanny doesn't drive) and she totally expects her to. Like she's got dibs forever and that the nanny should not have a problem leaving me. Since it was two years away I totally blew that off but I thought wake up and get a clue.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[khakismom]

Allison, your neighbor sounds like a real piece of work! Sorry you are going thru this. I hope your nanny stays strong!! Good luck and be sure to keep us posted--I'll be thinking of you and hoping things go your way. :)

[sarahfran]

I'm just amazed by your situation. It sounds to me like your neighbor is treating your nanny like an object that she just has to have... totally disrespecting her in the meanwhile. If I were the nanny, I'd find it flattering on one level, but also really offensive on another... like my whole life revolved around being a nanny to their kids.

I wish both you and your nanny luck--and strength-- in dealing with this woman!

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

Motherhood is such a joy!