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View Full Version : The first of many frustrations and concerns....



SeekerMage
03-08-2004, 04:16 AM
Angelas bio mom had a baby this past week..."Big Sigh!" for those of you who dont know Angela was taken away from her due to neglect, poor parenting and a gazillion other reasons (bio mom is our cousin).....and of course she is now married (her and hubby have about two brain cells between them and thats saying a lot) and has another baby 6 days old and the fun is already beginning!

DH and I went to his parents to drop the girls off for a well needed day alone and just as we were getting ready to leave, she showed up with baby and hubby, un announced and pretty much unwelcome. (MIL exact mumbled words were oh SH** when she saw them) Sooo we missed our movie and had to stick around for two hours gritting our teeth while she tried to show off the baby. So much for our needed break and of course this now puts Angela into another tail spin of acting up...she hasnt seen bio mom in months and now she has a new baby, yeah more frustration for me! Granted, I love all babys and it was nice to get to see him, but its sooo hard to watch the things she was doing without wanting to grab him and take him away! Dont get me wrong, I know each parent is different but atleast most have common sense on most things!

He was two weeks early - they induced due to high blood pressure...he was 7 lbs and 19 inches and is a little peanut....well he is now barely 6 pounds 10 ounces, is very jaundice - his little nose was pure yellow and his feet purple, and of course wanting to sleep. She had him dressed in an thin undershirt and overalls that were too big...no socks, no long sleeves etc. Its Chicago and today was a very cold and windy day! Granted I understand the overalls being big because he is tiny, but for gods sake put some socks on him and wrap him in a stinken blanket! She was trying to feed him some formula while she was there, and the bottle she had had a nipple which was too fast (she is nursing too) and god only knows how long it was sitting out since she was out since early that morning and it was now 2, and he hadnt eaten in over three hours...she would feed him about two minutes then take it away and burp and talk and talk then play then see if he wanted more....Just feed him already! Then it was look he opened his eyes, come on open your eyes...you can do it....gees all he does is sleep, he will wake up Im sure, see his eyes are open as she jiggles him around..Just let him sleep!!!!! She finally handed him to me so I wrapped him in a blanket,,,which she insisted he wouldnt like, he seemed fine to me, maybe his poor little ice cubes of feet were finally getting warm! I then gave him an ounce of the bottle, which surprise surprise he was eating fine since I didnt keep taking it away!~ and then he went back to sleep. I wont even go into her changing his diaper and how sore his little bum looked and that they didnt have anything to put on it, not even anything on the circumcisim site and how she ranted and raved because he filled his diaper just after she changed it etc....

Atleast he is good natured, probably afraid to be otherwise.....but it worrys me because he seems to be sleeping to long and not eating enough and she of course isnt waking him enough to eat. he isnt being cared for like he should.(I know not every parent is perfect but sheesh he is a baby not a toy to show off at your every whim)..they had several other places they were going that day...6 days old and already out and about in the cold not dressed warm enough! I just dont need this stress nor does my MIL who will now be putting up with several drop in visits (they stop by and stay for atleast an hour or two without calling etc even visiting her at work) I hate to see children being mistreated in any way and this breaks my heart. We were fortunate enough to be able to take Angela, but it has been extremely hard on us and challenging every day. Atleast they seem to have support in his family, which they are already taking advantage of, I just hope it doesnt wear out soon and that maybe she will get some common sence. I think Im adding DCFS to speed dial just in case.....sigh

sntm
03-08-2004, 10:31 AM
Kathryn, that sounds just awful! It sounds like they are not prepared to take care of this baby either. Doesn't DCFS follow up on new babies in families that have previously had a baby taken away? If not, they should.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

bluej
03-08-2004, 10:54 AM
Does her new hubby's family know her history? You said they are helping out, so maybe they'll be extra cautious (not sure if that is exactly the term I'm looking for) and really take the time to teach them some parenting skills. Would she be completely and totally offended if you sent her some parenting books? I know this is a hard position for you to be in and I can tell that it's heartbreaking for you. Wish I had some better advice for you.

Melanie
03-08-2004, 12:17 PM
Kathryn, how heartbreaking. =(

Torey
03-08-2004, 02:20 PM
Oh my gosh. I just feel like crying when I hear about that poor baby. Does his mother not realize that she lost custody of one child because she is a terrible mother? I can't believe she didn't go to any child care classes before she had another baby. I would so want to have this new baby taken from her care - I'm sure any family would love to adopt him. I feel so bad that you are having to witness this situation. I can only hope that your MIL can talk some sense into her. Can't anyone say "Look, you didn't take care of Angela and look what happened. If you don't take care of this baby the same thing will happen again. Get with the program."? Hoping for the best . . .

SeekerMage
03-08-2004, 02:53 PM
Sigh...I wish it were that simple, just give her some parenting books, some advice etc....nope, not that easy. She does not feel she did anything wrong with Angela, she wont take any advice etc. Unfortunatly she was put in parenting classes before Angela was taken away but she either wouldnt attend, or while she was there she just wouldnt listen because she was right no matter what they said. To top things off she has mental difficulties, only about the maturity level of junior high , and a huge stubborn "Im always right" streak. Soooo its gonna be fun :( I am tempted to call her old case worker though, if anything its worth a shot.
Thanks all for listening!

Momof3Labs
03-08-2004, 04:02 PM
Kathryn, if I were you, I'd give that case worker a heads-up. A sleepy, jaundiced baby is a recipe for trouble, especially if she isn't feeding him enough. Feeding is the way to clear up the jaundice (and it is hard because severe jaundice makes a baby sleepy); this just isn't something to take lightly, and it sounds like she is.

smkinc
03-09-2004, 01:26 AM
Kathyrn,

This sounds like my worst nightmare. Hang in there! I would definitely call the social worker, for no other reason than to start the documentation process. It does not sound like she is has any intentions/skills of parenting this child any better than Angela.

J. would have been removed from his B-mom at 4 weeks had she chosen not to make an adoption plan. I KNOW not only the nurses at the hospital, but at least one member of her family encouraged children's services to 'investigate'.

What is sad is that J.'s B-mom was adopted through the state at age seven (removed from her B-mom at age 4 and in foster care for 3 years). She is low-functinioning--likely from the abuse and neglect suffered as a young child (she has 4 normally functioning bio siblings taken away at much younger ages). Her adoptive mom said that the night of J's entrustment ceremony (where she handed him over to us), she was crying in her room and when her A-Mom asked her to talk about it she said she couldn't understand why children's services could take J. away, but couldn't have taken her away as an infant:(.

I'm rambling on, but I just wanted to say that your instincts about calling the social worker are RIGHT ON!

Take care,
Mary
Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)

mimieliza
03-09-2004, 05:07 AM
I don't post here a lot, because I don't have much to add about baby gear, because I don't have a baby (yet :) ), but I wanted to just encourage you to contact Family Services for your state about the new baby.

They can't remove the baby unless she really does abuse or neglect him (and no one wants that to happen!) but since she's already had one child removed, they will watch her carefully if they are made aware that she has another child - they may not know, there is no way for them to find out automatically. If she messes up with this little guy, the process for removing him from her custody will be much quicker if she had a previous involuntary termination of parental rights with Angela. So if things get too bad, hopefully he won't have to suffer in her care for too long.

I hope she can pull it together, but I feel for you having to wait by helplessly, worried that she can't give this little guy what he needs. ((HUGS))