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View Full Version : Um, am I still 12 years old????



cdlamis
04-14-2004, 12:35 PM
Oh! My mother makes me so mad!! And I need your advice- should I say something to her or keep quiet and acknowledge that many mothers are like this?

My mother treats me like a child! Not just like "put a coat on, it's cold" but she nags me. She is always making comments about how I should keep my house cleaner, spend less time on the computer, what I should fee Julia. Now, my house is very clean and tidy but my mom is obsessive with hers so I don't compare. She also comments on our spending habits. DH and my mom work together so she knows more about our lives than most mothers. If she hears about our lack of funds one month, she'll comment that we don't need cable, need to save more, etc. She may be right sometimes but it's NONE OF HER BUSINESS! She just asked today if we had sent our taxes in yet. I said "No". She says "Well, you know it's tomorrow, and you'll get a late fee blah, blah, blah.". Yes, I know this and it's not like I would have forgotten without my mother's help. :)

Since she works with DH, it has been getting on his nerves more than ever and affecting their relationship.

Should I say something to her or let it go? I have already discussed this with her so this time, it will be more of a demand for change.

TIA-

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b35d0802848f *December pictures

lag555
04-14-2004, 12:49 PM
That's really annoying. I feel for you. I don't know if saying anything to her would really be helpful. My policy in situations like that is to say as little as possible about anything she would comment on. For instance, if she says "Did you do your taxes yet?", I would say something like "I'm hoping we'll get a refund" or "You know, the tax code is getting more and more complicated." If she comments on the cleanliness of my household, I'd say something like "Oh, hey, did you ever try that new detergent?".

It's not always easy, but I just find that they type of people who make comments like that or try to be too intrusive into your lives won't understand why it's a bad thing. So it doesn't pay to try to ask her to stop.

Just my opinion.

Aggie

McQ
04-14-2004, 01:43 PM
Well I would say some thing to her. I'm a pretty direct person so I may not be the best to give advice.

My mother drives me crazy with little nit picky stuff like that too. It's usually stupid stuff like her moving a pickle off my plate. I say don't touch my food, she says but your sandwich will get soggy, then I say it's not your sandwich and I'm old enough to move my own pickle if I want to (seriously we had this conversation). Or it's like the last time she was over she told me that she was throwing out one of our plants, and I said no you're not, it's not your plant. I find it easier to confront every little situtation because when I bring it up to her separately she gets very upset and quiet then says some thing like she doesn't know what I'm talking about.

Not to mislead you. I actually have a very good relationship with my mother and we get along rather well. I just have to let her know when she says little things like that that it bothers me otherwise I'd explode. My brother just rolls his eyes when she does it to him. Me, I'm not that good so I have to say something.

So good luck. If it bothers you then you have to find a way to deal with it. If you can't shake it off, then you need to say some thing.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

mik8
04-14-2004, 01:44 PM
Oh, Daniella I do feel for you. I don't know what your family dynamics are, but perhaps "reverse psychology" might work? It works a lot of times for me and my mom who can get intrusive too.

bluej
04-14-2004, 02:29 PM
I think we have the same mother! My mom claims she HAS to say what's on her mind or it will eat at her. Fine, then I guess I have to respond how I feel neccesary or it will eat at me. This arrangement works out quite well for us (and for my two other sisters as well). Usually we just respond w/ 'it's none of your business', but if it's something that really bugs the tar out of us we will respond as harshly as we feel needed. I know, sounds loving doesn't it? We all do have a great relationship with our mother, really, and this honest communication helps that along. Of course, we would prefer if she would just keep her mouth shut, but since she can't, we aren't going to hold back either.

mamicka
04-14-2004, 04:22 PM
I think you should say something. I have a similar mother & I have to approach it head-on at each instance or she doesn't seem to get it. I just have to remember to do it really gently or it blows-up in my face. Meaning, if I'm going to bring it up, I can't already be angry about it or she'll fight me & be very defensive, thus she'll never see my point. Oh, I consider our relationship to be quite good overall, despite the fact that she feels it necessary to tell me to clean my room (& I keep a very clean house).

Good Luck!

Allison (Mamicka to Lawrence 6/17/03)

Sarah1
04-14-2004, 08:28 PM
Ugh. That's a tough one. I think it depends on how your mom deals with confrontations and serious conversations. With my mom, when she annoys me, I just sort of let things blow over. But then again, she doesn't work with my DH! So that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

I wish you luck in dealing with her. I can't believe she nags you about how clean your house is. That would drive me INSANE!

Marisa6826
04-14-2004, 08:46 PM
Daniella-

I SO know where you're coming from. In fact, there's a recent post from me about this very topic :) .

I personally would tell her to mind her own damn business and remind her that it's YOUR house and you will run it as you please. But that's me.

I suspect that your DH wants to stay out of it, right? Don't they all ;)

I'm crossing my fingers that you find the strength to put her in her place.

Chin up, Girlie!

hugs

-m