Not a bitch, really, just feeling frustrated. (LONG)

[mamicka]

I love being a mom & staying home. I feel like its my dream job. That being said, I'm just really frustrated lately. I have a wonderful DS but he's so demanding & high-maintenance. I'm not able to do anything all day except take care of him. I talk to other moms with similar age kids & they talk about 2-hour naps TWICE A DAY & I think, WTH! How come my DS doesn't take even ONE 2-hour nap a day. Nights are actually pretty good - I can't complain about that. But he will only nap once or twice a day for 45 minutes - tops... and only while I hold him. I've considered letting him cry during nap times but feel guilty that just a few weeks ago he was co-sleeping for half the night & all the night a few weeks prior to that while we were on vacation. So maybe he's more clingy during the day since he's not with us at night?

Bottom line, I'm just about to pull my hair out. He can play by himself but only on HIS terms. Meaning, never when its convenient for me. He cries, hysterically, whenever I don't give him 100% full attention & has started to hold his breath when he's upset. I even feel guilty leaving him with DH to go to the gym for 1 hour in the evening. I do it but it just makes everyone miserable. Same thing for doing the laundry or the dishes, I do it but when he's so upset I can only do it for so long before giving up.

I don't want to raise a brat but I feel like that's the path I'm heading down & I don't know how to stop it. I'm just not sure how much more of this I can take.

I'm not sure if anyone can help me but I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Allison (Mamicka to Lawrence 6/17/03)

[lag555]

I had somewhat of a similar situation. My daughter can be very easygoing, but she can also be a little clingy.

One thing that I found helped a lot was that if I wanted to go out, I would have the person watching her take her outside for a walk. That distracted her enough so that she wasn't bothered by my not being there. Now that the weather is nicer, maybe your husband can take him outside for a short walk in the evenings while you are out.

I also found that at one point, my daughter hated to play by herself. But when she started sitting better and became more mobile (i.e. she could wiggle over to a toy that she dropped), she was much happier playing by herself on the floor. Can it be that once you son gets more adept at holding/manipulating objects and reaching for things, he'll be happier playing by himself?

In any case, I'm sorry you are so frustrated and I hope it gets better for you soon.

[deborah_r]

Allison,

I feel for you. I do have some similar things going on, so I can empathize. Some days it seems like all I do is tend to him, and then other days, I can get lots of stuff done. It just drives me crazy that I don't know which of those days I am in for when we get up every day!

I'm wondering, is he mobile? Crawling, cruising, walking?

Also, you might want to look into Burton White's "Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child" - it does address stategies for babies of this age. That's one reason I was asking if he is mobile, because I recall White saying something about babies who are not mobile but can see clear across the room and WANT stuff, but can't get to it. I don't recall everything he said, but I do remember he said to make sure to check in with your baby often while he is playing, rather than waiting for him to call out for you. I didn't do this sometimes (because I hadn't read that yet) because if he was playing happily, I didn't want him to reminded of my presence - but White says it's better if you check in and let the baby know you are there periodically while he is playing, and that will be reassuring to hiim.

Don't know if that helps, but maybe if you could tell us more about where he is developmentally.

For the naps, have you tried just laying him in the crib when you know he is sleepy, let him fuss and cry for a few minutes, come back, soothe, insert pacifier (if he takes one), go back out, etc. I did this - I didn't really consider it crying-it-out, but maybe it was? I didn't follow a "method" and it only works for us for naps, not during the night. If he was hysterical I would pick him up and soothe or nurse, but if it was just fussy, defiant, I don't want to lay down cying, I let him fuss for awhile until he fell asleep.

Well, I'm sure you'll get some good advice - I don't know if I helped, but I tried! :)

[mamicka]

Thanks for empathizing. Here's more info:

DS is VERY mobile. He's been cruising for at least 2 months & just started taking a few steps this weekend. I wouldn't say he's walking just yet but he's pretty close. He seems to just want a lot of cuddle-type time. Or at least climbing-all-over-mommy-&-trying-to-scratch-her-eyes-out time. He CAN play by himself & does ... very rarely. Maybe for 15 minutes a day. As for naps, as soon as I put him in his crib, he rolls over & stands-up screaming. He no longer takes a pacifier by his choice. I've tried just laying him on the floor on a blanket but this only works if I lay next to him for a good 5-10 minutes & then get up, leaving me only about 15 minutes free.

This isn't brand-new behavior, he doesn't have a fever & isn't really cranky, just really clingy. If I'm sitting at the kitchen table, paying the bills, he'll stand-up next to my leg & cry, patting my leg & pulling at my shirt (he's not hungry) until I pick him up... & then instantly he's fine.

[amp]

Allison, I think what you are experiencing is fairly normal. Or at least I hope it is! We go through some of the same things here at my house. I love being a mom, but it can still be pretty overwhelming, and man, does he wear me out! No advice really, but wanted to commiserate. I've been considering some books, such as the one Deborah recently recommended on raising a happy, healthy, unspoiled child. Maybe it'll help me set some limits that are appropriate and help both of us as he gets a bit older.

PS- your son has the same birthday as me. How cool!

[Melanie]

I can't help you, but I can sympathize with what you must be going through. I'm a total CRANK on Ds' no-nap days. I dread the day he grows out of them b/c I really need my break.

I'm sure you are not raising a brat, he just needs his mommy now. I believe that if you give yourself to your children when they need you, they will be more independent in the long run b/c they are secure you will always be there for them.

[mamicka]

Thanks guys. I'll probably go check out that book about the happy, unspoiled child, it has piqued my interest in the past.

It really helps just to know that this isn't only me or only my DS. I just love him to pieces - I hate feeling so miserable. Especially because it really isn't because of him - its just the situation. There's nothing I love more than spending time with him, cuddling, nursing, playing, singing, teaching...I just feel so much pressure (mainly from myself) to get so much more done during my day. I'll try to just relax & do my best.

Thanks again. I do feel better.