JLiebCamm
05-09-2004, 12:25 AM
Let me preface this story by saying that before I was even pregnant, my MIL (who is a teacher) repeatedly announced that once we had a baby she was going to retire so she could be our babysitter. After DS was born, she continued to remind us that she was wrapping it up and would soon be available for us. A month or so ago when she was watching him for a day and I commented on how much less stressful it was to not have to get him ready for the sitter's in the morning, she reminded me that next year it would be like that every day. So this is officially her last month of teaching and we thought the plan was set...
We visited my MIL tonight and took her out for dinner as an early Mother's Day present. As dinner was wrapping up, she casually asked if our current sitter was still planning on watching DS next year. Stunned, I told her 'no', that I had told the sitter that MIL was watching him. She said, "Oh, I've been thinking that I'm going to be a wreck when the roads are bad (she lives 30 minutes away) and that it might be good to have someone else. Maybe she could watch him 2 days a week." As soon as I heard this I knew that the weather wasn't the issue, because there is no way to predict the two days a week that would be the worst conditions. DH didn't quite seem to be catching on. I sat there quietly and finished my dinner, but the whole thing blew up later at her house when DH asked her to clarify what she wanted to do. She was emotionally out of control, crying and saying that DH was yelling at her (he wasn't). Then she started making excuses, like saying that she didn't think I wanted her to babysit next year because when someone asked her at Easter dinner what she was going to do after retirement, I said that she would need to find a hobby (which I did say, in a very lighthearted manner). In the next breath she said that she was only worried about the weather and the times that she might have doctor's appointments, but could watch him the rest of the time. I finally told her that I was getting the feeling that she just didn't want to watch him 5 days a week and to please just be honest about it, to which she replied, "I just don't know if I can handle it. How am I supposed to know if I can handle it?" We left the house with things unresolved and everyone crying (including DH, which was very unusual).
I am so frustrated right now, not at the fact that she won't meet our need for 5 day a week babysitting (I realize that this was quite a sacrifice on her part) but that she won't be direct about her true feelings and keeps making up excuses to put the blame on everyone but herself. I would have NEVER asked her to be our full time babysitter if she hadn't insisted. I even remember talking about finding a preschool for him a few days a week and having her tell me not to bother, that she'd rather watch him. And to be honest, I think a few days at a preschool would be a better plan than every single day with Grandma. But my DH is so upset he won't do anything but lay on the bed and cry every once and a while (this has been hoing on for 3 hours). He really feels let down by his mother, mostly beacuse of the way she accused him of yelling at her and treating her like a child during the discussion. He feels like the way he looks at his mother has been changed forever (he's an only child and they're very close).
I know I omitted half of the whole discussion here but I think you can get the feel of what went on. I want to reiterate that we are much less upset about the need to find alternative childcare plans than we are about the way that MIL chose to present this and somehow put the blame on us.
I know that this will all feel better in the morning but I needed to vent before I went to bed. Thanks for listening!
We visited my MIL tonight and took her out for dinner as an early Mother's Day present. As dinner was wrapping up, she casually asked if our current sitter was still planning on watching DS next year. Stunned, I told her 'no', that I had told the sitter that MIL was watching him. She said, "Oh, I've been thinking that I'm going to be a wreck when the roads are bad (she lives 30 minutes away) and that it might be good to have someone else. Maybe she could watch him 2 days a week." As soon as I heard this I knew that the weather wasn't the issue, because there is no way to predict the two days a week that would be the worst conditions. DH didn't quite seem to be catching on. I sat there quietly and finished my dinner, but the whole thing blew up later at her house when DH asked her to clarify what she wanted to do. She was emotionally out of control, crying and saying that DH was yelling at her (he wasn't). Then she started making excuses, like saying that she didn't think I wanted her to babysit next year because when someone asked her at Easter dinner what she was going to do after retirement, I said that she would need to find a hobby (which I did say, in a very lighthearted manner). In the next breath she said that she was only worried about the weather and the times that she might have doctor's appointments, but could watch him the rest of the time. I finally told her that I was getting the feeling that she just didn't want to watch him 5 days a week and to please just be honest about it, to which she replied, "I just don't know if I can handle it. How am I supposed to know if I can handle it?" We left the house with things unresolved and everyone crying (including DH, which was very unusual).
I am so frustrated right now, not at the fact that she won't meet our need for 5 day a week babysitting (I realize that this was quite a sacrifice on her part) but that she won't be direct about her true feelings and keeps making up excuses to put the blame on everyone but herself. I would have NEVER asked her to be our full time babysitter if she hadn't insisted. I even remember talking about finding a preschool for him a few days a week and having her tell me not to bother, that she'd rather watch him. And to be honest, I think a few days at a preschool would be a better plan than every single day with Grandma. But my DH is so upset he won't do anything but lay on the bed and cry every once and a while (this has been hoing on for 3 hours). He really feels let down by his mother, mostly beacuse of the way she accused him of yelling at her and treating her like a child during the discussion. He feels like the way he looks at his mother has been changed forever (he's an only child and they're very close).
I know I omitted half of the whole discussion here but I think you can get the feel of what went on. I want to reiterate that we are much less upset about the need to find alternative childcare plans than we are about the way that MIL chose to present this and somehow put the blame on us.
I know that this will all feel better in the morning but I needed to vent before I went to bed. Thanks for listening!