Nanny Update ~ You're not going to believe this!!!

[McQ]

Well I just called my nanny to give her a snow contingency for tomorrow. We’re expected to get a big snow storm tonight and I don’t want her trudging through the snow in the cold and dark. So I told her to come at a later time but to call me first because if it’s really bad I will stay home and she doesn’t need to come out. Then she tells me that my neighbor (the one who moved but was here for the weekend with her kid) was bringing her kid over to my house tomorrow morning so that the nanny could watch her. This was news to me. WTF!!!! I can not believe that they are so freaking inconsiderate that they didn’t call me and ask me. Let me repeat, I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SO FREAKING INCONSIDERATE THAT THEY DIDN’T CALL ME AND ASK ME!!! What was I supposed to open the door tomorrow morning and get a surprise. Or was I to come home from work and get the surprise. And it’s not like they have been too busy and forgot to call and ask me if this is okay as they ran into DH earlier this afternoon when they were all outside. Nary a peep from them!

So the nanny and I talked for a while and she told me once again how the lady has begged her to move down there. She’s trying to sweeten the deal by saying their new house is going to have a pool and they’re offering free room and board. But again the nanny has told her no. I mentioned to my nanny that they are being really disrespectful considering she has already them no numerous times. And she said they are making her feel really uncomfortable and wishes they’d stop asking her. She considers it case closed.

So I’ve called over to my neighbor’s house to talk about tomorrow but got their answering machine. I’m taking the high road here and will let them know that it is alright for their daughter to come over but I would have appreciated them asking me first. And I will inquire as to what their plans are for the rest of the week. Last I knew the movers come tomorrow and Tuesday to pack them up. I can only hope they’ll be out of here Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. It can’t get here soon enough for me. I’ll keep you all updated and thanks for letting me vent. Otherwise I’d bust.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[bluej]

OMG!!!! This lady clearly thinks the nanny is still HERS! Uh, she moved, she no longer pays the nanny, so no she can't just drop off her child for the nanny to watch! She is so out of line I don't know how you are keeping from exploding. I can't wait to her how your conversation goes w/ her. I hope that you can put an end to this before you and your nanny lose your minds (obviously the neighbor has already lost hers!).

[jesseandgrace]

Wow - I kept wondering what would happen. Well, at least the nanny is staying firm. Reality will have to hit sooner or later for the neighbor! Hang in there.

[sntm]

Allison, OMG!!! I can't believe her! I've been in a s***-kicking mood lately. You should send me her number and I'll tell her what's what!

Good for your nanny for seeing through her!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[sarahfran]

Does this woman have any friends? How can people with such poor interpersonal skills survive in this world? Amazing.

Now, I know nothing about the nanny world and associated etiquette, but logic would have it that if you've hired the nanny to watch your kids in your house, she's your employee and therefore dedicated to your kids. When I'm at work, I don't expect anyone from a competitor company to call me with work tasks! That's insane.
I know that it's all much more personal than a standard working relationship, but c'mon... this is incredible behavior!

I'm sure this is not somewhere you'd want to go, but in theory your exneighbor should have to share the costs for the day, right?

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. It's so hard to draw boundaries with someone like her when you want to keep relationships pleasant. Do you think you'd have more of an audience with her husband?

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

Motherhood is such a joy!

[McQ]

Update on my update...my neighbors never called me back last night. I don't know why that surprises me.

So my nanny called me before coming in (like I asked her to) and I told her that if it was just me, that she could stay home today. But we both had no idea what my neighbor was going to say. So I told the nanny that if my neighbor didn't need her then she got the day off but if the neighbor was having her come in that she'd work here with both kids. I offered to call my neighbor but instead the nanny called her. And the neighbor said that she absolutely needed the nanny to work today and that SINCE I DIDN'T NEED HER THAT THE NANNY WOULD WORK IN THE NEIGHBOR'S HOME TODAY. Now I pay the nanny whether she works or not and I'm not going to pay her while she's across the street with my neighbor trying to poach her all day long. So my nanny called me back and told me all this so I told her to get here when she gets here. And apologized for my neighbor's making her come in.

And no, the husband isn't any better. I actually don't know which one of them is worse. And don't get me started on splittig the cost for the day as there were days when their friends would drop a kid off when we did the nanny share at their place without compensating or even asking me or the nanny (asking that is, I hope that at least paid her).

More later...

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[papal]

The audacity of these people!!! Do they think they own the world and everyone in it! OBNOXIOUS behaviour!! I hope they leave really soon and never come back again for your sake and for your nannys sake!!

[jesseandgrace]

Shannon - I laugh every time you post lately - i love your attitude. I also see that Grace is only a day younger than your baby, I hope Jack is doing a better job sleeping through the night!

[amp]

I *cannot* believe the gall of this woman (the couple, really)! That is really appalling! I don't even know what else to say!

[sntm]

LOL! My DH is a little afraid of me lately. I confessed to him that when I was at the gym Friday, some undergrad kid turning in a basketball got ahead of me when I was turning in my locker key. For some reason, I got so steamed that when the girl asked him if he had a locker key also, I said tightly "no, but I do and I was here first." NOT me at all!!!

And Jack's tooth popped through Wednesday so he is doing better! He actually slept from 7:00 to 4:30 on Friday night. Of course, I was up at 2:00!!!!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[Melanie]

Wow...what gall. I'd probably be passive-aggressive and send the neighbor a bill for the one day of nannying. >:}

[McQ]

So still no call from the neighbors. Although her DH came outside this morning and started shoveling when my DH was outside shoveling and they spoke briefly but nothing about the nanny. He did say that the movers were not coming today but have been pushed back until tomorrow. Milking this for everything's it's worth I tell ya. So DH & I assumed that this meant no nanny today since both couples were home. Fine.

Then the neighbor's DH came over to our house and I answered the door and he asked if they could borrow our digital camera. What and do you want my kidney too! So we talked and I asked about the nanny. He said they might go pick her up later as his wife needs to finish something up for work. So I said I'm working from home today too (true) and that if they go get her to send her and their kid over here as my DH is trying to go on a business trip out of town (also true) and was trying to get an afternoon flight. So then he said how his wife and daughter are supposed to fly out of here tonight (let's hope) yada yada yada weather/flights.

So later I saw their truck pull out. About an hour later I called the nanny on her cell (shamefully I admit partly because I was nosey) and she told me she was over the neighbor's and couldn't come over because something with the girl that I didn't understand. I could tell she was really uncomfortable so I told her that's okay that I didn't need her in the afternoon as DH couldn't get a flight. Which is true but I also didn't want her feeling bad on my account. I feel so bad that I caved but I really didn't want her to feel bad and I don't think it's fair to put her in the middle of this. Do you all think I'm overracting even in the slightest? I am still so angry with my neighbors for being selfish jerks it's hard to see straight.

I told the nanny to call me tonight so we can figure out a time for in the morning. It's supposed to get icey and really icky here. If you've made it this far, thanks for listening.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[emilyf]

Hah! What a crazy saga-hopefully they will be gone and out of your lives very soon. Your poor nanny must be so bewildered by all this aggressive behavior. This is starting to remind me of those crazy movies where the neighbors start out really nice and friendly, and then turn out to be COMPLETE PSYCHOS!!! Good luck getting through the next couple of days!
Emily \r\nmom of Charlie born 11/02

[bluej]

Truly, I am so sorry for the aggravation that you are going through. I don't think you're overreacting in the least. The woman thinks she has first dibs on the nanny even though they no longer have an employer/nanny relationship anymore. She doesn't check to see if any of this works w/ your schedule, she doesn't ask if it is okay w/ you, she just thinks of whatever she wants/needs and expects the nanny to jump. I really hope they make their flight out and you can be done w/ them. I hope your nanny survives the day and tells this woman to STOP asking her to move!

[ddmarsh]

Nothing short of outrageous conduct. What's next, nanny-napping??

[toomanystrollers]

Allison,
You need to get this published in paperback LOL

[McQ]

Well the neighbor (wife) and daugther flew out last night. Yahoo! Talked with the husband this morning and he hasn't seen hide nor hair of the movers yet this morning so no one is sure when that is happening. But let's hope this saga is over!!!

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[cinrein]

Allison,

I hope these people are gone from your life! What obnoxious pains in the butts!!

I'm not sure I followed all the sub-nannying, but it seems to me that if you're not using her and she decides to take another job for the day, then those people should pay her as well. It's not like she has a contract with them or anything, right? Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable doing this, but I'm sure she would ask to be paid if it were some other family that she doesn't usually nanny for. She would get paid twice and of course only be able to take the "second" job if you didn't need her services for the day. If they're still not gone and try this again, I suggest she ask them for money! A lot of money!

Anyway, I'm glad your nanny has let you know that she ain't leaving!

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[houseof3boys]

You are cracking me up Allison. Go get em girlie! Hopefully this is over... :)

[loewymartin]

Allison,

OK, I missed some of the previous posts there must have been (I did see one that talked about how this was originally a nanny-share though)...

My question is - have you signed an agreement with the nanny on your own? That her responsibilities are to care for Declan and all that covers? Or are you still using the nanny-share agreement you originally had? If you haven't gotten around to doing your own agreement you may want to. It would give your nanny a sense of grounding of where her employment is, what she's responsible for etc. and she can use it to tell your crazy neighbor that she's now working completely for you.

I have to say, your neighbor sounds like the woman right from the Nanny Diaries. Wow - I'm sorry you have to go through this. But it sounds like your nanny is wonderful (isn't it amazing when you find someone who loves/cares for your child almost as much as you do?!) It sounds like you are handling it well. I wish you some peace and quiet soon!

Michelle - Mom to Alia born 5/16/02