Just soooo tired! (long)

[firstbaby]

So DS has had total sleep regression. And DH is quickly becoming on my permanent S#!%& list. My 4 month old DS has for the last 3 weeks woken up every two to three hours. He used to have one 6 hour stretch and then back up 3 or so hours later - totally manageable. Well, he's decided he's not doing that any more. He's exclusively BF so DH is oh so helpful with "I think he's hungry - you should feed him" or "When does he eat next" or "Why is he crying - is he hungry"? Because of his strong startle reflex we still swaddle him and he really likes his pacifier. So of course I'm struggling with -is he hungry? Is he waking because he becomes unswaddled and flails around? Is he waking up only b/c he doesn't have his pacifier? I've tried reswaddling him, changing his diaper, trying to soothe him while he stays in his crib, etc. I know he's not hungry two hours after I feed him but DH TOTALLY freaks out when he cries, and in turn totally stresses me out so 9 times out of 10 I nurse him just so DH will get off my case rationally knowing that hunger is not why he's crying and waking so often. In my eyes, we're having sleep issues and I want to learn to address them so we don't have bigger issues down the road.

I've tried reading sleep solutions books, rationalizing that he could be going through a growth spurt, possibility of teething etc and none of this has me feeling like I'm remotely doing the "right" thing. When I don't jump up immediately when he wakes up, DH acts like such a baby and just expects me to know what's wrong and how to make it stop. Let me mention he not once has tried to have a conversation with me about this during day light hours, doesn't join me in reading the books, etc and thinks I'm horrible if I let DS cry for more than 30 seconds. I'm not necessarily letting him CIO, but come on - DS might soothe himself if I give him more time than 3 seconds to cry.

So the reason for my post is to 1) complain about how ridiculous and unsupportive DH is and 2) ask what I should do about DS's sleeping troubles. I can't continue to get up every two hours and try to figure this out - should we stop swaddling, take away the pacifier, if he's hungry, etc. I'm starting to feel like I haven't slept in 4 months and can't take DH sideline parenting for another second. By the way - I should mention that DH's solution to when he cries is to immediately pick him up, talk to him in his normal conversational voice (no soft soothing voice) and just parade him around until he quiets up. Um, I don't think keying him up will get him back to sleep.

If you've read this much - thank you! It probably doesn't make sense as it's the middle of the night and I am so sleep deprived I'm babbling. Please BBB moms (and dads) help me with your suggestions!

[s_gosney]

I don't really have any help as we have sleep issues of our own. I just wanted to say that I totally empathize with you in the dh department. He's a great daddy as long as dd's happy, but the second she's upset it's "Here mommy, I think she wants you" and the infamous "maybe she's hungry"....ARRRRRRRRGH!!!! The frustrating thing is that nursing of course calms her down, so he ends up looking right! Drives me NUTS!!!! Or if she's just a little fussy, he tries to play with her to cheer her up. Nevermind that I've explained to him a thousand times the importance of getting her right to sleep when she gets to that stage. Then if I push him to put her to sleep, he'll usually say "I don't know how" or "You're better at it than I am".....well maybe if you practiced every now and then, it might get easier!!!
whew....sorry about that, but I've had a major dh bitch building up for days now, and it doesn't help that my sick dd just woke me up at 5 am while he's away for the weekend at a buddy's house...I wish someone would give our dh's a swift kick in the pants!

[bluej]

When Ryden was about your DS's age he would have frequent night wakings (after having several weeks of a nice 6-8 hour stretch). In my deprived state of sleep I would often find myself in his room nursing him (yet I didn't really remember getting up and going to his room). I then realized that I wasn't listening to see what kind of cry he was doing. It was hard, I would often be half way to his room, but then I'd stop and listen and most of the time I realized he wasn't crying at all. Fussing, yes, but not crying. So I'd go back to my room and just lay there and wait for him to start crying. Most of the time he would go back to sleep in ten minutes. Sometimes he would start cooing and talking to himself for a good twenty minutes and then go back to sleep. So my question is, is he really crying or is he fussing trying to get himself back to sleep? I know it's hard to listen to them fuss as well, but if you can stand it, let him fuss for a bit and see what happens. If that isn't the case, tell you DH that you KNOW he's not hungry and that if you go in, all he'll want is to nurse, so DH is going to have to take over night duty and soothe the baby back to sleep. Tell him you'll go in when he's hungry. Since your DH may be clueless on the baby's cries (sorry, don't mean to offend any daddies, but my DH, as great as he is, doesn't know a hunger cry from a poopy diaper cry or a just-trying-out-my-vocal-cords cry) he can't argue with you on whether or not it's a hunger cry. Good luck and I hope you get some uninterrupted sleep soon!

[deborah_r]

Ummm, maybe you should post a picture of your DH because I think we may be married to the same man!!!


Just kidding. I feel your pain. And my DS has never been a great sleeper - I only got through it by co-sleeping. I think he may be a little young for sleep training, but maybe some other people have some solutions.

All I know about baby sleep is once you think you have it figured out, it changes! Good luck - here's hoping you get some sleep and your DH starts helping out!