I don't know- just venting.

[lisaE]

OK, let me start by saying that I don't want to offend anyone here. Different methods work for different moms. People subscribe to whatever works for them, and I fully believe that when it comes to raising a baby, whatever works for you, works.

That being said, why does everyone keep recommending Baby Wise to me? Even after I say that I am not willing to try it with DS? I have to fight tears every time he cries for more than a couple of minutes- I know that scheduling him would not work for me. Don't I have the right to refuse this idea?

It seems like every friend I talk to about DS wanting to nurse round-the-clock gets on a Baby Wise bandwagon and tries to pull me aboard. Can't people just listen to me and offer encouragement, without implying that the way I choose to deal with my son is somehow wrong because he gets hungy more often than he "should" and that he isn't sleeping as long as he "should"?

I saw a lactation consultant 2 days ago and am trying to work this out in a way that I feel comfortable. Why don't people just support that?!

Again, let me stress that I am not trying to bash anyone. If you are a person who has used this technique, and it has worked for you and your baby, then great! I don't judge anyone for doing what she thinks is best for her and her baby. I just needed to rant about this. This is more about not feeling listened to by my friends, I guess. Thanks everyone for listening/ reading.

[JenCA]

I also had Baby Wise crammed down my throat my several well-meaning friends. Not knowing much about it, I went to Borders, pulled the book off the shelf, read enough to get the gist, then replaced the book on the shelf and walked out of the store. I knew that I could never use that method with my DD. It also seemed that whenever I would tell these same people that DD had started sleeping through the night (short-lived), the response was always, "Oh--did you use Baby Wise?" When I answered "no, she started all on her own", they seemed shocked--as if children cannot learn to sleep at night unless they are put on feeding schedules. So, I feel your pain. Just know that you are doing what you feel is best and right for your child. There is no reason to rock the boat if it's sailing along just fine. ;)

[jbowman]

The best thing I've learned in the past 11 weeks (& 2 days) of being a mother is simple: to trust my instincts. And that is the advice that I am giving you. Just do what feels right for you and your son--and if that is feeding on demand and it works, that's fine! Frankly your son is so young that I think trying to impose a schedule would be unwise (but that's my opinion). Good luck!

[Thatchermom]

Rather than typing out another lengthy message regarding Mr. Ezzo - check out this past thread for some important Babywise info that may help your confidence in staying off the "bandwagon" as you put it.

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=37&topic_id=43064&mesg_id=43064&listing_type=search

[lisams]

Go with your instincts! I felt less stressed and upset when I put all of those books away. No 2 babies and no 2 mommies are the same. What works for one person may not for another. Scheduling didn't work for us, DD would cry and I felt a very strong urge (need) to respond promplty. Some friends suggested Babywise, but what I thought was interesting is that I was happy with how things were, the frequent feedings and getting up in the middle of the night really didn't bother me. It was like they were telling me that I was doing something wrong and needed to read this book to fix it. Anywho, I'm a firm believer in going with what your instincts are telling you, not some book! Maybe your friends are just trying to help out, but I can see how that would feel like they aren't listening to you. Hang in there!

Lisa

[molly]

i like to call them suggestors - everyone has to suggest what you should read, eat, do differently, etc. i don't think people realize they do it, in fact, i'm sure i've done it to someone or i will, i think it's some peoples' nature to want to fix and sometimes we just want to vent! it seems like this is also an emotional issue for so many moms - it can be a hard time and lots of moms remember their own difficulties and want to "save" you. you know what a good little fib to quiet the suggestors is "my ped thinks..." (then fill in the blank for what you think!) for example, you say, "ugh, baby is so erratic with his nursing", your friend says, "oh, you should try baby wise, blah, blah, blah", and then you say, "mmm, yeah, actually, i talked to my ped about that and he mentioned that i should really be feeding on demand at this stage" hee hee hee

[Rachels]

Check this one out, too;

http://www.ezzo.info

Don't worry-- you're in good company in not feeling comfortable with that, and there's no need to apologize for following your instincts. Hang in there, Mama!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[lizajane]

how about saying, "i always thought that *I* SHOULD make the decisions concerning what MY child SHOULD do."

how annoying. i am sorry. is there a book you like? so that you could say, "oh, no thanks, i already have a copy of XXX and it is perfect for our family. so we really don't need another book. this one suits our parenting style much better. and it came more highly recommended by my ped."

edited to add:

WE SUPPORT YOU!!!!

[deborah_r]

I agree with a previous poster that your DS is too young for a schedule. Just my opinion, I know it works for some people. At that age, some advice on soothing baby, and swaddling, and learning to read his cues would all be good, but not scheduling.

After a while I just started telling people he was sleeping through the night so they wouldn't have anything to say.

Trust your instincts and you will be fine! Listen to your baby!

[pritchettzoo]

Bitch away to us! :)

And along the lines of other posts, how about: "Oh, after you and X and Y and Z suggested Baby Wise, I asked my pediatrician about it. Did you know that the AAP has issued an official warning against that book? And that he's not even a doctor? Gosh. It scares me. My ped told me to avoid it like the plague. I thought you would want to know too." (All said with big, innocent eyes...)

Good luck. I'm sorry your friends aren't listening to you!

Anna
Mama to Gracie (9/16/03)

[houseof3boys]

Yeah, yeah what she said. Anna took the exact words out of my mouth. I was shocked when I read the thread from a few months back about how he isn't even a doctor.

I think her suggestion is a great one!!!

Lots of us feel the same way/lots of us don't, but you'll get support either way so don't sweat it! :)

[papal]

Vent away mama! I hear you on how frustrating it is trying to explain every parenting decision you make. I think people offer suggestions because it has worked for them or whatever but i wish they would only do so if we ASKED! So freakin annoying.

And i think the question that random strangers think is fit to ask, 'Is your baby sleeping through the night??", should be considered a prosecutable offense. Personally i think they derive great pleasure on hearing "Not Yet".

Anyway, we are here to support you!!

[Melanie]

<<And i think the question that random strangers think is fit to ask, 'Is your baby sleeping through the night??", should be considered a prosecutable offense. Personally i think they derive great pleasure on hearing "Not Yet".>>

I totally agree with that statement!!


Lisa, you could just do the nod and smile technique then say, "Well, that's certainly something to think about." Or you could get going on them about leaving their babies to cry. Or you could just say, "Yep, she sleeps through the night." BTW, technically sleeping through the night is 5 hours.

Good Luck. You know what you're doing is right.

[MelissaTC]

I agree with the above posters in that YOU know your baby best. Trust your instincts. That has been the best advice I have received! Believe in what your heart and gut tell you. People are well meaning but don't realize how they a request for support does not equal a need for unsolicited advice. I think as mothers and women, we want to help and so we say what we think one should do...I know I am guilty of this myself at times...

As far as Ezzo goes, *I* avoided that like the plague...I went by my DS's cues and and fed when he wanted to eat...while it was not the best situation in the beginning, it fell into a routine over time that worked out to be every couple of hours...

Please feel free to pm if you need someone to chat with! I will be happy to help!

Hang in there! :)

And I love your baby's name btw :)

[DDowning]

The response I always liked when asked if DS (who was only a couple of months old and was waking up 2 or 3 times during the night) was sleeping through the night yet was "yep, just like a baby." Someone here posted that and I used it every time. Gosh if it didn't confuse - and diffuse - the people who asked it!

[peanut4us]

Rashmi, you are So right. People just want to CONFIRM that you are not sleeping through the night. Sigh. I prefer to take a smart ass Willy Wonka approach to that

"I'm sorry. you'll have to speak up. I'm a trifle deaf in that ear" Then you point to the ear opposite of where they were talking :) And change the shubject.

[MartiesMom2B]

Heee heee heee! What a great response.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[HelenD]

Your baby is so YOUNG! Mine (BF on demand) didn't even begin to develop a "rhythm" until about 6 weeks. I *SWEAR* to you, that after that things start getting better. That and after they hit about 12lbs (according to the lactation specialist I went to). After they hit that weight they can start sleeping for longer times without needing to eat.

I *totally* understand what you are going thru. I have a DD that didn't nap sleep for 16 hours at a time...and during those 16 hours, she pretty much wanted to nurse the entire time! It will get better and he will level out. Just remember that every mother and every child is different and each needs to do what's right and appropriate for their particular situation.

You are doing the right thing. Your baby is now nursing around the clock to build up your milk and to help himself grow. You can't schedule that either of those things without hurting the process! Plus, nursing has a whole soothing effect of it's own. I say "PF-TTTTT" on those Baby Wise Nazis. You are doing the right thing.

And I must say...URGH...why do people do/say this stuff to new moms...like we don't have ENOUGH hormone craziness going on at that time w/out people making us feel like we aren't doing the parenting thing right?

And Jez...for the record, according to every book or article I've read, you are doing the absolute BEST thing by BF and by feeding on demand. It doesn't make it any easier, but it's the BEST.

Good Luck and I swear, it gets easier!

Helen

[lizajane]

interesting point on the 12 lbs... that must be why my giant slept so well around 2 months. he was 10lbs at 8 days old... i can't remember if he was 13 lbs at his 4 or 8 week check up. he may have been 15 lbs at his 8 week. hmmm... he was 18lbs at his 16 week appt.
anyway. babbling. at least our sore backs from lifting the heavy bundle were traded for more sleep.

i can't imagine no naps for 16 hours! you are tough!

[deborah_r]

I already posted on this thread, but I just had some more thoughts as I was reading other responses. I think people forget, or some people just never realize, how VULNERABLE these young infants are. The parents' job at that stage is not to get the baby to fit to their schedule, but to get the baby thriving and keep the baby healthy. They are such little beings, it is so easy for their whole...searching for a word...equilibrium(?) to be thrown off. The baby instinctively knows what he/she needs and is letting the parent know, and those cues just cannot be ignored!

I'm not any kind of expert on this subject and I know I'm probably not wording it properly, but when I see my baby now, and think back to how vulnerable and dependent he was, I can't believe I was having some of the thoughts I was having, like he needs to be on a schedule, or he needs to sleep through the night, or he's eating too much or too long... But it is just too early in those first 6 weeks to be thinking of anything other than keeping that baby healthy and thriving. Well, and also keeping mom and dad relatively healthy and sane too.

So I guess what I'm saying is I think people just forget when they are giving you advice that this is a 4 WEEK OLD baby. It goes by so fast and I think it is hard for people to remember back to when their babies were that tiny!

[lisaE]

Thanks everyone. I knew I could count on my friends here.

When it comes to DS, sometimes I feel like it's me against the world. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Fortunately it's also the most rewarding. Thank you all for supporting me.

[MartiesMom2B]

Rachel:

This is a very scary eye opening website, but good to have out here. I wanted to cry reading the accounts of people who went through this. I can't imagine quashing my maternal instincts to put my child on a schedule.

Many people tried to push Babywise on DH, and we didn't have this. I looked it up on Amazon.com and saw the negative remarks under comments and decided it wasn't for us.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

The only schedule your baby should be on at this age is THEIRS!
When baby wants to eat they get to eat, sleep when they want to sleep! You are doing great. Unfortunatly part of being a mom is hearing all kinds of unwanted advice from everyone.
I learned to politly cut them off by just saying, "oh its great to know what worked for you, thanks."
Good luck and stick to your guns!

[toomanystrollers]

Late to your thread Lisa :) Just wanted to say "hang in there" and you're doing great. FWIW, once you have your 2nd, 3rd and so on... everyone stops the "suggestions" LOL

I haven't read a sleep/baby book since Tess - ahhhh, such a relief - just trust my instincts. Except now my bookshelf is filled with "discipline" type books :)

[firstbaby]

I asked the LC at the hospital before we left about her thoughts on Baby Wise - she said it is a great book / concept AS LONG AS your baby has read Baby Wise and is willing to follow it ;) So to echo what everyone has said - following your instincts is the only right answer...

And when we get asked if our 7 week old is sleeping through the night, my husband responds without skipping a beat "Yes, he is. It is so much easier now that he's potty trained!" Hehe!

Erica
Mom to Braedon

[aggie202]

It truly frightens and angers me that a book such as "Babywise" continues to exist. The book was recommended to me by lots of my friends so I read it while pregnant. I chalked it to "baby brain" at the time, but I remember thinking that it just made no sense and was way too confusing. I guess those were my motherly instincts being honed prenatally!!

Now that my son is 4.5 months and I understand the premise of "Babywise" and it's rogue author--thanks to the folks on this board--I'm so glad I didn't subject him to this nonsense.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Lisa,
I just wanted to echo what others have said, I personally think going with your gut instinct is the thing to do...

It will save you money on tons of books...and will save you time from reading those books to be with your baby :)...

I had several neighbors swear by BabyWise and in my 5th month of pregnancy thought "that must be the way", one of my dearest neighborhood friends has two children and she did a similiar approach and I was just so certain I was going to do "everything SHE does"...going with my gut has prevailed THANK GOD IN MY CASE...

I'm not knocking a technique but wanted to say I use none and we are doing Ok...we have not had the need to schedule anything because things just seem to "work" for us, and I cross my fingers that they continue to...(yet I understand the need for folks to do this)

Sure Tristan wakes during the night to feed and then quickly rolls back to sleep, I have maybe paced the halls with him for 30 minutes during the night since his birth and thus I don't mind him waking me personally if all he wants to do is eat and go back together.

But go with your gut...I'll be honest knowing I have this community and the support from so many when folks IRL give me advice I hold my shoulders back and am proud to say I feel like it is ME who is the expert among them (sure it's just a thought, I'm not but I feel that way when they speak many times):)...

Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[lynettefrancois]

YOU know your baby better than anyone else, so that makes YOU the expert- not a family member, an author, not a doctor or nurse, not even a parent with 12 children can compare to you! If you know something isn't right for you and your child, don't let anyone sway you differently. I personally swaddle my baby (but not her legs!) because she sleeps best that way. Sometimes she sleeps for 4 hours, sometimes for 2, and a few times 6 hours! I would be PO'd if someone tried to force me to sleep longer/shorter than I wanted to- same goes for eating. If you're tired, you're tired, if you're not, you're not. Why would it be different for a little baby?