ChicagoMama
04-29-2004, 11:32 PM
This is a true b!tch, just let me get it out and off my chest and I'll feel better.
OK, so I check my email and ebay auctions in the evenings to make sure I don't have questions from buyers (I sell antique maps on ebay). I also surf the net, check the boards, etc. I try to keep my lengthy browsing down to one night a week, where I'm on the computer more than 30 minutes. Sometimes I like to sit and play on the computer for a couple of hours. Note I do this after the kids are in bed, after the house is cleaned up, and after I'm organized for the next day, and after DH and I have both had time to chat and connect a bit.
Lately, I've also been trying to make time in the evenings (sometimes very late evenings) for another WAHM project that I'm starting, as well as grow my map business. And I've been trying to sit down and scrapbook, too.
I always try to gauge when DH and I are "in the mood" and that will always win out over work/internet play. But tonight I just didn't feel like it and he stalked upstairs all hurt. But sometimes I just want time to myself and I don't think it's fair to pretend if I'm not in the mood. I also am really craving alone time, and honestly, the romance is all but gone - he doesn't even try to be romantic/sweet -- it doesn't matter how clean the house is, how many nights dinner is ready on time -- he's all tapped out from the kids and work in the romance department, and so am I. But it's starting to wear on me - I feel like I'm just there for the act, but the relationship part that fuels my desire is not there as much, so I feel less like having a quickie when they all feel like quickies to me. Whenever this happens, though, he gets all sulky for a couple of days and accuses me of not feeling sexy anymore, or whatever.
I know there are tremendous pressures on this part of a marriage from having kids - but here's the thing - I wouldn't hold it against him for having less desire, b/c I see how he loves me in so many other ways, and I look forward to being able to have a more regular/exciting life in that way in the future when our kids are sleeping/not so physically exhausting. But it seems like he thinks it's a deal breaker if I'm not right there with him all the time. Why can't he just take a less exciting sex life and take the pressure off of us for a while? We're just barely getting by with our sanity as it is. I think I'm going to go upstairs now and tell him this. Anyway, thanks for letting me b!tch and get my thoughts out.
Becky
Mama to DDs Shelby 09/19/02 and Sydney 10/16/03
OK, so I check my email and ebay auctions in the evenings to make sure I don't have questions from buyers (I sell antique maps on ebay). I also surf the net, check the boards, etc. I try to keep my lengthy browsing down to one night a week, where I'm on the computer more than 30 minutes. Sometimes I like to sit and play on the computer for a couple of hours. Note I do this after the kids are in bed, after the house is cleaned up, and after I'm organized for the next day, and after DH and I have both had time to chat and connect a bit.
Lately, I've also been trying to make time in the evenings (sometimes very late evenings) for another WAHM project that I'm starting, as well as grow my map business. And I've been trying to sit down and scrapbook, too.
I always try to gauge when DH and I are "in the mood" and that will always win out over work/internet play. But tonight I just didn't feel like it and he stalked upstairs all hurt. But sometimes I just want time to myself and I don't think it's fair to pretend if I'm not in the mood. I also am really craving alone time, and honestly, the romance is all but gone - he doesn't even try to be romantic/sweet -- it doesn't matter how clean the house is, how many nights dinner is ready on time -- he's all tapped out from the kids and work in the romance department, and so am I. But it's starting to wear on me - I feel like I'm just there for the act, but the relationship part that fuels my desire is not there as much, so I feel less like having a quickie when they all feel like quickies to me. Whenever this happens, though, he gets all sulky for a couple of days and accuses me of not feeling sexy anymore, or whatever.
I know there are tremendous pressures on this part of a marriage from having kids - but here's the thing - I wouldn't hold it against him for having less desire, b/c I see how he loves me in so many other ways, and I look forward to being able to have a more regular/exciting life in that way in the future when our kids are sleeping/not so physically exhausting. But it seems like he thinks it's a deal breaker if I'm not right there with him all the time. Why can't he just take a less exciting sex life and take the pressure off of us for a while? We're just barely getting by with our sanity as it is. I think I'm going to go upstairs now and tell him this. Anyway, thanks for letting me b!tch and get my thoughts out.
Becky
Mama to DDs Shelby 09/19/02 and Sydney 10/16/03