My Toddler Whines and Cries Constantly!

[Kieransmom]

Uggh....I can't take it anymore. My almost 11 month old son whines and cries constantly. He's been this way since an infant but we figured he'd grow out of it.
I feel so bad complaining about it because I adore my son as all moms do. When we're in public he's an angel. Other mom's always comment on how they wish their child was as well behaved as my son. However it's the behind the scenes activity that is disturbing.
So for starters we decided to do Dr. Sears attachment parenting. We carried him everywhere, he slept with us in the beginning because he wouldn't sleep in his crib. (but has been since 6 months) Now when we're at home he wants to be held all the time and whines and cries throughout the days activities. (except for when we're in public) He also cries every time he falls or gets hurt. We have hard wood floors and he hits his head constantly which I can understand the crying there but he also freaks out when he falls on the padded carpet! He's super demanding when he does not get his way, although I understand that's a toddler thing but he's always been this way.
We've tried ignoring him when he whines which didn't work. Then we tried acknowledging him like "Happiest Toddler on the Block". Nope. I just don't know...one of our son's playmates mom's did attachment parenting and he's not like this...he's very independent and confident. I feel like such a failure. What am I doing wrong?

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[Imperia]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, babies are human and have individual personalities. Your son may just be a high needs child. Also, he is just a baby, only 11 months old, so crying when he falls down seems pretty normal to me. I know lots of people who are APs and their children are not clingy or "whiny" etc so I don't know that that is your trouble. I am not quite sure what to advise becaus emy DD is quite small, I just wanted to let youknow I doubt it is anything you are doing, but rather more due to your son's age and personality.

Imperia

[mamicka]

Michelle, I can totally relate. I posted a few days ago with a similar problem with my 9 month old DS. We haven't exactly done AP but I have used a sling or other carrier quite a bit & we did a little co-sleeping. I don't think that's it. I think that, as Imperia said, each child is different & mine is much more high needs at the moment. I don't have any advice except to just accept your child how he is. I find when I just accept that he needs me a lot & not expect him to change overnight, my days are a lot better. But I totally can relate & I just want to stress that this isn't only your situation. We're in this together. :)

Allison (Mamicka to Lawrence 6/17/03)

[tinkerbell1217]

You are not doing anything wrong so don't beat yourself up!! My DD used to throw temper tantrums and bang her head against the wall when she was around 1. The first time she really hurt her head doing it she stopped. Usually it was a quick tap, but one time she was so upset with me for trying to get her to take a nap, she ran to the wall and just banged her head so hard!!! I was mortified. I thought I was going to see blood or something, but no, not even a bump. It was hard enough and hurt enough and she never did it again! Same with her biting at about the same age. She would bite me every now and then if she was frustrated. Well, another child bit her back once when she tried it on him and she never did it again!

Some kids are very high need and usually they go through stages of that. Some are spirited and really take alot of patience! I don't have any real advice, but wanted you to know I have been through it too! My DD is now 15 and STILL high maintnenance! :0)


Kelly

[Momof3Labs]

I agree that it is nothing you've done wrong, probably just his personality. Instead of whining, have you thought of teaching him a way to express his needs? Colin mellowed out a LOT once he learned to sign, and since boys tend to talk later than girls, I think it will come in handy for a while longer! The Signing Time videos are very popular around here! We started with the ST videos around 11 months of age, and Colin was signing within a month and now has a repertoire of well over 40 signs. I know that it has cut down on whining and tantrums in our house!

Another resource for you is Burton White's book Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child. He gives some gentle suggestions for dealing with whining, and gently teaching children how to work through their minor frustrations. His methods have worked pretty well for us, too, so far.

You aren't really into full-blown toddler hood yet, so it is likely to get worse for many months before it gets better. It really is worth your time to try something like signing and (if it matches your parenting style), Burton White's techniques.

[Sarah1]

I agree w/the others that you are NOT a failure and you aren't doing anything wrong (other than the usual mistakes that we ALL make every single day!). Don't blame yourself. It sounds like your DS is just has high needs.

All you can do is make sure he is as well-rested as possible, as well-fed as possible, and that you're consistent in what you say and do. That's the best you can do, and eventually when he is talking and can communicate with you, things will get better. Is he walking yet? I bet when he starts walking, or walking really well, he'll be happier and become more independent.

This is a rough time. Audrey is almost 17 months, and still not really talking, and she is generally a very easygoing, agreeable child. But when it's bad, it's BAD, and I know how frustrating the crying and whining can be. I've also read the Happiest Toddler book and basically think it's pretty useless.

And focus on the positive things. That is GREAT that he's so good in public and around other people!!!