OK I have one...

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

There is an "older" (a good 62 year old) women in our neighborhood who gets highly depressed but gives Tristan little $5 toys here and there and always has been nice to me. She is very lonely, but has supplied an excellent home to one of my rescue pups and I like her...but at times have to tolerate some of her moods and opinions. I use to wish my mom was like her (mom gives no toys or offerings except B-day and Christmas-not $1) but then when she gets opinionated about parenting and if T is too hot...too cold...to thirsty...not thirsty enough I am thankful my mom is how she is...

So today I organized a tea party at a tea house a good 35 minutes from my home for her, several of us went and I was in my car alone with her...

I told her I was pregnant and she said out loud " GOOD!!!!!...you can stop all that adoption stuff"...with her nose all krinkled up as if in disgust over the thoughts of adoption and what I could possibly be "stuck" with...

I was so livid...I pulled my passive agressive personality out of the hat and replied calmly about 45 seconds later, that I am suprised total strangers have said to me before "oh my don't adopt...keep trying"...I told her I reamed a women out for that statement and have decided that those who don't have anything nice to say about my adopting won't have the luxury of being exposed to my kids...I played it off as if to compalin about others remarks and not hers necessarily BUT she got the point!!!!

Obviously this isn't the first time she has made such comments...but I am certain she won't make them again :)....
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[redhookmom]

I am so sorry you have to deal with comments like that.

I can't imagine the high you must be on with 2 new additions to your family on the way. Soar on.

[mamahill]

What?! Well I'm krinkling up my nose at HER! Good for you for playing passive agressive. Gaaaah - I don't even know what else to say to someone like that. Bless you for being social with her.

[kijip]

I think I would have told her to F*** off. I admire you for being so restrained and civil. You dealt with it well. I can't understand what she thought would be wrong with adopted children??? What a crazy.

[houseof3boys]

Good for you sweetie! Hopefully she got the point.

I love ya for adopting and for being "with child". A woman after my own heart. :)

[TaChapm2]

How terrible! I think it is great that you are expecting and adopting! It shouldn't matter if you can have 10 children. Adoption is a wondrful thing and I think it is great that you are doing it. I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself. I'm glad she at least got the point.
Tara
Mommy to Jackson (11-10-02)

[amp]

You handled it like a pro!

[jamsmu]

I am SO impressed with how well you handled that!!!

[sweetbasil]

You're such a classy gal, Neve...I couldn't be more proud of you (like maybe Andrea said in your animal shelter post--- "even though I'm not your mom" ;))!

[Melanie]

Neve that is so strange. I think I would not have been able to pick my jaw up off the ground to respond. You are beyond nice to still visit with her after comments like that.

[toomanystrollers]

Some people just don't have a clue!!!!! You definitely made your point in a polite manner :)

[mamicka]

I think you responded appropriately, good for you. Just remember, though, that sometimes people have a hard time giving-up ideas that they learned as a child, especially if they suffer from things like depression. I don't think you needed this info, Neve... you always seem to have such a good, realistic handle on things. I just wanted to put it out there as a reminder. People who have seemingly horrible opinions about things aren't necessarily horrible people. Its often used as a crutch or a comfort because they are suffering themselves. Its absolutely appropriate (& required in most cases) to correct them but they also deserve our compassion.

I'm really glad that you love children so much to adopt even when you are able to conceive. The world needs more people like you.

Allison
Mamička to Lawrence (6/17/03)

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Allison,
Thank you I appreciate the reminder that much of this is deep routed...the good news is I really do give this gal a lot of "compassion", she is a good person, and to be a good 35 years older than me I check on her often...it is not one sided though..she too checks on me, always brings a little something for Tristan, and most of all adopted a resuce pup that I ended up with and honestly I love her dearly...

But you are right I have no doubt...
Thank you!!!
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties