Am I being way to sensitive?

[cdlamis]

Long story but here it is:

At our weekly family get together this last weekend with DH's family (separate rant!), it was decided that we all would go to a Sunday baseball game with the whole family sometime in April. It would be the in-laws, DH's Grandma, DH's sister and family, etc. There were only 2 weekends in April that everyone could go and the one that was chosen was DH's birthday. DH was ok with that. His family is VERY important to him and he probably thought it would be neat to spend his b-day with them.

Here is the problem- I have to work that day (and I told them this when we discussed the ball game plans) and would have to go to the ball game late (and alone) or I may have to miss it all together. DH and I also agreed that we may have my mom watch Julia that day since she would not enjoy the game and would want to walk around the whole time.

I am a bit ticked because there is a good chance that DH will spend the afternoon of his birthday without me or Julia. I work that morning so I really won't see him or get the chance to celebrate his birthday until that night. It seems as if no one really cares that his wife may have had other plans on his birthday and I am mad at DH for not suggesting another day for the game to be with me/Julia that day. PArt of me can't understand why DH doesn't realize that he has his own family now. Maybe I am way off but it seems as if his mom has a tight hold on him still. In the last 5 years we have been married, she has always baked his birthday cake for his family birthday celebrations. I don't think she realizes I may want to bake his cake. Ok now I am rambling and complaining about old stuff.

ETA- I work that morning and would get home by 1pm. The game starts at noon so I would not see him until that night if he goes to the game.

Be honest- am I being selfish or immature? Or I am too hormonal right now? Am I putting too much importance on THE day? I know we can still celebrate his birthday the day before.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b35d0802848f *December pictures

[HoneymoonBaby]

I don't think you're being selfish or immature, but I would keep in mind that you can always celebrate DH's birthday the day before, since you have to work on his bday anyway. You can cook him a nice grown up dinner with wine and dessert after Julia goes to bed, and talk (or do other stuff, hehe). As long as you can celebrate together at some point, I wouldn't worry about what happens the actual day of his birthday.

The cake thing would piss me off, though. How many children does your MIL have? I find it really odd that they still have "family celebrations" for your DH's birthday with cake and stuff -- he's a married adult with a family of his own, not a kid who needs to blow out his candles and wish for a new bike. That would bother me a thousand times more than a baseball game that happened to be the day of my husband's birthday. It does seem awfully clingy of your MIL to keep doing that.

[amp]

I'd be super ticked, but I have to admit, it's very likely because I have major issues w/ my IL's, who I think want to have a major hold on DH still too! So, I say you have a right to be ticked, but my DH or others might see it differently. Vent away!

[tinkerbell1217]

I totally understand!! I honestly think they should have picked another day. But, if your DH is okay with it, well, there's not much you can do but voice your disappointment about not spending his day with him as a family. Family includes you and Julia. You are not being immature!

I can think back to a Mothers Day about 3 years ago when the family had decided (DH family) to get together for a dessert type gathering at MIL home after 3PM. Great! We decided to do lunch at Hard Rock in Miami for me for Mother's Day. Well, at the last minute, they changed the plans on us and upped it to 1PM and it would be lunch also. I put my foot down and said we made plans and would be late. We ALWAYS cater to DH family with EVERYTHING!!! I have actually cancelled plans with my own family or cut them short to satisfy his family. Well, after feeling resentful for quite awhile, now I do not do that anymore. We do what we can with BOTH families and find time for our own too BEFORE anything else.

You aren't selfish! Its not selfish to want to spend your DH Bday with him and your child! BUT, if you really do feel bad about it all, you CAN do the day before route too. We have done that with things alot. Except for our anniversary. Thats always celebrated on THE DAY!

Oh as far as a cake thing goes with adults, my DH family gets together for every kids(they are all oevr 30!) BDay(mind you there are 5 of them, with 4 in the area) and MIL gets or makes a cake and they get presents too. Its kinda silly, but whatever floats her boat!! I am happy with my DH making a fuss over me for my BDay and if I get a call from my mom saying happy birthday I am fine. Thats just my IL's though.

Much luck!

Kelly

[memedee]

You are not being selfish or immature and This type of behavior from DH and Darling MIL is the reason a lot of daughter in laws do not like their MILS.
I am an MIL and am very careful to try and always put my daughter in laws feelings first
I hope I am succesful because I really want her to like me and I never want to be part of a problem between her and my son.
I want her to be happy and ultimately if she is happy my son will be happy .Tha should be your MILs goal too>