NO...I am NOT 18!!!!

[Mommie2MadLyn]

This is something that has really been annoying me lately. I'll start by saying that I am 26, and my daughter will be 2 next week.
I am getting so sick of hearing people say, "YOU have a child, and she's 2!!! I thought you were about 18 years old!!!" I work in retail, so more often than not these people don't KNOW me! They are just passing judgement because I happen to LOOK younger than I am.
Of course many people tell me that I will appreciate this when I AM older,but right now its just so annoying!
Yesterday at work I was talking to a customer who happens to be a frequent shopper, and she was asking me how DD was doing. Well, my co-worker informed me later that the 2 other women in the store turned to eachother and one said, "look, that young girl over there has a child, and she's 2!!!" And the other woman replied "Noooo... she's much too young she couldn't possibly be a mother".
The best part was that I forgot to wear my wedding rings yesterday, so they probably had even more to "gasp" about when they left!
I decided that my new come-back is going to be," Oh, I wish I was 18, I'm really only 15!" This should win me a few horrified stares!!!:o
Its not that I mind looking young, it just bugs me that people would so openly share their negative opinion. I mean what if I were 16,17,18...who are they to judge me and my ability as a parent?

[brigmaman]

Some people have nerve. So I wonder what they think when they see you, Joanne and I together. I think we all look pretty young!
Jay got this type of reaction at work when he first started working in schools. When he told people he had a son, they admitted that they guessed he was straight out of college. It really used to burn him up that he'd get carded when ordering a beer at a restaurant. For a while he wouldn't order because he didn't want to hear it.

I guess you guys just still look young and hip!

[jojo2324]

Ha ha! Today when we meet up, let's all wear our "I heart Clay Aiken" t-shirts and pop gum. :)

[JennSimm]

Im 33 and I still get judged! If I go to a store to buy wine or beer, they usually card me. I can have all 5 of my kids with me, and the older ones are yelling...mom, can I have gum, mom, can I have a magazine, mom, can i...well you get the picture! I tell the cashier (normally a teen themselves) that I started having kids when I was 9. That normally shuts them up! It does get old, but there is nothing like looking young enough to get carded when you are in your 30's!!

Jennifer

[tinkerbell1217]

OMG I totally relate!!!!! I was young when I had DD, I was 19, but I was married and I was/am a good mom. I STILL look young. I got carded for cigarettes when I used to smoke up until I was almost 30, alcohol too. I used to get the most awful looks when I had my DD in tow and was PG with DS at the age of 20. Nobody could believe I was as old as I was. They all thought I had to be an unwed teenage mother! Of course, now, at 34, I still get that, "There's no way you have two teenagers!" Its nice to hear I still look young, but when I was younger, it drove me crazy!!!!

And, yes people do judge your ability as a parent when you are a young one, as I was. The only people that treated me like a parent were my kids pediatricians. Most other people would try to take over for me with everything even if I was doing just fine. Strangers would pity me cuz I was young. AND, the last two months of both pregnancies I did not wear my wedding rings because my fingers were swollen. I wore them around my neck on a chain. I had to get them sized up eventually and I did used to get the stares from the older ladies like, "That poor girl, so young, and a single mother too. What a shame!"

People will judge no matter what! So, I try not to be that way!!


Kelly

[C99]

>what if I were 16,17,18...who are they to judge me and my
>ability as a parent?

Probably people who think that 16, 17 or 18 is too young an age to become a parent.

I remember being in my early to mid-20s and meeting some of my mom's friends, who usually would ask me where I had elected to go to college or when I was starting back for the year. When I was younger, it annoyed me. When I was closer to mid-20s, it amused me. Now, I WISH someone would misjudge my age to be younger than it is. :)

[lcl]

i can also relate too. i'm in my mid 30s and people also comment that "i look so young". my son is 1.5. that also seems to support their theory although my husband and i have been married for 7 yrs. i don't think it's a compliment in my profession unless they think i'm doogie houser (sp?)

[liya]

I look 18~~!!! hA HA HA ill be 25 this year and ppl still card me if i go out..LOL Yeah ive gotten the "but your just a baby look"...And the "ohhh that is so sad" pitty fest...

Right there with you on the judging thing...urrgghh it annoys me...

[californiagirl]

I'm 39 and still get carded occasionally. My godmother got carded into her 50s! (Of course, she was still shopping for jeans in the boys department, being a tiny little narrow-hipped woman.) The worst time was when I was walking on the beach with a guy I was dating, I was in my early 30s and he in his early 40s, and somebody asked him if he wanted to buy a balloon for his granddaughter.

It's too early to tell whether the baby will up people's estimate of my age, but as DH is 14 years younger than I am, he lowers it enough so it will probably all average out...

[flagger]

Ah just tell them that your brother is your girl's daddy and that is perfectly normal back where you is from!!! If you do this while strumming "Dueling Banjos" give yourself 50 extra bonus points.

Then look them in the eye and tell them that the face lift obviously failed big time and you hope they got a handsome settlement from the lawsuit.

[himom]

I think it's really an "eye of the beholder" thing. I got this same thing for years -- people kept thinking I was a little girl, police officers stopped me for truancy!!! (Only twice, but still)

Around the same time, a guy approached me and asked me if I was John's wife. No, I would be John's DAUGHTER, thank you very much. That was creepy.

Anyway, I guess my babyface is now officially gone because yesterday my cousin and I had our IDs all ready because a sign said "card under 25" and the guy just waved us through and said "Have a nice day."

So be happy at 26! Evidently the youth disappears at 30. :(

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua, born February 2003

[Rachels]

I'm 31 and got carded a week ago ordering a glass of wine with dinner (with DH and baby present). HUH?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[jojo2324]

Hee hee Rachel. My favorite was a few weeks ago, when I was carded when I tried to buy a Lotto ticket (because I'm soooo gonna win), and then hours later the ped's office called and asked me if my mother was home. (My voice is rather high pitched, so I sound about 8 years old. Now THAT'S a gripe!)

[twinmama]

Haha, when I was in college, my dad and I went to a dinner party a family friend was having. One of the guests said, "Oh, are you Art's young wife?" "Nope, I would be his DAUGHTER!" Definately creepy.

People always think I'm younger than I am; it's the same way with my mom. Whenever I go out with her and the babies, people always do double takes trying to figure out who's the mom of the babies. I've seriously thought about having a t-shirt made that says something like, "YES, they're mine, and YES they're fraternal twin girls."

--Lisa

[lrucci]

I guess I must sound young too. A few weeks ago, some guy - assuming it was a sales guy- called and asked if my mother was there. Of course, I said "no". Then he asked if my father was home, again I said "no". So he said "who is home with you?". Trying very hard not to laugh, I said "my baby". He was speechless for a few seconds, asked when my mother would be home, and then said good bye.


Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh Elizabeth 7/19/03

[MelissaTC]

Gotta love that one!

I hosted the neighborhood ladies night awhile back and one of the ladies called to RSVP. She asked "Is your Mom home?". I was like "HUH?" My Mom lives in NY lady! This is my house! LOL...I HATE when that happens!

Another time, I went to the GAP to buy a few things. It wound up turning into more like a shopping spree. I had about $200 worth of items. The cashier asked me if it was MY credit card. WTF? Yes. I wish it was someone else's card. I don't want the bill. Apparently, teeny boppers around here drive to the mall in their new BMWs and shop on Mom's account. *SIGH*...not me lady. I am still probably paying interest on those damn capri overalls that I wore to pieces...

[votre_ami03]

No lie, last night we went to dinner w/my family. My sister who is 30, not 18 was given a kid's menu! lmbo! She is a mother of 5, 2 of hers & 3 of his from 6-14. We all had a very good laugh. Then, when we ordered drinks, the waiter was surprised that my aunts were buying for my sis, a minor. lol. She gets mistaken all of the time for her 12 yo step DD's sister & not her mother.


Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03

[jmofarrill]

Add me to the list. I did look older a couple of months ago, but I suddenly lost all the pg weight and my face looks young again. I'm 27 closing in on 28 in June.

I started a new job a couple of months ago, and one co-worker started asking me all kinds of bizarre questions like where did I go to school, what did I think I was going to accomplish w/ my degree... She freaked out when I told her I have a 10 mo.; she thought I was fresh out of college. Whatever.

I worked at a middle school before that and had occasionally been asked for my hall pass when walking through the school.

[starrynight]

I am young, and got all the pity looks etc when I had Alex. After having the girls I guess I stopped looking so young because it stopped lol.

I would be aggrevated if it was still happening to me though. It's stupid that because I look older I guess they (general) think I'm a good mom but if people find out how old(young?) I really am with 3 kids suddenly I'm a screw up.

[kijip]

I HEAR YOU!!! My husband and I are also in our twenties and we have a 9 month old son. I get people assuming that that this means that we are broke, irresponsible, unhappy, trapped etc. Hardly. We are $secure, educated, happy and advancing in our lives nicely. We did not intend to have a child now but it happened and we are happy. Since we are young we have certain styles and tastes that we don't find in our parent groups (where everyone is much older with bigger houses etc) but we are ok with it. All parents have things in common, no?

It would seem that some people equate age/style with the ability to parent. I look about my age. I have short spiky hair and wear plain dark conservative clothes, with short clean nails and no makeup. I wear a motorcycle jacket when it is colder. I wear a wedding band, a diamond engagment ring, a watch and a studded bracelet. I do have a tiny stud in my nose, harking to my affinity with punk. It has never prevented me from doing well in school or landing jobs- I get hired quickly and I am paid well.

So I am out with my son in the Bjorn AND a woman I do not know says what a cute baby blah blah blah...Then she says "it must be hard to be a single mom". What?!!! I have been married for 2 years. I had no idea that people in their mid-twenties could not marry and raise children. And someone so nosy as to accost people about their marital status is surely the nosy type to notice the wedding band! Hell, my grandmother, a very typical educated and elegant lady, had 4 by the time she was my age (and went on to have 9 total) and had been married 7 years! No one was judging her.. it was the norm. How fast society changes.

[Melanie]

Too funny!

Where I live it is a bit rare to be a SAHM so most of those I run into are 10-20 years older than I am, and I'm not all that young. I've definitely experienced age discrimination in some of the groups.

[flagger]

Not judging you at all, but did your grandmother have a stud in her nose too? ;)

[kijip]

No, but she was an opera singer...very risque for a Catholic girl in the midwest in the thirties and forties! If she had had a stud in her nose no one would have seen it from stage!

Not in rebuttal to your joke, but as a further explaination:

A twentysomething with a pierced nose does not a single parent make. Which seemed to be the impression it and short, short hair gave this nutter. Where I live most people, including the middle aged (50 years and up) attorneys that I worked for don't think anything of mild piecings. I get far more compliments on it (even from my 65 year old co-workers and my OLD, near death it seems, profs) But I don't live in a small town or the midwest or Texas (where I was born). Further I don't want anyone to think that I dislike single parents- more the perception that people need to help me or pity me if they think I am a single parent. Or that I am poor, or bad, or lost if people think I am a single parent or a young parent. If I was widowed tomorrow I would be a single parent...but still the stodgy rocker I always have been...I must say that the woman I posted about is not the norm around here...THANK GOD

My husband and I don't have to be yuppies in preppie clothes to have good prospects, a great marriage, work, house, car and all the more material trappings of american life. We have them AND our short hair, love of punk and hip hop, lib politics and piercing (singular) and tattoos (more than one). And we don't need any of those things from tattoos to preppie clothes to $ to car to house in order to be good parents!

[jmofarrill]

>My husband and I don't have to be yuppies in preppie clothes
>to have good prospects, a great marriage, work, house, car and
>all the more material trappings of american life. We have
>them AND our short hair, love of punk and hip hop, lib
>politics and piercing (singular) and tattoos (more than one).
>And we don't need any of those things from tattoos to preppie
>clothes to $ to car to house in order to be good parents!

Well said. http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/otn/wink/thumb.gif