Speaking of Neighbors, what would you do?

[cuca_]

We live in an apartment, and when I went to check my mailbox today, I found a note from my downstairs neighbor. In it they basically say that we are too noisy. They say that they have been reticent about reporting the noise, and that while they know we may be unaware, our footsteps vibrate, and they also hear whenever we drop something. Now the note is written in a very nice tone and says that whatever we can do to diminish the note will be appreciate it.

While they are nice about it, I am so angry and upset!!! I hate our building. It is not like we stomp around. I walk around barefoot or in my socks most of the time, and believe me, I do not sit around dropping objects on the floor the whole day. We may drop something by accident here and there, but that is all. All in all I think DH and I try to be very aware of our noise making because our upstairs neighbors make a lot of noise. By the way, we have never said anything to the upstair neighbors. I think the noise is part of the apartment living - you share your ceiling, your floor and your walls!

Getting back to my story, what really upsets me is that I am guessing that some of this noise is made by DD. While she is tiny, she does jump enthusiastically in her exersaucer and does enjoy lifting both legs up and dropping them down, sometimes while lying on her play mat on the floor. DD is only one of two babies in this building. The other one is the super's grandson and he is a toddler. Plus the building is mostly older people. Right before her birth we got a nasty anonymous note telling us that the person would be complaining when the baby cried. (I posted about it here)). I just feel that this second note, while unconnected, is just another sign of how baby unfriendly my neighbors are. What worries me more is that it is only going to get worse, as DD starts walking.

Believe me, we are not talking about an unbearable amount of noise. Ireally think they should suck it up and live with it. What do you guys think? Am I crazy for being upset? Am I overreacting?

Thanks for listening.

Carmen

[lynettefrancois]

Carmen, that would upset me too! If you put yourself in the other peoples shoes, you can probably figure out the best way to approach them. It sounds like they're not *that* upset, and if they are indeed older folks they've probably had their fair share of kids and their noises (my mom ADORES children but moved to a retirement community for peace and quiet!). So while it isn't really fair, you'll have to be the bigger person (you'll feel so proud of how you handled it in the end!). If I were you, I would offer them sympathy for the noise and ask them if they have any suggestions/ times they are out when you can let her jump around more, since after all she needs her exercise. Bring them some cookies, and bring her to see them, just to say hi... Who can get mad at a sweet little baby and smiling mommy with cookies?? :) Kill 'em with kindness, then snicker to yourself when you get home! ;) HTH!

[SeekerMage]

I dont think you are crazy for being upset...but kinda understand where they are coming from....we are on the bottom floor and sometimes the noise is annoying, but at the same time, they should just deal with it. Our neighbor above us has asked us if we hear them and what she can do to help stop the noise etc...like we complained because her son was praticing trumpet at night around bedtime and it was really loud and she had no problem adapting that....but any how....sometimes we hear every move they make and othertimes we dont hear anything....I think that you should talk to them and tell them you did not realize the noise and how it echoed..the whole kill them with kindness route as suggested above. Perhaps they are home all the time and therefore hearing all the little noises....I know when we are home all weekend we hear things but during the week when Im busy it doesnt bother me as we dont notice it as much. More then likely they just need to bitch especailly if they are old...nothing against old people but some of them just like to complain and are looking for some attention....they will probably feel better if you talk to them and "apologize". I know sometimes when Im upset about something just a nice...sorry what can I do to help makes me feel better.

hth...I know it sucks feeling like you have to walk on egg shells..but dont worry about it...leave them a note as well and then let them deal.

[Melanie]

Honestly, noises like that drove us absolutely nuts about apartment-living, but it's not like there's anythign that can be done about it. The only time we said something was when neighbors had their speakers on the floor (our ceiling) and were blaring the music. I mean, we could even hear their vacuum and it's not like you can expect someone not to vacuum.

I think I'd send a sticky-sweet nice note back thanking them for the note in lieu of reporting them and saying you will continue to do your best to minimize the noise but that you already walk barefoot (and the other above & beyond things you do) because you understand just how noisy it can be to live below other people who are loud.

I remember that other note you had...I don't suppose moving is an option, huh?

[cuca_]

Thank you for your responses. It was good to get it off my chest. I think I'll let DH deal with this one. I just don't think I have it in me to be extra nice to them. I know it must suck for them to hear all our steps, etc..., but I think it has to do with the construction of the building, we hear everything upstairs and even our next door neighbor's TV. But as I said this is part of apartment living, and I think they need to suck it up. It's not like we are dancing, doing aerobics or skipping around the apartment. In fact it's pretty quiet here after 7:00pm and during nap times, because DD is a light sleeper. Melanie, DH and I did talk last night, and we are going to look for other housing. Thanks again for listening!


Carmen

[amp]

Carmen - That really stinks! I remember your post about that note awhile back. Glad no one's giving you a hard time about the baby in general. Of course living in apts can be noisy. I understand it sucks for them to have people living above them, but if you aren't doing anything terrible, they are just going to have to suck it up and live with it. But I totally understand why it upset you. If it were me, I know I'd stew about it and worry about it and feel like every noise my child made would upset them. You just can't let that stop you from letting your DD be a kid! It doesn't sound like any of you are doing anything excessive.

Best of luck with this one!

[MartiesMom2B]

Carmen:

I remember your previous note. I'm so sorry. What do people expect? When we lived in Va. we could hear the person above us snoring at night, then we decided to move to another community and lived on the uppermost floor. I hope everything works out for you guys and good luck finding new housing.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[barbarhow]

Carmen-This is kind of a dumb question-but do you have carpeting? I have lived in both situations-right now am living below a woman who I swear must walk around in heels all night long. It sometimes sounds like she is going to come through the floor. The apartment is supposed to be carpeted but it seems that it isn't. Some leases-like my old apt in NY-we were required to have 75% of our floor covered with rugs. While it would stink to have to purchase them for someone else-it might help with the noise if you don't have any now. Just a thought.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[sbjf]

I would try not to sweat it if I were you. Don't change your living habits or your daughter's playtime over this. You pay rent and take care of your apartment and you're entitled to live there in a normal manner, without having to worry about the normal noise issues. That type of stuff is part of apartment living, there is nothing you can, or should do about it.

If she or anyone comments about this to you again I would, maybe nicely (maybe not), let them know that now THEY are infringing on YOUR comfort level by harassing you about this, and tell them that maybe THEY are just not suited for apartment living.

[Joiyasmom]

Carmen -
I wouldn't even bother with them, they are being quite rude in my opinion even saying anything to you. This is apartment life, period, and they should suck it up or move. They have ALOT of nerve! You have the right to do whatever you want or need to in your home, and they do NOT have the right to tell you how you can do it. This is going on too much lately, a minority forcing it's rule over a majority. Ridiculous! Live your happy life with your DD and don't worry about them.

Best,
Shannon mother of Joiya 3/31/03

[cuca_]

Thanks guys! I think for now we are just going to ignore them, and concentrate on looking for new housing. We actually are needing a bit more space, so this is a nice incentive to start looking. Barbara, we do have carpeting. We have wall to wall in our room and area rugs and playmats in the living area. The only room w/o a carpet is DD's room, but we don't spend much time in there. Oh well!

Thanks for listening!

Carmen

[Rachels]

I was in your neighbor's situation once, living below someone who sounded to me as if they were crashing around every moment. I agree with the previous posters, though-- this is part and parcel of apartment living. I can't imagine having sent them a note (!) asking them to tiptoe around their own home. The truth is, when the noise got to be too much for me, it was my responsibility to move to a better-insulated apartment, which is what I did. I can't quite fathom thinking that the upstairs neighbors should somehow have to shoulder the burden of making up for thin floors and walls. How crazy. Keep on keeping on, I say. If it's too miserable for them for you to maintain a normal life, they need to find other living arrangements.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[jinboston]

I was in a similar postion that you are in when my baby was born. I was constantly stressing over the baby crying at 2am and waking the neighbors, when my husband brought me to my senses: this is apartment living, this is what neighbors/people have to deal with when they live in this type of setting. If people don't like it, they shouldn't be in an apartment.

Perhaps your neighbors would be better to complain to the managment company about the shoddy construction and lack of insulation in your buidling???

I really feel for you, because I can't imagine feeling on edge all day and all night about common noises that a family makes in the course of their daily life.

I also have to say that however "nice" the note may have seemed, it says a lot about how passive (ie-whimpy) your neighbors were to just leave a note.

[jubilee]

I was in this situation when I had my first son, and I wound up moving to a duplex so there was nobody above or below me. It is awful being concerned about noise every second of every day! I can only say I feel for you,