fight with husband again

[loritb]

Ok, I don't usually write notes like this but it's 10PM and I need to talk to someone and none of my friends are at home. If I weren't pregnant, I'd go out for a drink, but at 34 weeks, not too many places to go. I just had a fight w/ my DH again (2nd major one in 2 weeks) and he went out somewhere, not sure where. I'm not even sure what I did, but he blew up because he thought the chicken wasn't cooked yet and I moved the thermometer to a place where it showed it was done. I feel like he blows up at everything lately and doesn't want to be married to me-he even said this when we had a fight last week, but later apologized. He won't talk, he just gets angry and won't speak to me. I know I'm probably a bitch right now, but shouldn't he understand a bit. Instead, if I say anything that disagrees with him, he blows up and stops speaking to me and acts like he hates me. I know he loves me, but I don't think he likes me and while he'll be a great father, I feel like he regrets having a baby with me. And I love him so much that I'd do anything to work things out, but I can't help it if I'm not always perfect. I come from a family where we yelled and fought all the time, but made up quickly, w/o any hard feelings and my dh isn't at all like this. I feel like I'm walking on eggs, I probably am being selfish and bitchy, but being uncomfortable 100% of the time and scared the rest, I can't always help it.

Not really looking for advice, but it feels a bit better to write it down. Thanks,

[HoneymoonBaby]

(((Lori)))

I will say a prayer for you and your family.

[mrmansmom]

That really sucks. I know there's so much more going on than you could or would want to write on the post, so there's not much I can say other than I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. The last few weeks of your pregnancy should be filled with thoughts of joyous anticipation of your baby and looking forward to many years ahead as a happy family (and honestly, a few fleeting thoughts of your glory days). It's really too bad that you have to deal with this negativity form your husband. It is very difficult to work things out when someone won't even talk to you.

I wish you the best in resolving things with your husband.

[toomanystrollers]

If it makes you feel any better, I was a deranged hormonal lunatic right around 34 weeks on :) DH couldn't do anything right. Your dh is probably stressing on becoming a dad - very common and there's not much he can do - you're the one who's pregnant. Has he always been like this or just during your pregnancy?

[gravymommy3]

Lori,

May I suggest that the two of you (before there are three of you!) go talk to someone about this? Maybe at your church? The only reason I suggest this is that once the baby gets here, you both will be stressed out. It would be better to air out the issues with a neutral third party before more stress, no sleep, etc. is added to the mix. Plus, if talking to someone would relieve your stress level now, that is all the better for the baby.

Good luck to you.

[egoldber]

I agree with Amy. To my (untrained) ear, this sounds like more than the usual pre-baby jitters. I would really recommend that you and your DH find someone that you can both talk to. The first several weeks home with a new baby can be among the most stressful of your life, and when that gets compounded by sleep deprovation, even the most devoted and easy going of couples can feel strained.. Working through any issues now will make that time better for both of you.

Good luck!

[jesseandgrace]

Definitely find someone to talk to. Also, I think you need to believe in yourself. It sounds like you are a caring, loving person who wants a good relationship with your husband. Don't put yourseld down! You are pregnant, and if that makes you a little moody then so be it. Focus on the positive about yourself. You are building a baby and working hard at that. Don't let someone else determine your self worth for you. If your DH is not appreciating you right now then it sounds to me like he is the one who should be questioning himself, not you!

I think men can get very stressed right before a baby as society dictates that they now have to be the provider for the family - and that might be a lot of pressure on your husband. I say that you look for support where you can get it, and try to move slowly with your husband as it does not sound to me like he is open for much discussion. After all, it is obviously ridiculous that you would say the chicken was cooked when it wasn't. You can see that he was being ridiculous to claim that, right? When faced with that kind of attitude it is hard to talk to someone, so you may just have to try to talk to your family/friends/church/anything you have right now. It would be great if he would participate, but you might need to give him some more time. That doesn't mean that you should take all of his BS. Let him know you are a good wife and about to be a good mother, and that when he is ready you will be there for him, but that you don't want to be treated badly and try to just keep yourself calm. I am sorry to hear this is something you have to go through. The end of a pregnancy can be very stressful, and I wish you and your husband well as you make it through this!

[loritb]

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I will go talk to someone and if he wants to come, great, but if not, I'll go alone. My DH really is usually a wonderful person, but the last month or so, it seems like he is getting out of proportion upset about little things. I worry there is something else wrong. Hopefully we can talk things out before the baby comes.

I think it is probably stress of the new baby combined with lack of confidence and I probably don't help that. I have a better joband make more money and I'm sure that is bugging him now more than usual, since he wants to be the provider.

In the meantime, I appreciate all the support.

[Sarah1]

Lori--this IS a stressful time. I know JUST what you mean about feeling like walking on eggshells. I've been there, and it gets better.

[McQ]

Lori ~ I am so sorry you're going through this. The others have given you some wonderful advice to talk this out and clear the air before the baby comes. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[liya]

Lori, Im so sorry ive been going through the same thing for the past couple of months so if you ever need anyone to talk to you can email of pm me whenever. I completely understand what you said about him loving you but not liking you, this is sometimes how i feel. I do have to say counceling has helped quite alot in some areas(he is going alone at the moment when hte councelor feels like he is ready i will join the sessions). It was hard so hard i cant even type these things here but its getting slowly but surely better. I can tell you at 34wks it is extremely hard and when pregnant i took everything very very into heart. And things that would hurt me before would hurt even more at that time.
I do suggest you go to counceling see if he wants to go(dont push it that was a HORRIBLE fight in this house.. sigh..) just casually mention it to him see if he would like to attend if its an interest atleast...

Hugs mama hang in there "this too shall pass" the words of a very very very dear friend while we were going through the horrid stage.....

[votre_ami03]

Lori, I am so sorry! As someone who also had marital problems while pregnant, I feel your pain. Talk to someone, please. Men (not all, but many) really seem to have a hard time w/pregnancy & babies. I think a lot of it has to do with their placement in the family now & the baby taking all of your time & the pressure they feel to provide for their family & be a good dad. I know the closer I got to delivery the more my now XH flipped out. Best wishes. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need to.


Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03