Whiney Toddler Sending Me To The Funny Farm

[clb0556]

Arrrgh. My son turned 1 year a few weeks ago. From the time he was born he was always a very high needs baby. He cried constantly. For the past 4 months he just whines...all day long. The only time he's not whining is when he is sleeping. It's like nails on a chalkboard and my blood pressure just rises to the top when he does this. As a SAHM it is slowly driving me INSANE.

I was always a very laid back person before having Tristan. Now I'm considering going on an antidepressant because the whininng and constant screaming and crying at everything is driving me nuts. I can truely say for the first time in my life, I don't think I can handle the daily insanity without meds. My husband says he looks forward to work for the peace and quiet. I wish I had that option.

Any suggestions to help me cope?

Janine
Mommy of Tristan

[Marisa6826]

Sounds like he's not feeling well or teething. Have you tried giving him Motrin?

Have you checked to see if he has an ear infection? Reflux?

I know that when Sophie walks around whining, it's usually b/c she doesn't feel well, is hungry or needs a nap.

I would try some Motrin and then if that doesn't work, make a visit to the ped.

Chin up


-m

[C99]

Does he whine when you are out of the house? My 15-month-old *just* started doing this almost constantly and it's also driving me batty. BUT, he does it mostly at home. If we are out of the house, he's too distracted by everything to look at and explore to wonder what exactly I'm doing and whether I am focused on him.

[Sarah1]

First of all, I can relate. Whining is NO fun.

That said, I'm inclined to agree w/Marisa and Caroline--make sure he is well-fed, napping/sleeping at night enough and if teething give motrin (the wonder drug) and also, maybe you guys need to get out more or change the routine at home.

I know that if Audrey and I are still at home 2-3 hours after she wakes up in the AM, she just starts getting bored and her mood goes downhill. That's when we head out for an outing--even just going to the grocery store or on a stroll invariably improves her mood.

I know it's easier said than done, and I hope things get better for you!!

[clb0556]

No...actually, he's happy as a clam when we're out. In fact, he is smiley and flirts with everyone. We try to get out as often as possible (believe me!) but that's not always possible.

[Kieransmom]

My son can be the same way. He just gets bored easily. I've been told that that's a sign of intelegence. He can be full, diapered, clean, given meds (if we think it is teething) everything perfect...and he'll just whine and whine. You're right...It is like nails on a chalkboard. We try to get out as often as possible but I do understand that sometimes it's just not possible.

I wish I could give advice on how to stop the whining altogether. I haven't combatted it either so I really can't give advice. However, if there is anyone out there who has a child that was whiney in their early toddler years please let me know. (my son is almost 1 year old) Do they grow out of it once they start to talk?

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[chlobo]

My DD is the same way. Bores very easily. In fact, she's whining right now.

Have you looked into a possible food sensitivity? I heard of a woman who had a very fussy baby. When the baby was about 18 months old they found out (don't ask me how) that the baby was sensitive to yellow dye (found in many foods). She had gotten it through the breast milk and later through food. Once they cut it out she was a much better sleeper & less fussy.

[clb0556]

Would a food allergy affect them all the time or some of the time. Tristan is perfect when we are out and about. Whiney time is only when we're home. We can be at a friends house all day and he's fine. When we get home it's fussy time.

[etwahl]

honestly, i think what you have is a spirited child. what you describe is pretty accurately what happens in our house as well. down to the colic for the first 4-6 months. lauren is a pretty spirited child - very needy, bores easily, wants to be held A LOT, whiney especially in the evening while i'm trying to make dinner. it's tough being a parent to a spirited child. everything about them is just "MORE". the book "raising your spirited child" (the title is something like that) is more about older kids unfortunately. someone should write one for young babes like ours.

what i try to do is plan stuff to get us out and doing things. i'm starting the gym regularly next week. i'm hoping the daycare will provide her with stimulus away from me and she'll do okay. we meet with friends who have babies, go to the park, go shopping (even the grocery store), in the evenings go for walks in the trike or stroller. like you said, anything to get us out. gotta keep going, going!

it's tough, it really is, but as someone else said, i think it's a sign of intelligence. they KNOW what they want, but they can't do it or tell you just yet. i did fine one thing really helpful, and that's sign language. she is able to tell me if she's hungry or wants milk, and she signs like crazy - ball, dog, wash hands, mommy, daddy, etc. she's a pretty good signer. that is supposed to help with preventing tantrums becuase they can sign what they want before they're able to speak it.

it's tough. we need to start a support group of spirited children.

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003
www.evantammy.com

[Chelsey333]

How is his nap schedule? I found that once I had my ds on a good nap schedule he was a much happier baby/toddler. But my ds just turned 2 and there are times where he is driving me batty also! He has started to really get naughty when I am changing his diaper (by trying to kick me) and not very good at listening to me. Something that might help is to rotate his toys a lot to prevent the boredom. Maybe tweek his bedtime or naptime a little and maybe that will help. Good luck.

[AngelaS]

Have you thought about teaching him to sign? I know that both of my children would whine if they couldn't tell me what they wanted but once they had 'words' the whining went away! (mostly!)

Baby Signs is a GREAT book! :D

[JElaineB]

>the book "raising your
>spirited child" (the title is something like that) is more
>about older kids unfortunately. someone should write one for
>young babes like ours.
>

There is a book called "The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five" by William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. Might be worth a look. (It was originally called "Parenting the Fussy Baby and High-Need Child", in case you see an older copy in a library or something.)

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[amp]

Janine - No advice, but I can commiserate! My DS is much the same way. For a long time, I knew I just had to tolerate it. Now that we are approaching a year, I know that I have to be aware of my own reaction to it. I want to do what my parents did, which is so much easier said than done. They never tolerated whining and so we never really whined much. They were more than willing to leave any situation and thus remove us from the possibility of them caving just to stop any tantrums or embarrassment. Does that make sense? I am not saying I have, or even can do this, but I hope to. Up till now, Jake doesn't really whine for a purpose (to get a toy or whatever), so it's a different thing, but we are quickly approaching the days of him using whining to coerce me into giving him what he wants. I am prepping myself now to try not to cave to that. Getting through a few sessions of that will make my life so much easier in the long run.

Anyway, this may not even be what you are referring to. And believe me, I tell DH all the time, "I just can't stand the incessant whining." And since it goes on semi-regularly (not everyday, but at least a little every day or two), it can't be that he's uncomfortable or sick. It has to be his way of getting my attention when he has no other method. Hopefully we can find a new method as his ability to communicate grows over the next 6-12 mths.

Hang in there momma!

[ChicagoMama]

A few thoughts came to mind as I read your post -
1) there's absolutely nothing wrong with being on an antidepressant/ anti-anxiety med. I had PPD with Shelby and things turned out great once I went on an antidepressant. I know that you aren't trying to address PPD, but my point is that antidepressants/ anti-anxiety drugs can be great if they are prescribed and monitored accurately.
2) Consider learning how to do deep breathing exercises. I took a life coaching class once, and the first lesson was about how we breathe too shallowly (ok, that can't be a word, but YKWIM), and that our breath is a natural, powerful defense against stress. Breathing deeply and purposefully really really helps me cope with a screaming acid reflux baby and a spirited toddler. I'll try to find some web resources and post them. The nice thing about deep breathing is that you can do it anywhere, anytime, it's free, and it works. I'm trying to teach Shelby to do it too (she doesn't get it yet - she wrinkles her nose like she's sniffing - too cute).
3) regarding the possibility of food allergy - I've heard that these can make them fairly miserable from a temperment point of view, but you wouldn't know it otherwise - keep a log of what he eats/drinks for about a week and his whining episodes and if you see a sort of pattern then it won't hurt to check it out with the ped.

Becky

Mama to DDs Shelby 09/19/02 and Sydney 10/16/03

[C99]

Honestly, I think it's just the age. Not saying that Lauren or Tristan aren't spirited or intelligent kids. I just think it's a developmental/age thing. I don't know if anyone else gets the e-mails from BabyCenter.com, but my husband and I both do and without knowing that the other had already read it, forwarded the following paragraph from the latest e-mail to each other, with a note saying that it sounds like *our* 15-month-old.

Whining, screaming, and yelling: If your 15-month-old has started
sounding like a hyena or worse, you're experiencing his intense desire
to interact with you. Children thrive on their parents' attention, and
a toddler this age will do just about anything to get yours. His
tactics may try your nerves even if you're one of the most patient
parents around. How to nip whining and screaming in the bud? When he
whines or yells, kneel down to your child's level and tell him that
you're listening. If the whining persists, keep your cool and say
something like, "I can't understand you when you talk like that.
Please use your normal voice and I'll be happy to listen to what
you're saying." You may have to repeat yourself over and over, day
after day, but your child will eventually learn that when he uses a
pleasant tone of voice, he's much more likely to get you to listen up.

[Kieransmom]

Ooh, that's good! Thanks for posting that!

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03