Sure, just invite yourself on over...aurgghh!!

[MKH76]

MIL was just here for an entire month (yup, you read right!!, I had a C-section 5 weeks ago and she decided she needed to come up). I was greatful to have extra hands running after my toddler, but DH took a month of leave, so he basically was the primary care giver/house cleaner. While MIL was here, all rules went out the window with my toddler. She thought it was stupid that DS had a bedtime routine and wouldn't come in the room to see what it was all about and I was really mad because DH wanted to spend the first night in the hospital with me after DD was born. Long story short, he wasn't able to because neither one of us felt comfortable leaving DS home alone with MIL. And then when FIL flew up to join her a few weeks into her stay, he would keep the TV on during dinner and get DS fooling around at dinner time doing puzzles or whatever at the table. No matter how many times DH said something, this went on every night. Finally the last few nights of their stay, I went nuts and explicitly explained that they are ruining every bit of family time at dinner time and contributing to him being over hungry and over tired by messing with the bedtime routine, therefor contributing to tantrums. MIL was upset that I didn't pump EMB so she couldn't feed the baby and kept asking how long I'll breastfeed for. She would make comments like, "well, your not going to be able to do that when you go back to work".
So she calls and asks for DH yesterday and casually mentions that she is thinking about buying a plane ticket to come up for two weeks at Christmas time. Great. How about asking me if I think I want someone staying in my house. Mind you, I'm in freakin' Alaska...the sun will barely be out during the day (11am-2pm of sunshine around December time), so what the heck will I do with her all day? I've already told DH that the kids will still go to daycare and I will still work (except the holidays of course). Grrrr.... I'm just so agrivated, she comes up and completely takes over. And she is vegetarian (nothing wrong with that) but her idea of a meal is mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and fried okra. At least eat good if you aren't going to eat meat. Okay, this was about 5 vents in one!!

[Vajrastorm]

One word: hotel. What a PITA!! I'd go postal if someone came and took over my house like that.

[ritacheetah]

OH, girl, I totally feel for you. My MIL wanted to come down for X-mas (note my delivery date was 12/20) with her DH, DD, her DD's DH and her DD's two kids (one 2 1/2 and one 6 months) for a week. That would be six adults and three kids living in my 3 bedroom house 2 days after I gave birth to my first kid without being invited. And they all friggin' argue all the time. We finally had to tell them ABSOLUTELY NOT. The sad thing is that they were OFFENDED AND APPALLED and acted like their feelings were all hurt - apparently my feelings as a new mother meant absolutely nothing. And none of them could comprehend why in the slightest.

My own sister came to visit a month later BY HERSELF and worried that she might be in the way, and my own father thought the same thing about visting BY HIMSELF 4 months later.

Some people just don't have a freaking clue...

p.s. none of my in laws have any kind of bedtime routine (unless you consider falling asleep in front of the TV a bedtime routine - they ALL do it) so I know my DD will be all messed up every time they visit.

Boy this feels good to vent about the in laws - can't say this stuff to DH! That's OK, I'll be getting back at him as MY mother is visiting for the first time in June. No, actually, I'll probably be the one to crack up with her as well.

Good luck - all I can say is try to stay positive and ignore them as much as you can. Keep telling yourself "Life is too short!!!"

Live long and prosper,
Tracy
Mom to Victoria, 12/20/03

[Sarah1]

Ugh. You poor thing.

Is there ANY way you could have a "heart to heart" with her and tell her some of this, in a nice way? Or is that a pipe dream? I only say this because my MIL was annoying me about a couple of things, and I got really upset and just told her how much it was upsetting me. She had no idea and since then I feel like we have a much better relationship.

Anyway, you have EVERY right to vent away. Hope you feel a little better!

[Melanie]

Wow...that really sux. IF they're coming to "help," then that's what they need to try to do. No one is going to do everything the parents' way, but they should at least make an effort rather than descending, screwing everything up and leaving!

[amp]

Ain't IL's fun?! x(

[brubeck]

I went through the same thing when MIL invited herself for Christmas last year. She asked when she could come and visit and we said JANUARY but she goes and buys herself (and her husband) plane tickets arriving on Christmas Eve. At 8 pm. She didn't leave for a week at which point I was just grateful to see the new year. To make things more awkward she brought about a billion gifts for the kids (all awful, I returned or donated every one) but she and her husband brought NONE for each other. None. DH and I give lots of gifts to each other so basically our family was opening gifts and they had nothing (except a few small things I had scrounged for them). They were basically just spectators watching all of us open gifts and it was totally pathetic. I mean if DH didn't give me something to open (doesn't have to be fancy, it's the thought that counts) I would be so mad and yet neither of them gave anything to each other. Ugh. I can see why their marriage has problems.

After Christmas Day was the worst because I had to entertain them while DH went back to work. I did manage to chase them out of the house one day when I invited my neighbor and her 2 toddlers over for a day of mayhem. :) But the entire visit was hellish.

Never again.

[lag555]

Wow. That must have been really tough. If I were you, I'd sit down with my husband and say that you absolutely can not do that again. Together, come up with a very strict limit for the number of days you can have a houseguest. I would think three is a good number. Anyone is welcome to visit you for three days. Period. If they want to stay at a nearby hotel for a longer period, they are very welcome to do so. But under no circumstances should you have to deal with that again.

I don't know if that is good advice, but that's what I would do. There is no way I could cope with a situation like that.

Aggie

[Kieransmom]

Wow...I'm so sorry to hear that. They should respect the way you run your household and raise your children. I can't believe the breastfeeding comment...how selfish is that?!?!?!

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03