Why do people comment all the time?

[jesseandgrace]

I saw Shannon's response to the thin baby post that people are always saying Jack is so petite. It just got me thinking, why do people comment on that kind of thing? In the past few days people have said to me :"Wow, that's a fat baby." a million times - no joke. And, yesterday a man said "you need to tell your mother to stop feeding you." Oh, and a neighbor said "She looks like one of those Sharpee (sp?) puppies with all the rolls" WTF?????????????? I think Grace is really beautiful, but she is definitely HUGE. I was fine with comments about her size for a long time, but now that I am starting to worry about it I am not fine anymore. Also, wow she is big is fine but comparing her to a dog and telling me to stop feeding her is a little more than I can take.

I am guessing she is about 24/25 pounds and probably average hight. We missed a 9 month appointment with the ok from our ped because we are in California.She is almost all breast fed, so I am having trouble getting her to take less - and it doesn't help that she wants to eat everything and anything. I was not worried until I swa that it is making it harder for her to crawl and pull to standing and I definitely feel bad about that. I am trying to get her on a better schedule - my son was big too and now he is skinny, so I am trying not to worry too much.

[KMommie]

I hear you! People just have to comment, whether your baby is in the 10th percentile or in the 95th percentile for weight! Kiki is also a bigger baby. At her 9 month she weighed about 22, almost 23 pounds. Her head has always been at around the 45th percentile, so you can imagine the comments we get! Now that she's moving more, she's starting to lengthen out, I bet your babe will be the same. Don't worry! I don't think a baby can be overweight if they are on a mostly breastmilk diet!!

The one good thing about Kiki's size is that when ILs comment on her lack of solids eating---and how she's "behind", I just say, "Well, she's obviously not starving!"

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

[bluej]

There are so many things one could comment on about a baby (their cuteness, any outstanding feature like eyes, hair, dimples, their smile, heck even their clothes) so I don't know why a lot of people pick the one thing (size) that parents may be sensitive about. You're either underfeeding or overfeeding in complete strangers minds and they feel they have the right to tell you. I have no idea why they feel the need to say anything at all.

You know from experience that she'll thin out, so I wouldn't worry about it. Focus on some snappy comebacks to put those people in their place!

[Imperia]

This society is OBSESSED with weight that's why. It's totally disgusting to me to worry about a babies weight unless the baby is totally unhealthy which would be something between the parent and the child's peditrician (even then I would be concerned see why further on).

My DD is very petite and people comment on it a lot, it doesn't bother me too much in general, but I am sure it would bother me if she was a biger baby and people were insinuatingshe was "fat". It's no wonder so many adults and childrne in this country have issues with food and body image.


I want to share a litle story I heard from someone:

This woman had a 2 month old son who was in the 95th percentile in both weight and height (so he was balanced) and her peditrician told her to start restricting how much formula he was allowed AND to start feeding him 3 meals a day of cereal in a BOTTLE. *Shudder* All this because the ped felt the child was overweight. He was 2 months old! Giving 2 month old infants cereal is not right (their digestive systems aren't ready for it), neither is restricting their calories, they are growing at an alarming rate. And as to the idea of putting cereal in a bottle I want to scream (aspiration/choking hazard anyone?) When did this peditrician go to medical school anyway, the 1920's?????

Imperia

[ktdid74]

I'm with you Jennifer! I always hear people say "what a fat baby" and "what are you feeding that kid?" I don't even know what Mackenzie weighs right now but she was 22+ at her 9 month visit. She has rolls and 2 or 3 chins and I love it! Poor thing is pretty short though! She's always been in the 90th or greater for weight but 50th for height. I'm only 5'2 so she doesn't have a chance :) However, she did crawl and pull up right on time (if not earlier than her brother) but she hasn't even been interested in trying to walk. I kind of wondered if it might be cause she's big.
I do have to laugh about the sharpei comment though. When Mackenzie was born, she had so many wrinkles and rolls (she even had a wrinkle on the bridge of her nose) that I said she reminded me of a sharpei. Just remember, sharpei's don't stay rolly and wrinkley forever :) The only thing I will say about someone's baby is how beautiful they are!

[tinkerbell1217]

I used to get the same thing about both my kids!! My DD was about 24 pounds at 9-10 months and people used to tell me the same things. But, don't worry my DD is 15 now and is a size 5/7 and looks great!!! My DS was 10 pounds at birth and by a year was 30. He is now 13 and normal weight. Never been overweight at all. Neither of them! He is in fact small for his age now! AND the extra pounds NEVER stopped my kids from crawling or walking or anything. They were both right on schedule and DD was even a little early at walking (10 months). DS was a year.

Grace IS beautiful and she does NOT look like a Shar Pei!!! BUT, I think Shar Pei puppies are adorable anyway!!

Relax! Some people just don't know when to shut up!

Kelly

[lukkykatt]

So many people here said it so well. People just have to comment on weight.

My older son was a big baby (90th percentile) and I am on the small side. People always used to comment on how big he was, and how did I get such a big baby? Then along came my younger son, who is much thinner - he's been between the 50th to 25th percentile for weight. Now people always comment on how small he is.

So the moral is, people are never happy. Either your baby is big or small. Period. And guess what, now my older son is much thinner - he is probably in the 50th percentile - kids will just settle in where they are "supposed to be" once they finish nursing/formula feeding.

[threerugratz]

Hi. I'm a long time lurker but have never posted before.

Don't let what people say bug you if you can help it. Just smile and say..Isn't she gorgeous? It's hard not to let what others say affect you but like the others said... people just seem compelled to comment. I myself have commented on a baby being petite before but it was not in a negative way. It's just that my youngest is now close to 5 and when I see babies I'm just taken in by their littleness...but in a positive way. I miss those baby moments if that makes sense...when their so little and cuddly. My almost 5 yr old is one of those petite kids. He is only 30 lbs. Being small brings it's issues too. He had to have a blood test when he was a baby to check for problems because he was so tiny. He is obviously taking after me....(I'm 5'5" and weigh 114lbs).

I find chubby babies adorable. My daughter had rolls on her legs when she was born and kept them for awhile. I thought they were so cute and was almost sad when they went away.

Sometimes, people do want to say something positive but just don't say it right. I normally stick to something like their dimples, their big beautiful eyes or their hair (my oldest was nearly bald till he was over a year). Be glad she is healthy and don't let other people's comments bother you too much. Just smile.

Smiles, Lisa

[sntm]

Yup, doesn't matter which way, they have to make comments! Heather's (heva) baby Nash is 3 1/2 months younger but is almost as tall and weighs more. He is adorable! They both are gorgeous healthy babies, and it kills me that we are both made to feel like they are abnormal!

I wouldn't have minded the petite comment so much but it was at the boutique where we were ordering his baptismal outfit which they orginially way oversized. So as they are measuring him, they are saying "oh, you usually double the age, but he is so petite, isn't he? So little, so petite!"
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shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[votre_ami03]

Jennifer, I could see why you would get a little peeved! Comparing your kid to a Sharpei? People speak w/out thinking & they don't really mean it. When you hear it for the hundreth time, it does start to chip away at you.

PS. For comparison, my 7 1/2 ds is about 22lbs, we are right there w/ya. ;) For some reason, it is socially more acceptable for a boy baby to be "husky" & little girls should be petite. Whatever!

Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03

[wagner36]

I'm so with you. It's driving me nuts. At his 9 month appt, DS was 22 lbs and almost 32". So, for weight he was 75% and for height he was way off the charts. We were at Gymboree class the other day, and there was an audible GASP when we went around the room and saw how old are babies were. One mother said, "My god, when did you start solids??" I responded "Six months" and she said "What did you start with, cheese and butter?"

Unfortunately, I was too taken aback to have a really cutting comeback, so I just replied that DS was 6'4" (true). But then I felt bad, because her husband was incredibly short, and I wasn't trying to make him uncomfortable.

[sntm]

how rude!!!
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shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[barbarhow]

We have the same problem with unwanted comments on size. The opposite proportions though. Yesterday the checkout lady at the grocery store would not stop commenting on how "tiny" Jack is. She went on and on. I was dumbfounded (an unusual state for me). She commented to other store employees about his size, asked me when I started feeding him solids-all the time with this very judgemental tone. By the time I left the store I was in tears. I have thought that because of all the great ideas I've read here that I would be prepared to put someone in their place in this situation. I just could not believe how rude she was as she made comments about my son who while small is still perfect in my eyes-As I am sure your DD is in yours.
Pudgy babies are beautiful! Skinny babies are beautiful! Babies are beautiful!
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03