Feeling like a horrible mommy

[JenCA]

Let me preface this rant by saying that I love my daughter beyond anything in this world. She's the apple of my eye, and truly a sweet little girl.

That being said--DD has been having major nighttime sleep difficulties (you might have read my request for sleep help in the BBB Lounge), and the sleep issues are really starting to get to me. Without rehashing what the issues are (see aforementioned post for the rundown), I am so emotionally and physically drained that I'm starting to feel really very angry about it. DD kept us up all night last night and then was ultra crabby this morning (presumably since she did not sleep well last night). She whined and fussed all morning while DH and I were getting ready for work. At one point, I just had to put her in her crib with some toys and walk away because I was really MAD at her. All I could think was, "Well, if you would just sleep at night, then you wouldn't be so tired and crabby all day!" From our bedroom, I heard DD start crying, so I returned to her bedroom. I took one look at her red eyes and runny nose and just lost it, wondering, "what kind of a mommy am I, if I'm mad at this little person who doesn't realize that she's keeping mommy and daddy up all night because she just wants to be held?" I just feel like the world's worst mom for feeling angry towards my sweet baby because she won't sleep at night. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way on occasion, I am really kicking myself in the butt over this. :(

Oh, and to top it off, I spilled coffee all over my brand new pale green pants this morning. I NEVER drink coffee, guess that's what I get for starting! ;)

[brigmaman]

Jen, sleep deprivation usually brings on such feelings over here. We've had a really tough time with Brig's sleeping patterns. I used to say sleeping was one of my "hobbies" so you can imagine I've felt the same way. Thankfully by now if he's not sleeping well, I know something's wrong.
Please don't beat yourself up. Maybe you can nap with Julia today?

[hellokitty1]

Jen-

Please don't feel guilty about the way you feel. I can assure you that you are not the only one that has gotten "mad" at your daughter. I too, have gotten mad and just walked away because I just couldn't take it anymore and there was just no satisfying her. We have some serious sleep issues too, when it comes to her falling asleep on her own. I naively say to her thinkgin she'll understand, "For goodness sake, if you're so tired, just close your eyes and it will be all better. No need to sit there and cry in your crib."

Sometimes we just lose it and think they can understand the logic. It's okay, many of us reach that point. I have on more occasions that I care to admit.

[deborah_r]

You don't sound horrible to me! Sounds like a normal reaction - it is so frustrating, and then on top of that you are so tired! Probably the best thing when you feel that way is to do what you did, put her in a safe place and get away for a few minutes. You probably don't want her to sense your anger, because that certainly won't help the problem any, and will just make you feel guilty later.

Hang in there!

[amp]

You sound absolutely human, and actually, pretty darned loving and sweet for such a sleep deprived mama! Hang in there! There is nothing unusual or horrible about what you are feeling. We all get angry at our children, even if a few minutes later we realize they are too young to help it yet. Give yourself a break! Take a deep breath and hang in there! Oh, and give yourself a break about the coffee too! How else are you gonna stay awake during the day right now?! And spilling coffee on your leg will help keep you alert too!

[houseof3boys]

I have been there before too! There was a period of about two weeks with Ryan that I was very short with him since I was so tired all of the time. Fortunately, I handle it better now that I am used to be tired all of the time by now. :) Don't sweat it, we have all had those kind of mommy moments.

Don't even kick yourself in the butt, get to zouting out that coffee stain on your cute green pants so you can wear them!

[mamicka]

Jen,

Please don't feel like a bad mommy. I can totally relate. DS started this about 3-4 months ago & we're still dealing with it. Its not every night but sometimes it seems like it. Some nights he goes down really easy & sleeps for 10-12 hours straight - I wake up & feel like I've slept-in. Then other nights I don't feel like I've even blinked with the amount of sleep I've been able to get or I've slept but it hasn't been comfortable with DS right next to me, I can't really move. On those bad days, I really have to fight back being angry & some days are more successfull than others. I've also put him in his crib & walked away, only to come back to him feeling guilty. It has to be normal, I don't know how anyone can avoid the anger all the time while suffering from such sleep deprivation. Don't beat yourself up...you say you have a sweet little girl, she had to get at least SOME of that from you. :)

Suffering along with you,
Allison, Mamicka to Lawrence (6/17/03)

[papal]

Jen, don't be so hard on yourself. All of us have gone through the exact same thing at some point. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion do not bring out the best qualities in anyone! I find myself getting mad sometimes and leave dd in the crib and leave the room too. I find that yelling at dh helps (poor guy!) and sometimes crying helps too.

Sorry about the pants.. stupid stinkin coffee!

[jojo2324]

Oh sweetie, don't beat yourself up!! I think most of us have hit that point at least once, if not many, many times. (Ahem, me.) I think you did the best thing by putting Julia in her crib and giving yourself a few minutes. You REALLY need that break sometimes.

I honestly have no advice other than to hang in there. Gannon was, I think, born hard-wired to scoff at any plan to make him "do" anything *I* wanted, LOL. He is sleeping through the night now, but it was a long, hard road getting there.

Good luck!!

[jd11365]

On Saturday while running errands and searching for places for the birthday party, Kayla did nothing but scream in the car. I stopped to soothe her, I stopped to feed her, I stopped to nurse her...nothing worked. Finally when we met up with DH at the park to see if we wanted it for the party, I jumped out of the car and told DH to go get her I couldn't be with her for a while. I was aggravated, upset, and obviously had a splitting headache. I walked away. When I came back and she was still sniffling, I felt so guilty...but I knew there was nothing either of us could have done at that point but for me to walk away. So, you are obviously not the only one who feels this way on occasion...we are all human!

Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
5-1-03

[s_gosney]

I've got to join in with saying that I've felt this way too and recently! Sometimes I plead with her to go to sleep, sometimes I try the reasoning with her approach (like Vivian's "you really will feel so much better if you just go to sleep), and sometimes I get SO frustrated and yes even angry with her. It makes no sense of course b/c she can't help it, but we are all human and have our emotions that are bound to surface every now and then. I hope you all get some rest tonight and that you're able to take some time for yourself soon! Know that we're all here to listen any time.

[JenCA]

Thank you, everyone, for your kinds words. They really do help. It's so hard not to feel like the wicked witch sometimes. Reading all of your responses has really helped put things into perspective for me. :)

[lrucci]

Jen,

You're a great mommy and don't let yourself think otherwise. It is only human to get upset when sleep deprived. After all, sleep is a necessity - some people need more than others - and without it, we do things or say things we might not normally say. I get upset with Kyleigh for the same reason. Every so often she goes through a phase where she gets up in the middle of the night, and is wide awake and won't go back to sleep. She is very happy and would love to stay up. I don't need a lot of sleep, but by the third night of this, I can't take it anymore. I'll put her back down and she'll cry and cry. Then she gets so tired, but won't go to sleep. I keep thinking "when is she going to figure out that she can solve this problem by just closing her eyes and going to sleep?" It is hard to remember sometimes - like when you are sleep deprived - that they aren't doing this to us on purpose. Just try to remember something really sweet Julia has done, and maybe this will help bring a smile to your face.

Good luck with the sleeping issues. I'm sure you got some great advice.


Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh Elizabeth 7/19/03